


Steered Straight

by kylar



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Eren POV, M/M, Marine Corps, Military AU, Slow Build, Smut, delinquent!eren, depictions of violence in later chapters, gay slurs, levi pov, modern day AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-26
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-02-27 01:37:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 121,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2674082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylar/pseuds/kylar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is a military Captain with the US Marine Corps in charge of a very small, elite reconnaissance force responsible for surveying enemy territory before the military formally makes its move.  Eren is a rebellious trouble maker who shuffles in and out of lock-up until his twenty-first birthday when the judge offers him a choice between military service or prison time.  Little does he know that his decision, and the unapproachable captain he's stuck with, will change his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Turning Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little modern day military AU that I've been working on for a while. I'm trying to keep the characters pretty cannon, and I've incorporated a lot of the same things and themes from SnK, but I did change some things up a little.
> 
> As for the Marine Corps aspect of this fic, all my experience is with local and federal police, and all of my military friends are either Air Force or Navy, so I apologize for any inconsistencies in that area of the fic. I know that Levi and his squad don't accurately represent the USMC at all, but that's kind of on purpose. They're supposed to be more cannon. As in: Levi's title is Captain in this story, which I don't think is an actual USMC title, but that's what they use (typically) in SnK. I thought about tweaking it to Lance Sergeant or Corporal because I've seen Heichou dubbed to those as well, but I like Captain better :3
> 
> Anyways, I'm really fond of this story, so hopefully you guys enjoy it as much as I do.

**Eren**

Pulling my hood more securely over my head, I take another look around, my breath steaming when it hits the cold air.  The streets are clear, so I pull out my lock picks and kneel before the door to the abandoned hotel.  The thing has been abandoned for longer than I can remember, but it has a drained indoor swimming pool below ground that is perfect for skateboarding.  I've been busted on more than one occasion for breaking in here.  Sure I could just go to the skate park a few blocks down, but where's the fun in that?

When the lock clicks, I grin and grab my board, hurrying inside.  Closing the door behind me, I take the stairs two at a time down to the underground floor.  Throwing the board out in front of me as I reach the bottom of the stairs, I jump onto it and dip into the empty pool.

Ever since my mom died when I was thirteen and my father abandoned me, I've been living with a family friend, but have honestly spent more time in Juvenile Hall than in that house.  I'm not stupid, I've always gotten good grades in school- albeit grades that would've been better if I hadn't missed so much school due to my stints in Juvie- but ever since my parents left me I've never felt like I belonged anywhere.  Mikasa has treated me like a brother and has cared for me, but her parents saw me as nothing but a nuisance and a bad influence on their daughter.  It wasn't until after my mom died that I started acting up, hanging with the wrong crowds, and getting into trouble.  My first arrest was when I was fourteen and I got caught stealing candy bars and a soda from a convenience store.  Mikasa tried to keep me in line, and she did a pretty good job, but after we graduated from high school, she enlisted in the Marines and left.  I felt abandoned all over again.  That is when things took a bad turn for me.  I got into smoking, drinking and drugs, and I started committing more serious crimes, like breaking and entering.  When I turned twenty, Mikasa's parents kicked me out of their house, and for over a year I've been on my own, living on the streets and stealing food to survive.

After nearly an hour of tearing up the swimming pool, I perch myself on the edge and pull out my pack of smokes.  Lighting a cigarette, I lay back on the cool cement and blow a lazy puff of smoke into the air.  It's only a minute later that I hear a faint sound in the distance, but it's growing louder, closer.  It's a sound very familiar to my ears.  The shrill of police sirens.

Tossing the half used cigarette to the ground, I jump to my feet and take off out of the hotel.  Once back out on the street, I toss out my skateboard and jump on.  I know I must have a shit-eating grin on my face, but I can't help it.  I live for this thrill.  I know I'm going to get caught, I know I can't outrun the cops, but this is the best part.  I live for the chase.

I race down the massive hill behind the abandoned hotel.  This whole area is run down, most of the stores and houses boarded up.  Cars don't travel these roads, and the pavement is cracked, potted, and covered in tree branches and gravel.  I usually don't choose to escape this way, but I thought I'd try something new this time.  Perhaps this way will get me a little farther, considering the cop cars will have a hard time maneuvering around the debris in the road.  But just as I peel around a corner, going much too fast, my wheel hits a rock and I'm suddenly flying through the air.  The last thing I think to do is tuck my head, protecting it with my arms, before I hit the pavement.  I feel my shoulder scrape against the asphalt as I slide, then roll.  I'm glad for the chilly fall weather that forced me to wear jeans and a sweatshirt, protecting my skin from the asphalt as I roll to a stop, my back against the cold ground.  I feel a cold wind and a thick wetness on my shoulder and arm.  Damn.  The pavement must've ripped through my sweatshirt, shirt, and down to the skin.

A cop car screeches to a halt beside me, and suddenly two large men are flipping me over and roughly pulling my arms behind my back.  I hiss in pain.

"Easy, gentlemen," I tell them, then hiss again as one of them grabs my arm, right over a large patch of missing flesh.  "You got me, you got me."

"Damn it Eren," one of them curses, dragging me to my feet.  I recognize his voice.  He is often the officer that ends up arresting me.  I'm proud to say we are now on a first name basis.  "When are you going to fucking get it together?  Your sister is a good girl.  Why can't you act more like her?"

"But what fun would that be, Paul?  I have to make sure you don't sit on your ass all night long.  I have to make you do _something_ while you're on the job," I joke with him.

"You're a little shit, you know that Eren?" he says, shoving me into the back seat of his car.

"If I wasn't, we wouldn't be having this conversation," I smirk.

...

Early the next morning, with bandages wrapped around my arms and taped across my shoulder and face, I'm dragged into a very familiar courtroom in front of a very familiar judge.  He's still finishing up the docket before mine, so the court marshal shoves me into a chair in the corner to wait my turn.  The courtroom is mostly empty, save for the judge, a couple of marshals, the prosecutor, and a handful of lawyers waiting for their cases to be called.  In the gallery, only three people are seated, observing the court proceedings.  Two are what appear to be a couple, and who appear to be the parents of the teenager currently standing before the judge.  The mother sniffles and the father looks angry and disappointed.  But the third observer sits in the back of the room, in a crisp military uniform.  Decorations and symbols of rank adorn his jacket.  He's a big man, his blonde hair cut into a military style undercut, and his blue eyes look serious and stern.  He doesn't appear to be paying attention to the case currently being heard, so I wonder who he's here for.  Possibly the case after mine.

"Next up," the judge suddenly calls, "I have docket number 1257, people versus... oh boy.  People versus Eren Jaeger on the charges of breaking and entering."

The court marshal hauls me out of my chair and guides me to the front of the courtroom.  He pushes me behind the defendant's table and shoves me down into the chair.  I huff at him, trying to get my handcuffed wrists into a more comfortable position.

"Mr. Eren Jaeger..." the judge sighs removing his glasses so he can rub tiredly at his eyes.  "You have been traipsing in and out of my courtroom nearly your entire life.  You have proven to me that you are neither willing nor capable of changing your lifestyle by yourself.  That being said, I don't trust you to be out on the streets any longer.  Who knows how far you will escalate.  However, seeing as you're twenty-one, I'm willing to give you a choice.  I will either tack on second degree burglary with the intent to vandalize and resisting arrest to your charges and sentence you to ten years in Maria Federal Prison, or you may choose military service."

My eyes widen.  What did he just say?  Ten years in a federal prison for skateboarding in an abandoned hotel's pool?  Or... military service?

"You can't give me ten years for breaking and entering.  You've only given me three months before," I argue with him.

"You're an adult now, Mr. Jaeger, and your long rap sheet of petty crimes is becoming rather obnoxious.  I am ending this behavior for you since you are unwilling to do it yourself.  You will be straightened out, either in prison or in the military.  It is your choice.  You have sixty seconds to decide."

This is so unfair!  I can't go to prison for ten years, but military service?  I'm not cut out to be a soldier.  At least, I don't think I am.  When Mikasa left for the military, I never once stopped to think of joining with her.  If I had four years ago, I wonder how different my life would be now.  Can the military really change me?  I don't know why I keep getting in trouble with the law.  I'm obviously doing it on purpose, but I don't know what keeps driving me to break laws.  Is it that rush?  The adrenaline high I get when I know I'm about to be caught?  Will I get that same rush serving in the military?  Will I be able to follow orders?  Well, it beats ten years in federal prison, I think....

"I guess joining the military won't be so bad....  I'll get a gun, right?" I joke, trying to play off my discomfort and nervousness.

"Military service it is," the judge says.  "Eren Jaeger, I sentence you to one year of service to the Marine Corps, position to be decided by Commander Erwin Smith.  If you get yourself dishonorably discharged before the year is up, you will serve the full ten years in Maria Federal Prison.  In one year's time, if you wish to leave the military, you must come back before this court and I will deem you ready or not ready to leave.  If deemed not ready, you will be sentenced to one more year, and so on.  Is this understood?"

"Yes," I say, a frown on my face.  A whole year?  Hopefully I will survive that long, and then be able to finagle my way out of a second term.

A man steps up to my elbow, and I see that it's the military guy from the back of the room.  So that's what he is doing here.  He was here for me.  I had forgotten about him.

"Commander Smith, he's all yours," the judge says, slamming down his gavel.

A court marshal removes my handcuffs and hands me a bag containing the belongings I had on me when I was arrested: my backpack, a pocket knife, my lock picking tools, a pack of gum, a handful of packs of cigarettes, my lighter, a handful of granola bars, two shirts, a pair of ripped jeans, two half full water bottles, and approximately twelve dollars in change and one dollar bills.  It is all I have to my name.  Riffling through it as the commander guy ushers me out of the courthouse, I see that they've confiscated my lock picking tools and my pocket knife.  At least they left me my smokes.  Once we step out of the courthouse and into the brisk autumn air, I pull out a cigarette and stick it in the corner of my mouth.  Before I can even find my lighter though, Erwin pulls the cigarette from my mouth and tosses it in a garbage can.

"No smoking while you're around me," he says, not looking down at me as he leads me by my arm down the sidewalk.

"When will I not be around you then?" I retort.  I want to pull out another one, but I know he'll just throw that one away too, and I don't want him wasting my smokes.

"Not for a while," is his reply.  I groan, and he stops me beside a sleek black sedan.  "Get in."

I reach for the door of the passenger's seat, but he slaps my hand away and yanks the back door open for me.  I stick my tongue out at him when he turns his back, but slide into the car anyway.

"So where are we going, Commander Sir?  You shipping me off to boot camp or something?  You should know that I have absolutely zero military or police training.  I only know how to run from them.  And piss them off," I tell the back of his head as he starts the car.  I know Mikasa was in basic training for a couple of months.  Basics are going to suck, but every day I'm in a training camp is one less day I'll be out in the Middle East somewhere getting turned into Swiss cheese.

"You're not going to basic training," he replies, pulling into traffic.

I sit upright, my eyes wide.  "What do you mean I'm not going to basics?  You just going to hand me a gun and ship me off to Afghanistan and tell me to go get shot?"

"I am the commander of over six hundred soldiers, all divided into about fifty squads," he starts to explain.  "I am assigning you straight into one of these squads.  It's a small squad and less than four dozen people in the world know what they do, including military and government personnel.  It's a special operations squad, and my captain who runs that squad is the only officer that I believe will be able to straighten you out.  He is humanity's strongest soldier, and he's the best equipped to handle your situation."

"Uh huh..." I say skeptically, crossing my arms over my chest.  He's sending me, an untrained, rebellious nobody to a super secret special ops squad just so that this super skilled captain can beat me into submission?  I'm not sure I believe him.  That doesn't make any sense.  "So... when are you sending me off?  And where am I even going?"

"The location of the squad is confidential."

"What, are you going to blindfold me?"

"No, but you won't know where you are," he promises me.

"I have eyes, you know," I retort.

He doesn't say anything, driving down the road in silence.  I slouch back into my seat, closing my eyes and resting my head back against the head rest.

"Is there anything you need to pick up before we leave?  I have a plane on stand-by, but I'd like to leave as soon as possible," he says.

"Nope.  All my worldly possessions are here in this backpack," I tell him, patting my backpack that sits at my feet.  "When you live on the streets, you tend to not weigh yourself down with unnecessary junk.  All it does is get in the way."

I catch him glance back at me in his rearview mirror.  His expression is a little surprised.  Then, he smiles.  "Yes, my captain will definitely be able to help you."

...

Erwin pulls up to a hanger a few miles outside of the city.  It's a military base, and big, green cargo planes line the tarmac.  He pulls the car up next to one of these planes, its engine running loudly.  He steps out of the car and I follow behind him, looking around at all the uniformed men busying themselves with the planes and the cargo.  Why can't I end up here?  They are all a part of the military as well.

Erwin takes my arm and I wince as he squeezes one of my wounds.  He doesn't care though, pulling me towards the plane.  Three soldiers salute him as we approach the steps.  He salutes them back, and they follow us up onto the cargo plane.

"What is our destination, sir?" one of the soldiers asks as the hatch closes and the engines rev.

"You're dropping us off with the special operations squads.  I have the flight plans," Erwin tells them.  "For now, head east.  I'll join you in the cockpit in a moment."

"Yes, Commander," the solider salutes, then heads into the cockpit.

The other two soldiers takes their seats in the few seats that line the sides of the cargo plane.  Erwin leads me to the row across the plane from the two soldiers and sits me down.

"Don't touch anything, don't get up, and don't speak," he tells me as the plane starts to move.

"Yes, sir," I mock with a half-assed salute.

He just stares at me with hard eyes.  "I dare you to pull shit like that with your new captain.  You won't live past the week."  He's trying to sound humorous, but I can hear the threat beneath his tone.  It should probably bother me more than it does.  He turns to the two soldiers across the plane from us.  "Watch him."

I raise an eyebrow at him, but he's turning his back and walking towards the cockpit.  I exhale and lean back in my seat, crossing my arms over my chest and resting one leg over the other.  The two soldiers stare at me, not looking at all impressed.  I stare back at them, trying to make them feel uncomfortable.  But they don't waver.

"So..." I say.  "Do either of you know where we're going?" I ask them.

They don't say a word, just continuing to stare at me.  The one on the left is a big guy, his arms thick, and his brown eyes intense, just like Erwin's.  His brown hair is cut into the typical crew cut.  The other guy isn't small, but looks much smaller sitting next to Muscles.  His blue eyes are relaxed though, not intense like Muscles' eyes.

"Do you guys know how to talk?" I ask.

Still nothing.  I shrug and lay back across the row of uncomfortable seats.  I didn't get much sleep in lockup last night.  Might as well catch up on my beauty sleep.  Who knows how long we'll be flying anyway.

...

"This is him?  I was expecting... more.  He looks like a brat."

The voice that wakes me is unfamiliar, but it's a smooth, slightly deep voice, and it's comforting.  I realize that it's very quiet, that I can't hear an engine running, and that the rocking has stopped.  We must have landed.  I open my eyes and sit up.  Erwin is standing there with another man at his elbow.

The man has the most intense grey eyes I've ever seen, beating out Erwin's and Muscles' eyes hands down.  His lips are drawn down in a frown.  His black hair is cut in the same military style undercut as Erwin's, only his long hair is much longer, his slightly parted bangs hanging almost down to his eyes.  He's wearing a pristine, almost too clean uniform just like Erwin's, only he doesn't have as many distinguishing stripes on his shoulders, and he has an addition of a white cravat.  He looks unapproachable and intimidating, but... he's so short.  He appears to stand nearly a foot shorter than Erwin.  I'm somewhat of a short guy myself, but even I must be taller than he is.  I have to admit though... he's actually really hot.

Wait a second...  "Did you just call me a brat?" I ask, standing.  Yup, he's shorter than me by at _least_ two inches.

"You have a problem with that?" he asks, raising an eyebrow at me.  Yes, I have a problem with that!  He's ruining his good looks in my eyes by talking to me like I'm a child.

"Mr. Jaeger," Erwin says.  "This is Captain Levi Ackerman.  Levi, this is your new recruit, Eren."

My eyes widen, and before I can stop myself, I say, "You mean this shorty is my Commanding Officer?  He's humanity's strongest soldier?"

Levi is in my face in a heartbeat.  Before I can say a word, I'm suddenly on the floor on my back with Levi's boot against my throat.  From this angle, I can see up his coat and can clearing make out the under-the-arm gun holsters, each with a shiny black gun nestled inside.  Maybe provoking this man isn't such a good idea.  I push against his boot, but the short man is surprisingly strong.  When I struggle, he pushes down on my neck harder.  I can still breathe, but it effectively stops my struggling.

"This brat has no respect, does he?" Levi growls at Erwin.  "Why the fuck are you saddling me with him?"

"He was arrested last night for breaking and entering.  His rap sheet is filled with similar charges dating back seven years," Erwin starts to explain.

"If you're trying to impress me, Erwin, you're doing a horrible job," Levi says.

"He's been living on the streets.  His mother is dead and his father abandoned him.  That was when he started acting out.  All his crimes are crimes of attention.  He needs your help to straighten him out, Levi.  The court assigned him to me for a year, and I'm assigning him to you."

As Erwin talks, I watch Levi's expression soften ever so slightly.  He removes his boot from my neck and turns towards the open hatch.  I sit up, rubbing my throat.  Levi stops in the doorway, turning to look back at me.

"Are you coming or what?" he snaps at me.

I jump to my feet and follow the intriguing captain out of the plane.  "Yes, sir," I say, my tone genuine.

"I'll be back in a week to check on his progress and address any concerns," Erwin calls down the ramp after us.  "Everything you need to know about the kid is in the paperwork I gave you."  Levi raises a hand, an understanding yet dismissive gesture.

For such a short man, he has a long stride.  I nearly have to jog to keep up.  I'm still wearing the same clothes I was arrested in last night, and the cold air chills my skin where the asphalt ripped my sweatshirt and shirt.  Hoisting my backpack more securely onto my shoulder to cover the hole, I look around.  We're on a short runway in the middle of a thick forest.  The air is very thin, and I can see off the front of the runway that we're way up in the mountains.  The view is beautiful, a rushing river and deep canyon many, many miles below the runway.  I've never been anywhere except for that small dank city in the California valley before.  The only time I've ever left the city was to go to the next city's jail.  I've never seen anything like this before.  I've never seen anything other than flat, hot, dusty farmlands.  It's quiet out here, the only sounds that of the birds and the wind.  The air is cool and fresh, and it feels so good.  I could never leave this place and be perfectly happy for the rest of my life.

Levi is striding towards a dark green jeep with no doors or windows.  It's a standard jeep with two seats in the front and a couple of sacks and cases in the back.  I hear the plane rev up behind us, and I look back to see Erwin closing the hatch.  The plane starts to roll back down the runway, and moments later, it takes off, soaring over the beautiful mountains and disappearing from sight.

I hurry after Levi and he gestures to the jeep.  "Get in," he demands of me, climbing into the driver's side of the jeep.  He starts the engine and I hurriedly run around the back of the jeep to climb into the passenger's side.  Levi pulls out onto the runway the second my ass is in the seat.

"Where are we?" I ask him as he drives down the runway towards a dirt road that curves down and to the right, down the side of the mountain.

"That's confidential," he replies, his eyes on the road as he weaves in and around the thick trees down the rough dirt road.  "You will learn our location only if I decide to keep you in my squad.  This base is small as far as Marine Corps bases go, and is kept secret from the public.  Only three top secret special operations squads use this base, mine being one of them."

I nod, looking around at the thick forests around us.  I see no signs of human life.  An active military base should show some signs, shouldn't it?  I wonder how far away the base is from the runway.  I look back at Levi to ask, but instead I end up watching him drive the jeep.  I find myself really liking the way he handles the vehicle.  It must sound weird, but he looks so smooth and... masculine.  Clutch, shift, brake, turn, clutch, shift, gas....  I've always loved manual cars.  They make the men, and women too I guess, driving them look so-

"What the fuck are you staring at," he demands, not taking his eyes off the road.

I start and look back out into the forest.  "Nothing."  Is it just me or is the air suddenly even thinner than normal up here?

"What is your military experience?" Levi asks me, effectively breaking the tension.

"None," I reply.

He actually looks at me then for a moment before focusing back on the weaving road.  A frown mars his face.  "Any basic training?"

"Nope," I say.

"No, Captain," he corrects me.

"Nope, Captain," I repeat with a slight sneer.

Levi's fist is suddenly gripping a handful of my hair.  I wince, trying to pry his hand off, but his grip doesn't waver.  "This isn't a game, Jaeger," he snaps at me, not taking his intense eyes off the road.  "This is the military.  You will learn to respect me really quickly or I will make your life a living hell.  That is, if your disrespect doesn't get you killed first."

"Yes, Captain," I reply quickly.  It's usually snarky comments that my mouth spits out in such situations, getting me into more trouble, but for some reason, none come to me now.  I'm quick to comply with whatever this intimidating man says or does.  What is happening to me?

"So tell me, Eren," he says, his voice a little softer as he releases my hair.  "How does an untrained brat with no experience like you end up in my elite squad?"

"I don't know, Captain," I tell him honestly.  "All I know is that the judge offered me the choice of military service or ten years in federal lockup.  I chose this.  I had no idea that I was being assigned to your squad on a secret military base.  I was kind of hoping I'd end up in a communications center or something."

"I meant before that," he says.  "Erwin said you lived on the streets.  How long?"

"Why does that matter?" I automatically retort before I can stop myself.  I wait for him to hurt me again, but he doesn't.

"There are some things I need to know about you so that I can properly train you, Eren," he says.  He seems to be very comfortable using my first name.  I thought the military was more formal than that.  "You have absolutely no training, which means I need to train you from nothing into someone worthy of my squad.  I need to straighten you out, and that's going to take a lot of work on my part.  Knowing some things about your past will help."

I frown.  I just met this man, and we haven't exactly gotten off on the right foot either, but he wants me to just spill my guts to him?  Whine about my dead mother and a father that abandoned me?  About how nobody really wanted me, how the only way I could get attention from anybody was by acting out?  But I end up telling him anyway.  Something about him just drags it all out of me.  I don't know why, but I... I trust him.

"My mother died with I was thirteen and I guess my father couldn't handle it because he abandoned me.  I moved in with a friend and her family, but her parents didn't like me.  They thought I was a bad influence on their daughter.  They kicked me out about a year and a half ago and I've been on the streets ever since.  What else is there to say?  I started hanging out with the wrong people, they got me into trouble, and I never got out of trouble.  I've been in and out of lockup my whole life.  I guess I want to change, I've just never tried," I tell him.  I instinctively reach for my cigarettes and pop one into my mouth.  Levi snatches it away and tosses it out of the jeep.  I wonder if he taught that move to Erwin or if Erwin taught it to him.

"That's disgusting," he says, then, "I'll be able to help you, but you need to let me help you, Jaeger.  This bullshit where you rebel against everyone won't fly.  This is the Marine Corps, the most heavily trained branch of the greatest military in the world.  I will treat you like a soldier.  Not a felon, not a child to be coddled, a soldier.  I don't give a fuck about your past.  I will use it to train you, but other than that, it won't matter.  Not to me.  I will make you a new man, a man that is actually worth something to humankind, and not a fucked up little brat."

"Yes, sir," I reply.  No one has ever done that for me before.  I've always been the screw up, the nuisance, the troublesome punk.  I've never really been treated like an equal before, but suddenly this complete stranger is making me feel like I could actually matter in this world.  "Thank you."

"Don't thank me, just listen to my orders and respect me, and we'll be fine.  Disrespect me or betray my trust and you won't get a second chance.  I'll send you back to that court so they can throw your ass in federal lockup."

"Yes, sir," I reply firmly.  That wasn't an empty threat, and I know it.

It falls quiet again, just the sound of the jeep rumbling through the empty forest.  I think over what Levi said, and I start to get nervous.  I have a feeling my training is going to be intense, and even after training it's not going to be a walk in the park.  This is a top secret special operations squad.  They don't get that title for the easy, laidback operations are assigned.

"Do you know what it is my squad does?" Levi asks me, drawing me from my thoughts.

"No.  Erwin just told me that your squad was a special ops squad that only a very small number of people are aware of."

"Our special operations is reconnaissance.  We scout enemy lines before the rest of the military makes its move.  We report back information that will be helpful in our forces' victory.  We literally work on the front lines.  If not for us our forces would go into most fights blind.  We call ourselves the Scouts Regiment."

"That sounds... dangerous," I say.  "Important, but dangerous."

"It is.  My squad is only five strong, and we scout instillations with hundreds, sometimes thousands of troops.  It's dangerous, but it needs to be done.  That is why I am confused as to why Erwin sent you here.  It takes a lot of specialized training to get a soldier ready for the kind of work we do."

I frown in determination.  What Levi and his squad does scares me, especially thinking I'll have to go out and do it too, but I have this sudden need to show this intimidating man that I can do it.  He's putting his faith in me, agreeing to spend a lot of time and energy to train me.  I can do it.  I have to do it.  I'm ready to actually _be_ something other than my usual, messed up self.  For some unexplainable reason, I want to make this ill-tempered, high-strung, unapproachable man proud of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that the court scene is inaccurate. Trust me, I'm a Criminology major, so I understand that everything that happened in the court scene with Eren's charges and sentencing is probably not legal, but that's just how it had to work out.
> 
> This story is still a work in progress. I usually wait until the fic is finished before I start posting because for some reason I just love to go back and constantly change things. But this one is really long, and I wanted to start posting it, so here it is! I have a number of chapters already written and lined up, so updates will be regularly on Tuesdays (because I have another fic with updates on Fridays, and why not Tuesday?) until I catch up to what I have written. Hopefully the updates will remain regular after that, but I am a busy college student so I can't be sure of anything unfortunately.
> 
> Anywho, I'll stop rambling now. Thank you for reading the first chapter of this new story. Feel free to leave questions/comments/concerns/constructive criticism/whathaveyou, either here or on [Tumblr](http://titaneren-jaeger.tumblr.com/)


	2. New Recruit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! Dual POVs! I have a hard time sticking to one POV when I write, and this story is no exception. I can't guarantee that they'll alternate chapters, or even that there will only be one POV per chapter. We'll just have to see how this goes, and who speaks to me the loudest during each particular scene.
> 
> This chapter is pretty long, the longest one of the ones I have written so far. Just Eren being shown around his new home, building up to the good stuff. Enjoy!

**Levi**

The boy gets this weird look of determination on his face and goes very quiet.  Good.  Hopefully that determined spirit will hold strong while I'm putting him through the ringer.  I still don't understand why Erwin strapped me with him.  He has absolutely no experience, no training, and Erwin knows that I only deal with the best.  He thinks that my past is similar to the boy's, and he probably thinks that it'll allow me to better help Eren straighten out his life, but I can guarantee this boy's life is nothing like mine.  He's a petty criminal.  I was a hardened leader of a street gang.  He lived on the streets for a year.  I was born and raised in the filth of an underground hellhole, and wasn't plucked off the streets until I was twenty-four.  I had to fight and kill in order to barely scrape by.  He doesn't look like he could take out a ten year old.  I had to hone my skills and train myself up to impossible standards in order to avoid being killed by the other thugs.  I came into the military with a highly advanced skill set of my own, even if it wasn't military training.  This kid knows absolutely fucking nothing.

Why couldn't the kid be sent to boot camp first, like all other recruits?  Erwin must see me in this kid, because I didn't go to basic training either.  I trained completely under Erwin, but he didn't have to start from the bottom up.  He just shaped the skills I already had to fit into the military.  And he only recruited me for a purpose.  He only needed my help for one mission.  He needed me and others with advanced stealth training to infiltrate an enemy and feed back information.  But I found my calling, my purpose in life, and now here I am.  The Scouts Regiment is still alive and well and is my blood, my breath, my life.  And now I suppose it's time that I give back to this boy what Erwin gave me.

When we reach the base, Eren's eyes widen and he leans his head out the side of the car, holding onto the frame for support.  I grab the back of his shirt and pull him back inside before his head gets taken off by a tree branch.

The base is nothing special, but Eren takes it all in just as he did on top of the mountain.  I know the feeling though.  I was the same.  He's probably never seen the outside of whatever rat hole city he walked the streets of.  The base appears small, but most of it is actually underground.  Every above ground building is entirely encased in concrete, making it near impossible to be picked up by heat seeking radar and aircraft.  Above ground there is a mess hall, an indoor obstacle training course, a gun range, the kennels, and a stone courtyard.  The barracks, offices, garages, gyms, training facilities, security room, armory, medical wing, library, and classrooms are all underground.

Most of the soldiers stationed here spend their time outside in the courtyard or in the above ground mess hall, because it doesn't take a person long to get tired of the stuffiness of the air in the underground structures.  Every breath you breathe feels recycled and reused.  I think it's disgusting.  Today is no exception, as I see a large congregation of partially uniformed soldiers lounging around in the courtyard with a handful of dogs, chatting, laughing, smoking, and gambling.  Eren looks at everything as I bring the jeep around the side of the instillation towards the ramp that leads underground to the garage and equipment bay.  The men and women in the courtyard stare at us- well, more accurately at Eren who is looking like a blind man who is seeing the world for the first time- as I drive past.

When the jeep approaches the ramp, a sensor in the front of the car allows the heavy bunker doors to slide open.  They open quickly, and I don't even have to slow the jeep.  When the car takes a dip down the ramp and the light is suddenly artificial and dim, Eren looks ahead in surprise and wonder.  I drive the jeep into its parking spot among the handful of other jeeps and humvees.  Eren slowly climbs out of the jeep as I pull the keys from the ignition.  He walks over to one of the humvees, staring at the huge fully automatic machine gun perched on top.  I grab the clipboard Erwin gave me with the kid's paperwork off the dash and climb out of the vehicle.

"Oi," I call after him, heading towards the door to the garage.  "Stop drooling on our equipment, brat."

"Sorry, sir," he says, not really paying attention though as he looks around at the other vehicles in the garage.  "Why are all these here?  Do you use them often on this secluded mountain side?"

"The humvees, and the jeeps for that matter, belong to the two other groups stationed here, and they travel with them in cargo planes when they are deployed.  My squad has no need for equipment like that.  They're loud and destructive and they draw a lot of attention, which is the opposite of what we need.  Our equipment is... different," I say, deciding not to tell him just yet about our means of mobility.  That will be a test in and of itself.  Not everyone can use this gear, so if he can't, he can't stay on my team, as it is vital to our operations.

He nods and only then does he follow me towards the door.  I stand on my tiptoes to lean my chest closer to the wall beside the door, aligning the pass key in my breast pocket with the sensor in the door.  There is a beep followed by the click of heavy duty locks disengaging, and the door pops open.  I push it open the rest of the way and gesture for Eren to enter before me.

"Until you get your pass key, you will need to stay with me, or someone else who has a key card, at all times.  Every door in this installment requires a pass key to open with the exception of the barrack rooms and bathroom," I explain to him.  We pass the two privates stationed at the door to the garage, and they salute to me as I pass.  "Some doors, such as these, the doors to the armory, and the doors to the security room, are also guarded by privates, so you would also need your ID to enter.  They check everyone's.  Even mine, and even Erwin's."

He nods, but he's looking around the dimly lit halls in amazement, and I have a feeling I'll have to explain all of this to him again later.  We walk down the long concrete hallway from the garage towards the rest of the installment.  I point everything out to him as we pass, then take him down to the fourth floor.  I explain to him that we had been on the second floor, and that the floors increase in number the further down we go, the first floor being the only above ground floor.

On the fourth and bottom most floor is where the barracks and offices are.  There are usually anywhere from fifty to seventy-five soldiers that lives on this base, and the barracks are divided into forty rooms with two bunks each.  Right now there are only about sixty soldiers stationed at this base, leaving ten empty rooms.  I show Eren to one of these unoccupied room, feeling that it would be best if he remain separated from the others for now, at least until he's finished his basic training with me and officially becomes a part of my squad.  I give him the last barrack before the officer quarters and offices begin.  There are five of these, although only three are ever permanently in use.  Commander Erwin uses one occasionally when he stops by to assist or observe.  Mine is the last one, and it has been my primary home for over nine years, ever since I became a Captain at the ripe young age of twenty-five.

I give Eren a few minutes to check out his new accommodations as I walk a little ways down the hall to my quarters.  I push open my door and walk inside the perfectly clean room.  The officer barracks are much bigger than the others because they double as offices as well.  On the left half of the room sits my desk and two chairs in front of it, a filing cabinet, and a large bookshelf.  On the right half is my bed, a nightstand, a small dresser, and a closet.  I place the clipboard on my desk, then discard my uniform jacket and hang it in the closet.  I hate this monkey suit.  If I leave the base and it's not for a mission, I have to wear my formal Marine Corp officer uniform.  It's really just a show, so that I appear to be nothing more than an ordinary military captain, and so nobody suspects that my squad is something different.  My actual uniform is the same as the rest of my squads' and is styled especially to fit around our equipment.  We're only allowed to wear them at the base and on operations.

Left in only my blue slacks, grey button down, and my white cravat that I also wear with my standard uniform, I leave my quarters and head back out to find the kid.  He had left the door to his room open, so I stand in the doorway, my hands folded behind my back.  He's sitting on the bed, on hand absent-mindedly stroking the blankets, while he looks around the small, undecorated room.

"I know it's not much, but welcome to the Marines," I tell him, not a hint of humor in my tone.

"Are you kidding?  I had almost forgotten what it was like to sleep in a bed," he says with a grin.  Then he gestures to the bed across the small room from him.  "Do I have a roommate?"

"No.  You will have this room to yourself until your training becomes advanced enough that you... fit in," I say, deciding that is the best word to use.  "Then I will transfer you to another room."

He nods with a big smile on his cheeky face.  I roll my eyes at him and, out of the corner of my eye, I see a private walking down the hall, most likely heading to his own barracks.  He's about the same size as Eren, so I call for him to come over.

"Yes, Captain?" he asks, standing at attention in front of me.

"I need to borrow one of your shirts.  Just for today.  You'll get it back tonight," I explain to him.  Eren's shirt and sweatshirt are torn and absolutely disgusting.  I can't believe he's sitting on his clean bed in them.  At least now he'll have a clean and intact shirt to wear until tonight when he gets his own uniforms.

The private returns after a few moments and hands me a deep green T-shirt with USMC written across the chest in big black letters.  I toss it to Eren and he turns his back to me before removing his sweatshirt and shirt.  He definitely didn't live on the streets long or with other people.  You tend to lose your modesty very quickly when you do.  He pulls on the clean shirt and follows me down the hall towards the stairwell.

"Someone will be by tonight to bring you your uniforms.  You get a couple of trainee and casual dress shirts, shorts, and tank tops, as well as two sets of standard Marine Corps fatigues and a dress uniform.  You will get your squad uniform once I decide if you'll be staying on my squad or not," I tell him.

"Yes, sir," he replies. 

I take him to the second floor and down the hall to our small medical wing.  We don't deal with anything serious here.  Anyone returning from deployment with serious injuries are transferred to other bases with advanced medical facilities.  Here, we are only really equipped to deal with minor training injuries and field injuries.  Anything worse than a broken bone has to be treated elsewhere.  I take Eren here because, before I start any training with him, I want our doctor to perform a physical.

"The infirmary?" Eren questions, reading the sign next to the double doors.  "Why are we here?"

"Normally those seeking to enlist in the military need to have a physical done before hand.  I'm not making exceptions with you.  Our resident doctor, Hanji Zoe, will perform a physical just so I don't accidentally kill you during training."

I can feel him staring at me in worry as I buzz us into the wing, but I don't say anything else.  The eccentric doctor is sitting at her desk, reviewing some sort of paperwork when we enter.  She looks up, then leaps out of her chair.

"Levi!" she exclaims, sidling up beside me and tousling my hair like one would a child.  I cringe and pull away from her, fixing my hair.  "You never come visit me anymore!  Who's your friend?"

"He's a new recruit.  Eren Jaeger," I answer, still glaring at her.  "Without getting into too much detail, he hasn't had a physical yet, and I need one before I can proceed with his training."

"You are training a new recruit all by yourself?" she asks in surprise, gesturing for Eren to hop up onto one of the beds as she pulls on a pair of latex gloves.

"Erwin thought it best that I train him, I guess," I reply, leaning against the wall and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Sounds interesting....  You must share these details with me sometime, short-stuff."

I shoot her another glare and Eren looks between the two of us in confusion.  "Don't pick up any of her disrespectful habits, Jaeger.  You won't get away with it the way she does," I say, and he nods sharply.

Hanji pokes and prods him while asking him basic questions about his workout and diet habits.  His answers are slightly disappointing, but he did just get off the streets, so I can't really blame him.  She asks him other such questions about allergies and if he's had any problems with persistent pains.  She asks him about headache problems and issues with heart conditions in his family, which he is unable to answer.  I don't pay too close attention to them, knowing that I'll have her report by tomorrow morning, but when she asks about drug and alcohol problems, his hesitation catches my attention.

"I've experimented," he says.  That was a lie.  I can see it in his deep green eyes.  Hanji goes to mark his answer down on her clipboard, but I take a step forward and grab her wrist to keep her from writing anything.

"Don't lie, brat," I tell him.  "Lying during a physical will get you killed."

He frowns, glancing up at me through his bangs, then exhales sharply.  "Okay, so I am a bit of a heavy drinker."

"Describe heavy," Hanji presses.

"Whenever I could get my hands on it.  Mostly beer.  Not every day, but usually six-packs at a time.  Sometimes harder stuff like vodka," he tells her, and I can tell that he feels slightly ashamed of it.  Good.  That means he's one step closer to straightening out.

"When did you last drink and how much?"

"I don't know.  A few of days ago?  Four, I think," he replies.  "And it was a full six-pack."

"And what else?  Drugs?" she asks as she makes a note on her clipboard.

He hesitates before answering.  "I was hooked on meth for about six months, but I kicked that habit cold turkey over three years ago.  I've smoked pot too, but not habitually and not for a couple of years."

Hanji frowns and scratches something into her notes.  "I'll administer a drug test, but it'll take about two weeks to get the results back," she tells me.

I shake my head.  "I'm starting his training tomorrow."

"Well, if what he's saying is true-"

"I'm not lying," Eren interrupts her.  "Give me the cup.  You'll see."

"I don't need you to pee in a cup," Hanji tells him.  She picks up a pair of tweezers and suddenly yanks a few hairs from Eren's head.  Eren yelps and presses a hand to his head.  "Your hair will show an accurate drug history for the last about six months.  That's as far back as we need to go.  But as I was saying, if what he says is true, and based on my other observations, he should be okay to start training.  The only problem could be the alcohol.  It's definitely out of his system by now, but you need to make sure he stays hydrated, and if he was an alcoholic, you need to worry about withdrawal symptoms.  After four days I wouldn't expect many complications, but you should still keep an eye out for shakiness, anxiety, or DTs."

"I'm not an alcoholic," Eren retorts.  "I just drank a lot.  But I'm ready to put that behind me.  I have no desire to drink anymore.  An alcoholic that hasn't drank anything in four days wouldn't be saying that, would they?"

"Shut the fuck up and listen to the doctor.  She went to medical school.  You didn't," I snap at him.

Eren doesn't reply, frowning down at his feet.  I can tell he's embarrassed, and I try not to judge him so quickly.  I never got into drugs or alcohol on the streets, mostly because they are hard to come by when you have no money, and I could never afford to be drunk or high.  I'd end up dead.  But I understand the desire to want to forget all my problems by drowning them in booze.

"Are you done with him, Hanji?" I ask her, moving towards the door.

"Yup, all done," she smiles, pulling off her latex gloves.  "Don't be a stranger, short-stuff.  Come visit more often."

"I'd visit more often if you'd stop calling me that," I growl, pushing the door open.

She laughs, and it's cut short by the doors closing behind me as Eren and I make out way down the hallway.  When we get to the ground floor, stepping into the bright mess hall, Eren pats his pockets then pulls out his pack of cigarettes and a lighter.  "Is it okay if I..."

I grimace.  "Yes, just stay away from me while you do it.  And smoking is only permitted outside," I tell him, gesturing to the doors.  "Take the rest of the day to settle in.  Your training begins tomorrow at-"

"Eren?!" a female voice exclaims from behind us.

I turn to see one of the privates, a female with short black hair and dark eyes, running towards us.  Eren stares at her wide eyed as she throws herself into his arms.  I know every soldier stationed here- being a Captain, I have to- and I try to put a name to her face.

"Mikasa?" he breathes.  That's right.  How could I forget?  Private Ackerman.  I've always sort of wondered if there was any relation to the fucker that attempted to raise me on the streets.  "What are you doing here?  Are you on Captain Levi's squad?"

"No, are you?!" she gasps in disbelief, pulling back only far enough to look him in the eyes.  "I didn't know you joined the Marines!  How long ago?  When did you complete your basics?  How in the hell did you get into Captain Levi's squad?  I've wanted to join but I'm too afraid to try because it's so intense."  She shoots a nervous glance at me as she says this, before looking back at Eren.

"Well... it's kind of a long story," he says, rubbing the back of his neck.  So whoever this girl is, he doesn't want her to know that he's here because the court sent him here in lieu of a federal prison sentence.

"I have time," she says.  "My squad is off until morning routine tomorrow."

"I will tell you some time.  But for now I need to get things... straightened out first," he says, looking over at me as he does.

I nod.  "Your training will begin at o' seven hundred tomorrow morning," I tell him, turning my back and heading towards the above ground training course.  "Be ready to work."

"Yes, Captain," he replies.

As I leave the mess hall and cross the yard to the training course, I look back over my shoulder.  Eren sits down on a bench with Mikasa, lighting a cigarette and taking a long drag.  They seem comfortable, and I make a note to ask the status of their relationship.  If they are or were in an intimate relationship, I'll have to transfer her out, since I can't get rid of Eren.  We have strict rules, especially amongst these three highly elite squads, that intimate relationships are prohibited.  They distract soldiers, and a distracted soldier is a dead solider.  But, is that the only reason I want to know the extent of their relationship?  I shake my head.  Where did that thought even come from?  Of course that's the only reason.  Intimate relationships aren't allowed when those involved work close with each other.   They aren't on the same squad, but they are at the same base.

Putting Eren from my mind, I push open the heavy metal doors of the training course.  It has a few narrow windows way up near the ceiling that let in a little bit of natural light, but most of the light in the room comes from the hanging florescent lights, one of which won't stop flickering.  I might end up shooting it before I leave.

My squad is in the middle of an exercise when I enter.  My squad being what it is, we train mostly in stealth and surveying tactics.  We are heavily trained in weaponry and hand-to-hand combat as well considering it isn't uncommon for us to end up in sticky situations, but stealth is at the core of our training.  The exercise my squad is running now involves an alarm attached to a thermal imaging camera.  My squad crawls, ducks, and sneaks through obstacles and fake plant life in order to reach and disarm the alarm while trying to avoid detection by the thermal imaging camera.  It's a simple but useful training exercise.

My second in command, Eld, has only one camera set up now.  When I left to go pick Eren up, I told him to run this exercise until I returned, but I guess I should've specified the number of cameras he needed to use.  There is never just one enemy.  They always patrol in at least pairs, if not larger groups.

They don't seem to notice my arrival, so I grab a specialized handgun from the wall.  It is the exact shape, size, and weight of a real handgun, and has the same kick, trigger resistance, and accuracy.  The only difference is it has been modified to shoot paintballs instead of bullets.  I check the magazine to see that it is still half full of red paintballs.  Raising the gun, I fire off four shots, one immediately after the other.  I hit a shoulder, a knee, a temple, and a side, and all four members of my team startle, jumping to their feet and triggering the annoying beep of the alarm.

"You forgot about the enemy's fucking partner," I snap at them as I head towards the device to shut off the alarm.  "And now he's taken you all out.  Oluo is dead, Gunther is bleeding into his lungs, Petra can't walk, and Eld's weapon arm is out of commission."

The four of them just stand there, their weapons drawn instinctively, looking from one to the other at the red paint coloring their fatigues.  I dry wash my face and grab two more thermal imaging cameras from the supply closet in the corner.  Eld and Gunther set them up in other positions around the course while I hang the paintball gun back on its rungs.

"How many times do I set this exercise up with only one camera?" I question Eld.

"Only for rookies, Captain," he replies, hooking up his camera to the alarm.

"And are you rookies?" I retort back, the question directed at all of them.

"No, sir," they all reply in unison.

"Once you finish running the course again, I want all of you to take ten laps around the compound," I instruct.

"Yes, sir," is the chorus of replies I receive.

My squad runs it again, and their remarkable training and my verbal harassment as they run it have them finishing the course quickly and without incident.  Once they finish, they hurry out the door to complete their laps.  I clean up the room, then look around the room, trying to figure out where to start with Eren's training.  I've never received a recruit that has absolutely zero training.  It goes against protocol, throwing a recruit at me that hasn't passed basics.  All of the recruits I've ever worked with had basic training and at least three years military experience, and usually some special ops experience on top of that.  When they came into my squad, I just had to train them to meet our specialized standards.  But now I have to train a recruit from scratch.

I think back to a long, long time ago it seems, over ten years ago, when Erwin took me off the streets and trained me personally.  I've never been to basic training either, so it's not even like I can use those methods and replicate them here with Eren.  I can't even really mimic the training I received from Erwin.  I already knew a thing or two about fighting and surviving.  I could almost take him down even before he ever started to hone my skills.  From what little I know, Eren's experiences are almost too different to even be compared to mine.  He said he's only been on the street for over a year, and it was while he was an adult.  He didn't grow up on the streets.  I'm not diminishing his bad luck in life.  I of all people understand the hardship of living on the streets, for any stretch of time.  But the fact of the matter is, Eren knows nothing.  His life experiences haven't given me anything at all to work with.  We'll have to start with the basics, something I've never been trained in military standards.  The way I learned the basics is dangerous and would probably get me discharged if I were to teach him using those, or even similar methods.

When my squad returns, I dismiss them for the night.  I pull back the sleeve of my shirt to look at my watch.  Ten 'til seven.  The mess hall is going to open up soon for dinner, and something will be brought down to my office for me.  Leaving the training room, I head back towards the mess hall.  Eren isn't on the bench he had been on earlier.  A small part of me wonders where he could've gone, but I don't worry over it.  We're all alone up here.  There's nowhere he can run to, so he wouldn't try to escape if he were smart.

I make my way through the mess hall and stairwells and hallways until I get to my quarters.  Leaving my room open, I pick up the clipboard Erwin had given me and sit down at my desk.  I lean back in the chair and skim the papers.  There is a high school transcript- which shows grades much better than I would've expected-, a copy of his graduation certificate, a list of all previous residences including an entry labeled 'homeless', a detailed history report, a rap sheet, a court order declaring him to be property of the Marine Corps, and a personal evaluation from Erwin.  I find it odd that there is nothing in here about his family.  Usually there is at least a little bit of information on the parents.  We need to know if they are in collaboration with other countries and terrorist organizations.  But there is nothing here.  Eren said his mother died and his father left when he was thirteen.  So he knew his parents.  Maybe Erwin forgot to include it, or maybe he lost it.  But there is something about the last name Jaeger that rings a bell with me.  His mother died nine years ago and his father left....  Whatever, it doesn't matter.  I look over the rest of Eren's paperwork, trying to look for things that will help me train him.  But it's all useless.  There is absolutely nothing to go by.  I toss the clipboard back onto my desk.  I have a feeling I'm going to hate Erwin by the end of this.

...

At half past six the next morning, I'm walking back into my quarters, sweaty and energized from my  morning workout and run.  I pull off my damp tank top and toss it into the laundry basket.  Grabbing a clean pair of sweats, I head to the bathroom to take a five minute shower.  Dressed in only my sweatpants, I'm making my way back to my quarters towel drying my hair when I see Petra step out of the girl's bathroom.  She too has a towel and is drying her hair.

"Good morning, Captain.  What's on the agenda for today?" she asks, stopping in the hallway to face me.

"Eld will be running morning routine today," I tell her.  "I'm working with a new recruit."

"Really?  Was it that kid you had to go pick up yesterday?  I didn't realize he was going to be in our squad.  He looks like a rookie."

"He is," I reply, letting my frustration show in my tone.  "No military training at all, which is why I'm working with him one-on-one this morning, and for the foreseeable future."

"Why is he in our squad if he has no training?" she questions in confusion.

"Erwin thinks I'm the best person to train him.  We'll see though.  He might not be here long."

"Alright then.  If you need any help, I'd gladly assist in his training," she offers, continuing toward her room.

"Actually, Petra," I call after her.  "I'm giving him the test this morning.  I'll need your help."

"Of course!  I'll let Eld know that I'll be helping you, then I'll meet you there."  With that, she hurries into her room to get ready for the day.

Back in my quarters, I hang up my towel and pull off my sweatpants.  Opening my closet, I pull out my Scouts Regiment uniform.  I feel so much more comfortable in this than I do in my standard Marine Corps fatigues.  The white pants are more form fitting and don't flap around on my legs, and are also held in place by my knee-tall, brown military boots.  I pull on my simple light grey button down and my white cravat.  The jacket is only a half-jacket to allow the use of our specialized gear.  That is also what the full-body harness is for.  I secure the buckles and straps, then slip on the jacket.  I leave the deep green hooded cloak on the hanger though.  We only wear those when we're deployed or if it's raining, which, up here, is not uncommon.

Nowhere on the uniform does it say Marine Corps, or the United States of America.  It has no seals, no decorations, no rank symbols.  Because of the nature of my squad, the United States does not publically recognize us as a part of their military when our boots are on foreign soil.  I didn't tell this to the boy yesterday because until he officially becomes a member of my squad, he can't know.  We can't afford him getting kicked out and then blabbing to everyone who will listen.  Although most of what we do is reconnaissance, we are also tasked with infiltrating and eliminating threats.  Some of these threats are people of power in whichever country they're from, and the United States cannot be tied to their assassinations.  That is when we get called in.  The only identifying marker on the uniform is our Wings of Freedom insignia emblazoned on the back of our cloaks and jackets.

Straightening my jacket, I then pull out my lockbox from the closet.  Taking out my two military issue Beretta M9 handguns, I check the safeties and slip them into the holsters attached to my body harness under my arms, half hidden by my jacket.  I then take out my Ka-Bar and slide it into the sheathe on the back of my belt above where my gear attaches.  I feel much more secure with my weapons.  It comes from living my entire life on the streets.  Weapons were as necessary as breathing there and to this day I still feel so vulnerable without them.

Now I need to figure out where the hell I'm going to even start with that brat's training.  Normally, anyone who wishes to join my squad must pass a balance test using our specialized devices before I can even consider giving them a spot.  But to pass this test, one needs to be very muscularly toned.  It requires a very fit physique in order to use it.  I have no idea of Eren's strength or sense of balance, but we'll have to try it anyway.  Erwin said that he'll be back in a week to check on Eren's progress.  So even if he fails the test today, I have a week to work with him using muscle building and balance exercises.  If he can't pass before Erwin gets here, then Eren's leaving with the commander.

Checking my watch, I see that it is nearly seven.  Grabbing the case my spare body harness is neatly folded into, I leave my quarters and head towards Eren's room a few doors down.  He's a little taller than me, so I'll have to make some adjustments on the harness, but for now it will work.  If he passes the test and stays in my squad, I'll have one made for him.  I knock loudly on Eren's door and take a step back, waiting for him to answer.

The door opens a minute later and Eren is standing there, adjusting his belt.  He is dressed in his standard fatigues, the camouflage cargo pants and dark green tank with the black initials USMC.  I have to admit, now that he's out of his grungy jeans and sweatshirt and in military clothing, I have more confidence that he'll do well here.  He looks like he belongs here.  He actually looks... good.

He has a goofy grin on his face as if he's excited.  That won't last long.  He looks me over, obviously wondering at my uniform.  I decide not to explain it to him.  Not yet at least.  It'll make more sense after his test.

"Let's go," I tell him, heading down the hall to the stairwell.

"What's in the case?" he asks.  "Does it have to do with my training?  Is it a gun?  What are we going to work on?"

"Everyone who wants to join my squad must pass a test before I will even consider them.  You are going to take this test.  If you don't pass it before Erwin returns in one week, you will be leaving with him to join someone else's squad," I tell him.

"What is the test?" he asks, following behind me.

"It's a test that will determine whether or not you'll be able to use my squad's specialized equipment.  Not everyone can."

As we leave the compound, circling the main building and heading into the forest, Eren continues to follow behind me.  I look at him over my shoulder.  "Why are you walking behind me, brat?  It feels like you're stalking me.  It's weird.  I don't like it."

"Sorry, Captain," he says, hurrying up to my side.  "Where are we going?"

I don't answer him.  We reach our destination, a small manmade clearing a few dozen yards behind the compound.  Patchy grass grows around three tall metal posts that jut out of the ground at an angle toward each other.  They meet in the middle, and attached to them is a pulley system with two cables hanging down towards the ground.  Eren looks it over in confusion.  He plays with the crank on the back pole.

"What does this do?" he asks.

"This is the test," I tell him.  "It tests your ability to maintain balance and mobility while using three-dimensional maneuvering gear."

"The what gear?" he questions, still looking over the contraption.

"Is this the new kid?" Petra suddenly asks from behind us.  She's dressed in her squad uniform and is carrying one of the maneuvering gear cases.  When she sets it down next to one of the poles, I see my name on the side of it.  She turns to Eren and extends a hand.  "He's a cutie.  I'm Petra Ral.  I'm a part of the Scouts Regiment."

Eren takes her hand.  "Eren Jaeger."

"It's nice to meet you, Eren," she smiles.  "I hope you pass this test so that you can join our squad.  If you ever need anything, and this sourpuss won't help you, don't hesitate to ask me."

"Petra," I snap at her.

"Oops, sorry Captain," she says, but then winks at Eren.

I roll my eyes and open the smaller case that I brought.  I pull out the body harness and hand it to Eren.  "Put this on," I tell him, then turn to Petra.  "Why did you bring my maneuvering gear?"

"I thought he could use a demonstration, and you are the best, Captain," she says.

"Kissing my ass won't get you anywhere," I tell her.

"Am I doing this right?" Eren asks.

I turn to see him with his leg caught in one strap, his arm caught in another, and the whole thing is upside down.  I startle and hurry to grab his arm before he snaps the straining straps.  The harness is designed to handle a great amount of force, but only when it's on right and has limbs to keep it in form.  Petra giggles as she helps me get Eren out of the harness and get it back on correctly.  She then leads him over to the poles.

"Petra, why don't you show him how this works," I say.

"Yes, sir!" she salutes, then stands between the two posts.

I hook the two cables to either side of her belt, then move towards the crank on the back post.  Eren stands a few feet in front of Petra as I turn the crank and slowly lift her off her feet.  She hovers in the air perfectly, not a single wobble.  She even does a quick flip.  She's in perfect balance and control.  But she's been on my squad for nearly a year and has successfully completed many missions.  I lower her back to the ground and help unhook her.

"Okay, brat.  The key to this test is balance and strength.  You need to be able to maintain a precise balance, and that demands a high level of strength in your core and legs.  Even the slightest miscalculation and you won't be able to keep yourself upright," I explain to him as I hook him into the cables.

"Don't over think it," Petra adds.  "It's all about feeling how you balance in the straps.  Once you get the hang of it, it comes as naturally as breathing."

"They say the same thing about driving a stick shift," Eren says, looking down at his belt with a worried expression.  "But I never did manage to get the hang of that...."

"You don't know how to drive a manual car?" I questions.

"Nope," he replies, then quickly adds, "Captain."

I exhale sharply, adding that to the infinitely long list of things I need to teach him.  I put that aside for now though as Petra starts to turn the crank.  The cables attached to his belt go taunt, then he's off the ground.


	3. Test

**Eren**

I feel the cables go taunt at my sides and my weight is lifted off my feet.  My heart is racing and I hold my breath as my feet leave the ground.  It's an awkward feeling, being lifted off the ground by two small points on my hips, but I immediately understand what Petra meant when she said not to over think it.  My legs and core naturally tense and adjust, trying to keep my body upright.  But the feeling is too strange, too new, and suddenly I'm falling face first towards the ground.  I put out my hands to catch myself, keeping my head from hitting the ground.

Damn it!  I was probably only upright for a fraction of a second.  It all happened so fast.  I slam my fist into the ground with a loud curse as Petra lowers me down until my knees are resting on the ground.  What does this mean then?  Is Levi going to kick me out of his squad?  He said I have a week to pass it before Erwin comes back to the base, but how many chances do I really get?  I bet everyone on his team passed the test on their first try.  Hell, Petra looked so natural hanging in this contraption.  They probably trained and prepared for this test.  They probably knew about it and how to practice for it long before they took it.  And they all have previous military training and experience.  What the hell am I even doing here?  Do I really belong here?  No, I don't.

But I don't want to leave.  Levi, from the moment I first met the shorter man on the plane, has intrigued me.  He's so cold and unapproachable.  What made him like that?  I remember Erwin telling me that Levi was the best equipped to straighten me out.  Why is that?  Levi didn't seem to be very happy that Erwin gave him a new, untrained recruit, so I guess this doesn't happen often.  Then is it because he knows how to deal with trouble makers?  Was he one himself when he was younger?  There is so much mystery surrounding my captain, and I find that I want to stick around and figure him out.

I hear Levi sigh and I grit my teeth.  I need to try again.  I can do it, I know I can.  I need to pass this test!  Petra kneels beside me to unhook me from the cables, but I brush her away, looking up at Levi.  He's regarding me with those cool, grey eyes, his face completely unreadable.  His arms are crossed over his chest.  Is he disappointed in me?  Shit.  I don't like that feeling.  I don't want him disappointed in me.  I need to prove myself to him.  I need him to know that I will do whatever it takes to make him happy and to show him I am worthy of being on his squad.  And, I can't go to federal lockup.  I won't last a week in prison.  I quickly get to my feet.

"Let me try again.  Now that I know how it feels, now that I know what to expect, I'll be able to do it this time," I ask of him, clenching my fists at my sides.

"You're not strong enough," he says, his voice not giving anything away either.  It's so flat and dismissive.  "You haven't developed the core and leg strength required to pass this test.  You have no physical training."

"Please just let me try one more time," I beg him.  I need another chance.  I know I have a week to figure this damn test out, but I need one more try right now.  I need to show him that I am determined enough to do this.  "Please, Captain."

He just stares at me for a long moment, and I stare right back.  After a tense minute, he finally nods and I let out the breath I hadn't been aware I was holding.  I step back into position, and wait for Petra to raise the cables.  This time, I focus on my legs and core, trying to feel where the straps pull and press against my body.  The cables lift me up onto my toes, and as my feet leave the ground, I focus on balancing.  It's like walking a tightrope.  The line between balance and unbalance is so thin, so hard to find.  I manage to hold onto that balance for what feels like two solid seconds before it slips out from under me and I fall backwards.

I exhale sharply, dry washing my face as I hang there, upside down.  Petra lowers me back onto the ground, and I lay there on my back, my hands covering my face.  I did better that time, and I know after a week of training and building my muscle tone, I'll be able to do it, but that doesn't change the fact that I failed now.

"You did well for not having any prior training," Levi's hesitant voice suddenly says, and I remove my hands from my face.  "You did better than I expected."

"Really?" I question in confusion.

"Yeah, you did great, Eren!" Petra agrees, unclipping me from the cables and helping me to my feet.  "You'll be able to do it without a hitch by the end of the week."

I nod.  Her words, along with Levi's, give me a little bit of hope.  They don't see me as a failure.  I'll prove them right.  I'll show them that I'm not a failure.  I'm a fighter.  I always have been.  "What does this test even prove?" I ask, my residual frustration, as well as a burning curiosity, taking control of my mouth.  "What is three-dimensional maneuvering gear and why do I need to learn to hang from cables in order to use it?"

"I was hoping you'd ask that!" Petra giggles.  "Now you _have_ to give him a demonstration, Captain."

That sounds interesting.  I'd actually like to see Levi use whatever this fancy gear is.  Erwin said that he is humanity's strongest soldier, and he wouldn't be captain of this elite squad if his skills with this gear wasn't impressive, right?  I want to see what my captain is capable of.

"I don't _have_ to do anything," Levi retorts, but then exhales and waves a dismissive hand at me.  "Go take a lap around the compound," he says.

Well that's disappointing....  With a frown, I nod and turn to jog off toward the compound.  It's still early in the morning, but there are a few small groups of soldiers in the courtyard and scattered around the compound, going through morning exercises.  I see one group rounding the corner of the base.  A flick of a red scarf catches my eye and I speed up so that I can fall into step beside Mikasa.

"Eren, what are you doing?" she hisses, not looking at me.  "Don't let Captain Mike see you or he'll boot you out and make a complaint to Captain Levi."

"He didn't even see me," I murmur back.  The tall blonde at the front of the group continues to lead the small group around the installation.  "Levi told me to take a lap, so I thought I'd join you."

"Captain Levi," she corrects me quickly.  "Always use their titles, especially when you're around other officers.  Where did you go to boot camp?  They obviously didn't teach you anything."

I keep quiet.  I didn't tell her anything yesterday, and I'm not going to tell her anything now.  Mikasa has always been very protective over me, trying to shield me from the world.  When she was around, I didn't get into trouble as much.  I don't want her to know that, because she left, I got into some more hardcore things and that I'm only here because a judge sentenced me to military service instead of hard time in a federal prison.  She would flip out on me.  And she'd probably feel guilty for leaving.  I was hurt when she did, but I understand.  Where we're from, the only way out is by excelling in school and managing to get into an out of state college, which most students didn't because our school system sucked, or by enlisting in the military, which most students did.  Mikasa probably could've gotten into college, but she wanted to help people and make a difference.  She always talked about it.  This is where she belongs, and I can't hate her for it, even if I did feel abandoned.

"Sorry.  Slip of the tongue," I tell her.  We're quiet as we round the installation, passing by the dog kennels where privates are preparing the huge dogs for the next shift.  "How well do you know Captain Levi?"

The question comes out of my mouth without me even thinking about it.  I hadn't meant to ask that, but I can't stop thinking about the intriguing, mysterious man.  She looks at me with a quirked eyebrow, confused by the sudden question, but she answers anyway.  "I don't.  I've never exchanged more than a handful of words with him.  He too unapproachable and very kept to himself.  If he's not working with his squad out here, he's locked up with them in a training room, or he's in his quarters.  He even has his food taken down to his room.  He doesn't talk to people unless it's necessary.  His squad is like that too for the most part.  They're some super confidential, top secret group, even more so than Captain Mike or Dita's squads, and they definitely act like it.  I don't think a single person here other than those five knows what that squad does.  It's kind of bizarre.  Maybe they're secretly CIA or something," she muses aloud.

So Erwin wasn't joking when he told me that very few people know what Levi's squad does.  Mikasa lives up here on this mountain in close quarters with Levi and his squad, and even she doesn't know.  And it would appear that Levi is just as secretive as his squad is.

When we get back around to the back of the compound, I split off from the group, running towards the clearing where I left Levi and Petra.  Hopefully they're still there.  But when I get to the clearing with the maneuvering gear testing equipment, Petra is the only one there.  She's leaning against one of the poles, looking off into the trees.  The large case she had brought with her is sitting, open and empty, by her left leg.

"Where is the captain?" I ask her.

She just smiles, and suddenly a blur whips around behind me, disappearing as fast as it had appeared.  I literally jump, spinning around and scrambling backward.  An embarrassing shriek leaves my lips, but I'm too startled to care at the moment.  I trip over my own feet and fall onto my ass on the packed dirt.  I look frantically around, but don't see anything.  My heart feels like it's about to punch through my ribcage.  I can feel it beating in my ears and my whole body is buzzing.  What the fuck....

Something drops out of the trees then, landing as gracefully as a cat right in front of me, two cables dropping and recoiling faster than I can blink.  Levi stares down at me, his face still an emotionless mask, but I can see a glimmer of amusement deep in his grey eyes.  They hold my eyes for what seems like a very long moment, but then I manage to break his gaze, looking down his body at the odd contraption strapped to his thighs and lower back.

On the small of his back sits two round things that I assume are the housings for the cables I saw just a moment ago.  In between those is another round contraption that I can't even begin to guess the function of.  On each of his upper thighs is a long canister, each with a black hose that connects to the round housings and the other contraption.  The canisters are strapped to long metal boxes, each with four slots, something sticking out of each slot.  In each hand is some sort of controller with two triggers on each and appear to have slots on top.  They too are connected to the round housings by a thick black cord.  It's nothing I've ever seen before, and it's a lot to comprehend.  It looks like quite a complex contraption.

"Get up off your ass, brat," Levi says, taking a step back from me.

I quickly comply.  Before I can ask, Petra steps forward and starts to explain.

"That is the three-dimensional maneuvering gear.  This equipment allows us to move on a three dimensional playing field.  By using cables and grappling hooks, as well as pressurized gas, we can move quickly and effortlessly above buildings, trees, etcetera.  It's almost completely silent, and allows us to get right above the target before they even know we are there," she says.  "Show him how it works, Captain."

Levi turns to face a tree to his right.  "The top triggers on each grip fire the grappling hooks.  You can fire both at once, or only one for more intricate maneuvers."  He pulls both triggers and two thick black cables fly from his belt and imbed in the tree a few dozen feet above the ground.  "The bottom two triggers control the release of the pressurized steam and, coupled with the fans in the housings and the retraction of the cables, will propel you forward."  He squeezes both triggers and shoots forward towards the tree, twisting mid air to plant both feet on the trunk of the tree.  He sits on the side of the tree for a moment, hanging by the cables, before he shoots his grappling hooks into another tree and flies around the small clearing, flipping and spinning before landing gracefully in front of me.

"That's..." I breathe, trying to make sense of my thoughts.  "Incredible."  Yeah, that's a good word for it.

"It is a great technological advancement, and it makes what we do that much easier," Petra chimes in, appearing very proud, as if she was the one that invented it.

"Why doesn't the entire military use this?" I question.

"Because for many military situations, it is not practical.  It is useful for stealth and... other things," Levi tells me.

I'm not stupid.  I know that isn't how he was going to end that sentence.  What was he going to say?  Good for stealth and what else?  There's something they're not telling me....  Do they think I can't handle it?  I lived on the streets.  I've done and witnessed some sketchy things.  If he's talking about killing people or something, I've run across more than one dead hobo.  Death doesn't bother me.  Are they going to want me to kill people?  In the military, people die, people get killed, and people kill, so I'd have to do it anyway even if I wasn't in Levi's squad, right?

Levi doesn't seem to realize that I noticed his slipup.  He turns the handgrips, crossing them to the metal boxes on his legs.  He slams them into the things protruding from the boxes and they connect with a click.  When he pulls them back, two long blades are drawn with them.  "These are our main weapons.  This gear allows us to get close enough to a target fast enough that it counteracts the speed of a gun.  We can get to them before they can fire on us," Levi explains, then sheathes the two blades and pulls a curved lever on the side of the handgrips.  The blades release.  "However, if a gun is needed, you can simply detach the blade and holster a handgrip in exchange for your service weapon."  In a move that should be too fast to be possible, he slips his handgrips into the holsters on his sides below his guns and draws the two weapons.  "Only do this when you get to solid ground, or with one hand while controlling the gear with the other.  It's a lot to learn and it takes a lot of practice, but you'll get the hang of it."

I nod.  I'm still a little confused on how the whole thing works, but if I pass the test, it'll be better explained to me.  No, _when_ I pass the test.  Because I _will_ pass the test.  I have to.  Levi holsters his guns and Petra steps up to him to help him remove the gear.

"There are three gyms on the third floor.  The last one is marked 'Squad Levi'.  I'll meet you there in ten," Levi tells me, an obvious dismissal.

"Yes, sir," I say, then head back to the compound, leaving Petra and Levi in the clearing.

So I guess we're beginning right away with my muscle building exercises.  I wonder how intense it's going to be.  I've never even been to a gym before, let alone go through military training.  Hopefully it won't be too hard.

...

In the week that I've been at the base, I've learned one thing for certain: Levi is a sadist.  I swear he's been sent from hell for the sole purpose of torturing me.  I mean, it shouldn't even be humanly possible the things he's making me do.  Every night, I crawl into bed with burning muscles, and in the mornings they're so stiff I literally have to roll myself out of bed.  We spend all day in the gym, Levi putting me through rigorous exercises and into what are secretly medieval torture machines, all with the promise that they'll make me stronger and able to use the three-dimensional maneuvering gear.   And every day I take the test.  And every day I fail the test.

At the end of the week, the morning before Erwin is supposed to arrive, I'm feeling depressed and dejected.  I didn't take the test at all yesterday because Levi didn't want me to.  He wanted me working out all day, and he wanted me to wait until the morning.  He still seems to have faith that I'll be able to pass it.  Didn't he tell me that not everyone is capable of using the gear?  What makes him think I'm someone who can?  I've been taking the test for a week with no change, and now time is up.  Erwin will be here this afternoon and if I don't pass the test this morning, I'll be leaving with him, never to see the mysterious captain again.

I'll also be leaving Mikasa.  In the rare times I had gotten a break from Levi's sadistic torture, I would look for Mikasa and talk with her.  We got caught up, although I still have yet to tell her the real reason why I'm here, and I have begun to feel like I'm reuniting with her.  But now, it looks like I'll have to leave her.  I haven't told her this either though.  As far as she knows, I'm an actual member of Levi's team.  It looks like I'll have to come clean with her today, before I leave.

At six thirty the morning, I wake with the rest of the base and get ready for my morning of torture.  I don't know why Levi is still trying.  Time is up.  But last night he told me to be in the gym by seven, ready to work out.  So I pull on my camouflage cargo pants and my green USMC tank top, my muscles stiff and nearly unresponsive, then make my way up a floor to the gym reserved for Levi's squad.  The door is propped open, since I still don't have a pass key to get in yet, so Levi must already be here.  I push the door open, but I hesitate in the doorway.

Levi is standing on top of the metal pull-up bar.  He's in his full squad uniform, but his knee-tall boots are sitting on the ground next to the bar.  He stands on the ball of his bare left foot, the other raised slightly above the bar, not touching it.  His hands are folded neatly behind his back and his eyes are closed.  He balances there perfectly, not wobbling, not holding out his arms for balance, nothing.  I watch his legs and stomach, hidden beneath his uniform, watching for twitches or strains of balance correction.  But I see nothing.  He might as well be standing with both feet on solid ground for all the effort he's putting in.

"Oi," he suddenly says, not opening his eyes.  "Are you going to stand there and stare or are you going to come in?"

"Sorry, Captain," I say quickly, stepping into the small room gym and closing the door behind me.

Levi opens his eyes then, lowering his right foot onto the bar.  "I have come to realize that your problem isn't so much your lack of strength, but your lack of balance."  He steps backwards, snagging the metal bar with his hands to stop his fall before dropping the rest of the way to the ground.  "I have strengthened your legs and core as much as is possible in the limited amount of time that we had, so today we are going to work on balance."

"But, sir," I start to argue, eliciting a raised eyebrow from Levi.  "Commander Erwin will be here tonight.  What more can we do in only one day?"

"Have you given up, Eren?" he questions.  "What happened to that determination I saw in your eyes the first time you took the test?"

"It's been a week and I'm no closer to passing the test than I was that day," I argue.

He walks up to me, getting right in my face, his grey eyes smoldering with intensity.  I feel like I could get lost in those eyes.  It'd be a lot more intimidating if he didn't have to look up to meet my eyes.  "I've worked you this hard all week, neglecting my squad and my duties, because I admired the determination I saw in your eyes.  I saw the heart, the spirit you had, and it led me to believe that you'd do whatever it took to pass this test.  But perhaps I was wrong.  Maybe you don't have what it takes to be here.  So if you want to give up and leave with Erwin tonight, go ahead, I won't try to fucking stop you, because I don't have time for soldier wannabes that give up so easily."

He walks around me towards the doors, but I stop him, grabbing his arm.  His words sting.  They hurt somewhere deep inside me.  They prickle at my pride.  I don't want this man to think I am weak.  I don't want him to look down on me.  Well... figuratively....  I don't know why, but I _need_ this man's respect.  That determination that had been nearly extinguished is now a roaring flame.  I can't stand that look he give me.  He's disappointed.  He's upset that I wasted his time.  He's disgusted that I'm giving up.  No, I'm not going to give up.  I still have one more day.  I'll pass that test.  I will.  I have to.

He looks back at my hand on his arm, then up at my face, his grey eyes unreadable, as they always seem to be.  I look him in those deep grey eyes, trying to tell him everything I can't say with my words.  I want him to know how hard I'm willing to try, how hard I'm willing to work to prove to him that I have what it takes.

"I'm not giving up," I tell him, my voice firm.

A small, almost unnoticeable smile pulls at his lips, then he nods.  I release his arm as he moves around me, back towards the pull-up bar.  He gestures for me to follow him, and I do.

"Take off your boots and socks," he tells me, stepping beneath the bar.

He moves over to the far left side of the bar, then jumps, grabbing the metal.  He swings his legs up, flipping over the top of the bar until he's right side up again, his hips resting against the bar.  I find myself admiring how such an intense, hard man can move with such grace.  It's actually quite mesmerizing, and  I find myself really admiring the way he gracefully swings up onto the bar, planting his feet on the top of the bar and standing.  He doesn't wobble once.  His balance is astonishingly perfect.  He looks down at me, still standing and staring up at him.  I feel my cheeks burn slightly and concentrate on removing my combat boots.

"Get up here," he tells me.

I step up to the bar and jump.  I manage to pull myself up onto the bar, not nearly as gracefully as Levi had, then put a foot on the cold metal, slowly standing.  I wobble, swinging my arms, trying to stay on the bar.  It's no use though, and I fall, catching the bar under my arms.  My shoulders twinge as the muscles strain and the skin beneath my arms stings from the friction of rubbing against the bar.  Frowning, I struggle to get back up onto the bar.

"Focus, brat," Levi says, looking down at me from where he is perched on the bar.  He's relaxed, his arms crossed over his chest.  How is this so easy for him?  "Focus on your core, your body.  Find your center and concentrate on it.  Keep it above the bar.  Feel the way your muscles naturally try to correct."

I nod as I slowly stand.  I hold my arms out, wobbling and swaying as I try to find my balance.  A hand clamps onto my shoulder, and I look over at Levi.  His eyes, although still mostly unreadable, are softer.  He believes that I can do it.  How can he maintain his own balance while keeping me steady as well?  This man truly is incredible.  And we're just standing on top of a bar.  I can't wait to see him in action overseas where it really counts.

I take a deep breath through my nose, letting it out slowly through my mouth, then I take another one.  Levi removes his hand and I close my eyes, focusing on the bar beneath the balls of my feet.  I feel the sore muscles of my core and legs tense and try to correct my imbalance.  I don't fight them.  I let my body do what it has to in order to stay on the bar.

"Very good," Levi says.  "This isn't so different than the balance needed for the 3DMG.  When you're in the cables, your center of gravity will shift from where it is now.  You need to focus on where the cables connect to your belt.  Here, you use your arms to balance yourself, but in the cables, you'll need to rely more heavily on your legs and core.  I believe you have the strength, you just need to focus more on balancing than on muscling through it."

I nod, opening my eyes.  Levi is watching me, his body relaxed.  I keep wobbling and having to correct my balance.  I guess perfect balance comes with however many years he's been using the 3DMG.  That makes me wonder how long he's been on this squad.  How long has he been in the military?  Why is he the best officer to straighten me out?  What made this short-statured, ill-tempered, unapproachable man humanity's strongest soldier?  All those questions I've had buzzing around my head all week come back to me.

"How long have you been using the maneuvering gear?" I ask him.

"Ten years," he replies, looking away from me at a spot on the wall ahead of him.

Ten years?  Wow....  Now I wonder how old he is.  He can't have come straight into this squad, right?  So he must've been in the military a few years prior to that, I think....  He doesn't look that old though....

"How long have you been the captain of this squad?"

"Nine years."  He keeps his answer short, and doesn't elaborate.  I have a feeling he doesn't want to talk about his past, yet he keeps answering my questions and they keep pushing past my lips.

"Why does Commander Erwin think you're the best person to train me?" I ask next.  He might not even know the answer to that one, but I ask anyway.  I wobble slightly and automatically adjust my weight to keep me balanced.  I feel like I'm getting the hang of this pretty quickly.

"He thinks that our pasts are similar," he replies.  "I read your file.  They aren't."

"Oh....  Then why-"

"I lived on the streets too," he cuts me off, looking over at me.  His eyes are hard.  "Are you done interrogating me now?  Focus on the exercise."

I nod and its quiet for a minute.  But then Levi speaks up again.  "Since we're prying into each other's lives... what is your relationship with Private Ackerman?"

I startle, nearly completely losing my balance.  After a solid minute of flailing and overcorrecting, I finally regain my balance and straighten.  Looking over at Levi, I see that his eyes are still on me.  He's waiting for my answer.

"Oh, well, she's like my sister," I tell him.  At that answer, he actually looks slightly relieved.  I wonder at that.  Did he think we were romantically involved?  Maybe there are rules about that?  "We've been friends our whole lives.  It was her parents that took me in when my mom died and my dad abandoned me.  She looked out for me and tried to keep me out of trouble."

He just nods in response, staring at the wall in front of us.  "Move to one foot."

I nod, slowly shifting my weight onto my right foot as he lifts his left foot off of the bar.  He closes his eyes and folds his hands behind his back.  He's done talking to me, but my mind is focusing back on the questions I had asked him.  His short answers about his own life only raised more questions.  Levi lived on the streets?  How long?  Is that why he's so unapproachable and ill-tempered?  How did his experiences differ from mine that he thinks our pasts have nothing in common?

I lose my balance and it draws me from my thoughts, forcing me to focus.  I put my left foot back on the bar and wave my arms in a circle, but that doesn't help.  I lean forward, trying to correct, but it's too late and I jump from the bar, landing on my feet and rolling to take the force off of my legs.  I flop onto my back, exhaling sharply.

"Oi, no napping," Levi snaps.  "Get your ass back up here."

I sigh, dry washing my face before standing and climbing back onto the bar.

...

"You can do it this time, Eren," Petra encourages me as her and Gunther strap me into the cables of the testing device.

It's raining today.  It was raining all day yesterday too, which might partially be the reason why Levi wouldn't let me take the test.  But the rain is still coming down and now he doesn't have any choice.  I have to take the test now.

Usually it's just me, Levi, and Petra when I take the test, but today, Levi's whole squad is here to watch, all of them getting soaked to the bone.  Don't they have jackets with hoods on them?  It's making me nervous.  I've gotten to know the four of them pretty well since I've gotten here, but having so many eyes on me while I either make or break my career here is unnerving.

"Yeah, you can do it kid," Gunther says with a grin.  "Don't think too hard."

"Oi, give the brat space," Levi snaps at them.

"Yeah guys, back off," Oluo mimics, making Petra roll her eyes at him.

Once I'm hooked in, the others back away, leaving Eld to man the crank.  This is it.  This will decide whether I stay here or whether I get shipped off to federal lockup.  I want to stay here with Levi and Mikasa.  I want to get to know Levi better, as well as the rest of his squad.  Despite the brutally intense training and Levi's cold personality, I really like it here, and I really like Levi.  When the judge first sentenced me, I was upset that I'd have to be here for an entire year, but now a year doesn't seem that bad.  I might even volunteer to stay longer.  That is, if I live through this first year.  But I'll have to pass this test first.

"Focus, Eren," Levi's voice says quietly, trying to keep his words private.  I watch the water drip from his soaked hair, down his forehead, along the ridge of his nose, to fall in droplets to the ground.  It's mesmerizing.  "Ignore them.  Ignore the fact that Erwin will be here in an hour.  This is just a standard exercise.  This is just like this morning in the gym.  Focus on the natural reactions of your core and legs, focus on that center of gravity.  Concentrate."  He hesitates, then says, "I believe you can do this.  Don't prove me wrong."

I look him straight in his seemingly unemotional grey eyes and nod firmly, ignoring the water trying to blind me.  "I won't, Captain."

Eld begins to raise me off the ground, the cables going taunt.  I take a deep breath and close my eyes.  I'm in the gym, on the metal pull-up bar, with my captain right by my side.  This is just another exercise.  We're simply training my sense of balance, like we've been doing all morning.  I take another deep breath as my toes leave the ground.  Holding my arms out, I feel where the straps of the body harness pull on my hips, around my thighs, and down to my feet.  I feel where they go taunt, where they press into my skin.  I feel the way my body sits in the harness, the natural twitches and shifts to keep me balanced on two fine points at my waist.

Suddenly, it all feels so easy.  It's as if something finally clicked into place, and it feels completely... natural.  I lower my arms and open my eyes.  Petra applauds with an excited giggle, Eld gives me a thumbs up, and Gunther turns to Oluo with a muttered 'I knew he had what it takes'.  When I look to my left at Levi, he looks relieved.  He nods his head to me with a small smile on his lips.  That look right there, that nod of approval, of acceptance, that's exactly what I needed.  It makes the elated feeling coursing through my body ten times stronger.  I did it, I finally did it, and now I've gained Levi's approval.

I let out a loud cheer, punching the air, causing me to rock in the cables.  But I don't lose my balance.  I've found it now, and nothing will make me lose it.  I turn my face up to the sky, letting the rain patter against my face and the chilling winds freeze the water to my skin.  I finally did it!  I've passed this stupid test, and now I can stay on Levi's squad.  I won't spend the next ten years in prison.  I know there is a shit-eating grin on my face, but I can't get rid of it.  I feel like I finally accomplished something.  I feel like, for the first time in my life, like I've actually done something important, like I'll be _able_ to do something important.  I've landed myself in a squad that makes victories for the United States possible.  I'm turning myself around, and it feels so fucking good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to incorporate the 3DMG at all in this fic because it seems a little impractical for modern day warfare (and I know that they aren't exactly silent, but let's all just use our imagination here XD), but then I decided I had to, mostly because I love the 3DMG too much ._.
> 
> Find me on [Tumblr](http://titaneren-jaeger.tumblr.com/)


	4. Training Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay update time! The update is a little early today because finals are kicking my ass, and this was my only free time to post XP Better than waiting until tomorrow, yeah? :)
> 
> Thanks for all the comments/kudos/love guys! I always love receiving them :) Enjoy!

**Levi**

What I never could tell the brat was that, even if he didn't pass the test today, I would've kept him here on my squad.  I don't know why, but I have this deeply rooted desire to keep him here, and I can't explain or describe where it came from.  I guess the boy intrigues me.  He's grown on me.  He had a shitty life growing up, something I can easily relate too, and it caused him to become an obnoxious, attention-seeking, rebellious, troublemaking kid, but it's not a side of him I've really seen.  It's hard to believe the reports are true when all I seem to see is a determined young man with a lot of heart and spirit.  I don't know why I wanted to keep him here, even if he failed.  Being able to use the 3DMG is vital to our operations.  He'd be worse than useless if he couldn't use the mobility gear.  But now that he's passed the test, now that he's figured it out, I don't have to worry about that.

I wait, my arms crossed over my chest and impatiently tapping my foot, as I lean back against the frame of the jeep.  The plane was due to land half an hour ago.  I don't like being kept waiting.  At least the rain has stopped, although the angry grey clouds in the sky threaten more rain.  I reposition my formal uniform jacket more comfortably on my shoulders before crossing my arms again.  I really do hate this thing, but it's protocol to receive higher ranking officers in formal attire.  Eren sighs and I hear him shift in the passenger seat.  I don't know Erwin's plans, whether he wants to check up on Eren and talk to him before continuing to his next destination, or if he just wants to talk to me, so I brought Eren along.  This is a waste of time though.  Eren could be going through an exercise right now instead of sitting on his ass.  I look over my shoulder at him.

"Oi," I say, getting his attention.  "Start doing push-ups."

He sighs and climbs out of the door-less jeep.  "How many?" he asks.

"You can stop when he gets here," I tell him.

He grumbles something under his breath, but drops to his hands, falling straight into a push-up.  I'll have to drill that attitude out of him.  Now that he's about to officially become a member of my squad and of the Marine Corps, that attitude won't fly.  He'll be expected to behave like any other private, and if he mouths off to the wrong person, I will be the one to get hell for it.

Luckily for the brat, the plane comes into view only a minute or two later, diving down towards the runway.  I shrug off of the jeep, and Eren stands, but I snap at him to keep going.  He drops back down into the mud as I make my way towards the lowering hatch of the cargo plane.

Erwin steps out of the plane and claps my shoulder.  "How's he doing?" Erwin asks, cutting straight to the chase.

"He passed the test.  He'll be able to operate in my squad," I tell him.

"Wonderful.  How has his behavior been?  Is he rebelling?  I hope you aren't letting him get away with anything," he tells me.

"This week we've been focusing on training him for the test.  But starting now, he will begin official military training," I reply.  "His overall behavior has been satisfactory.  He follows orders well and he is very... dedicated."

"That is good to hear.  The court agreed with me when I presented that all he needed was a routine, and someone to step in and tell him how to live his life.  He needs authority."

"I agree, but why did you fight for him?" I find myself asking.  "Why did you volunteer to take him under your command?  Why him?"

Erwin hesitates for a minute before answering.  "He's Carla's son."

Carla?  It's been a long time since I heard that name, and if brings back painful memories.  "Of course.  Carla Jaeger.  I never connected their names, although I know now why his sounded so familiar."

Carla was a consultant with the United States military, and her husband, Grisha, was my squad's personal doctor.  Carla was a hacker and she helped gain information that we could use against the enemy combatants.  She was the one that suggested the Marines form a specialty squad in order to investigate what she found and to gleam additional information from the sources themselves.  That was when Erwin found me and offered me a position in this new one-man squad.  After a handful of very successful trial operations, he made the squad permanent and promoted me to Captain, giving me the power to bring on a handful of other soldiers.  Carla was our backbone for the year I ran solo, and for about a year after the squad was made official.  But during a run-in with a particularly brutal terrorist organization, she got too involved and they figured out her identity.  She was savagely murdered on her way home from the Marine Corps communications office where she worked.  The organization went under the radar after that, and we lost track of them.  They haven't surfaced since.  Grisha went insane after her death.  He had a complete mental breakdown and disappeared.  No one's heard from him since, and I've assumed for a while that he's dead.

"When I heard that her son was arrested and facing federal prison time, I felt we owed it to her to get him back on his feet.  I'm not sure how she'd feel knowing her only son is now involved in your squad, but it was the only way I could save him."

I nod.  I can't treat him any differently now that I know who Eren is, but I do find that I feel sorry for him.  We never got even close to finding this group.  My squads' boots never left the ground.  She was the only one finding information on them, but she could never get very far.  She just relayed what she found to me.  But when she was killed, we were no closer to figuring out who this organization was.  It's only speculation that she was killed by them.  But with no leads, her murder went unsolved and I was unable to further pursue the organization.

"I will keep him safe.  For Carla," I tell him, then look back towards the jeep.  "Eren!"

"Yes, sir?" he calls, standing from his push-ups and jogging over to us.  He's still wearing his fatigues and my spare body harness.  I don't even try to hid the expression of revulsion when he wipes his muddy hands all over his pants.  If he gets any mud on _my_ body harness....  He and Erwin must not have seen my obvious expression of horror because neither say a word.  Eren fidgets with one of the straps as he steps up in front of us.  Erwin's eyes scans the boy, then he smiles.

"The look fits you," Erwin tells him.  "I look forward to seeing you in your squad uniform."

"As do I, sir," Eren replies.

"How are you getting along?  Are you regretting the decision you made in court?"

"Absolutely not, Commander," Eren replies immediately.  Good.  I'm glad that he doesn't resent me for the rigorous training I put him through this last week.

"Would you like to stay here in Captain Levi's squad?  I will give you the opportunity to transfer to a standard basic training base if you would prefer.  But that decision has to be made now.  The offer is void when I leave."

"No," he says, nearly cutting him off.  "I want to stay here.  I like it here, and I feel like I could learn a lot from Captain Levi."  My eyes widen a little in surprise and I look over at the kid.  I guess I've made a better first impression on him that I thought I had.  I don't know why, but I find that I'm glad he wants to stay here.  "I would like to thank you for presenting me with this opportunity."

"You are welcome, Jaeger," Erwin replies with a slight smile.  "You are dismissed.  I need a few more words with Levi."

He nods, turning on his heels and jogging back to the jeep.  I watch him as he hops into the passenger's seat and puts his muddy boots up on the dash.  Does that shitty little brat seriously not understand how absolutely, repulsively disgusting that is?

"You can't tell him what I just told you.  He can't know his mother was killed because she was involved with this squad," he tells me.

"Understood, and I agree," I say.  "So that bullshit you tried to feed me about being the only one that can straighten him out because our pasts are similar-"

"I never insinuated that it was because your pasts are similar," he interrupts me.  "They're not.  I understand that.  All I said, to either of you, was that you'd be the best person to straighten out his life and get him on the right track.  You jumped to that conclusion on your own."

I quickly think back to the conversation I had with him about Eren.  "So I have."

Erwin looks back up at Eren, sitting in the jeep, and the two of us are quite for a moment longer.  "I think I will be staying here for a week," he tells me.  "I'd like to observe Eren's training myself, if that is okay with you.  I don't want to interfere."

"Do what you want," I tell him with a shrug, heading back to the jeep.

Erwin steps up into the plane to call to his pilot that he'll be staying at the base.  I walk up to the jeep, and as I climb into the driver's side, I slam my boot into Eren's legs, forcing them off the dashboard.

"That is so disgusting," I growl at him with a grimace.  "You're scrubbing this jeep, and your pants, clean when we get back to the base.  Climb in the back.  Commander Erwin is coming with us."

"The... but there isn't any room back there," he protests.

"You have arms.  Move things," I retort.  "Sorry brat, but you drew the short end of the rank stick.  Commander beats Private every time."

He frowns and turns around in his seat, leaning over the top of the seats so he can slide bags and cases out of the way.  He climbs over the seat and slides into the spot he cleared right behind me.  He sits back against the back of the seat, his head nearly touching mine.  Usually being in close proximity with someone like this bothers me, especially when they're behind me.  It sends my soldier reflexes into overdrive.  But for some reason, Eren's close proximity doesn't really bother me.  I try not to dwell on that too much as Erwin steps up to the jeep and climbs into the seat Eren had just been occupying.  I shift the jeep into gear and pull out onto the tarmac just as the plane takes off.

Erwin isn't a talkative person, and neither am I, so the ride is very quiet as I pull off the tarmac onto the muddy road.  I can hear Eren sigh behind me, and then he leans his head back, knocking it against mine, seemingly on accident.

"Oi, watch it," I growl, smacking him on the back of the head.

"Sorry, Captain," he replies immediately.

I glance over at Erwin for a moment.  "Maybe you should assist with Eren's training," I suggest.  "Or you should give me some pointers on how to run a new recruit through boot camp.  You know I have no experience with that."

Eren turns around, looking through the space between Erwin and I.  "You've never been to boot camp, Captain?"

"Private conversation, brat," I say and he quickly turns back around with a huff of disappointment.

Erwin laughs, but nods.  "Yes, I'll help you Levi.  Between the two of us, we should be able to whip this kid into shape."

...

The clock on the wall ticks ever closer to one in the morning.  Erwin and I are sitting at my desk, Erwin describing the gist of a basic training routine.  He helps me set up a specialized training plan for Eren, incorporating standard basic training methods with methods I would use to hone skills specific to my squad.  Hopefully this training schedule will accelerate Eren's training and have him ready to deploy before we receive our next operation.

I tap my pen against the papers, resting my chin in the opposite hand and leaning my elbow on the desk.  "Why didn't you tell me from the beginning that he is Carla's son?" I find myself asking Erwin, not looking up at him.

"Would it have changed things if I had?" he questions in return, sitting back in his chair and folding his hands behind his head.

I think about that for a moment before answering.  "No, but it would have saved me a lot of time trying to figure out why you saddled me with a completely untrained recruit."

"I was hoping you would figure it out on your own.  But I didn't want you to treat this kid any different because he is Carla's son.  I didn't want you to baby or coddle him."

I look up at him, an eyebrow raised.  "Did you really think I would baby him?  Do I seem like the kind of person that would baby anyone?"

He laughs.  "No, I suppose I shouldn't have been worried."  He plants his hands on my desk and stands.  "I think that is all for now.  While I'm here this week, I'll spare some time to assist in beginning his training, but I'm leaving this mostly to you.  He'll be your personal project.  I'm interested to see how he turns out."

"And if I screw it up because I don't know how the fuck to train a rookie from scratch?  What if I miss something and he gets us killed in some damned desert on the other side of the world?" I argue.

"You'll do fine, Levi.  Don't over think it.  You didn't receive basic training, and you were the first recruit that I trained myself.  I'd like to think you didn't turn out too badly," he says over his shoulder as he leaves my office, shutting the door behind him.

I frown, leaning back in my chair and running a hand through my hair.  The commander has a point, but then again, he didn't have to put as much training into me.  I knew how to use a gun and a knife.  I was great in hand-to-hand combat.  I could sneak through a crowded street without being seen.  I was a master at sticking to the shadows.  I knew how to survive.  My twenty-four years growing up in that underground shithole gave me an invaluable set of skills and made it much easier for Erwin to train me.  I don't have that head start with Eren.

However, I will admit that the brat is determined.  He has so much spirit.  He's put one hundred and ten percent into everything I've had him do all week.  Every morning, he'd wake up sore and tired, but that didn't stop him from putting everything into that day's training.  Even though I don't really know what I'm doing, I feel that Eren will make it easy for me to train him.  He may have rebellious, troublemaking tendencies, but I've barely seen them.  I seems like he just wanted attention, and he sought it any way he could, even if that meant getting into trouble with the law.  Now, he's a part of something important, something that keeps him busy.  He has my attention and the attention of my squad, he's back with his adoptive sister, and he's actually doing something productive with his life.  That rebellious streak won't disappear overnight, but it's already starting to fade away.  He won't be hard to train.  And honestly, I find that I don't mind having to work so closely with the brat.

 

**Eren**

"Jaeger," a voice says from behind me as I trudge sleepily back towards my room from the bathroom.  I rub my eye and turn to see Erwin striding towards me.  He's fully dressed in his uniform and looks wide awake.  Does he have any idea what time it is?  It's too damn early to be that awake, that's for sure.

"Yeah?" I mumble, then shake my head hard to wake myself up and correct my remark.  "I mean... yes, Commander?"

"I'm glad you're up.  Get dressed and come with me," he tells me.

"Yes, sir," I reply.  It's not my place to question the commander.  I will find out shortly what he wants with me.  But it's quarter 'til six in the morning.  I need to be meeting Levi for my training in just over an hour.  I hope this won't take too long.

I hurry into my quarters and quickly pull on my fatigues.  I run a quick brush through my hair, trying to put it into some sort of order, then leave my quarters to find Erwin.  He's still waiting in the hall and turns on his heels when I approach.  I follow close behind him as he leads me up two sets of stairs.  I follow him to the security room where he flashes his ID at the private guarding the door, then scans it at the reader.  Pushing the door open, he gestures for me to step inside.

I haven't been in this room before.  It's much bigger than I thought it was.  It's full of computer monitors and three of the walls are covered in TV screens.  They all show security camera feeds of the hallways, the garages and armory, the mess hall, dozens of the grounds, and even more of the surrounding mountainside.  One of the walls though, the left one, has video feeds of places I don't recognize.  A couple are of a desert village, a couple more of an installation in a swamp, others show a location on a forested, snowy mountain peak.  Are they other Marine Corps bases?  Or are they targets?  There are two horseshoe shaped rows of desks, one along the walls beneath the TV screens, and another inside of the first row.  There are currently four privates haphazardly seated around the room.

Erwin leads me up to one of the privates.  "This kid needs a Private Class access key," Erwin tells the private.

"Yes, Commander," he replies, standing and heading over to a different station.  He riffles through a drawer and pulls out a camera.  "Stand against the back wall."

I comply, putting my back against the wall.  I don't smile as the private takes my picture, then pops out the SD card and shoves it into the computer at the other station.  He opens a program and begins to ask me questions about my characteristics; height, weight, eye color, hair color, and also my name, date of birth, etcetera.  After a few minutes of typing and clicking, he pulls a blank card out of the desk drawer and slides it into a small contraption.  Another minute later, the contraption spits it back out and the private hands it to me.

Erwin puts a hand on my shoulder and leads me out of the room, thanking the private as we leave.  "Now that you've decided to stay here and that Levi has decided to keep you on his squad, I thought it'd be best you get your permanent access key as soon as possible.  Now you won't have to follow Levi around like a lost puppy.  You'll get your actual military ID in a couple of weeks," he explains to me.

Levi told Erwin he wants me to stay on his squad?  I didn't realize that he had a choice, and I had felt a little bad about that, but it feels good to know that Levi did in fact have a choice and that he chose to keep me around.  I guess I haven't irritated him as much this last week as I thought I had.

"Levi will be starting your training in the gym this morning," he tells me.  "Knowing that man, he's already down there."

Erwin leaves me without another word and I stand in the hallway, trying to decide what to do.  It's quarter after six.  Levi isn't expecting me until seven, but forty-five minutes isn't enough time to go back to bed.  Well, if Levi really is in the gym already, I might as well head down there.  That's an extra forty-five minutes of training, and I'll take all the extra opportunities to train that I can get.

I head down one flight of stairs to the gyms and walk down the hall to Squad Levi's gym.  When I reach the door, I can hear the familiar clank of a bench press barbell.  So he works out in the mornings.  When we were training in here this last week, he never worked out with me.  He spotted and coached me, but never joined me.  I've never seen him work out, and I had been starting to think that maybe he didn't.  But that's ridiculous, right?  I swipe my new ID card and push open the door.

Levi is laying back on the bench press, and for the first time I'm seeing him in something other than a uniform.  He's wearing a pair of grey sweats with 'USMC' printed on the outer thigh, and isn't wearing a shirt, although I see the standard dark green tank top laying folded on the floor.  He lifts the bar back onto the rack and sits up at the sound of the opening door.  The man may be short, but his arms and chest are sculpted with lean muscle that makes him look like he could take anyone out despite their size.  Across his chest and over his shoulders I can just barely make out stripes of calloused, rough skin.  They match the exact pattern of the 3DMG body harnesses.  It puts truth to his words when he said he's been using the device for ten years.

His forehead, shoulders, and chest gleam with sweat, and he picks up a small towel to wipe it off as he says, "You're early.  How did you get in?"

"Commander Erwin took me to get an access key," I tell him, holding it up.  "He mentioned that you were probably down here, so I thought I'd start my training early."

He nods, tossing his towel onto the bench next to the one he's sitting on and runs a hand through his thick black hair.  "Get started on your warm-ups," he says.  "I'm not finished with my routine, so don't expect me to fucking babysit you until I'm done."

I nod and he reaches down to pick up his tank top and pull it on over his head before laying back down on the bench.  I feel a pang of disappointment that surprises me.  I watch Levi continue with his reps, watching the muscles of his arms and chest strain with the great weight.  I try not to stare, but I can't help it.  Removing my jacket and quickly falling into push-up position, I stare a hole into the floor beneath my face.  My cheeks are burning.  This can't be happening.  Is this why I was so determined to pass the test and stay on Levi's squad?  Is this why I can't stand the thought of disappointing him?  Is it because I... I'm attracted to my captain?  I can't be attracted to him.  First and foremost, he's my captain.  Second, I have no idea how old he is, but he has to be at least in his late twenties considering he's been in this squad for ten years.  Third, what could I possibly hope to gain by fawning over him?  He's so unapproachable, so intimidating.  And even if he is interested in men, why would he return the feelings of a delinquent punk?  I mean, he calls me a brat.  He thinks of me as just a kid.

I frown, continuing with my morning warm-ups, trying not to concentrate too much on Levi.  He finishes with his reps on the bench press, then moves over to the pull-up bar.  I can't help but watch him as he jumps to grab the bar, then holds his legs out from his body at a ninety degree angle and begins his pull-ups.  He stares straight ahead of him, his eyes seemingly blank and his face unreadable.  He appears to be exerting absolutely no effort at all.  When he finishes with those, he flips his legs up over the bar, hanging upside down.  Then, he begins to do crunches in this position.  His back remains straight and his hands hover behind his head, but don't touch.  He's so strong....

I quickly turn my head and stare at the wall in front of me as I do my own crunches on the floor.  I breathe heavily, my eyebrows and mouth drawn down into a frown as I fight the burn in my abs.  I'm just finishing with the set when Levi's legs cross my line of sight, heading for the door.

"I'll be back in fifteen," he tells me, draping his towel over his shoulder.  "Don't hurt yourself while I'm gone, brat."

"Yes, sir," I reply.

The door closes behind him and I exhale sharply, falling back onto my back.  I dry wash my face.  This is just a thing.  I've always known that I was into guys rather than girls, but I've never been in an actual relationship before.  I just like to admire muscles, and tough guys attitudes always turn me on.  I've had a number of sexual partners, more than I'd like to count and none of which I'd like to dwell on, but they were enough to prove where my sexuality lies.  I've never actually been attracted to anyone though.  At least, before now I haven't.  But why does it have to be Levi?  Why can't he just be my captain?  My well toned, tough guy, high strung, mysterious, intense, gorgeous....

Dammit.  It will pass.  This is just a phase.  I've been on the streets and haven't received positive attention for over a year, blowing dick and letting men fuck me in exchange for smokes, alcohol, and food.  I'm just craving the attention of the first guy I've been able to connect with since trying to turn my life around, the first guy that's giving me something without expecting anything in return.  That's all it is.  I just need to suppress these feelings, bury them down deep, and eventually I'll forget they're there and they'll go away for good.  Levi is my captain.  I need to treat him as such: with respect and loyalty.  I'm his subordinate.  Nothing more.

With that decided, I steel my resolve and get to work on my more intense exercises.  Most of what we worked on all week were leg and core exercises.  We didn't really work with arm strengthening, but of the three exercises I watched Levi do, two were arm strengthening exercises: the pull-ups and the bench pressing.  Obviously arm strength is important, so I decide to start with that.  I don't want to use the bench press without a spotter, so I head over to the pull-up bar and start a few sets of pull-ups.

Fifteen minutes later I'm hanging from the bar, the palms of my hands and the muscles in my arms screaming in pain.  My chin is resting against my chest as I try to convince myself that I can complete another set.  This is how Levi finds me when he steps into the gym, in his squad uniform with his hair still damp from his shower.

"Come with me," he says, still standing by the door.  "We'll be working in a training room this morning."

I drop from the bar and grab my camouflage jacket, shrugging back into it as I follow him from the room.  We head further down the hall until we get to a set of double doors marked 'Training Room 5'.  Levi waves his access card across the sensor and the doors unlock with a click.  He pushes one door open to reveal a surprisingly small room.  The floor is completely covered in mats, as well as the bottom half of every wall.  The rest of his squad is already in here and they appear to be practicing their hand-to-hand combat.  Does this mean I'm going to start working with Levi's squad now?  But there is a lot I still have to learn before I'm anywhere near their level.

"It's raining again today, so we'll be working indoors.  We're going to start with something a little more interesting this morning," Levi tells me.  "Hand-to-hand combat is a very important skill to have in this squad.  Sometimes you have to get physical in close quarters with a target, and your weapons may not always be easily accessible."

I nod as I watch Eld flip Gunther onto his back, dropping down to pin him with a knee to the chest, a wooden practice knife pressed to Gunther's throat.  Petra and Oluo dance around each other as well, each taking swings which the other manages to block.  They seem evenly matched, and I can tell Oluo isn't holding back.  Being a woman and being half a head shorter than Oluo isn't hindering Petra in the slightest.  All four of them move with a very fluid, yet mechanic grace, something likely achieved from a lot of high level training.  Levi leads me to a clear spot in the room.

"Before I can teach you anything, I'd like to know what skills you already possess," he says, taking a few steps back from me.  "Have you ever been in a hand-to-hand fight before?"

"Of course I have," I snort.  "I've been involved in street gangs and I lived on the streets.  I've been in many."  Picking fights in school was my specialty, and I got into many fights with my little gang after school hours.  But I doubt my style of fighting is what Levi is looking for.  When you fight with street gangs, you tend to fight scrappy and dirty.

"Show me," he says, repositioning himself into a defensive stance.  He stands with his left foot in front of his right, and his arms slightly raised, ready to defend himself against anything.  His face is unreadable, like always.  Suddenly I'm a little nervous.  I have a height advantage on him, but he's very strong and very balanced, and he's had over a decade of military training and experience.  It won't be easy, fighting against my captain.

I lunge at Levi, swinging a clenched fist.  He easily blocks my swing with his arm, then spins around behind me.  I feel a leg hook around my ankle and a hand on my throat.  The next instant I'm on back, struggling to get air into my lungs, staring up at my captain hovering above me.

"Have you ever won any of these fights?" he asks.  His tone has a slight mocking edge to it.

It's a long minute before I can answer, my lungs still trying to remember how to breathe.  "Yes," I retort.  "I usually win."

He snorts in derision, as if he either doesn't believe me or he thinks my opponents were just weak.  Either way, he's mocking my ability to fight.  And I guess when you have skills like his, it's easy to mock mine.  He's strong, there is no doubt about that.

He lowers a hand to me, and I take it, letting him help me to my feet.  "Take up your stance," he instructs me.  I comply, and he circles me, eyeing my form as if he were a hunter stalking his prey.  "You have no sense of balance.  Why am I not surprised?"

I frown, but then he steps up behind me, kicking my heel with his foot.  I move that foot forward and he grabs my elbows, pulling them back and closer to my sides.  His hands then land on my shoulders, pulling them back to straighten my spine.  Circling around in front of me, he kicks the outside of my other foot to move it in more, then takes my wrists and moves them closer to my chest.

"Keep your core protected.  If someone has a knife," he says, holding up a wooden practice dagger, "you'll want to be able to stop it with your arms before it reaches anything vital.  Keep your back straight and your feet closer together.  You want to be able to avoid in any direction."  I force myself to focus on what Levi is telling me instead of his hands on me, putting me into a proper stance.  When he finishes, he takes a step back.  "Try to block me.  And try to stay on your feet."

Before I have time to even nod, he's attacking.  He has the hilt of the wooden knife gripped backwards in his left hand.  I manage to get my forearm up enough to block his arm, but then the knife is falling.  He spins, snatching the hilt with his right hand and before I can react, he's behind me, the knife pressed against my throat and my right arm pinned to my back.  He releases me after a moment and steps back again.

"That was better," he says, although I have a hard time figuring out if he is being sincere or not.  It didn't seem much better to me.  All I did was block one attack.  He still bested me in practically no time at all.

I know it may not seem like it when fighting against Levi, but I'm actually a good fighter.  I wasn't lying when I said I won most of the fights I got into.  I knew what I was doing when I got into street fights.  I know all the dirty tricks and moves, and I know a scrap fighter when I see one.  Levi is so fast and so smooth that it's hard to pick up, but I can see street fighting techniques beneath his military preciseness.  He said he lived on the streets too, and I wonder again about his past.  How long was he on the streets?  He obviously learned how to fight there.  Was he a troublemaker like me that picked fights for the hell of it?  Or did he fight out of necessity, in order to survive?  I really want to know more about my mysterious captain.

When he tells me to take up my stance again, I decide this time that I'll implement some of the dirty tricks I learned on the streets.  I want to see how he'll react.  Will he drop his military precision and fall back to the skills he learned on the street?  Or is he strong enough and fast enough to combat my tricks using his military training?  I really just want to see him revert back to his old tricks.  I want to see this by-the-book military captain fight like a street rat.  I want to know his street skills.

When he lunges at me again, I duck to the side in order to avoid his knife.  As his wrist passes my head, I manage to snatch the 'blade' and, in a move known for breaking wrists, I twist and rip the hilt from his hands.  I don't want to hurt him though, so I don't use as much force.  But he knows the move and reacts immediately, not putting up any resistance as I take the knife.  While I am ripping the knife from his left hand, my other hand manages to snag the little finger of his right hand.  When the knife comes free, I spin around behind him, pulling his right hand up over his head, pulling his finger down at an angle that will easily dislocate or break the finger if I wanted to cause that much damage.  He reacts to this too, however.  His back suddenly leans against mine, forcing my chest down.  He literally flips over my back, his free arm wrapping around my neck.  With his now freed right hand, he snags the knife back from my loose grip.  When his feet hit the ground, he quickly straightens, and I unexpectedly find myself in a headlock, my head pinned beneath his arm and pressed into his side.  The point of the wooden knife is digging into my side.

He holds me like that for a long minute.  My neck stings from the strain he's exerting on the muscles, but I don't dare fight against him.  He's breathing slightly hard, and I can hear his heart beating quickly.  Even in this compromising position, I can't help the smile that pulls at my lips.  That was exactly what I was looking for.  He knew how to combat my street tricks, most likely from experience, and he countered them with a mix of street tactics and military precision.  He felt so smooth and graceful.  I kind of wish I had been able to witness it as an observer.  But at the same time, it was the best fight I had ever had the experience of being in, even though if it had been a real fight I would be dead with a knife in my side and a snapped neck.

Levi finally releases me and takes a step back, running his fingers through his hair to put it back into some sort of order.  Everyone is staring at us.  His whole squad has stopped their own sparing matches and are watching us in awe.

"Wow, Eren!" Petra smiles.  "Nobody does that well against the captain on the first day.  And with no military training?  Wow."

"Get back to work," Levi snaps at all of them, waving a hand in their direction before focusing back on me.  "She's right.  You did well.  But from now on, you will learn military techniques and implement them only.  No more scrap fighting."

"Yes, sir," I say, but my smile is still on my face.

"Oi, stop grinning like an idiot and pay attention, before I smack that fucking smirk off your face."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next Tuesday I'm going to be on a plane to Florida for the holidays, so the update will most likely come a day early. Yay! So until then, have a nice life, and hopefully finals won't kill me XO. Good luck to any of you who are also studying for finals!
> 
> [titaneren-jaeger](http://titaneren-jaeger.tumblr.com/)


	5. Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for early updates! Thanks for the comments/kudos guys! I'm glad you all seemed to enjoy the fight scene between those two cuties. It's one of my favorite scenes :)

**Levi**

During the week of Erwin's stay at the base, he steps in every once in a while to assist in Eren's training.  Eren always seems disappointed when that happens, and I wonder if it's because the commander intimidates him.  And I don't?  Erwin isn't a soft guy, but I always felt he was softer than I was, more compassionate.  But then again, he is much more willing to throw away his humanity if he thinks it will be beneficial to rest of humankind.  Take my squad for example.  Erwin created my squad to go in and primarily survey the opponent, but also to eliminate those he sees as a threat to national security, targets that the US government hasn't legally been able to declare an enemy.  It takes a certain dark side to be able to order someone's execution without lawful evidence of guilt.  Maybe Eren has seen this side of him and it intimidates him.  Whatever the case may be, he always seems excited to return to my command after working with Erwin.

We work hard during Erwin's stay, and even harder after he leaves.  My squad hadn't received an assignment for three weeks before Eren even arrived.  We should be getting one soon, and I would like Eren to accompany us.  But he can't unless I feel he has enough training not to botch it.  As it is, if he does accompany us, he won't be playing a major role.  Not on his first mission.  But it's better to make him as ready as possible, because honestly, with the missions we carry out it is almost impossible to predict how things will go.  Most of our deployment is having to make snap decisions, choosing whichever path we will regret the least.

My team really seems to take to Eren, myself included.  There is just something about the brat that draws me in.  I feel like we've connected.  I've never felt close to anyone else the way I feel close to him.  Sure I'm close with my squad, and with Erwin, but this is something different, something I can't put a name too.  It's just a bunch of stupid emotional shit and I try to ignore it.  I try to explain it away by telling myself that it's because he's Carla's son, and that I must feel like I owe him something.

Of the rest of my squad though, Petra seems to have taken the most interest in Eren.  She practically adopts the kid, and when he's not following me around, he's following her around.  Her, or that other black-haired private, Mikasa.  More like Mikasa follows _him_ around.  I don't know why I felt relieved when he told me she was his adoptive sister, but I was definitely glad to hear it.  He spends all of his free time with her and Petra, and a large group of privates from Mike's squad that he's befriended.  He seems to get along with everybody.  He keeps them close when he can, and I know why.  When you're on the streets at a young age, life is much easier if you have a gang to watch your back.  He was in a street gang in middle and high school, and he's trying to replicate that here.  It makes him comfortable.

But I don't allow him much free time around his training.  I give him half an hour for lunch, and an hour for dinner, then we train until midnight.  I train him six days a week, only giving him Sundays off, just as the rest of the base has.  Eren doesn't seem to mind though.  If anything, he seems to enjoy it.  He gets up early to get breakfast with his friends, and he spends his Sundays with them.  But when he's training, he always seems eager to learn something new.  He puts everything he has into every technique, every exercise I run him through, and in the three weeks since Erwin left, he's progressed alarmingly fast.  He seems to have a natural talent when it comes to combat and stealth.  It is the exact result I am looking for.  I train him harder than he would've been trained in basics, I'm sure.  I know that his training is brutal, but I push him anyway.  I need him to be as ready as possible as fast as possible.  He has a lot of catching up to do to match the rest of my squad.

I'm interested in seeing if that natural talent extends to the maneuvering gear.  After Eren and I both expressed our desires for him to stay on my squad, Erwin put in an order for his own body harness, maneuvering gear, and squad uniform.  The military doesn't allow me to keep extra sets of maneuvering gear here at the base considering they're so expensive, but they sent one over pretty quickly, even with a case engraved for Eren.  The body harness and squad uniform need to be custom made though, and they both take about a month to make, so he won't be able to try out the gear until he at least gets the harness.  He uses my spare body harness to keep retaking the test, to keep practicing in the testing device, but my body harness doesn't fit him the way it needs to, and he could end up getting hurt trying to actually use the maneuvering gear in it.  He needs to wait until he receives his own harness that has been fitted to him.  In the meantime while he waits for the harness to arrive, he has taken a few short 'classes', taught mostly by Eld with my occasional input.  It breaks down the mechanics of the three-dimensional maneuvering gear, teaches him how it works, and teaches him how to use it without actually using it.  Eren really seems to enjoy these classes more than the other few Marine Corps basics classes he's had to take.  In these classes, I can see the excitement and the need to absorb every word out of Eld mouth in his eyes.

It's only been just over a month and a half since Eren arrived at the base, and I feel like he's already a part of my squad.  Usually it takes me a number of months and a couple of operations to get comfortable with new squad members, and they've always come onto my squad fully trained, not as an untrained brat that forces me to ignore my current squad members in order to train him.  Eld has practically taken over my squad while I've been busy with Eren.  I've started training him in proximity with my squad, like I did when we started hand-to-hand combat training, but I still have to give Eren my full attention.  This doesn't bother me though.  Eren is actually one of the best privates I've ever had to work with.  His determination is incredible and his stamina is endless.  He never complains, no matter what I make him do.  He's not overly talented in any one area, but his motivation and hard work more than make up for it.  I wonder though if he'll be a good fit in my squad.  I'm a little nervous about him having to deal with what we do overseas.  Will he be able to kill someone solely because Erwin tells him to, without knowing why the target is a target?  I have this unexplainable urge to protect him from that.  But I know I can't.  He chose to stay on my squad.  Although, I never did tell him that we are also asked to assassinate people....

I try not to dwell on that as I dry my hair with a towel, walking down the hall towards my quarters.  Today we are going to train at the gun range.  I don't think the kid has ever fired a firearm in his life, so it's about time he learns.  In my quarters, I dress into my squad uniform, including the body harness, and pull my guns from their lockbox.  Out of habit, I run a cloth over the sleek metal before tucking them into the holsters under my arms.

I step out of my quarters at the same time Eren steps out of his.  When he sees me, he smiles and falls into step beside me as I head to the stairwell.

"Good morning, Captain," he greets.

"Morning, brat."

"What are we going to work on today?" he asks, following me up the stairs.

"Have you ever fired a gun?" I ask him.

He looks over at me, slightly wide-eyed.  What does he have to be nervous of?  He's in the wrong place if he's afraid of guns.  "No," he finally replies as we reach the third floor.

"Of course you haven't," I retort sarcastically with a roll of my eyes.  "After you complete your morning exercises, I'll be correcting that issue."

He still looks nervous, but that ever familiar determined glint appears in his eyes and he nods.  He follows me into the training room and immediately gets to work on his morning exercises.  I cross over to a bench press to take a seat, but hesitate.  I should take this time to work with the rest of my squad.  Eren can run his exercises on his own, at least the ones I don't have to spot him on.  But those can wait until the end of his routine.

"I'll be back in half an hour," I tell him, moving back to the door.  "Don't hurt yourself."

I leave the gym and hurry up to the ground floor.  I see the glint of a metal case as someone leaves the mess hall, and I follow it.  Pushing through the doors, I see my squad walking away from the base, all carrying their maneuvering gear cases.  Our maneuvering gear is supposed to be just as confidential as what my squad does, so we're only allowed to train with them out of sight of the base.  That doesn't stop soldiers on watch from spotting us on their rounds, or other privates accidentally stumbling on our training sessions.  I'd guess that the entire base knows about our gear, whether they've seen it themselves or they heard about it from someone who has.

"Eld," I call to the leader of the group.

Four heads turn to look back at me.  They stop to wait for me to catch up.

"Decided to grace us with your presence today, Captain?" Oluo says with a smug grin.

"Shut up," I retort.  "Get your gear on and get to work."

"Yes, sir," they reply in unison, continuing another hundred or so yards into the trees before lowering their cases.  They quickly pull on their maneuvering gear.

"Where is Eren?" Petra asks as she adjusts the housings on her back.

"He's doing his morning exercises," I answer, crossing my arms over my chest.  "Don't worry about him and get working."

"I'm going, I'm going," she replies, then shoots off into the trees.

Oluo, Gunther, and Eld follow closely behind her, flying and whipping around the trees.  I sit back, watching their movements with a critical eye.  I wish I had my own gear instead of being forced to watch from the ground.  I love the maneuvering gear.  It makes me feel free, unrestrained.

"This is stealth training, not a talent show, Petra," I call to her as she flips through the air.  Watching my elite squad complete very advanced maneuvers with very specialized gear makes me realize exactly how far Eren still has to go in his training.  I've been so caught up in training a rookie that I've forgotten how talented my squad is.  And they were talented before I even offered them a place on my squad.  It's why I chose them.  So why was I so eager to keep Eren on my squad?  I believe he can become as good as any of my squad, but it'll take a lot of time.  Quiet possibly more than he has.

"I'm adding some flare!" Petra replies with a laugh.

"Flare will get you killed," I retort, then sigh and check my watch.  "Take over Eld.  I'll be training Eren at the range if you need me."

I stalk away from the group, back to the compound.  On my way to the third floor, I stop by the armory on the second floor.  Flashing my ID at the private posted there, I buzz into the large room.  I head over to the far shelf and grab a small black case.  Popping it open, I inspect the Beretta M9 before closing the case and grabbing a box of ammo.  After quickly filling out the log and scrawling my signature, I continue on to the third floor.

I push open the door to see Eren hanging by his knees over the pull-up bar.  He had removed his shirt, his upper body glistening with sweat.  Disgusting....  I'll have to admit though, the brat has really muscled out in the time that he's been here.  He's no longer the skinny weakling he was when he got here.  His arms and core are well defined, and he looks much healthier, much stronger, much more capable.  I find myself admiring the way the muscles of his abs move and shift ever so slightly as he lifts his upper body to meet his legs.

He finishes a handful more hanging crunches, then grabs the bar with his hands and flips down onto the ground.  He looks up at me, then seems to startle, hurriedly picking up his shirt and pulling it on over his head.

"Let's get to it, brat," I say, striding over to the bench press.  It's the last stretch of his morning routine and I'm eager to get a gun in his hands.

Placing the gun case and the box of ammo next to the bench, I spot Eren as he completes his reps.  When he got here, he could barely press forty pounds.  Now he's worked his way up to one hundred and fifty, and he completes his first three sets of twenty five without too much of a struggle.  It's only during the last half of his fourth set that I feel the need to keep a firm hand on the barbell.  He doesn't make eye contact with me as I stand over him.  While he presses the weight, he looks anywhere but at me.  He does this every single time, and I find it odd.

"Captain?" he asks, his soft voice breaking the silence.

"What do you want?" I reply.

"Now that I'm officially part of your squad..." he starts, hesitating as he lifts the heavy bar back up, "am I allowed ask where we are?"

"Colorado," I answer.  It's all I tell him, because there's not much more to say.

"Are there... civilians around here?  What if... someone stumbles on this place... on accident?"

"Then we'll just have to kill them," I reply.  The sarcasm in my voice must not have been enough to be detectable, because Eren falters, forcing me to tighten my grip on the bar.  He doesn't drop it though, and quickly continues with his reps, a concerned look in his eyes.  What a pain....  "I'm kidding.  We have a perimeter fence, and for those who chose to ignore it, we have privates who patrol the fences twenty-four seven with canines.  We've never had a civilian accidentally end up on our base."

"I didn't... see a perimeter fence," he says.

"Why would you?  The landing strip is inside the fence.  We have a lot of acreage up here."

He nods in understanding, then goes quiet again as he finishes up his reps.  When he lifts the barbell back up onto the rack, I toss him his towel and pick up the gun case and ammo.  "Let's go shoot things," I say, heading to the door.  He quickly wipes his forehead and neck clean and follows after me.  As always, he follows behind me, and as we leave the compound, I glance over my shoulder.  "When are you going to stop stalking me?"

"Sorry, Captain," he says, hurrying to my side.  A slight color tinges his cheeks and he stares at the ground as he follows at my side.

I exhale and press the gun case into his arms as we cross the grounds to the east of the base, stepping up to the gun range.  It's quiet, and the air smells clean.  No one has used, or is using, the gun range yet today.  I lead Eren to the slot in the middle of the row.  Eren sets the case on the shelf in the front of the stall and I leave him there to go set up the targets.

"Don't touch that gun until I'm off the range," I call to him, not looking over my shoulder.  "I don't feel like getting shot today."

"Yes, sir," he replies, but I hear the gun case open anyway.

I look over my shoulder as I pin up the thick paper with a black silhouette on it.  He doesn't touch the gun, just stares at it.  I quickly pin two more up, then cross back to the other side of the stalls.  The stalls are just wide enough for Eren and I to stand in one side by side, our shoulders touching.  Eren shifts to stand sideways as I step up to the shelf and pull the gun and magazine from the case and move the case to the floor.  I hold the gun up sideways so Eren can see.

"Have you ever even held a gun before?" I ask.

He shakes his head.

"Okay then," I sigh.  "This is a Beretta M9 service pistol.  It is the standard handgun issued by the Marine Corps.  This is the safety.  Slide up to switch it off.  Always keep it on until you're ready to shoot.  If it's in your holster, the safety is on.  No exceptions.  This is the release for the magazine.  Press to release, and to reload the magazine, just slam it back up into the well.  You'll hear a click when it's secured."  I demonstrate quickly, slamming the empty magazine up into the well.  "Once the magazine is in, pull back on the slide and release, and now your weapon is loaded.  To unload, release the magazine, then pull the slide back to eject any rounds left in the chamber."  I demonstrate this as well with the empty magazine.  "Are you following so far?"

He nods, so I hand him the gun and ask him to run through what I just showed him.  He runs through the process quickly, but looks nervous holding the unloaded gun in his hands.  That will change soon enough.

"Good.  Put the gun on the table and open that box," I tell him, gesturing to the ammo box by his elbow.  "To fill a magazine, take the round in your hand like this, and use your thumb to press the round into the magazine, like so.  The standard Beretta M9 magazine holds fifteen rounds.  You can see how full your magazine is by checking the back slot right here."

He watches over my shoulder, an intent look on his face.  He's taking in every word I say and committing it to memory.  I run over the rest of the fine details and rules of operating a handgun.  Finally, I hand him the loaded weapon.  Drawing my own Beretta from my right holster, I stand beside him and show him a proper stance.  During our missions, flying through the air in our maneuvering gear, we often don't use the proper stance, but it's good to start with the basics.  We do mostly use our guns on the ground though, since it's hard to use them concurrently with the maneuvering gear.

"Hold the gun like this in your dominant hand, with your other hand positioned like this," I say, moving my hands into position on my own Beretta to show him, then set my gun down to reposition Eren's hands on his gun.  "Good, just like that.  Keep your arms straight and always keep the muzzle of the gun pointed at the ground.  Don't touch the trigger until you are ready to fire and never aim a gun at something you don't wish to destroy.  Keep your feet shoulder width apart.  Good.  Shoulders relaxed, back straight, head up."

He takes up his position, keeping the gun pointed down at the ground.  "Go ahead and raise your weapon."  He raises his arms.  I push his tense shoulders down, press a hand into his upper back to straighten it, and kicking the back of his left heel to move it forward slightly.  "Good.  Now, when you're ready to fire, switch off your safety and move your finger onto the trigger.  Look down the barrel of the gun to aim, then take a deep breath in, and squeeze the trigger as you exhale.  Mind the kick."

He aims the gun and draws in a deep, shaky breath.  His hands are shaking slightly, but then he exhales and squeezes off a round.  The kick seems to startle him, and he jumps, taking a step back, his left hand coming off the gun.  I instinctively reach out towards the gun to grab it, but he holds onto it with his right hand and keeps it steadily pointed down range.  He looks over at me with wide eyes.  I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Sorry," he murmurs.  "Did I hit it?"

I look over at the target straight in front of us.  I don't see any marks on the paper.  "No.  You must've been wide."

He frowns and puts his left hand back on the gun, taking aim again.  This time when he fires a round, he remains in control.  The gun bucks slightly in his hands, but he doesn't let it startle him again.  He looks up from the gun, lowering it slightly to check out the target.  I see the small hole in the upper left hand corner of the paper, about four inches from the silhouette.  This seems to excite him though, and he smiles, taking aim and squeezing off three more rounds.  He misses in the same direction by an inch, barely nicks the silhouette, then hits it square in the shoulder.

"I think I'm getting the hang of it," he says, a grin on his face.

I snort.  "You're standing still, shooting at a stationary target.  In order to be on par with the rest of my squad, you'll need to hit a moving target from twice as far away while moving at full speed using the maneuvering gear."

He stares at me with wide eyes, his lips parting slightly.  The expression on his face screams 'you're kidding me, right?'.  No, brat, I'm not kidding, and I say that by returning his stare with a serious glare of my own.  He swallows, and that ever present look of determination steels over him and he takes aim again, firing off a few more rounds.  I can't stop the smile when I see a gathering of holes centered on the silhouette's chest.

...

We spend most of the morning at the gun range, where the rest of my squad eventually joins us.  Eren improves very quickly, becoming alarmingly accurate faster than I'd think possible.  When we close the range to tear down our targets, Eren actually asks me if he can keep one of them to hang in his quarters.  I still don't know if he was joking or not, because when I told him 'no', he looked upset but it didn't seem genuine.  He appeared to be amused, and later laughed about it with Petra as we walked away from the range.

It's while my squad is in the mess hall eating lunch that a private knocks on my open door.  I look up from the monthly three-dimensional maneuvering gear inspection reports to regard the private.  He doesn't look familiar.  He must be from the supply plane that was due to make a drop soon.  I guess soon is now.

"Can I help you?" I ask him.  I remain seated at my desk, and the private stands at attention in my doorway, not daring to enter without permission.

"Are you Captain Levi Ackerman of the Scouts Regiment?" he questions, continuing only after I nod.  "I have supplies for your squad.  You will need to sign off on them."

I nod and wave for him to enter the room.  He leans down to pick something up from the floor just outside the door.  It's a black uniform bag, a small metal case, and a thick orange sealed envelope.  The uniform bag must be Eren's squad uniform, the small case his body harness, and the envelope- judging by the amount of 'confidential' and 'top secret' stamps and seals all over it- contains operation specs.

I take the bag and unzip it to quickly inspect the uniform, doing the same with the body harness, before I take the clipboard from the private and scribble my signature in the correct box.  He asks for my ID and I flash it at him before pocketing it again.  He leaves my room and I take the uniform bag to my closet to hang so it won't get wrinkled before I can pass it on to Eren.  I close the door to my office before sitting back down at my desk.  Moving the body harness case to the side of the desk, I pick up the orange envelope.

I was starting to wonder when our next operation orders would arrive.  It's definitely been long enough.  I'll have to read through the specs before I'll know if Eren will be accompanying us, but I already have a feeling he won't be.  I usually receive the specs two weeks before the set deployment date.  He just learned how to fire a gun today and he hasn't had the chance to even wear maneuvering gear, let alone practice using it.  He won't be ready for a mission before we deploy in two weeks.

I open the envelope, breaking the seal and pulling out a thick manila folder.  The cover sheet simply reads 'Scouts Regiment: Operation 845'.  I flip past the cover sheet and begin to skim through the specs.  I'll read it in detail when I have time, but for now I just want to know what our objective is.

Homeland Security requested this one.  Our location is a heavily forested mountain face in the Alps.  It is the suspected location of a terrorist organization that has made open threats towards the United States and other allied nations.  The United States is always receiving threats, and most are immediately dismissed.  But they have more investigated than they would openly admit.  That is the purpose of my squad.  We investigate the threats that Homeland Security and the Secret Service don't have the time or manpower to investigate, the ones that they don't want the general population to know about.  Sometimes it's because they are small threats that they can't easily dismiss, or they are much larger threats that would send the country into a panic if they were made public.  Either way it's the job of my squad to investigate, evaluate, and eliminate if need be.

This operation seems to be against a rather small group.  Or at least, the suspected number of members at this location is minimal.  It could very easily be a smaller branch of a larger organization.  Our main objective appears to be reconnaissance.  The deployment period is short this time: only five days including two for travel.  If only Eren was further along in his training.  This would be the perfect first assignment for him.  It's simple, short, and we probably won't have to kill anyone.  But use of our maneuvering gear is critical, and he can't learn the advanced techniques needed in only two weeks.

A knock on my door draws my attention from the specs.  "What do you want?" I demand.

"Uh, it's me, Captain," Eren's voice replies from the other side of the door.  "My half an hour is up.  I can wait for you somewhere if you are busy."

"Hold on, I'll be out in a minute."

I close the thick folder and stand.  Moving to my closet, I pull out my green cloak, emblazoned with the Wings of Freedom, and flip it on over my shoulders, fastening it in front of my right shoulder.  I don't know why I feel the urge to wear this now.  Maybe it's because I will be deploying soon and I want to get the dust off, not that there is any dust.  Dust wouldn't dare land on my uniform.  Grabbing Eren's uniform bag, I also pick up his body harness case from my desk and open the door.

Eren is leaning against the wall to the right of my door and shrugs off the wall when I exit.  He looks me over, eyeing the cloak.  That's right.  He's never seen it before.  I hand him the bag and the case before gesturing with one hand to my cloak.

"This is the full Scouts Regiment uniform.  That," I say, pointing to the bag, "is your uniform.  The case holds your body harness.  Go get changed and meet me behind the compound."

His eyes are glowing with excitement as he eagerly hurries towards his room, the door slamming shut behind him.  I can't help but roll my eyes as I make my way down the hall and up a two floors to the armory.  For the third time today, I flash my ID at the private guarding the door and swipe my access card to enter.  In the back corner sits a floor to ceiling, steel, safe-looking closet.  It requires an eight digit pass code and the swipe of my ID to open.  It only accepts the IDs of my squad and Erwin.  I pull the heavy door open to reveal three rows of two large metal cases, each containing a set of three-dimensional maneuvering gear.  Mine sits in the middle row -only because I can't reach the top row, which irritates me more than I'd care to admit- and Eren's in the bottom right corner.  I remove both cases, then close the thick door with my foot.  I sign beneath my two other signatures, one checking out a Beretta M9 and the other checking it back in, then leave the armory with the two cases.

When I reach the back of the compound, Eren is not there.  I exhale sharply and set the two cases down, pulling the sleeve of my jacket back on my left arm just enough to glance at my watch.  Where is that brat?  It shouldn't take him this long to change into his uniform.

Just at that moment, Eren comes jogging around the corner of the compound, a huge shit-eating grin on his face.  I watch him as he hurries to my side.  He looks very good in his squad uniform.  He belongs in it, on my squad.  Now all he has to do is learn how to use the maneuvering gear and he will be an official member of my squad, and not just look like one.  He looks so proud, so happy, as he should.  Very few people get the opportunity to wear those wings on their back.

I realize I'm staring as he reaches my side and I look away quickly, trying to mask whatever feelings those were with an irritated mask.  I gesture for him to pick up his case as I grab my own.  He follows by my side as I lead him into the thick woods, past the testing device.

"Now that you have your own body harness, you finally get to put Eld's lessons to use.  I'm hoping you remember what he told you," I say, glancing over- and up, dammit- at Eren.

"I remember," he says with a firm nod.  He's practically bouncing up and down in excitement.

"Don't get too jittery, brat," I tell him.  "The triggers on those handgrips are very sensitive and touchy."

He nods and I hear him take a deep breath to calm himself.  Once we're deep enough in the trees, I stop and tell him to put his gear on.  He sets down the case and pops it open.  I do the same with mine, and I quickly run through how to put the gear on, demonstrating with my own.  He follows what I'm doing and, with a little bit of help from me, he gets it on properly.  He just stands there, looking down at the handgrips in his hands, before looking up at me.

"Well?  Are you going to give it a try?" I question.  "There's nothing I can tell you now that you haven't already heard, from either myself or Eld."

I don't give him time to reply, instead giving him something to follow.  I fire my grappling hooks into a tree and take off, albeit at a slower pace than usual, through the trees.  A quick look over my shoulder reveals that Eren did follow me.  He follows a few dozen feet behind me, a nervous yet excited expression on his face.  He wobbles and can't seem to keep a straight path, but he seems to be getting the hang of it as I weave in and out and around the trees.  He follows for a few minutes, then starts cutting his own path.  He even races out in front of me, doing a flip through the air before shooting his hooks into the next tree.  I can hear his voice laughing and cheering as he flies between the trees.  A smile spreads across my face as I chase after him.  I'm glad Erwin dumped this untrained brat in my lap.  I'm glad he had faith in my ability to train him.  I'm glad Eren decided to stay on my squad.  Eren is a natural at this.  He belongs in that uniform, with the Wings of Freedom fluttering on his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the Beretta M9 stuff, I personally have no experience with that brand of handgun. I've only ever used police issue Glock 9mm, and that is what I'm basing Levi's instructions off of. So if the Beretta's mechanics are much different than a Glock 22 then oops :3


	6. Left Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So lots of switching POVs in this chapter. It starts and ends with Eren but Levi gets a small section in the middle. Sorry if it confuses anyone. This chapter is really long too. I'll try to keep them a little shorter in future chapters.
> 
> Thanks for the comments and kudos on the last chapter! I'm a total dweeb so I always get ridiculously happy when I receive them :) Anyways, enjoy!
> 
> Oh and for those of you who didn't notice, I did add some tags to this fic, but they won't apply this chapter. Not for a while, really.

**Eren**

Taking a long drag of my cigarette, I look up at the night sky before letting the smoke swirl past my lips.  It hasn't rained for a week or so, but thick cloud cover hides the stars tonight, and I feel like the good weather is coming to an end.  It is getting much colder as winter rolls in, and I huddle deeper into my deep green cloak with the silver and blue wings splayed across the back.  The freezing night air nips at my nose and cheeks, leaving them red and numb, but my cloak is warm, as is the smoke of my cigarette.  I take another drag.

Levi and I worked all afternoon with the maneuvering gear, only stopping when the sun started to set.  He says that it's dangerous to use the gear at night because, at such high speeds, it's easy not to see an obstruction before you're already running into it, and it's hard to find an anchor for the grappling hooks when you can't see further than a few feet in front of you.  But the entire afternoon was exhilarating.  Using the maneuvering gear is one of the best feelings I've ever experienced.  So many times while I was growing up after my mom died and my dad left, I wished that I could grow wings and fly away.  Now I can.  Now I have literal wings on my back and metaphorical wings on my hips.

Levi had looked so natural using his gear today.  I only ever saw him use it after I first took the test what seems like an eternity ago, and that was just for a few minutes to quickly demonstrate what the gear does.  But today, he showed me a taste of what he's capable of.  He started off simple, but once I got the hang of it, he actually dicked around with me.  He did some quick, precise maneuvers and even threw in a few flips and spins.  He was having fun with me, and the expression he wore while he did is one I'll never forget.  I've engrained it into my memory.  He looked so... free.  He looked like flying through the trees on thin wires at break-neck speeds was what he was born to do.  He was so relaxed and so comfortable.  He let himself go, and I very much enjoyed seeing that side of my intense, hard-nosed captain.  He was beautiful.

Once the sun had started to set, after we had packed up our gear, Levi dismissed me for the night.  Usually we train more after dinner, but he gave me the rest of the night off.  I didn't question him, didn't ask why, instead following his orders.  I'm getting a lot better at that.  I can literally feel my rebellious nature fading away.  So after dinner, I talked with Mikasa and some of my new friends- Jean, Marco, Connie, Sasha, Krista, and Ymir-, I took a walk in the cool night air, and now I'm sitting all alone in the courtyard.

I hear the opening and closing of a door and turn to look over my shoulder.  When I see Levi heading towards me, I quickly snuff out my cigarette on the bottom of my boot, flicking the butt into the ash tray next to the bench.  Levi has his head down, his arms crossed over his chest and hidden beneath his green cloak.  The normal urgency to Levi's steps is absent, instead being replaced with a calm, relaxed stride.  He's not in any hurry.  Apparently his hectic life has slowed down.  At least at this very moment it has.

He sits on the bench next to me, closer than I would've expected.  But hey, I'm not complaining.  He doesn't say anything for a long moment, looking straight out in front of him at the darkness of the courtyard.

"It's fucking cold," he finally says.  "What are you doing out here?"

"I stepped out for a smoke," I reply.  "I like the cold though.  It's... refreshing."

He takes in a deep breath and his nose and eyebrows crinkle together at the heavy smell of smoke.  It was actually surprisingly cute, and I would enjoy it more if I weren't embarrassed of what I now see as a disgusting habit.

"Sorry," I murmur.  "I'm close to quitting, I think.  It's getting longer and longer between my smoke breaks.  It's been two days since my last cigarette.  It helps that you occupy nearly all of my time with training."

A small smile pulls at his lips for a split second before it disappears.  _Too_ _late, Levi_ , I think to myself.  _I saw it._

"This morning I received deployment orders," he tells me after a minute of silence.  His smooth voice is soft, quiet.  Is that because of the quietness of the night around us, or is it because of what he just said?

My eyes widen and I look over at him quickly.  Deployment orders?  We have a mission?  I feel both excited and nervous as I wait for Levi to elaborate.  I know I've already been here nearly two months of my twelve month sentence, but I wasn't expecting to be deployed so quickly.  I'm ready to go though.  Levi has been sadistically training my ass off for almost two months.  I've put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into my training, and I'm ready to finally put it to use.  My nervousness starts to fade as my excitement smothers it.

"Where are we going?" I ask.  "And when are we leaving?  For how long?"

" _We_ are not going anywhere," he replies, his voice is harder again, back to its usually steely, yet soothingly smooth tone.  My heart drops and I feel like I've just been punched in the gut.  I know where he's going with this, what he's about to say.  I didn't realize how excited I had gotten myself so quickly.  "You will not be deploying for this operation."

"Why not?" I argue with him.  I know I'm out of line speaking to my captain like this, but I can't stop myself.  "Why do I have to stay behind?  I've trained so hard, I've worked so hard.  I'm ready-"

"No," he interrupts me, his tone harsh, daring me to argue with him further.  "You are not ready.  You don't understand just how much training goes into becoming a soldier on my squad.  You just learned how to fire a gun, and you just learned how to use your three-dimensional maneuvering gear.  You can't become proficient enough to not be a burden in the two weeks before we deploy."

"But, Captain-" I try to press, but he interrupts me again.

"Enough," he snaps, standing and spinning to face me.  I can hear the anger in his tone, but I feel like it's masking something else, some deeper emotion.  "You aren't ready, Jaeger, and you are proving that to me further by arguing with me.  You're not on the streets anymore.  This isn't your street gang.  I am your captain and you are my subordinate, and you need to fucking act like it.  Subordination and obedience aren't only required when it's convenient for you.  This behavior is the reason you're here in the first place, the reason that you have been shuffled in and out of lockup your whole life.  It's because you have no respect for authority, and I can't afford to have a hotshot like that botching my operations.  When your training is completed, and when you learn how to respect me and my position while not acting like a spoiled brat, only then will you be allowed to deploy with me and my squad."

His words sting worse than the frigid cold on my cheeks and nose.  Every word he spoke is true, and they pierce me through to my very core.  He's absolutely right.  That was my old self, my rebellious punk of a kid, speaking out against the authority in my life.  Does it suck that I'm being left behind like a pet no one can afford to take care of?  Yes.  But I have no right to speak up against my captain.  He's making this decision for a reason.  I need to learn to respect that.

I shove my anger and my embarrassment down deep, locking them away and calming myself down before I stand and face him, standing at attention.  "I apologize, Captain.  I respect your decision."

His expression softens a little, and now he only looks slightly irritated, which is a normal expression for him.  "Good.  We won't be gone long," he assures me, turning to head back to the mess hall.  I don't make any move to follow him.  "We'll only be gone for five days.  I'll have Mike temporarily take you into his squad so you can keep training.  By our next operation, you should be ready to deploy with me."  He stops by the door, just a dozen or so feet away, with his hand on the handle.  "Don't worry, Eren.  You'll get your fair share of operations before your year here is up.  Don't be so eager to rush into an operation you're not ready for and get yourself killed."

"Yes, Captain," I reply, my voice softer than I meant it.

He watches me for another moment before scanning his access card and disappearing into the concrete building.  With a sharp exhale, my breath steaming in the cold winter air, I sit back down and pull out another cigarette.  Now that I'm able to think clearly, I reflect back on my outburst and come to feel embarrassed about it.  I had thought I was doing so well in changing myself, in straightening out and becoming a good soldier.  But I allowed my old self to surface in front of the one person in the world I've ever wanted to impress, ever wanted to make proud.  I just hope that I haven't set our working relationship back at all.

...

The next week goes by in a blur.  Sure enough, the good week of weather disappeared that night I lost my control in front of Levi and it has been snowing ever since.  It has kept us inside the stuffy, cold installation, forcing us to train in the gyms and the training facilities.  Unfortunately, that means that I've been restricted to limited practice at the gun range and with the maneuvering gear.  Levi doesn't want me out there at all, saying I'm not advanced enough to be able to adjust to the cold and snow, but Eld thinks it would be worse for me not to get any practice.  He and Petra have taken me out a handful of times when the snow wasn't falling quite as hard, but it was cold and wet and we couldn't stay out too long after our fingers became numb.  Both the guns and the maneuvering gear require a very delicate, sensitive touch, something that can't be achieved with numb fingers.  Unfortunately, I didn't listen to Petra and ended up figuring this out the hard way today.

Sitting in the infirmary, I cradle my left arm against my chest while Hanji riffles through a cabinet looking for a numbing agent so she can examine my shoulder.  It's already covered in black and blue bruises, and the skin is torn and red with blood.  Petra is standing by the wall, chewing on her thumb nail in a nervous gesture.  She keeps glancing towards the door.

"It wasn't your fault Petra," I tell her.  I swallow hard when I see Hanji pull out a syringe with a long needle.  "You tried to warn me and I refused to listen.  This is entirely on me."

"I know, but-" she starts to say, but is cut off when the lock clicks and the door flies open, slamming into the wall.

Levi strides into the room, his expression furious.  His intense grey eyes fall on me, getting stabbed in my disgustingly bruised and shredded arm by Hanji, then shoot over to Petra.  I've never seen him so angry before, even when he's yelled at me for fucking up, for speaking out of line, for questioning him.  He wasn't this infuriated when I first met him and called him 'shorty', which had definitely pissed him off.  I wonder why he's so mad now.  It was just an accident, and I didn't get hurt that badly.  I hiss as Hanji moves my shoulder, the numbing agent having not completely taken effect yet.

"What the fuck happened?" he demands, his glare pinned to Petra.

She shudders under his intense glare, and when she opens her mouth to reply, her voice squeaks slightly.  "I-It was cold, and his fingers must've slipped on the trigger because he released too much air on his right and spun into a tree.  I'm sorry Captain, I should've-"

"You shouldn't have had him out there in the first place," he snaps, cutting her off.  "I told you and Eld specifically that he doesn't have the skill to be able to correct for this weather.  I gave you all a direct order not to take him out while it was snowing."

"It was my fault, Captain," I cut in before he can tear Petra apart even more.  "I begged her to take me out to practice.  She tried to warn me that I needed to be more careful but I didn't listen to her.  It's my fault I got hurt, not hers."

Levi turns his glare to me, and I swear it's colder than the snow falling outside.  But there is something else in his eyes.  I can't put a name to it though.

"What are his injuries?" Levi asks, tearing his gaze from me to regard Hanji.

"His shoulder was dislocated," she says, making me wince again as she prods my shoulder.  "I popped that sucker back into place when he first came in, and now I'm checking for internal damage.  The external injuries look ugly but they aren't serious."

"Will he need to be taken down the mountain?" he asks.

"Only if I can't determine the extent of the damage, or if I find something that needs repair," she replies.  She presses her thumb into a number of precise locations on my upper arm and shoulder, and down into my shoulder blade.  It's sore and slightly painful, but nothing alarmingly so.  Nothing worse than when she had to pop my shoulder back into its socket.  I think most of it is coming from the bruise and cuts.  "I'm not finding anything, but I am limiting activity for three days.  If any pain persists after three days, he should be taken down the mountain, but he seems fine.  I'll strap his arm to his stomach to allow the shoulder muscles to heal more quickly."

Levi nods and dry washes his face.  "I'm ordering you on leave until Hanji clears you," Levi says after a long moment of thought.  "No activity, no training, nothing."

I want to argue, but I don't.  I'm learning my lesson.  Instead I nod, keeping my mouth pinched shut.  Levi seems relieved that I don't argue, and turns quickly to leave the infirmary.  He hesitates by the door, but then decides against what he had been thinking about saying and leaves.  The room falls silent, which is surprising considering Hanji had been talking nonstop since I got here.  Petra shifts uncomfortably by the wall.

"I'm sorry Eren," she murmurs.  "You didn't have to take the fall.  It really was my fault for taking you out in this weather."

I shake my head as Hanji pulls out a black strappy thing with Velcro and felt all over it.  "Don't beat yourself up, Petra."

Hanji wraps the thing around my arm, then across my stomach and around my back.  Another strap goes over my right shoulder, effectively pinning my arm to my stomach.  Damn.  This really sucks.  Three days of downtime?  What am I going to do with myself?  Downtime is my enemy.  Downtime is the reason I'm here in the first place.  I can't let my old ways consume me.  It's only three days, and Levi has shaped me up a lot in the two months I've been here.  I'm a new man.

 

**Levi**

By the time the deployment date arrives, Eren is back to full duty.  I was a little worried about putting him on zero activity for three days, afraid that his lack of anything to do would drive him back into his troublemaking, attention seeking ways.  But he handles the downtime well, using the time to take a few generic classes and to browse the library's large collection of military themed books and manuals.  Only once do I catch him in the gym, attempting one-armed pushups.  After I shooed him out with a few choice words, he didn't attempt to enter the gym again.

During my last day at the base before we deploy, I verify with Mike that he'll be training Eren with the rest of his squad while I'm gone.  Eren spends that afternoon with me and the rest of the squad in our training room, our maneuvering gear and weapons spread out on the padded floor amidst cleaning chemicals and rags.  He helps us inspect and clean all the gear, sitting in silence as he does it.  Petra and Oluo quarrel as always, and Gunther makes japes at both of them.  Eld just rolls his eyes, making comments and retorts every once in a while.  But Eren stays quiet.  I can tell he's upset about being left behind, but it's for his safety, as well as that of my squad.  We can't afford to be focused on him, worrying about whether he's in the right place or not, whether he's doing something wrong, whether he's giving our position away.  He's just not ready and I'd never forgive myself if I let him get killed during an operation.

I don't know what is so special about this brat that's different than any other solider I've had on my squad.  I've lost dozens of soldiers in all corners of the world.  It's a horrible thing, the high mortality rate of my squad, but I've never seen it as something I had to protect anyone from.  They know what they're signing up for.  Every solider that has been accepted into my squad has been warned of the risks and of the mortality rate.  Maybe it's because Eren hasn't been warned?  He has no idea that I've almost never had the same soldier on my squad for longer than a year, whether it be because they get killed or crippled or ask for reassignment.  I haven't even told him the full extent of what my squad does.  I know he doesn't have a choice on whether he stays here or not, but I feel like he should know.  Maybe I'll just never tell him.  Maybe I'll leave him behind for every mission.  At least he'll be safe here.

I can't do that.  I can't protect him, no matter how much I seemingly want to.  He's a soldier.  This is his job, whether he wanted it or not.  And why do I even want to protect him?  Why him?  Why not any other soldier I've ever had on my squad?  I glance over at Eren, sitting beside me, scrubbing hard at a dull spot on the housing of my gear.  I can't leave him behind every time.  For some reason, he really wants to be deployed.  He's so upset that he can't come.

"Starting tomorrow, you will be working with Mike's squad.  His squad meets at oh seven hundred in the courtyard every morning.  Don't be late and be a model private.  Your behavior is reflected back on me so if I hear anything bad from Mike, your life will be hell when I get back."

"Yes, sir," he replies, his voice no louder than a murmur.

"When I get back, we'll train as hard and often as we can, despite the weather," I find myself promising him.  "You'll be ready for our next operation."

That seems to cheer him up a little bit and he nods with a smile.  After a few more minutes, he sits back from my gear, rolling his head to loosen up his neck.  I set down the slide of my dismantled Beretta and scoot closer to him to inspect his work.

"You call this clean?" I snort.  "Do it all over again."

...

"ETA ten minutes, Captain," the pilot calls back to me.

I stand, as does the rest of my squad.  We quickly get into our mobility gear as the small plane begins to dive.  Pulling a small case off the racks above our seats, I click it open and pass out earpieces.  Once all five of us have them nestled securely in our ears, I turn on the receiver and stick it into the pocket of my jacket.

"Armin Arlert online for the Scouts Regiment: Operation 845," the young voice says in my ear.

"Good morning, Armin," I reply to our communications coordinator.  He's been with my squad for over four years, longer than anyone has ever been associated with my team with the exception of me and Erwin, and I like him better than anyone else we've ever had.  He's in charge of keeping us in contact with the Marine Corps.  He helps us run our operations, he keeps an eye on us, and he relays information we receive in real time.  He's our one lifeline to the United States.

"Good morning, Captain Levi.  We are a go here," he says.

"We are a go.  ETA... seven minutes," I reply, checking my watch.  I take hold of my handgrips, slamming on a set of blades and drawing them.  "I know we've run though the plan a hundred times already, but here's my customary before-the-drop rundown.  We head straight for the supply drop and we will camp there tonight while Arlert uses satellite imagery to try and determine activity at the base.  Tomorrow morning, we begin wave one of reconnaissance: a simple sweep of the premises.  Day two will be a closer sweep that will focus on picking up chatter.  Day three, if deemed necessary and possible, we will infiltrate.  Then we're on our way back to our own frozen mountain."

"Amen," they all cheer, bumping fists.

"Did you get all of that, Armin?  Does everyone understand the timeline?" I question.

"Yes, sir," my squad echoes.

"Loud and clear," Armin replies.  "Good luck Captain."

"This should be a short in-and-out operation," I tell them.  "As usual, don't get-"

"-cocky, no hot-dogging, follow my lead, and we'll be home before we know it," all four of them finish for me.  Sometimes I forget how long they have been on my team.  Gunther is the newest member and it's already been eight months since he joined.  Eld's been here the longest of them- and of any squad member I've ever had- at fifteen months.

After a few more minutes of diving, a short beep sounds, then the side door of the plane unlocks with a loud click.  I haul the door open, and winds come rushing in, whipping our half cloaks out behind us.  The freezing gusts are like a slap in the face.  If I wasn't fully awake yet, I sure am now.  The sun has long since set on our location, despite that we woke up well before the sunrise only about a dozen hours ago.  We all pull up out hoods and line up by the door.

"You are clear for jump.  I repeat: you are clear for jump," Armin says in our ears.

Gunther and Petra dive first, tossing themselves headlong out of the plane.  I can feel my adrenaline starting to pump through my veins.  This is what I live for.  I live for the thrill of diving out of planes without a parachute, of flying through enemy territory using my three-dimensional maneuvering gear, of sneaking around bases teeming with enemy combatants. Oluo and Eld follow a split second after Petra and Gunther.  I jump last, taking a deep breath in before sprinting two steps and leaping from the plane.  The wind beats at my face and body, ripping my hood from my head.  I hold onto it with one hand as we fall, and fall, and fall.  My squad is spaced a couple dozen feet apart, falling at different heights as we make our way towards the snowy forest.  The plane was only a couple hundred yards or so from the ground and, as soon as we get close enough, we fire our grappling hooks into the trees below us.  I feel one of mine take hold, the other recoiling quickly back into my belt as the trees rush up to greet us.  My harness tightens around my thighs and back as I reach the bottom of my decent and my momentum shifts forward instead of down, all the force exerted onto my left hip.  I glance around to make sure the rest of my squad made it, which they did, then I shoot out in front of them.

"Supply drop is five klicks northwest from your location," Armin's voice says in our ears.  "Target location is seventeen klicks due north of the drop."

"Rodger that," I reply, shifting my course to the left and racing through the trees.

The ground and trees are covered in a thick coating of snow.  My fingers are stiff on the handgrips, but this isn't something I've never had to deal with before.  I know how to adjust my grip, my speed, and my pressure on the triggers to adjust to the frigid temperatures.  As quietly as our gear will allow, which is pretty damned quiet, we race through the trees, keeping our hoods up and our heads down.  But even if someone does see us, we're moving too fast for them to be able to make out that we're even human.

We reach the drop in only a few minutes, although it takes us another few moments to find it.  Armin guides us using his equipment and the GPS tracker imbedded in the supply crate.  Sometimes the crates shatter on impact, even though they are designed to handle the force.  But this time, the thick canopy of the forest and the dense snow cushioned the fall and the two boxes remain intact and nestled in the snow.  Gunther and Oluo grab a case between themselves, and Petra and I grab the other while Eld starts to hunt for a good place to set up camp for the night.

One box contains weapons, such as replacement guns, extra magazine clips, cases of ammunition, a shit ton of extra blades, and plenty of spare gas canisters.  The other box holds things of survival: food, water, a couple of maps, a flashlight, a small space heater, sleeping bags, and a tent just large enough to fit the five of us.  Eld and Gunther set up the white tent, nestling it into an overhanging jut of the mountain slope while Petra and Oluo get the space heater up and running and the sleeping bags unrolled and arranged inside the tent.  I inspect the weapons, making sure nothing broke during the drop, then get to work burying the crates half with snow near the tent.  Eld helps me shovel away snow and Gunther begins to pass out food rations.

Huddled in the small tent, eating our rations and being warmed by the space heater, I roll out a map and go over in more detail our timetable for tomorrow.  Armin is online, listening as I go over our plan.  Everyone gets their positions and their assignments, and everyone commits them to memory.  Then, I go over our night schedule.  I pull back the sleeve of my jacket and the long sleeve of my button down to check my watch.

"When is the sunrise, Armin?" I ask.

"Oh nine thirty, give or take a few minutes," he replies.

"That is in about... ten hours.  We'll each take a two hour shift," I tell them.  " You all know the drill.  I will take the last shift and wake you all before the sun rises.  Eld, you take first watch.  Then Gunther, Oluo, and Petra."

"Yes, sir," they reply in unison.

"Eld, start your watch.  Everyone else, get some shut eye," I instruct, already climbing into my own sleeping bag.  "You too, Armin."

"Good night, Squad Levi," Armin's voice replies.  The line stays open though.  It won't close until we're stateside again, just in case something happens in the night.  It's never been an issue before, but I don't want to be unprepared when it finally does happen.  Combatants have gotten through our perimeter before.  There's nothing to say that it can't happen at night.

Eld ducks out of the tent, taking the one flashlight with him and plunging us into darkness.  I listen to the sounds of the other three settling in for the night.  I lay awake for a long while.  I never can sleep very well during operations, my mind constantly going over operation parameters, timelines, and other such things.  But this time, I find my mind not on the operation, but on Eren.  I know he won't be using his maneuvering gear while I or any of my team are not there to monitor him, but I still have this foreboding feeling that he's going to hurt himself.  That brat likes to push himself past his limits.  His accident with the maneuvering gear a week or so ago proved that.  I just hope that he'll listen to Mike's orders and behave himself.

...

I wake up to the sound of Petra's soft voice calling my name.  It didn't take her very long to learn not to touch me when she wakes me up during these operations, to stand back and use only her voice.  As it is, I still end up with my Ka-Bar clenched in my fist as I sit up.  Petra hesitates by the flaps of the tent until I fully wake up, then enters and crawls into her sleeping bag.  I rub my eyes, then quickly holster my weapons before stepping out into the freezing morning air.  I flip on the flashlight and check my watch.  Seven twenty-two.  I open the weapons crate and quickly strap on my maneuvering gear, taking off into the trees.

Using the maneuvering gear in the dark is always dangerous due to limited visibility, but even the limited light from the flashlight strapped to my right canister helps, as well as my decade of experience with the gear.  I shoot around the established perimeter once, then land on a somewhat sturdy branch in a tree next to the tent and simply watch.

It's very quiet up here in this mountain in the middle of nowhere.  It sort of reminds me of the base, which I consider for all intents and purposes my home.  It's relaxing, despite the reason why I'm here.  As I sit in the tree, making rounds every few minutes, I try to focus on our objective for today, but a certain green-eyed recruit is on my mind making it very hard to concentrate.  I didn't even bring the brat on the operation and he could still be the death of me.

 

**Eren**

Five days....  It's not a long time, and Levi even said specifically that it was a short mission, but without him around working me into the ground, and Petra to cheer me on and mother me, and Eld to teach me new lessons, it's going by so slowly.  So slowly....  And these training exercises Mike is making me run with his squad are so boring.  Hard, but boring.  We have too much down time, and I'm not allowed to even practice with my maneuvering gear.  He doesn't push me and challenge me the way Levi does.  And he creeps me out a little.  Why did he sniff me and smirk?  Does he sniff everyone?  And I supposed I've become too used to my one-on-one lessons with Levi, because working in a group with Mike's whole squad is driving me crazy.  The handful of times Levi has trained me with the rest of his squad was okay, but there are only five of us.  Mike's squad has twenty-five privates.  It feels like school, like I could fall asleep in the back of the class and the teacher wouldn't even notice for a while.

I feel restless.  The setting sun paints the sky red and orange as I walk around the base, a lit cigarette between my fingers.  It's only been two days.  Levi still has two more days at the location, then the flight home.  I look at my watch.  I wonder what time it is wherever he's at.  I wonder if the mission is going well.  Are they gathering the information they need?  Are they all okay?  It's hard to imagine Levi getting in trouble or getting hurt though.  He's so strong it's ridiculous.  But I can't help but worry about him.  And the others too, but my mind seems to fixate on Levi.

I exhale a puff of smoke into the cold air.  The weather is clear tonight, but it looks like it could rain later.  At first I liked this change of weather.  It's much different here than in the central valley of California.  It's always so hot there.  But now I'm starting to miss it.  I don't really like this constant cold and rain and snow.  What I wouldn't give for a day of sunshine and ninety degree weather.

"What are you doing out here?" Mikasa suddenly asks from behind me.  I startle, nearly choking on the smoke I had been inhaling.  "Sorry.  Why aren't you getting dinner with the rest of the squad?"

"I could ask the same of you," I reply.

She falls into step beside me and we continue to walk around the compound.  "I saw you weren't there and went to look for you.  Are you okay?  You've been acting weird since Captain Levi left."

I shrug.  I can't tell her the real reason why I've been sidetracked.  I can't tell her that I'm worried for my captain because I have a crush on him.  So I tell her the next best thing.  "I'm just pissed that I couldn't go, I guess," I say with a shrug, taking a drag of my cigarette.

"I'm sure Captain Levi had his reasons.  He knows what he's doing.  They don't call him humanity's strongest soldier for nothing," she reasons.

I exhale the smoke through my nose and flick the ash on the end of my cigarette to the ground.  "I know, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel like I've been abandoned again."

Shit.  I hadn't meant to add 'again' to the end of that.  I don't want her to think that was directed at her.  A glance over at her reveals that she heard it, and she absolutely thinks I was talking about her.  She ducks her head, pulling her red scarf up to cover her nose and mouth.  But that doesn't hide the guilt burning in her eyes.  I stop walking and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Mikasa, I didn't-"

"Yes you did mean it, and you should," she cuts me off, refusing to look at me.  Instead she bores a hole into the ground with her intense glare.  She could probably give Levi a run for his money with that glare.  "You're right.  I did abandon you.  I didn't want to, you have to believe that.  It's just... I couldn't stay in that town forever.  I didn't want to end up like everyone else did: working the farms or the factory.  I had to get out.  I just wish I could've taken you with me.  I wish you had enlisted with me four years ago.  I'm sorry Eren."

"Don't apologize.  You did what you had to, and I can't- and don't- blame you for that," I tell her.  It's mostly true, and I'm desperately working to make that the truth.  I really am trying to forgive her, and I almost have.  It helps that I'm here with her now, that I too ended up escaping that town that promises no future.

"Is that when you started smoking?" she questions softly, looking pointedly at the cigarette between my fingers.

I frown, lifting my boot so I can snuff the almost dead cigarette out on the heel.  I put the butt in my pocket to properly dispose of later.  I never used to be so concerned with where I flicked my cigarette butts, but I think Levi's clean-freak habits have started to rub off on me.  "Yeah," I reply in all honesty.  I think it's about time I came clean to her.  "Smoking and more.  Smoking is the only thing that lasted though.  And even that is starting to fade.  I'm down to only one every one to two days.  I really am trying to quit."

"Good," she says, and I can hear the smile in her voice, despite the scarf covering her mouth.

"There's something else I need to tell you," I say.  She looks up at me in concern.  "I'm not here because I enlisted.  I'm here because... because I got arrested and the judge gave me a choice between ten years in prison or a year of military service.  Commander Erwin apparently presented the choice to the court, and he put me in this squad so that Captain Levi could straighten me out."

Her eyes are wide and her scarf falls away from her mouth, revealing her lips parted in shock.  I stand there quietly, nervously shifting from foot to foot, awaiting her response.  Suddenly, she's hitting me.  Her fists pound into my chest and arm.  She's furious.  I raise my arms to protect myself, taking a few steps backward until my back hits a tree.

"You... idiot!" she screeches at me.  "Ten years?!  In _prison_?!  What the hell did you do?!"

"It wasn't even that bad!  I just busted into that old abandoned hotel and skateboarded in the pool," I quickly explain.  "Apparently Judge Kotowski was tired of my shit because he threatened to bump my charges up to second degree burglary with the intent to vandalize and resisting arrest if I didn't agree to military service."

She stops hitting me, falling silent and still.  She's breathing hard, and is still glaring at me, but her eyes aren't so furious.  As she calms down, I slowly lower my arms.  I'm still wary of her though.  Who knows when she's going to try and attack me again.

"You're an idiot, Eren," she finally says with an exasperated sigh.  "I'm glad that you are on the right track now though, even if you were forced onto it."

"I am too," I say in all honesty.

She sighs again and pulls her scarf back up to cover her nose and mouth with a shiver.  "It's cold out here, and you look exhausted.  You need a good night's rest.  I'll see you bright and early tomorrow for training."

I nod, but don't make any move to follow her.  I watch her until she disappears from sight, then I exhale and look up at the stars speckling the sky.  I'll get a good night's rest when Levi comes home safely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww poor Eren is worried about Levi. How cute! XD
> 
> Feel free to leave comments here or on [tumblr](http://titaneren-jaeger.tumblr.com/). They make me happy and I will always respond to them!


	7. Setback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, so I almost put off posting this chapter for another day or two. Usually I give my self two days to run through and edit my chapters before I post them, but I've been going through a really hard time these last few days and haven't gotten around to editing. I did one pass through of edits today, but that's it, so I'll apologize ahead of time for any typos or awkwardly phrased bits and pieces. Sorry! Anyways, enjoy :)

**Eren**

Only two more days.  Levi and his squad should be arriving back at the base late tomorrow night, perhaps into the following morning.  We haven't heard a single word from them though, absolutely nothing.  Is that normal?  Or did something go wrong?  I try not to think negatively, but I can't help it.  My life has programmed me to expect bad things.

The halls of the barracks are busy as it approaches seven, everyone getting ready for their morning routines.  I see Mike stepping out of his room, the one next to Levi's, and I change my course to intercept him.  I haven't asked anyone about Levi, but it's driving me crazy and making it hard to concentrate, so I decide to ask Mike.  He would know if we've gotten any word from Levi, right?

"Good morning, Jaeger," he says.

"Good morning, Captain.  Have you heard anything from Captain Levi's squad?" I ask, falling into step beside the tall captain as he continues down the hall.

"No," he replies.  "When our squads deploy, we drop off the radar completely.  There is no contact with anybody except for our assigned communications officer.  That's part of being a top secret squad."

"Oh, okay," I reply.

"Have faith in your captain," he tells me.  "He's the strongest soldier I've ever met.  And he's survived this long in that damned squad, hasn't he?"

"What do you mean?" I ask with a frown.  His words confuse me.  "Do most people _not_ survive in that squad?"

Mike looks over at me, a blonde eyebrow raised.  "Levi never told you?"

"Told me what?  What are you talking about?"  Now I'm getting worried.  What has Levi been hiding from me?

"It's not my place.  He must be keeping it from you for a reason.  Ask him yourself when he returns," Mike tells me, with a tone that says he's done talking about the subject.

I don't question him further, letting him continue toward the stairs.  Now I'm even more nervous.  Is this squad even more dangerous than I thought?  I remember Levi said that the maneuvering gear is useful for stealth and 'other things'.  I had assumed that 'other things' meant killing people.  Is that what they do?  Do they assassinate people?  Do they get in trouble often?  What did Mike mean when he said that Levi has survived this long?  Do most people not survive this long in Levi's squad?  What about me?  I have far less training than anyone in Levi's squad.  What are my chances?  It makes more sense now why Levi didn't want me to go with them on this assignment.

Out in the courtyard, a very light snow is falling, melting before it touches the ground.  It's quiet and cold, and I take my gloves from my pocket to pull them on.  The privates in Mike's squad are already lining up, so I fall into step between Mikasa and Jean.  "Good morning, horse face," I greet the taller private.

Mike calls everyone to attention at that moment, preventing Jean from retorting.  I smirk and Jean frowns sharply.  I hear Mikasa exhale in exasperation.  Mike leads us in our morning routine, and I trudge through it.  My mind isn't on the exercises though.  As always, it's on Levi.

This attraction is getting out of hand, but I don't know what to do about it.  I was hoping that some time away from Levi, while he was deployed with the rest of his squad, would help ease away these feelings.  I was hoping that not seeing him, not seeing his intense eyes, his strong body, his handsome face, and not hearing his smooth voice would mellow out my attraction.  But instead, I'm missing him instead of forgetting about him.  If anything, my feelings are growing.  This is bad.  I need to figure out how to get rid of these feelings.  I've done a pretty good job of burying them so far.  Hopefully if I keep burying them, they'll eventually disappear all together.  They have to.  I can't leave.  I'm stuck here for another about ten months.  After that, I'll be able to leave the military, and I can put Levi behind me forever.  That thought hurts more than I'd like to admit.

"Jaeger!" Mike's voice snaps, pulling me from my thoughts.

I focus on the rest of the squad around me and see that they're in pushup position.  I quickly drop to my hands and knees.  Jean snickers at me as Mike starts to lead the count.  I shoot him a glare, then focus on the count.  I need to keep my mind on the here and now, not on Levi.  He'll be fine.  More than one person has told me that he's humanity's strongest soldier, and even though I haven't seen him in action personally, I can readily believe it.

After a few more exercises, Mike orders us to take laps.  I fall to the back of the back, sneaking back away from Mikasa.  I'm so bored, and Mike's training is not challenging me.  I need to make this exciting again, or at least I need to work on the exercises Levi has been teaching me.  When the group reaches the back of the compound, I make my move.  I ease to the edge of the group, and when we pass a small group of pine trees, I duck behind one of them.  Waiting until the sound of their tromping boots fades, I hurry off into the trees.  Levi's squad is all about stealth, right?  I'm just practicing.

I have a bad feeling about this deep in my gut.  I know that this is the kind of shit I was pulling on the streets, the kind of behavior Levi has been working hard to get rid of.  But the guilty feeling is subconscious, and my excitement and adrenaline easily drown it out.  Pulling my large pocket knife out of a pocket on my cargo pants, I practice keeping low and silent as I sneak through the forests, further and further away from the base.  I duck and roll behind a tree, peeking out around the bark.  Standing, I spin and throw the pocket knife.  It spins through the air, the blade embedding into the bark of a tree a dozen feet away.

My adrenaline is coursing, my heart hammering.  I'm having fun.  I haven't had fun since Levi left.  Mike's a good captain, but he's so boring, and his exercises aren't nearly as challenging as I need them to be.  Levi understands that I need to be pushed and challenged.  Mike doesn't.  That, and Mike just doesn't have the time to work with me one-on-one the way Levi does.  His squad is just too big to do that with anyone, let alone the temporary member that he's just babysitting.

I rip the knife from the bark and take off through the trees.  I practice all of the moves, all of the techniques that Levi has been teaching me.  So I'm not slacking off, I'm not sitting on my ass, doing nothing.  I really am working.  I'm practicing.  I'm just not practicing with Mike and his squad.

But as I run through the trees, ducking and rolling, tossing my knife, and avoiding imaginary enemies, I can't help but feel guilty.  Maybe I should go back and try to sneak back into Mike's squad.  Maybe he hasn't noticed that I'm gone yet.

A flash of metal catches my attention, and I round a tree to see the glint of a chain link fence in the distance.  So there really is a fence.  I've never seen it before.  I didn't realize how far I've run.  But now that I'm thinking about it, I am tired and slightly out of breath.  I walk forward, looking around for guards.  I don't see any, so I walk up to the fence.  It's tall with coils of barbed wire on top.  I see the back of signs posted along the lengths of it, most likely warning against entering.

I really should be getting back to Mike's squad now, before my guilt eats me up too much.  I turn from the fence just as the sound of barking hits my ears.  A dog comes running at me, teeth bared and snarling.  Old habits take over and I spin around and take off along the fence, trying to get away from the dog.

"Stop, private!" a voice calls after me.

At that moment, the dog leaps and slams into my back.  I sprawl to the ground, a twig catching my cheek and leaving a deep gash.  The heavy Shepherd stands on my back, still snarling as the sound of heavy boots run towards me.  My heart is pounding and my mind is racing.  Shit.  I shouldn't have run.  It was habit though, and I couldn't correct myself in time.  I shouldn't have been out here in the first place.  I should've stayed with Mike's squad.  Levi is supposed to be home tomorrow night.  Why couldn't I just be patient and bare with it until then?  Levi is going to be furious.

I exhale sharply and drop my forehead onto the freezing ground.  I could toss the dog off easily enough, doubtlessly not before a few bites, but I could do it if I wanted too.  I don't though.  I'm not going to fight.  I've already screwed myself enough already.  I just hope that Levi doesn't get too mad and send me back to the court to be sent to federal lockup.  Damn it.  I really fucked up this time.

"Private Ness here," the private on guard duty says into his radio.

"Go Private Ness," a crackly voice replies.

"Tell Captain Mike that I found Private Jaeger."

"Rodger that.  Message has been relayed," the voice says.  "Private Ivan, Private Dieter, cover Private Ness' stretch while he escorts Private Jaeger back to base."

The private says a few words to the dog and the weight on my back disappears.  Before I can even move, one hand grabs my right arm and the other my left shoulder, and hauls me to my feet.  I don't resist him, despite the pain in my shoulder as my arm is pulled too far behind my back.  I can feel the blood dripping down my left cheek, but I don't try to wipe it off.

My mind is racing and the guilt is eating me alive as we trudge back to the base.  The snow is falling harder now, actually sticking to the ground.  The German Shepherd walks in front of us, dragging his leash and occasionally glancing back at me.  I am so screwed.  I can't believe I let my old self come out so much to get me so deep in trouble.  Levi is going to tear me apart.  I think it is that fact that has me the most upset.  He's going to be disappointed in me, and knowing that hurts.  I should be trying harder to make Levi proud, not causing trouble for him.  I've already put so much work into making him not regret keeping me on his team, and I just threw it all out the window with one stupid move.

As the base comes into sight, I see Mike standing by the wall of the mess hall.  He has his arms crossed over his chest and a frown on his face.  Private Ness passes me over to him, then heads back to the fence.  Towing me by my arm, he leads me into the mess hall and down to the second floor.  He doesn't say a single word to me, which makes it that much worse.  He leads me into the medical bay, pushing me towards a bed.

Hanji looks up from her computer at her desk, then stands.  Her smile slowly fades as she gauges the tension between Mike and I.  She actually frowns as she approaches the two of us, which is unusual.  "What did you do, Eren?" she questions me.

"I fucked up," I reply, my voice quiet.  I'm trying to keep my voice from cracking as my emotions threaten to boil over.

She sighs and pulls a chair up in front of me.  She pulls a small cart over to the side of the bed, picking up a cotton swab and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide.  "Tell me what happened," she urges softly.

"I was bored," I reply, glancing up at Mike who is still hovering by my elbow.  Now I feel a whole different kind of guilt.  He's here babysitting me instead of working with his squad.  All of those privates are suffering because of my incompetence.  "I wanted to work on the stuff Captain Levi was trying to teach me, so I snuck away.  But I was just about to come back, I swear!  The dog knocked me down before I could though."

"I appreciate that you want to work on the exercises your captain taught you, but he placed you under my command while he's gone," Mike tells me.  He doesn't seem so mad anymore, but he's still frustrated.

"I apologize for my insubordination.  There is no excuse," I tell him as Hanji takes hold of my chin and tilts it up so she can clean the wound.  It stings and I flinch.

"No, there isn't," he replies.

Everyone falls silent as Hanji rubs an antibacterial liquid on my cheek.  It's a tense silence, Mike still angry and me still feeling guilty.  Hanji doesn't probe any further, not wanting to mess with the tension.  She applies a few butterfly stitches to my cheek, then dismisses me.  Mike takes my arm again and leads me from the medical wing.  Once we're outside, he leads me to the stairs and down to the fourth floor.  He leads me into the barracks, then stops outside my room.

"Give me your access card," he says, holding out my hand.  "You're restricted to your room until Levi returns."

I want to argue, but I stop myself before I dig myself into a deeper hole than I'm already in.  I nod, reaching into my pocket and pulling out my access card.  I hand him the card and without another word, he sticks it in his pocket and heads back down the hall.  I exhale sharply and enter my room.  Now, instead of being bored while working under Mike with Mikasa and the others, I'm stuck in my room with nothing to do.  I do deserve it, it just sucks though.

Dropping down onto my back on the bed, I toss an arm over my eyes.  Damn....  One small, bad decision, and now I could be shipped off to prison for ten years.  This is the reason I'm here in the first place.  I can't seem to control my impulses, and unfortunately my impulses aren't on the right side of the line.  Levi has been working to adjust those impulses, directing them in the right direction.  But obviously I'm not there yet.  How mad is he going to be?  How disappointed is he going to feel?  Will he kick me out?  Will he continue to try and straighten me out?  I don't know the answer to any of those questions, and that scares me.

...

As quietly as I can, I sneak down the hall towards the stairs.  It's almost midnight, and the base is quiet.  Everyone other than the privates on guard duty are asleep.  Dressed in my fatigues, I sneak up the stairs and into the mess hall.  I won't be able to get back into the building on my own, but I'm hoping to not be alone when I return.  Levi will let me in.  He's supposed to be landing tonight, and I want to be there when he does.  I want to be the first to greet him when he lands, but I also want to be the first one to tell him about what happened two days ago.  I want him to hear it from me, and I want to explain, before he hears it from Mike or anyone else.

Once I get outside the building, I take off across the courtyard towards the dirt road that leads to the landing strip.  It's a long drive in a car, so it'll take me a while to get there.  Hopefully I'll make it before Levi does.  Sprinting up the road, I pop up the collar of my jacket to try and shield my neck from the freezing air.

About half way up the road, I hear the rumble of Jeeps making their way up the mountain.  I dive into the brush and clamp a hand over my mouth as the vehicles approach.  Peeking through the shrubs, I see four jeeps pass me on the road, each with one driver, heading towards the landing strip.  They must be on their way to pick up Levi and his squad.  Their presence is going to make it hard for me to carry out my plans.  Oh well.  I need to try.  And I still want to be there when he lands.

Following in the direction the Jeeps disappeared in, I'm almost at the ridge when they come back.  Again, I hide in the brush to avoid being seen.  Why are they coming back?  A peek reveals that only one of them is returning, carrying four soldiers.  So they were just dropping off three jeeps for Levi and his squad.  Perfect.  Once the jeep disappears from sight, I continue up the road to the landing strip.  When I reach the ridge, I see that the landing strip is empty and the three jeeps sit side by side next to the tarmac.  I walk up to the jeeps and slide into the passenger's seat of one of them.  Now, all I have to do is wait.

My nerves keep me on edge as I wait for the plane to appear.  Glancing at my watch, I see that that it's just after one in the morning.  They should be here any minute now, and my heart is racing.

After only a few minutes, I see lights in the sky, and hear the faint hum of a plane engine.  They're here.  I keep myself seated in the jeep as the plane descends, the engine growing louder and the lights growing brighter.  My heart feels like it's trying to commit suicide by throwing itself against my ribcage.  This is it.  All my worries about how Levi is going to react are about to either come true, or be discredited.  Taking a deep breath, I stand as the plane rolls down the tarmac and comes to a stop just in front of me.  I step up to the edge of the asphalt.

It's a few minutes before the hatch unlocks with a loud click, the door slowly swinging down to make a ramp.  Levi is the first one to step out of the door.  The lights that line the tarmac illuminate everything, including the hard expression on his face.  He's about half way down the ramp, carrying his maneuvering gear case in one hand and a sack thrown over his other shoulder, when he sees me standing beside the jeep.

He freezes for a minute, and I watch as his eyebrows draw together and his mouth turns down in a frown.  He's furious.  Does he already know?  How?  I thought he had zero contact with the base while he was gone.

He continues down the ramp, his stride fast and deliberate.  I instinctively take a step back, but then stop myself.  I need to face him.  I can't run from him.  Not if I want to make this right.  He shifts the sack to the same hand as his maneuvering gear case and, when he reaches me, he reaches out with his now free hand and grabs a fistful of my uniform.  He doesn't break his stride, dragging me backwards towards the jeep.  I struggle to keep my feet underneath me, nearly falling back on my ass a few times.

"Cap-"

"Don't," he snaps at me, his deep voice like ice.

He doesn't say another word, and I don't dare speak either.  I can barely think.  He's so angry....  He tosses his case and sack into the back of one of the jeeps and drags me around to the passenger's side, shoving me into the seat.  Rounding the front of the vehicle, he climbs into the driver's seat and cranks the key to start the jeep.

Peeling out onto the tarmac, he races down the landing strip towards the road.  I glance over at him occasionally, keeping a death grip on my seat and the frame of the jeep.  His grey eyes are burning in anger, and he keeps them pinned on the winding road in front of him.

The silence is killing me.  I wish he would just say something.  Does he really know what happened?  Maybe his operation didn't go well?  Maybe he's mad that I'm up past curfew with no reason to be?  I can't tell.  I need him to say something.  Anything.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" he suddenly demands of me.  "Would you care to explain why, as I'm on my way home from deployment, trying to keep Gunther from bleeding out in the back of the plane, I get a call from Mike reporting that you snuck out of his squad and then ran from a guard?  Isn't that what you were in court for?  Fucking evading arrest?"

I open my mouth to apologize, to beg for forgiveness, but something he said clicks in my head and I hesitate.  "Wait... what happened to Gunther?"

"He got shot," he exhales, rubbing at his tired eyes before dropping his hand back onto the stick shift.  His knuckles are white on the steering wheel.  "That's why I want an explanation as to why I had to deal with an insubordination report instead of focusing on my dying squad member."

The guilt slams into me full force, doubling me over.  I press my hands to either side of my head and try to take deep breaths.  My whole body is shaking.  Levi was trying to save Gunther, and my insubordination distracted him from that.  My idiotic slipup could've cost Gunther his life.  Levi had enough on his plate already without me having to add to it.

"I'm sorry, Captain," I finally manage to say into my knees before sitting up.  "I had no idea....  Is Gunther going to be okay?"

"He's in a hospital in Spain undergoing surgery.  We couldn't wait for him to arrive stateside first.  As soon as he's out of surgery he'll be transported to a hospital here."  Levi runs a hand through his hair, then looks over at me for the first time since we got in the Jeep.  His expression is softer now, not so hard and... lethal.  "What happened, Eren?  I thought you were doing better.  You've never pulled shit like this with me, so why now?  Why with Mike?  And what happened to your face?"

I rub at my face, scratching at the butterfly stitches still adorning my cheek.  "I know this is no excuse, but Mike's squad is so... boring.  His exercises don't challenge me the way yours do.  He doesn't push me.  You always work me so hard, force me to push my limits, open my eyes to what I'm truly capable of.  And we work one-on-one a lot.  Mike's squad is so big, and so impersonal.  I feel like just another sheep in the flock.  That day, I got bored of being a sheep.  I snuck out of his squad and ran into the trees to work on the things you've been teaching me.  I just wanted to keep practicing your techniques.  I had just decided to go back to Mike's squad when that guard set his dog on me.  I didn't mean to run, but when a hundred pound dog comes flying at you, you can't help it.  I didn't get very far though.  The dog jumped on me and I fell.  That's how I cut my cheek."

Levi listens to my explanation, his features an expressionless mask.  When I finish, he doesn't say anything for a long time.  But the tension between us has eased, and I feel more comfortable now.  My heart rate has slowed, and I can actually breathe now.  Finally, I can enjoy the fact that Levi is back from deployment.

"Although I don't condone what you did, it honestly could've been worse.  I'll talk to Mike and the private that apprehended you, and if what you say is true, you're punishment won't be so severe," he tells me.  "But listen up, brat.  If anything like this happens again, you can bet your ass Erwin will be receiving a report, and whether he removes you from my squad will be up to him."

I swallow hard and nod.  "Sorry, Captain."

He snorts.  "Stop apologizing."

"Yes, sir."

It's quiet for a long minute, and I simply sit back and enjoy Levi's presence, before he speaks again.  "I always give my squad the day after we get back from an operation off," he informs me.  "And seeing that two of them are still overseas, it wouldn't make much sense to run exercises."

"Two?  Who else got hurt?" I say, interrupting his thought.

"No one.  Eld stayed with Gunther," he replies, then continues with what he had been saying.  "Anyway, I'm going to give you a choice.  You can either work with Mike and his squad tomorrow, or you too can enjoy a day off.  Although, considering the current situation, I should work you twice as hard as I usually would.  When did Mike confine you to your quarters?"

"Two days ago, around midday," I reply.

"You already had a day off then," he growls.  "But tomorrow is my day off too, and I don't want to have to babysit you.  I should stick you back with Mike for the day."

"You wouldn't have to babysit me," I reassure him quickly.  "I'll do my exercises in the gym by myself.  Or let me practice with the maneuvering gear.  I won't be a bother to you, and I won't have to be a bother for Mike anymore either.  Please just let me practice what you've been teaching me."

"Someone has to keep an eye on you," he counters.  "Especially if you're going to be working with the maneuvering gear."  He's quiet for a long while, and I can tell he's thinking.  "Do whatever you want.  Just don't get in trouble."

I exhale in relief.  I'm not sure if I'm on good terms with Mike or not, so I'd rather not work with him if I can help it.  I'd rather work on the things Levi has been teaching me, and if I can't work with Levi, I'd much rather work by myself.

As we sit in silence, the conversation I had a few days ago with Mike comes back to me.  He told me I should ask Levi, so I do.  "Captain?  What else does this squad do other than recon?  Mike was telling me how dangerous this squad's work is, and he made it seem like most people don't survive in this squad for long.  What was he talking about?"

Levi sighs, then glances over at me for a split second before looking back at the road ahead of him.  "I guess it is time you know.  Yes, my squad's main objective is reconnaissance, which when done at our level is very dangerous and often puts us in the line of fire, but our other objective is sometimes target elimination.  We take out people the United States perceives as a threat.  That too is very dangerous and because of that, the mortality rate of my squad is very high.  Most people don't last a year, whether it being because they are killed or they ask for reassignment."

I listen to his words, trying to comprehend what it is he's saying.  I should be worried by his words.  I should be scared.  I should want to leave his squad, right?  I mean, I didn't sign up for this.  I was forced into this squad without knowing fully what they do.  But for some reason, I have no desire to leave Levi's squad, and I have no fears about going on future assignments.  The mortality rate thing scares me, as does the target elimination part.  But it doesn't seem to change the fact that I want to be deployed.  I want to fight alongside Levi.

Levi glances over at me after a long minute or two of silence.  "Well?" he questions.  "Are you scared yet?"

I return his look, and I let excitement shine in my eyes.  "I don't want to die, and I don't know if I'd be able to actually kill someone, but am I scared?"  I let the question hang in the air for a long moment before answering with a smile.  "Nope."

...

When I wake at six the following morning, I see something sitting on the floor just on my side of the door.  Standing, I rub my eyes as I walk over to the door and pick it up.  It's my access card, and there is a small note taped to it.  _Don't get yourself hurt brat_ , it reads in a simple, yet elegant script.  Tossing the note into the garbage, I drop the card on my desk and head to the closet to get dressed and ready to start my morning routine.  For a very short moment, I am tempted to enjoy a day off like Levi offered, but eventually I decide that a day off isn't good for me.  I need to train, I need to work.  It's the only way I will stay out of trouble.

It feels so good to be heading up to the gym instead of out to the courtyard this morning.  Now I can do more demanding warm up exercises without freezing my ass off in the snow.  Why can't Mike just use his training room for his morning exercises?  Lord knows that room is big enough.  Pulling open the doors to my squad's gym, I hurry inside.  I'm a little surprised to see Petra there, hanging from the pull-up bar.  She's dressed in her dark green USMC sweats and a black sports bra.  Her feet are bare, and a thick white bandage is wrapped around her right bicep.  She looks over as I enter the room and smiles at me before continuing with her pull-ups.

"I thought Captain gave you the day off," I say.

"Days off are for wimps.  I see Levi didn't murder you and bury your body in the woods," she teases, dropping down from the pole as I begin to stretch the muscles in my arms.  She wipes her brow with a towel, then points it at me.  "You know, he really seems to like you.  I've never seen him get so soft on anyone."

I feel a tinge of color burn my cheeks and I duck my head as I shrug.  "He's not soft on me.  He's a sadist.  You should see the exercises he tries to make me do."

"That's not what I meant," she says with a laugh.  "When it comes to training you, he's hard because he wants you to get to our level as soon as possible.  Our job is hard, and very dangerous.  He doesn't want you to get hurt, or even killed, because he didn't push you hard enough during your training.  But as far as your behavior goes, he is soft with you.  Trust me, I've been on this squad long enough to know that the Captain's attitude towards you isn't normal.  Maybe it's because you're so young.  Maybe he feels like he has to shield you."

I grimace.  "I'm not that young.  And I can't be _that_ much younger than the Captain," I argue.

"How old are you?" she questions, sitting on a bench press bench, the towel in her hand dangling between her knees as she rests her arms on them.

"Twenty-one," I reply.

"And how old do you think the captain is?" she asks.

Her raised eyebrow and knowing smirk make me second guess my previous assumptions, but I voice them anyway.  "Well he looks like he can't be older than his mid-twenties.  But he said he's been on this squad for ten years, so maybe twenty-eight?  Twenty-nine?"

She laughs and I look over her in surprise.  Am I really that far off?

"He's thirty-four," she tells me, then laughs at the shocked expression on my face.  He can't be that old....  I mean, not that he's old, but he honestly looks like he could be my age.  Well, damn.  I'm attracted to a man thirteen years my elder.  Should that bother me more than it does?  It should help rid me of my feelings for him, but it doesn't.  Nothing changes.  "He'll be thirty-five on Christmas."

That catches my attention, drawing my thoughts away from trying to figure out how Levi looks so young.  "His birthday is on Christmas?"

She nods.  "That's what his file says, anyway."

That's only a couple of weeks away.  I start to think of something I can get for him, but then I remember that I'm on a secluded mountain ridge, in the middle of nowhere, with no way off.  Unfortunately that means I won't be getting him anything.  I wonder if he'd even want anything.  He doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would want a lot of attention on his birthday.  Or any day, really.

I finish up with my warm-ups and Petra sticks around, talking and laughing with me.  She even spots me at the bench press.  When I finish, she motions for me to follow her.  She leads me out of the gym and down the hall to our squad's training room.  The room is empty, mats covering the ground.  It changes a lot depending on what exercises Levi has us work on.

"Kick off your shoes and your jacket," she tells me, closing the door behind us.  "I'm going to teach you some things."

I do as she says, then join her in the center of the room.

"How much gymnastics can you do?" she asks.

I'm a little surprised by the question.  I don't know what she is going to say or teach me, but that's not what I was expecting.  "Uh, I can do a cartwheel.  Sort of."

She exhales.  "Wow, we have more work to do than I thought, then," she says.  "Well, when using the maneuvering gear, sometimes a lot of acrobatics are necessary.  It's easier to learn the moves on the ground where they are harder and require more concentration and balance.  Yeah, you'll fall a lot, but at least you won't hit a tree.  You already have enough bad experiences with that."

I laugh and she takes a step back.

"Show me your cartwheel."

I frown, then quickly plant my hands on the ground and swing my legs up and over my body.  When I land, Petra snorts in laughter, covering her mouth with her hands.

"You call that a cartwheel?  Here, try it more like this."

It only takes her a few minutes to teach me how to do a 'real' cartwheel.  After that, she talks for a long time about how to tighten and twist my core which will allow me to do other flips and twists in the air.  She tells me I have the muscle to be able to do it, she's just worried about my athleticism.  She says I lack grace.

"You should see Levi when he's using his maneuvering gear.  I've never seen a more graceful man.  He has such fluidity and control....  But then again, he does have a muscle strength that can rival Mike Tyson."

I raise an eyebrow at her.  "He doesn't look like-"

"Muscle _strength_ ," she says, cutting me off.  "Not muscle _tone_.  Not all strength is visible."

She teaches me how to do a simple front flip, even demonstrating a few times.  She makes it look so easy, but when I try, I land flat on my ass.  She leans over me, trying to look concerned, but her laugh gives her away.  She helps me to my feet, and for the next few hours, I try again and again.  Every attempt ends like the first one, and my ass is really starting to hurt.  She tries to give me some pointers, even suggests that I start at a run, and after a few more attempts, I finally manage to find my feet and stay on them.

She applauds me, skipping over to my side.  "Good!  Now do it again!"

I groan, but do as she says.  After a land a few of them in a row, she lets up.

"That will be easier in the air when you have a lot more momentum and a lot more vertical space.  But you need to be careful trying these things in the maneuvering gear.  One small slip up could end up a lot messier and painful than falling on your ass on a padded floor," she warns me.

I nod.  "What else can you teach me?"

She smiles and demonstrates a few other, more complex flips.  She has names for all of them, and I watch in amazement how she sprints across the floor, then tumbles into a round-off and vaults into these insane twisting flipping things.  I hope she's not expecting me to do that.  I would break my neck if I tried even the easier ones she demonstrates.

"Those are just a few," she says, jogging back up to me, panting.  "They're not so hard once you figure out how to do them."

"What she's not telling you is that she was a gymnast before she joined my squad," Levi's voice suddenly says from the doorway.  I startle, spinning to face the shorter man.  When did he get here?  He's dressed in a loose pair of dark grey sweatpants and a black tank top.  He's wearing the jacket off a set of fatigues and the light brown combat boots.

"Going casual today, Captain?" Petra smirks.

"It's my day off," he retorts, moving to stand at my elbow.  "As it is yours.  Why are you here, trying to kill my new recruit?"

"Oh, I would never try to kill this cutie," she replies, feigning a hurt expression.  "He's having fun, right Eren?"

"I, uh..." I stutter, trying to formulate a response that is either truthful, or won't hurt Petra's feelings.  But Levi comes to my rescue, resting a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sure he's having loads of fun," Levi retorts, his voice dripping with sarcasm.  "But there are other things he could be doing that are more fun."

"... there are?" I question, looking over at Levi.

"I need to get out of this stuffy concrete box.  I'm going to go shoot things if you want to come with me," Levi offers.  "Later we can work with the maneuvering gear if you would like.  You just have to promise me that you won't try any of those damned flips she showed you."

"That sounds great!" I say in all seriousness.  I've only practiced shooting a handful of times, but I actually find it fun.  I also want to practice more with the maneuvering gear.  And, I could never turn down an offer to hang out with Levi, no matter what it is he plans on doing.  Even if it were something boring like reading a book, I'd sit there and watch him relax all day long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw *sing-songy voice* Eren is in looooove X3 And yay for a little Eren and Petra bonding.
> 
> Again, sorry for any typos or awkwardness. Next week's update should be better.
> 
> [titaneren-jaeger](http://titaneren-jaeger.tumblr.com/)


	8. Dismissed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tuesday! Yay! So I totally almost forgot to post this today ._. But I didn't! So enjoy!

**Eren**

Two weeks after Levi returned from his operation, Gunther has been transported back stateside where he is now recovering in a military hospital on the east coast close to his family.  Eld returned to the base after only three days, reporting good news of Gunther's positive prognosis.  We've gotten a lot of snow up here on our mountain, so all the squads have had very lax training, mostly enjoying some downtime.  Even Levi hasn't been working us very hard, instead giving us most afternoons off.

It's about a week until Christmas, and Levi's squad- with the exception of Gunther- is sitting around a table in the mess hall.  It's almost eleven, and everyone else is in their quarters, leaving us alone in the mess hall.  Levi sits sideways slightly in his chair, one arm resting over the back while he sips at his tea with the other hand, holding the cup by the rim instead of by the handle.  I find the oddness of it kind of cute, actually.  Oluo and Petra are, like always, mocking each other, while Eld sits back with a newspaper, skimming through the articles.  I just sit in my chair, listening to Oluo and Petra bicker playfully, and occasionally sneak glances at Levi.

Footsteps sound on the stairs leading down to the other floors, and both Levi and I look up.  A private still dressed in his full fatigues, even at this late hour, appears on the stairs and makes his way towards us.  He must be from the security room, or on guard somewhere.  Everyone off duty has dressed down for the night already.  He has a piece of paper in his hand and he passes it to Levi when he reaches our table.

"A transmission from Commander Smith," he tells Levi, and without another word, he turns his back on us and heads back down the stairs.

"Is it a new operation?" I question curiously.

"No," Levi replies, his grey eyes scanning the page.  "Operation instructions are dozens of pages and come in a sealed envelope.  Erwin wouldn't dare send them by transmission where anyone can get their hands on them.  No, this is our dismissal notice."

"Our what?" I ask at the same time Petra whoops in excitement.

"Christmas vacation," Eld explains.  "We usually get some time off around the holidays if we don't have any pending operations."

Levi nods.  "This one is a long one.  Must be because we just completed an operation and he's still wrapping it up.  Eighteen days.  The plane will be here at oh nine hundred tomorrow morning.  If you're not on it, you're not going home," Levi says as the other three stand and leave the room.

I just stare at the wooden tabletop, picking into it with my pocket knife and trying not to let my disappointment show.  I can feel eyes on me and I look up to see Levi staring at me.  I feel my cheeks color and I duck my head back down, focusing on the tabletop and the tip of my pocket knife.

"You don't look very excited," he observes.  His voice is quiet, as if anything louder would shatter the calming silence that has surrounded us now that Petra and Oluo have taken their banter somewhere else.

I just shrug, not looking up at him.  "I have no home to go home to," I tell him.  "I'll just spend my downtime here, I guess."

"Oi, stop messing up the table," he says.  "You can come home with me if you would like to.  Everyone deserves to get off this damned mountain every once in a while."

I look up at him, wide eyed.  What did he just say?  Did I imagine that?  It is late.  I am tired.  It very well may have been my tired mind playing tricks on me.  "You... have a house?"

"Of course I do, brat," he says, setting his cup down on the table and straightening out in his chair so he can face me.  "I don't do this shit for free, and I, like every other human being, enjoys time off every once in a while.  So?  Would you like to come with me or not?"

I nod quickly.  "Yes, Captain.  That would be great."

"Very well," he says, leaning back in his chair.  "Like I told the others: the plane leaves at oh nine hundred tomorrow morning.  If you're not on it, you're not coming."

I nod, but then think of something, and before I can stop myself, the thought is out of my mouth.  "Are you sure it's okay for me to leave?  This is my alternative to prison.  I always just assumed I wasn't allowed to leave, because, well... what if I'm a flight risk?"

"Are you?" is his question.

I shake my head.  "I wouldn't run."

"And I trust you not to.  If you do, a warrant will be put out for your arrest, and you'll be sent to prison.  So basically it's your choice.  You can stay with me and enjoy some time off, or you can stay here, or you can take off the second we leave the base only to be hunted down and dragged to prison."

"I won't run," I repeat.

"Good," he says as he stands, turning towards the stairs.  He lifts a hand up over his shoulder as he begins his descent.  "Goodnight, Eren."

"Goodnight, Captain," I reply, my voice soft as he disappears from sight.

...

The following morning I'm up early to pack up the little bit of clothing that I have.  I only have two shirts and a pair of tattered, ripped jeans.  Everything else is clothing I got here: fatigues, uniforms, and USMC branded training clothes.  But I pack everything except for my uniforms and fatigues into my old backpack.  At least it's something.  But it's all I have, I realize as I look around my empty room.  I haven't even touched my ratty backpack since I got here except to remove my packs of smokes, of which I'm almost out.  If I remember correctly, I have about twelve dollars in the backpack somewhere.  I'll have to buy some when we get to back to civilization.

I slowly sit down on the edge of the bed, my backpack hanging between my legs.  I'm about to spend eighteen days with Levi, in Levi's home.  Where does he live?  Does anybody live with him?  Does he have a girlfriend?  A wife?  ... a boyfriend?  I had never thought about that.  I mean, he practically lives here, so I never considered that he could have a loved one waiting for him back home, wherever that may be.  But would he really invite me to stay with him if he wanted some alone time with a loved one, something he doesn't get to do often?

I try not to think about that as I dress into my fatigues.  When I saw Eld in the hallway on the way to the bathroom this morning, he was wearing his fatigues, so maybe that's what we're supposed to travel in.  Is it supposed to be like a publicity thing?  Oh well.  At least they're comfortable.  I run a brush through my hair a couple of times before giving up and tossing it into my backpack.

I can feel my nerves starting to build up as I glance at my watch and see that it's almost eight forty-five.  The jeeps will probably be leaving soon to get to the landing strip before the plane arrives.  Picking up my backpack, I take a deep breath and leave my quarters.  I head up to the second floor and to the garage.  I show the private guarding the door my ID, then swipe it to let me into the dim garage.  A jeep is already pulling out of the garage, up the ramp, and I catch a glimpse of Petra's red hair in the back before it disappears.  Another jeep is running, and I see Levi leaning up against the frame, his arms crossed over his chest.  He's dressed in a set of fatigues as well, something I've never actually seen him in.

"About time you showed up, brat," he says.  Then, he walks around to the passenger's side and climbs up onto the seat.  "You drive."

"M-Me?" I stutter.

"Yes, you.  Eld told me he taught you how to drive a manual," Levi says.

"Yeah, but it was in a classroom.  I never actually practiced," I argue.

"Well now you will.  Get in," he insists.

I slowly slide into the seat and put my left hand on the steering wheel, my right on the stick.  I think back to Eld's lessons, then press the clutch, shift into first, and slowly press the gas as I release the clutch.  The jeep lurches forward, but I manage not to stall it.  Levi grips the seat and the frame of the open-air jeep, and I cringe in embarrassment.  I shift into second as we leave the ramp.  This time the jeep does stall.

"Shit," I curse, trying to start the jeep again.

"Relax, lead foot.  Be more gentle with the peddles," Levi says.

I nod and try again.  The jeep lurches forward again, through the thin coat of snow on the ground.  After a few more stalls and a couple more tips from Levi, I manage to get the hang of it.  And once my nervousness fades, I feel a smile pull at my lips.  This isn't that bad.  This is actually kind of fun.  Although, I think I like watching Levi drive a stick better than actually driving one myself.

When we get to the top of the ridge and the tarmac comes into sight, Levi directs me over to where two other jeeps are parked.  Three privates stand by the jeeps, waiting to take them back down the ridge to the base.  Petra, Eld, and Oluo are unloading their things from one of the jeeps and climbing up the ramp of the plane already parked on the tarmac.  I pull in next to the other two and Levi hops out, grabbing a dark green duffle from the back.  I follow, grabbing my small backpack and slinging it over my shoulder.

"The plane is taking us to Denver International Airport," Levi tells me as we climb the ramp.  "From there we all go our separate ways.  Erwin already has our flights booked.  And don't worry, I had him book an extra seat on my flight for you."

I nod as we step into the small military plane.  Levi steps into the cockpit and I take a seat next to Petra in the middle of the row.  Oluo sits on her other side and Eld takes the seat at the end of the row on my other side, leaving a space between him and me for Levi.  After a few minutes, the engine of the plane revs up and Levi leaves the cockpit.  He plops down in the empty seat next to mine, draping his arm on the back of my seat and lifting one ankle to rest on the opposite leg.  His casual posture surprises me, and his knee brushing mine makes me duck my head to hide the color in my cheeks.

The plane rumbles down the runway and takes off.  Levi remains relaxed, not removing his arm from behind my back.  He talks with Eld for a few minutes, and I listen to Oluo and Petra exchange their usual banter.

"How long until we get to Denver?" I ask when Levi finishes his conversation with Eld.

"The flight takes about an hour," he replies, looking over at me.  There is a hint of amusement in his grey eyes when he asks, "You don't get air sick, do you?"

"No," I reply quickly.  "Well, I've only been on a plane once before, and that was on the way here.  I slept the whole flight...."

Levi chuckles, and my eyes widen.  I've never heard him laugh.  I barely ever see him smile.  It's a soothing sound, and I wish he'd laugh more often.

"Of course you did," he says, an amused smirk still on his face.  "Well if you're going to throw up, do it that way."  He gestures towards Petra with his chin.

"Eh?!" Petra exclaims.  "Don't you dare throw up on me!"

Oluo, Eld, and Levi are all laughing and my cheeks burn.  "I'm not going to throw up," I argue, ducking my head.

The plane ride is short.  But my anxiety makes it feel twice as long as it really is.  I can't tell if it's the flying or the impending two and a half weeks with Levi, hopefully just the two of us, in his home.  Exhaling sharply, I lean my head back against the wall of the plane, trying to ignore Levi's arm behind my shoulders and his knee occasionally brushing against mine.  Maybe I shouldn't have accepted his offer to go to his place with him.  This won't help me put my attraction to him behind me.  This could only make things worse.

When the plane lands on the tarmac of Denver International, I follow Levi and his squad off of the plane.  We're out in a far corner of the airport, away from the dozens of planes crisscrossing all over the tarmac and runways.  We climb down the ramp and towards a van waiting off to the side.  I look around at the huge expanse of the airport, at the planes taxing and taking off and landing, at the shuttles bustling between terminals, at all the activity.

"Oi, pay attention, brat," Levi calls after me. 

I look to see that they've already loaded their bags into the back of the van and are climbing in.  I quickly toss my backpack in the back and climb into the van as well.  I sit beside Eld in the middle row, Petra and Oluo already settled into the back and Levi climbing into the passenger's seat beside the driver.  The van starts across the tarmac and we ride in comfortable silence.

When the van gets to the terminal, we follow Levi from the van and into the building.  Levi checks the five of us in at the front desk, and returns with a handful of plane tickets.  He scans the tickets as we head to security, passing them out as he walks.  He hands two tickets to each of us.

"Our plane will be back here to pick us up at sixteen hundred hours on the third.  One of those should be your return flight here to Denver, so make sure you don't lose that ticket, and that you get on your flights," Levi tells us, handing me my two tickets.

"Yes, sir," three voices reply in unison.

I glance down at my tickets.  The first one reads 'Denver International Airport (DEN) to Logan International Airport (BOS)'.  Boston?  I've never been to the east coast before.  Well, I've never been anywhere except for that small town in the California valley and the mountain top in Colorado.

As we move through the airport, people stop to thank us, or salute us, or to shake our hands.  I keep my head ducked, not used to the attention.  Levi nods his head in acknowledgment and Petra smiles at people.  They look like they're all used to this already, and they all look appreciative of the gratitude people are showing them.

When we get through security, Petra pulls me in for a sudden hug.  "Have fun, cutie.  Enjoy your holidays with your family," she says.  So they don't know that I don't have a family.  They don't know that I'm going with Levi to his home.

Eld shakes my hand, also wishing me a happy holiday, as does Oluo.  After our goodbyes, Petra and Eld head to one terminal, Oluo to another, and I follow Levi to an even different terminal.  The airport is crowded, everyone traveling for the holidays.  Levi and I weave our way through the crowds.  Levi seems edgy as we push through the mass of people.  I try and keep up with him, trying not to lose sight of the shorter man.  But ironically, the camouflage fatigues make him stand out in the crowded terminal.

When we reach our gate, Levi drops his small duffle onto a seat and takes a look around, pulling off his fatigue cap so he can run a hand through his pitch black hair.  He tosses the cap onto his bag and starts towards the walkway again.

"I'll be back.  Stay here and watch our shit," he says.  "Do you want anything?"

I shake my head.  I'm too nervous to eat.  Levi disappears into the crowd and I take a seat, leaving one free seat between me and Levi's duffle.  I drop my backpack on the floor by my feet.  Removing my own cap, I set it on my legs, then lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees.

"Mommy it's an Army man!" a young voice squeals, and I look up to see a young boy, maybe four or five years old, running towards me.  A woman I assume to be his mother hurries after him, trying to stop him.  "Hi Army man!"

I smile.  "What's your name?" I ask the boy.

"Tommy," he says, a huge smile splitting his face.  He's looking me over, a look of pure admiration in his eyes.  "I want to be an Army man when I'm big!"

The mother catches up to her boy and grabs his arm.  "I'm so sorry, sir," she says to me, starting to tow him away.

"No, it's fine," I reassure her.

I pick my cap up off my lap and place it on his head.  His eyes widen and he laughs, lifting his small hands to touch the cap.  When I shrug out of my jacket and hang it on his shoulders, he looks like he's going to explode with happiness.  He squeals in delight, running around in a circle.  The jacket nearly drags on the ground, his arms swimming in the long sleeves.  Suddenly, the kid leaps into my lap.

"Picture with the Army man, Mommy!" he says, bouncing up and down on my lap.

"Is that okay?" the mother asks tentatively.

"Of course," I chuckle.

When the mother pulls out her cell phone, I put a hand on the boy's shoulder and flash a peace sign with the other.  I smile and, when the flash goes off, the kid scrambles out of my lap.

"Okay, honey, give the nice man his jacket back," the mother tells the boy.

He shakes off my jacket and hands me the cap as I pull the jacket back on.  I'm still smiling, as is the boy.  Suddenly, Levi is there, a cup of coffee in his hand.  He hands me the cup and kneels on one knee in front of the boy, reaching into a pocket on his cargo pants.  He pulls out a sticker with the Marine Corps seal on it and hands it to the little boy.  The boy clutches at it excitedly as Levi ruffles his hair and stands.

"Thank the nice men, Tommy," the mother says.

"Thank you Army men!" the boy giggles, then he hugs Levi's legs before running off, his mother chasing after him.

I still have a smile on face as Levi takes a seat beside me, draping his arm over the back of my seat again.  He seems to like to do that.  It makes all the nerves that I had forgotten about return to the forefront of my mind.

"That was fucking adorable," Levi says, taking his coffee back from me.

"Since when do you carry around stickers?" I ask him with a raised eyebrow.

"I do when I travel.  Kids like them.  It's a publicity thing the military likes us to do," he explains, then looks over at me.  "You're a natural with kids."

I shrug.  "I've always liked children.  They're so innocent and small.  This shitty world hasn't influenced them yet, hasn't screwed them up beyond help yet.  I like to remind myself that I used to be like that too.  I like to think about how innocent I used to be before my mom died and I started down the slippery slope that lead to drugs and alcohol and has landed me in Juvie and now here."

Levi is quiet for a minute, watching me with those intense eyes.  "I understand what you're saying," he finally says, looking straight ahead of him.  "Despite all the shit my path has dragged me through, I can't say I regret where I've ended up because of it.  Do you?"

"No," I reply, my response automatic.  "No.  My life may have sucked up until now, but I'm happy with where I ended up.  I'm happy that I'm finally doing something worthwhile with my life."

"Good," he says, taking a sip of his coffee.

 _"Flight 850 to Boston is now boarding, Flight 850 to Boston is now boarding.  First class, handicapped, and military passengers may now board,"_ the intercom says, echoing through area surrounding the gate.

Levi stands, pulling his duffle strap over his shoulder and positioning his cap back on his head.  We weave our way through the people crowding by the gate.  When we make our way through, the woman at the gate takes our tickets and scans them before handing them back to us, wishing us a good flight and thanking us for our service.  We board the plane and find our seats, side by side.  Levi lets me have the window seat, and we both take our seats.  The ticket says the flight will take about four hours.  Four more hours, plus however long it takes us to get from the airport to Levi's house, and then it'll be just the two of us for over two weeks.  I don't know if I should be excited or scared.

...

Boston is amazing.  It's snowing when we land, but it's a light dusting of snow that actually looks beautiful.  As we drive through the streets in the back of a cab, I stare out the window, taking in the lively city.  I can feel Levi watching me, but I don't care.  I've never seen a city like this before.  The buildings are so tall, there are so many lights, and even in the cold and snow there are still so many people out on the streets.

"Did you grow up in Boston?" I ask Levi, not tearing my eyes from the city.

Levi snorts.  "Like I'd ever return to the shithole I grew up in.  No, you've probably never heard of the underground hell I am from."

"Then why Boston?" I ask, finally looking away from the city to look at him.

He shrugs.  "No particular reason.  I like the cold, I like the ocean, and I like big cities.  I picked one on each coast, Boston and Seattle, and flipped a coin.  Boston won."

I nod, looking back out the window.  I would love to live in a big city like this once I leave the Marines, if I ever do.  Maybe I'll do what Levi did.  Maybe I'll buy a place somewhere and use it as my vacation home when I get breaks from my service.

Fifteen minutes after we leave the airport, we're driving by what looks like a baseball stadium.  A banner on a side street we pass says 'Welcome to Fenway Park'.  Another banner on the side of the stadium says 'Home of the Boston Red Sox'.  Wow... a profession baseball stadium.  And it's only a couple hundred more yards before the cab stops in front of the address Levi had rattled off.  Levi pulls his wallet from his duffle and slips the cabbie a few bills before climbing out of the backseat.  I follow behind him, stepping out of the car and looking around.  There is a lot of foot traffic, and I look back down the road to the baseball stadium.

"It may not be a house, but it's home," Levi says, gesturing to the tall apartment building in front of us.

"It's great," I say, an excited smile pulling at my lips.  "Is it exciting living near that stadium?"

"It's obnoxious," he replies.  "But sometimes, when they're playing, I'll open the windows and listen to the game."

"Will there be a game while we're here?" I ask, hopeful.

"No," he replies, pushing through a door leading into the lobby of the building.  "Baseball season usually ends around late October and won't start again until late March."

"Damn," I exhale in sincere disappointment.

"Welcome home, Levi," a man sitting behind the front desk says.  "Brought a friend with you I see?  Someone from your unit?"

Levi nods.  "Yes.  Keith, this is Eren.  Eren, Keith," Levi introduces, continuing towards an open elevator.

"Nice to meet you, kid," Keith says.

"You too, sir," I reply with a tip of my hat.

"Polite one he is," Keith chuckles.  "Glad you could get some time off for the holidays, Levi."

We enter the elevator and Levi presses the button for the sixteenth floor, the top floor.  The doors close and Levi leans back against the wall.  Now that the sight of the city isn't distracting me, I can feel the nervousness creeping back into the forefront of my mind.  Levi doesn't say anything as we ride the elevator up to the top floor, and I don't dare break the silence.  I don't trust my voice right now.

When the doors open, Levi steps off the elevator and into a short hall.  There are only two doors, one on the right end of the hallway and one on the left.  Levi turns left.  He pulls a small ring of keys out of his duffle and unlocks the door.

His apartment is beautiful.  I've never been in such a nice place before.  The front door opens up into a large, open room.  To my immediate right is a small kitchen with a long, black marble countertop bar jutting out of the wall just in front of an opening into a hallway.  The appliances are all sleek and black, and look like they're brand new.  I'm sure they're not used very often.  The dark brown wood floors in the entry area turn into a thick black carpet in the back half of the room.  A black faux leather couch sits against the right wall, a wood coffee table in front of it, across from a flat screen television hanging on the left wall.  A brown wooden entertainment center sits beneath the TV full of movies and video games, a gaming consol and what looks like a DVD player and a cable box sitting on top.  Despite the dark colors of the room, it's lightened by the floor to ceiling window along the entire back wall.  A glass door opens up into a balcony that overlooks the bustling city.

The apartment is spotless, not a thing out of place.  It's immaculately clean, which doesn't surprise me considering who's apartment this is.  Levi closes and locks the door behind us.

"Take your shoes off," he tells me, pulling off his own boots and leaving them next to the door.  "I'll show you around.  There's not much to show you, because it's not a big apartment, but I might as well."

I remove my boots and follow him deeper into the apartment.  I keep my eyes out for any sign of other people.  It doesn't look lived in.  I don't see any other pairs of shoes near the door, there isn't a single dirty dish in or near the sink, no books or cups on the coffee table, and not a sound coming from the apartment.  It would seem that he lives here alone, and that makes me happier than it should.

"Kitchen, obviously, and living room, obviously," he says, gesturing to each one in turn, then heads down the long hallway to the left of the room.  "These are just closets.  That one has blankets and towels in it that you're welcome to use.  The washer and dryer are in there.  This is my office, and that is the spare bathroom.  This is the guest bedroom, your bedroom while you're here.  And that one at the end of the hall is my room."

I follow him down the hall, keeping track of which room is which.  After he points out his room, he pushes open the door of the guest bedroom.  A queen bed sits against the left wall, covered with a thick white comforter.  The same floor to ceiling window from the front room lines the far wall.  And just like the front room there is a glass door that opens out onto a balcony that I'm now assuming wraps around the entire outer wall of this apartment.  The carpet is the same plush black as the living room, and a short dark wood dresser sits against the left wall.  I walk inside and Levi hesitates in the doorway.

"I'm going to change and wash up.  I always feel so disgusting after traveling.  Make yourself at home," he says.

"Thank you," I say before he leaves.  "You didn't have to do this.  You have to put up with me all the time at the base.  You should've enjoyed your time away from me."  I force a laugh, trying to cover up how I'm really feeling.  Levi doesn't laugh though.  He just shrugs.

"I enjoy your company."

He leaves the room without another word and I'm left staring after him with wide eyes.  Did he really just say that?  Was he being serious?  He really enjoys my company?  It takes me a minute to realize I'm grinning like an idiot.  At least he doesn't think I'm an annoying brat like everyone else in my life seemed to think.

I close the door and set my backpack on the bed, then move across the room to draw the curtains shut.  Pulling out my pair of grey USMC sweat pants and dark green tank top, I change out of my fatigues.  After folding them neatly and setting them aside, I grab my shampoo and cross the hallway into the bathroom.

I let the hot water of the shower soak into my hair, running in rivulets down my face.  The bathroom has the same dark features as the rest of the apartment.  Black tiles cover the floor and inside of the shower.  The countertop is the same black as the bar separating the kitchen and living room.  I like it.  All of it.  The whole apartment is dark and sleek, just like Levi.  It's comfortable.

Shutting off the shower, I step out of the glass door and onto a plush white shower mat.  Snagging the white towel I had grabbed from the hall closet, I start to dry myself off when there is a knock on the door.  I freeze in towel drying my hair.

"Yes?" I say after a minute.

"I'm stepping out for a bit," Levi calls through the door.  "I need to restock my fridge, and there is a grocery store across the street."

"Wait," I call after him.  "I want to go with you.  I'm almost done."

"Okay," he says.

I listen to his footsteps fade away as I quickly finish drying myself off.  Pulling on my sweats and tank top, I hurry into the bedroom to dig my dozen or so dollars out of my backpack and stuff it in my pocket.  Before heading into the front room, I grab my fatigues jacket and pull it on.  It's the only jacket I have.  Levi is sitting on the couch, one ankle resting on the opposite knee.  He's dressed in a loose pair of dark blue jeans, a black T-shirt, and a dark green zip-up hoodie.  He's reading a book, but looks up when I enter the room.  Sticking a bookmark in his book, he closes it and places it on the coffee table.

"I'm ready to go, Captain," I say, pulling at the hem of my tank.  I feel like I should put on an actual shirt, but I don't really have one that's not ratty or says USMC on it.

Levi snorts as he stands.  "We aren't on the base anymore, brat.  Call me Levi."

"Yes, Cap- I mean... yes, Levi."

He snorts in amusement, then looks me up and down quickly.  "Do you not have any civvies?"

I shrug.  "I came straight off the streets, remember?  I have a few, but they're old and tattered."

"Hn," he murmurs.

He's thinking about something, but he doesn't say anything else, making his way to the front door.  He picks up his keys and wallet from the small table next to the door and I follow him out of the apartment.  He locks the front door and I follow him out of the building.  On the street, I see the small grocery store he had mentioned, and right next to it is gas station with a convenience store.  Perfect.

"I'm going to get something from the gas station," I tell him.  "I'll wait out front of the store."

He shoots me a questioning look, but doesn't ask, instead nodding.  "Do you need any money?"

"No," I reply quickly.  "I have... I have some money."

He nods again and walks into the grocery store.  I head next door and step into the convenience store.  Stepping up to the counter, I cringe at the prices of the cigarettes.  I can only afford one pack.  I'm about to blow my last few dollars on a pack of smokes.  This one has to be my last one.  I'll get more serious about quitting.  I'm almost there already.

The cashier slides me the pack of smokes and I hand him the crumpled bills.  Leaving the store, I open the pack and pop a cigarette between my lips.  I slip the pack into my pocket, then feel for my lighter.  Shit.  I left it in my backpack.  I'm about to pull the pack back out and put the cigarette back when I see someone walk by with a lit cigarette between his lips.  I jog up to him.

"Could I please get a light, sir?" I ask him.

"Yeah, no problem," he says in a thick Boston accent.

I put the cigarette back between my lips and he lifts a lighter to the end of my cigarette.  Once it's lit, I thank him and he continues on his way.  I step back up to the grocery store, leaning back against the cold brick wall.  I take a long drag and exhale slowly.  I watch the people walk by, hurrying along the sidewalk to get to their destination quickly and get out of the snow.  It's still falling very lightly, melting before it hits the ground.  It's leaving everything wet and slick.  I take a deep breath of the city air before taking another drag of my cigarette.  I'm already loving this city.  Even in the middle of winter, it's still busy and energetic.  Christmas lights are up in the trees lining the road and Christmas themed decorations sit in shop windows.  It's beautiful, and I love it.

"Oi," Levi suddenly says from my elbow.  "Take some of this shit."

I look over to see Levi standing there, a bunch of bags hanging on his arms and a six pack of beer in each hand.  I quickly snuff out my cigarette and toss it into an ash tray before grabbing one of the six packs and some of the bags from Levi.

Back in his apartment, I help him put the groceries away, then sit down on one of the bar stools while he gets things together to make dinner.

"You're twenty-one, right?" he asks me, rummaging through the fridge.

"Yeah," I reply.

"Good," he says, emerging with two beers and popping the top off of each, handing one to me.  He takes a swig of his own before turning back to the stove.

I sip at my beer, watching Levi as he moves around the kitchen.  This is a new side of Levi, and I'm glad I get to see it.  I love his commanding, military persona, but this is a nice change, seeing him relaxing at home, cooking over a stove and drinking a beer.

"So is there anything you want to do while you're here?" he asks.

I shrug, but then realize he can't see that.  "Well I don't know what there is to do around here.  I've never been in a big city before.  So whatever you suggest.  And if you don't want to do anything then that's cool too.  This is your home, your vacation.  So it's whatever you feel like doing."

"I'll find some things for us to do," he says.

I sip at my beer with a smile, excited for Levi to show me around this amazing city.  Watching him work over the stove, I find myself admiring his lean frame beneath his almost form fitting T-shirt.  He had removed his hoodie when we got back to the apartment, and I watch the way his muscles move beneath the skin of his bare arms.  I find myself picturing those arms on either side of me, holding his toned body above mine as we lay in bed, those muscles straining and working as he-

No.  I need to stop that train of thought right now.  I glance down at the beer in my hand.  Maybe alcohol isn't such a good idea right now, or at all during the duration of my stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO YOU SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING GUYS? CAUSE I DO.


	9. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's weird waiting a whole week to update this fic. I'm not updating Shattered Facade on Fridays anymore, so it seems like forever between posts now.... That thought just popped into my head so I thought I'd share. Heh sorry guys for my awkwardness XD Oh and speaking of awkward, I totally edited this chapter in the library at my university today. Some guy came and sat next to me at the table halfway through and instead of holding off editing my gay smut fanfiction chapter like a normal person, I totally just turned my laptop away from him and kept on editing XD Just thought I'd share that with you guys too.
> 
> BUT ANYWAY. IT'S TUESDAY. AND DO YOU ALL REMEMBER WHERE THE LAST CHAPTER LEFT OFF? BECAUSE I SURE AS CRAP DO. I'M EXCITED FOR THIS GUYS. ARE YOU?
> 
> And I know, I know, lots of Eren POV, but I feel like Eren's POV fits better during this part. But the next chapter will start with Levi's POV, so yay! This chapter is kinda short, but it's pretty much entirely smut, so hopefully that makes up for it? Hopefully?

**Eren**

The next few of days pass by in a blur.  The first morning, I had woken up to find Levi gone.  He returned not long after though with two bags that he gave to me.  They had civilian clothing inside of them.  A couple pairs of jeans, a few T-shirts, and even a couple casual button downs.  I promised I'd pay him back later, but he had dismissed the idea quickly.

Levi planned a few things out that kept us busy every day, all day long.  I was surprised when, after suggesting we drive around downtown and me questioning the cost of a taxi, he said that he has his own car.  I was even more surprised when, in a small parking garage behind the building, his car key unlocked a sleek black BMW.  I've always loved cars, even so much as keeping a list of dream cars in high school, a list of cars I knew I'd never in my life be able to afford, or even get the chance to ride in.  This particular BMW was number four on my list, if I recall correctly, and I was more than thrilled that I got to at least ride in one.  The purring engine and they way he handled the stick was a real turn on.  I tried to keep my eyes on the city around us, but it was very, very hard.

Levi showed me around downtown, gave me a tour of Fenway Park, even drove me out to Lexington and Concord.  I'm really enjoying my time with Levi, even when we're just in his apartment watching movies or playing video games.  We stay up late nearly every night, mostly talking about each other, our lives, and just random things.  I learn that Levi is very secretive about his life before he joined the Marines, but after that point in his life, he's very open.  I wonder what it is he's trying to hide.

After a couple of days, I even manage to convince him to buy a small Christmas tree which we decorated together, despite his grumbling about how much he hates the holiday.  I wonder if it has anything to do with his birthday.  With the tree decorated and sitting pretty in the corner of the family room by the television, I feel a small pang of guilt because I don't have any money to buy Levi a present, for either Christmas or his birthday.  I feel bad because he's done so much for me and I can't return the favor at all.

The night of Christmas Eve, we're sitting in his family room, him sprawled out along the entire length of the couch and me sitting on the floor near his head as we play Halo.  We had been talking, exchanging casual conversation as we played the game, but for the last about half an hour we've been silent.  A quick glance at the clock on the wall reveals that it is now an hour into Christmas.  I almost say something to Levi, but decide not to.  He always gets quiet and grumpy when I mention his birthday, so I'll just leave it for tomorrow.  Rather... later today.

When we finish playing, Levi shuts off the consol and television and stands with a stretch.  I watch his lithe frame stretch, the muscles moving and sliding beneath his skin. The hem of his sweatshirt lifts to reveal a thin strip of pale skin above his hips.  It's nearly impossible to tear my eyes from him.  Once he leaves the room with a muttered 'goodnight', I drop my head into my hands and rub viciously at my eyes.

"Dammit Eren, get it together.  It hasn't even been a week yet," I growl at myself.

But a small part of me knows that I won't be able to get it together.  This attraction I have for my captain is getting stronger and stronger, and staying here in his apartment with him is not helping the situation.  It's only compounding it.  And, as I watched Levi walk away, I realized one thing: it's no longer just a sexual attraction I have towards him anymore.  These emotions go so much deeper than that.  I... I think I'm falling for my captain.

I pound a fist into my forehead.  Damn it!  This can't be happening.  This is so bad.  I need to talk to him about this.  What I really need to do is request to be moved to a new squad.  Staying in his squad won't help this situation.  As much as the thought hurts, I know it's true, and I know it needs to be done.  So with a racing heart, I stand and make my way down the hall towards Levi's room.

I hesitate in front of the door, my fist raised to knock, but it's a full minute before I can gather the courage to connect my knuckles to the wood.  My heart is pounding in my ears and my whole body is buzzing with nerves.

"Come in," Levi's smooth voice calls back.

I tentatively open the door, but don't step inside.  He's half way through undressing for the night, standing by his laundry basket wearing only his dark sweat pants.  Okay, that's not helping at all.  He's half turned to the door, waiting for me to say what I need to say and leave so he can finish undressing.

"Uh, Captain?" I start to say, but then the words get caught in my throat.  This was a bad idea.

"I thought I told you to call me Levi while we're not at the base," he says, turning to fully face me, crossing his arms over his beautifully toned chest.  "What's wrong, Eren?"

"I, uh...."  I swallow hard.  Just spit it out.  "I think I need to be transferred to another squad."  There it is.  No going back now.

Levi frowns, his brow drawing together.  "You do realize you don't have a choice any longer, right?" he questions me, his tone now hard and serious, the same tone he uses at the base.  "Is it a problem with my leadership?"

"No, of course not, you're an amazing captain," I reply quickly.

"Then what is it?  Are you having problems with someone on my squad?" he asks, then his eyes narrow and he looks dangerously suspicious.  The look in his eyes actually scares me a little.  "Is someone harassing you?"

"No, it's nothing like that," I say, wanting to dismiss whatever thoughts are going through his head right now that are making him look so lethal.

"Then what is it, Eren?" he presses, taking a few steps towards me until he's only about a foot in front of me.

"I, uh... I have... feelings for someone, feelings I have tried unsuccessfully to get rid of.  I am afraid they will hinder my performance in your squad."  My pulse races and I feel like I'm about to hyperventilate.

He frowns.  Is that a hint of disappointment I see in his eyes?  Is he disappointed because he has to kick me out of his squad?  Why is he disappointed?

"I know Petra can come across as overly kind and even a little flirtatious but-"

"It's not Petra," I quickly cut him off.  I take a deep breath and steel my resolve, then trudge forward.  "It's you."

Time seems to stop as I wait for him to punch me.  His intense grey eyes widen, and every mask, every wall, every facade he has that keep his emotions mostly concealed all the time fall away.  So many emotions flicker across those deep eyes all at once that I have a hard time recognizing them.  My whole body is tense, waiting for the disgust, the anger, the revulsion, but they don't come.  Instead I see confusion, surprise, and... relief?

Finally, Levi collects himself again and I am shocked to see a smile start to pull at his lips.  He takes another step towards me, bringing himself right in front of me.  My breath catches in my throat.  "You are such a brat," he whispers.

Without warning, his lips fuse to mine, his arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me against him.  My heart explodes in my chest and it takes me a minute to respond.  This can't be real, can it?  This must be a dream.  I'm expecting to wake up on the floor in the living room, having fallen asleep while we played video games.  But I don't wake up.  And those firm, warm lips against mine are definitely real, as are those calloused, yet soft hands easing up under my shirt.  This is real.  This is most definitely real.

I finally manage to make my lips respond, and I kiss Levi back.  I move my hands into his hair, running them over the short fringe of his undercut then up to run through his longer, silky mop of hair.  Our lips move together, and when he bites at my lower lip, a shiver runs down my spine and I part my lips for him.  Our tongues dance, and I willingly give control over to Levi, letting his tongue explore my mouth.  I'm somewhat aware of him turning us, and moving me backwards, but it doesn't completely register until the back of my legs hit the edge of his bed.  He pulls away then, just long enough to take my shirt and pull it off over my head.  I take that split second opportunity to look into his eyes and the emotions I see flickering in those deep grey depths are emotions I'm not used to seeing, at least not in his eyes.  I see desire, elation, relief, and most of all, lust.

His lips find mine again, his eager hands falling back to my hips, and then I'm falling.  He lands above me, his strong arms catching himself.  As we position ourselves further up on the bed, I let my hands touch him, wander up and down his beautifully sculpted chest and abs.  When I run my hands up his back, I can feel the calloused skin that matches the pattern of his body harness.  I can feel the shift and strain of the muscles in his shoulders as he moves above me.

His lips move from mine, and I almost complain until they find the sensitive spot on my neck just under my jaw.  His lips explore my neck, sucking and biting, sending shivers up and down my spine.  I feel him shift, his knees coming up to rest on either side of my hips to keep him balanced while his hands resume their wandering of my body, a body I am actually quite proud of now, thanks to his vigorous training.  His long fingers lightly skim down my chest and abdomen, leaving trails of burning fire in their wake.  When they reach the waistline of my sweats, they take hold, but hesitate.  There is a question in the hesitation.  He's making sure it's okay.

Without even the slightest hesitation, I lift my hips from the bed so that he can pull down my sweats.  His lips find mine again as I kick my sweats the rest of the way off.  I'm not wearing anything underneath and I'm already painfully hard.  A blush creeps up onto my cheeks that embarrasses me.  When did I turn into a blushing schoolgirl?  This isn't my first time undressing in front of another man.  I am in no way a virgin.  That ship sailed long, long ago.  There's just something about Levi, something about the older man that makes this seem so right, so real.  There is no sense of dread or impending regret that I have to snuff out, only to face the next morning.  No, this is right.  Levi is right.  Levi doesn't seem to notice the color in my cheeks, and his hands resume their wandering of my body.  I long for his hands to explore something else though.

I quickly reach for the hem of his sweats to pull them down as well.  To my surprise, he's not wearing anything underneath his either.  When he pulls back from me slightly so that he can kick his sweats off, I sneak a glance down his body.  His well muscled thighs sport the same rough skin that matches the straps of his body harness.  And in between those strong legs, I see that he's just as hard as I am.  I swallow hard, my own feeling of lust hitting me full force.  I just want him to push my legs apart and shove that thick cock up my-

His hand finds my erection at the same time his lips find my left nipple, effectively cutting off my train of thought.  An involuntary gasp leaves my lips, followed by a low, guttural groan as his fingers run up the underside of my length.  My eyes slip closed as I throw my head back into the pillows.  His teeth nibble and suck at my nipple as his hand closes around my erection.  His hand feels so smooth, despite its calluses, as it plays with my cock.  His thumb rubs over the head, spreading the droplets it finds there as his lips move to my other nipple and tease it like they teased the other one.

"God, Levi," I moan as his hands and lips continue to tease.

His hand suddenly disappears from my cock, but then he's moving down my body, leaving a trail of kisses and bites until his mouth finds my erection.  I inhale sharply, my breath catching in my throat when he tongue circles around the base of my cock before trailing up the underside.  A loud, almost embarrassing groan leaves my lips when his mouth closes over my head, his tongue swirling around the crown and dipping into the slit.  My hands find his silky black hair, seemingly of their own accord, and I fight the urge to buck my hips up into his face.

His hands trail down my sides, finding my hips and taking hold as he works his mouth up and down the length of my cock.  His lips and tongue do things to me that I never could've even imagined.  My whole body is buzzing, a heat growing in my groin.  I've never felt so good in my entire life, and this is not my first blow job.  Levi puts those few others to shame.

When his lips leave my cock, I moan in disappointment.  He moves back up my body, stretching to reach into the drawer of his nightstand.  His chest hovers inches above my face and I can't stop myself from running my fingers down his sides, across his stomach, towards his cock.  I take it in my hand and tease.  I feel him shudder beneath my fingers.  He finds what he was looking for and tosses it onto the bed next to my shoulder.  I manage to catch a glimpse of the lube and condom before Levi's lips are devouring mine again.

"You bring... a lot of guys... back here?" I tease around his lips.

"Shut up, brat," he growls back.  His voice is thick with lust and desire, and it makes me shudder.

I stroke his throbbing cock a few more times before I grab the condom from the sheets.  When I remove my hand to open the small package, Levi grabs the lube and pops the cap, squeezing a liberal amount onto his fingers.  As I grab his cock to slip in the condom, his fingers lower to my entrance.  He circles my passage with his slick fingers, then presses one finger in.  I gasp, but it turns into a moan as he pushes that finger all the way in.

"You are so... beautiful," he breathes into my ear, his lips ghosting down my jaw as his finger slowly and carefully preps me.

I cringe at the word.  "Handsome," I argue, then groan when he adds a second finger.

"Beautiful," he insists.

He silences any argument I might have by fusing his lips back with mine.  His slick fingers message my passage, stretching and loosening me up.  He presses his fingers in deep, and they find my prostate.  My whole body sings, and an involuntary cry leaves my lips as he strokes that spot.  My vision blurs and my toes curl.  I fight to keep from exploding right then and there.

When Levi suddenly removes his fingers, and I feel his weight shift on the bed, I force my eyes open.  He takes my knees in his hands and pushes them apart, back towards my chest.  He positions himself between my legs, his body hovering over mine.  His grey eyes lock onto mine and I see something glowing in those depths, something more than just lust and desire.  I've never seen it before, from anyone, and I can't put a name to it, but it makes me feel warm all over.  I like that look, and I wish it will never go away.

Levi hesitates, his body above mine, his cock poised at my entrance.  "Are you sure about this, Eren?" his soft voice asks.  "It's not too late to say no."

What the hell is he talking about?  Does he think he's forcing me?  Does he think that I don't want this as much as he obviously does?  Is he worried that I might come to regret this after?  Does he not see how happy I am?  Does he not know how perfect this is?  I growl at him, and by way of answer, I fist my hands in his soft hair and pull him down into a deep kiss while my legs wrap around his waist.  He returns the growl against my lips and moves his hips forward.  He guides his cock to my entrance, then slowly pushes in.

There is a fleeting sense of pain, a burn as his cock pushes past that ring of muscle, but it soon is replaced with sheer pleasure as he slowly starts to fill me.  Levi's lips leave mine and he groans, a deep, guttural sound that drives me crazy.  He buries his face in my neck and I feel his teeth nip at the sensitive skin there.

"Fuck," I groan loudly when he's seated fully inside me.

"Okay?" he murmurs into my neck.  His breathing is ragged, his body tense, like he's trying very hard to reign himself in.

"Perfect," I breathe.  When he doesn't move, I tighten my legs around his waist and lick the skin beneath his ear, making him shiver.  "You gonna move, old man?"

He growls into my neck, pulling out then slamming back into me.  I gasp, clawing at his back.  He lifts his face from my shoulder and there is a devious smirk pulling at his lips.  "Like that?" he asks, his voice rough.

"Yes, Captain," I breathe.

Levi groans, rocking his hips into mine.  His hands find my hips and lift them up slightly, positioning himself better between my legs.  He finds a steady, fast rhythm, and I come apart beneath him, groaning and grunting like an animal.

"Ah, fuck... L-Levi... ahhh," I moan, my fingers raking across his back.

"Shit..." he growls, thrusting deeply into me.  "God, Eren....  Fuck...."

He angles himself deeper, hitting that spot again and causing my vision to fade momentarily.  It takes me a moment to realize that the loud cry echoing through the room came from my mouth.  I can feel his hands on my hips, gripping hard enough to bruise, but right now I really don't care.  I run one hand up his neck to fist in his hair, pulling him down so I can devour his lips with mine.  He groans into my mouth, our tongues dancing and exploring each other's mouths.  With my free hand, I reach in between our sweaty bodies to grab my own cock and start pumping it in time to his thrusts.

When his cock hits my prostate again, I can't fight it anymore.  I cry Levi's name as I feel my groin tighten and fire races from my balls into my cock to explode across mine and Levi's stomachs.  I can't see, I can't breathe, and my heart is about to punch through my ribcage.  Everything tingles, everything buzzes, everything feels so _good_.  Levi continues his thrusting, adding to the insane wave of pleasure that is coursing through my body.

"Fuck!" Levi growls, burying his face in my neck.

He slams his cock deep into me one last time before his movements slow and a shudder rocks his body.  He's breathing hard, his breath warm against the sweaty skin of my neck.  His strong arms are shaking ever so slightly, but he doesn't move, doesn't pull out of me.  I fight to catch my breath as well, keeping my legs around his waist and my arms draped lazily over his neck.

After a long minute of laying there in total content, he slowly pulls back from me, his limp member sliding from my wrecked body.  I let my legs fall from around his waist, my arms from around his neck, and I just lay there, sprawled across his sweaty white comforter, too sated to move.  It's a weird feeling.  I've been in this position before, I've slept with many other guys- topped and bottomed- but I've never felt so good about it.  Maybe it's because we're not in a dirty alley?  Maybe it's because I didn't do it to score drugs or cigarettes?  Maybe it's because I'm not getting shoved off the bed with a 'you're a great fuck, Eric, now leave'?  Maybe it's because Levi isn't some drugged up teenager with rotten teeth and alcohol breath?  Maybe it's because Levi is smart, fit, caring, accomplished, and oh so hot.  Maybe it's because I actually... I actually have feelings for Levi.  Whatever the reason may be, for once in my life, I don't immediately regret sleeping with someone.  My past is my past and I accept that, I know I can't change it, but I really wish that _this_ had been my first time.

Levi sits back on his heels, his chest still heaving and his forehead and chest glistening with sweat.  He pulls off the condom and ties a quick knot before tossing it into the trash can beside the nightstand.  Leaning forward, he kisses me deeply but briefly before climbing off the bed and heading towards what must be his bathroom.  I watch him until his ass disappears through the door.

Staring back up at the ceiling, I inhale deeply through my nose, hold it for a couple seconds, then exhale through my mouth.  I know I must have a shit-eating grin on my face, but I don't care.  I'm just so... elated.  I'm on cloud nine.  I can't even describe the emotions that are coursing through me right now.  I've dreamt about this ever since I first laid eyes on him. 

When I finally am able to move, I roll off the bed.  My ass is sore, but it only makes me smile as I pad barefoot and naked out of Levi's room and into the hallway bathroom.  I would've been totally content to never get up and to fall asleep right there in Levi's bed, but I know how he is about cleanliness, and I am starting to feel uncomfortably sticky.  I also would've joined Levi in his bathroom, but he didn't say anything when he left.  He didn't even look back at me.  Maybe he didn't want me to join him.

I think about that as I turn the shower on and wait for the water to warm up.  What was this to him?  To me, it was the start of something great, something real.  But for him, was this just a one-and-done?  Now that he's satisfied his lust, am I just his private again, and him my captain?  My feel good mood takes a nose dive as that thought sinks in.  I shower in a daze, trying to keep my sudden depression from making me cry.  I really thought I had found something in Levi, something that had been missing in my life.  But it seems like I was blinded, that my infatuation had me seeing Levi as a diamond in the rough, when really it was just a shiny shit.  Maybe Levi really is like all my past sexual partners, having sex with me just to get laid or because he wants something.

Despite all this running through my mind, I don't hate him.  On the contrary, I am still head over heels for him.  I'm probably just overreacting.  Levi isn't exactly the most talkative person.  His eyes sure were expressive tonight though, and it seemed like there was more in their depths than just lust.  The way he kissed me, the way he touched me....  This had to be more than just getting laid.  At least, that's what I try to convince myself of as I finish showering.

Stepping across the hall into my bedroom, I pull on a pair of boxers and flop back onto my bed.  With a sigh, I run a hand through my hair and turn onto my side, away from the door to face the window.  I stare at the night sky, at the city still glowing despite the late- or rather very early- hour.

"Oi, brat," Levi's voice says from the doorway.

I startle, shooting upright and looking back over my shoulder.  He's wearing only a pair of sweats, his arms crossed over his bare chest.  His black hair is damp from a shower, still clinging to his forehead a little.  I can't read any emotion on his face, but his grey eyes are bright.

"Yes, Cap- uh... Levi?"

He raises an eyebrow at me, then, suddenly, he seems strangely nervous and he ducks his head.  "Well, I'm going to bed now.  I changed the sheets and I... I'd like for you to join me.  If you want to.  Do whatever you want."

He leaves the doorway, heading back to his room, leaving me sitting there in shock.  My eyes are wide and my mouth is hanging open.  I've never seen him so unsure before.  He's always so confident.  About everything.  Is he worried about all the things I was just worrying about?

That shit-eating grin is back on my face as I vault off the bed and race down the hall towards his room.  He has his back towards me, standing at the foot of the bed straightening the new navy blue comforter.  I run at him, and before he can turn around, I leap onto his back.  His soldier instincts take over and I laugh as he drops his shoulder, grabbing my arm and flipping me over him to land with a muffled thud and a bounce on the bed.  I'm still laughing as he stares at me with wide eyes and a rigid stance for a moment, then collects himself again.  He rolls his eyes at me before crossing the room to shut off the lights.  I scoot up further onto the bed and pull the covers over me, listening to him walk back over to the bed.  He appears on my side of the bed and crawls under the covers, shoving me over with an elbow to the ribs.

"This is my side, brat," he snaps at me and I laugh, rolling the rest of the way over to the other side of the bed.

I turn my back to my captain and fidget until I get comfortable, nuzzling down into the pillows.  We're still and completely quiet for a moment, but then I hear Levi shift.  A strong arm wraps around my waist, pulling me back into a solid chest.  I feel Levi nuzzle the back of my neck and my smile grows even more, if that's even possible.

"Goodnight, Levi," I murmur into the darkness.  "Happy birthday."

"Shut up and go to sleep, brat," he growls into my neck.

I laugh and, after a few minutes, I follow his orders and fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Am I right guys? The ship has officially set sail XD
> 
> Now back to studying 'Legal Constitutional Cases on Criminal Justice' *keels over*
> 
> [titaneren-jaeger](http://titaneren-jaeger.tumblr.com/)


	10. Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay finally a Levi POV chapter!
> 
> Getting a little more of a look into Levi's past, and the two cuties being cute doing cute date things together! X3

**Levi**

When I wake, it's still dark.  A glance at the clock reveals that it's just after six in the morning.  It takes a minute for the events of last night to come back to me, but they do when I feel the weight on my chest and legs.  Eren's head is resting on my chest, his hand on my stomach, and one leg thrown over the top of mine.  His breath tickles my skin as he snores lightly.  I don't want to move from this spot.  A smile pulls at my lips.  I can't remember ever feeling this happy before.  I wasn't this happy when Erwin found me and offered me a life away from that shithole I grew up in.  There is just something about this brat sprawled over the top of my body that fills me with a warm feeling that makes me feel good, complete.

As I lay there in bed, running my fingers lightly through Eren's soft brown hair, the full realization of what happened last night starts to sink in.  I slept with one of my subordinates.  By giving in to my growing desires, I broke nearly a dozen regulations.  I could get discharged for this.  Eren could get discharged for this.  And if Eren gets discharged, he'll be sent to prison.  I can't let that happen.  I _won't_ let that happen.  Nobody will ever find out.

The easiest way to keep this a secret would be to never let it happen again.  But I'm not sure I'm strong enough to make that choice.  Last night was inarguably the best night of my life, and I fully intend to have more nights just like that one.  And I don't know Eren's past at all, but if it's anything like mine, it was full of men- or women, or both- that used him and tossed him aside like trash.  I don't want to be another one of those people.  I want to be something more, something real.  But if we keep up an intimate relationship, someone will eventually find out.  And it will most likely be after we fuck up an operation because we were trying to protect each other.  Well, that will happen whether we pursue an intimate relationship or not.  I care greatly for the brat, and even though I try to convince myself that I would be able to do my job and leave him behind if something were to happen, I know that I won't.

Eren's solution last night would actually be the best solution if it were possible.  Transferring him to another squad would allow us to pursue a relationship without breaking any regulations.  However, when Eren agreed to stay on my squad what seems like forever ago, Erwin specifically said that he won't be allowed to leave until his one year is up.  If I were to go to him and ask him to reconsider, he'd ask questions, questions I wouldn't be able to answer.

I look down at Eren's sleeping face.  It's so relaxed and peaceful.  He's so young.  Does he even know how old I am?  If he found out that I am thirteen... now fourteen years his superior, would it bother him?  Should it bother me to be with someone so young?  I realize that it doesn't.  When I look at him I don't see an age nearly half mine, I see a beautiful young man full of life and spirit and heart.  I see someone that has already stolen my own heart.

Slowly, and oh so carefully, I ease Eren's head off of my chest and onto the pillow.  It would seem that he's a heavy sleeper, considering he doesn't stir in the slightest.  I ease my legs out from under his, and once I'm free, I climb out of the bed.  Rounding the bed, I riffle through my dresser until I find a pair of sweatpants and a thick USMC hooded sweatshirt.  I leave my vigorous workout routine for the base, but even when I'm home, I have to at least go for a run.  I can't go two and a half weeks without exercising at all.

A glance out the floor to ceiling window reveals that it's snowing ever so slightly.  Hopefully it won't hinder me.  I glance back at Eren as I leave the room.  I can't describe how much I like seeing him sleeping in my bed.  There's a smile on my lips as I leave the room, leaving the apartment, and head out into the dark, cold morning.  My breath steams in the air as I pull my hood up over my head.  There is a thin layer of snow covering the ground, but the sidewalks and roads must have just been cleared.  The fact that it's six o'clock on Christmas morning means that I have the streets mostly to myself.  I only see a handful of other people and cars as I make my way through the unusually quiet city.  The cold air and snow nips at my nose and cheeks, but running keeps my body warm.

I let the cold air clear my head, clear it of the nagging worry about the complication of Eren and my relationship, clear it of worrying about how to hide my feelings for him, clear it of fearing the repercussions if someone were to find out.  Instead, I think of Eren still asleep in my bed, of last night.  My mind replays the sensual noises he made, the way he moved beneath me, the feeling of his accelerated pulse against my lips when I kissed his neck.  I've been with other men and women, but none have ever left me feeling like this.  I've never enjoyed being with someone the way I enjoyed being with Eren last night.  Usually I really enjoy running because it allows me to step away from everything and be... free.  But this morning, I find that I want my run to be over soon so that I can go back to my apartment and be with Eren.

Eleven miles and nearly an hour later, I'm slowing to a walk in front of my apartment building.  Stepping in out of the cold winter air, I rub my hands together as I hurry towards the stairwell.  When I open the front door of my apartment, the sound of sizzling grease on the stove and the strong scent of bacon hits me.  Eren is at the stove, wearing a pair of pajama bottoms and an apron.  He looks up when I enter and he smiles.

"How was your run?" he asks.

"You should've run with me, lazy brat," I retort, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Hey, I'm on vacation, Captain.  You can't make me exercise," he says, humor in his tone as he points the spatula at me.  He laughs when I roll my eyes and turns his attention back to the skillet.  "I hope you're hungry."

"I didn't know you could cook," is my answer as I head towards the hallway.  "Don't burn the fucking apartment down."

"You have absolutely no faith in me," he exhales with a shake of his head.

"Damn right I don't," I call back down the hall.

If he replies, it's lost when I pass through the doorway of my room and disappear into the bathroom.  I exhale sharply, leaning on the counter for a moment before shrugging out of my sweatshirt and sweatpants.  Our exchange moments ago was no different than any other morning since we've been here.  I don't know what I was expecting.  We were already getting comfortable around each other in a casual setting.  Did last night make it awkward for him?  I recall a tension in his bare shoulders as he worked over the stove, but there was a glow in his mesmerizing green eyes.  Sometimes it's too hard to read that brat.

I decide to let it go for now.  I'll try to let Eren decide our pace from here, if he decides to pursue anything at all.  If he does, we'll have to talk about what will have to happen when we get back to the base, but that can wait for now.  Stepping into the shower, I let the hot spray wash away any doubts I may have.  This all is very new, and very unexpected.  I need to calm down and just let things happen as they will.

When I step back into the front room, dressed in a lose pair of jeans and a plain black T-shirt, I see Eren sitting on the couch, his knees raised to his chest, a game controller in his hands, and a piece of bacon sticking out of his mouth.  His face is contorted into a look of concentration, the end of the bacon twitching in his lips.  It's actually quiet adorable.

I sit down next to him and when he looks over at me, I lean in to take the rest of the bacon on my mouth, biting it off and leaving him with a kiss.  His eyes widen and his cheeks color.  Sucking the remaining stub of bacon into his mouth, a slow smile pulls at his lips and he focuses back on the game.  He pauses it, then sets the controller down onto the coffee table before standing and padding over to the bar separating the small kitchen from the living room.  A plate of bacon, bowl of eggs, two cups of coffee, and two empty plates sit on the bar, and he takes a seat at one of the place settings.  I stand from the couch and slide onto the stool next to him.

We eat in what starts as a comfortable silence, but slowly turns awkward.  Eren is thinking hard about something, and I can practically feel the tension rolling off of him.  Something is bothering him.

"Oi, spit it out, brat," I say, breaking the silence.

Eren startles slightly, then ducks his head with a shrug.  I exhale sharply, dropping my half eaten piece of bacon back on my plate and turning to face him.

"Don't give me that shit.  There's something on your mind.  You suck at hiding it, so tell me," I say.

He slowly looks up at me, also turning to face me.  He just stares at me for a moment, his green eyes a sea of torment and... fear?, before he finally speaks.  "First, I guess I... I want to know what last night... you know... what it meant to you," he says, his voice unsure.

I sigh, running my hand through my damp hair.  I was hoping to have a little more time to enjoy this, preferably with Eren and preferably in my bed, before we had this talk.  But it needed to happen eventually.

"It meant more to me than you're probably thinking," I start by saying.  "I don't know what you did to me, but you've turned my life upside down.  There's something about you that drives me crazy, and one roll in the sack is not all I was looking for.  I don't know if that's what you wanted to hear or not, but that's what it meant to me."

His eyes are wide in shock, and I can definitely see a flicker of happiness in those green depths.  Suddenly, he's throwing himself at me, and I just barely manage to catch him while keeping us on the stool.  I hold him tight as his arms constrict around my neck and he buries his face in my hair.

"I feel the same way," he murmurs.  "I was afraid you just wanted a one night stand though.  I can't read you very well, and sometimes that scares me."  He says this last sentence with a forced laugh before pulling back from me.

"I've had a lot of one night stands and meaningless sexual partners, Eren," I tell him, "but none of them made me feel the way I did last night.  You're not one of those people.  You're something more.  And I want more from you than I did from the others."

He nods.  "I can relate."

That one small sentence makes me cringe internally.  He's so innocent, so sweet.  To imagine him in my shoes growing up on the streets, doing the things I had to do in order to survive, imagining those disgusting men putting their filthy hands on him and stealing his innocence....  It infuriates me.  It makes my blood boil.  I can't stand the thought of Eren- _my_ Eren- having to go through those things the way I had to.

"And I feel the exact same way.  I had those same thoughts last night when I was trying to decide how you felt.  But...."  He hesitates, looking back at his plate.  "What will happen when we go back?  I'm not familiar with all the rules of the Marines, but I doubt that we'll be allowed to be together, like _that_ anyways...."

"You're right," I say.  "It is against regulations for soldiers of the same unit to pursue an intimate relationship, even more so for a captain and his subordinate.  If we continue this, we'll have to keep it a secret.  You aren't allowed to leave my squad and the only other alternative is prison, and I won't allow that.  I can't leave either, mostly because I would never be able to come up with a reason that Erwin would accept.  If I gave him the real reason, he would choose to discharge you instead since you are much more easily replaced.  The only way for us to remain together and to keep you out of prison will be to hide our relationship."

He nods, seemingly accepting what I'm saying.  "And if anyone finds out?"

"We'll both be discharged, and for you that means a prison sentence," I tell him, but then frown and lean close to him, our noses inches from each other.  "Listen to me, brat.  If we pursue this, you need to promise me that you won't let it affect your job.  You are a Marine first and foremost, my lover second."  God damn the smile that creeps onto his face and the overjoyed look in his eyes at the word.  "There is a reason why relationships within units are prohibited.  If things go bad during deployment, you need to be able to put your feelings aside and react rationally.  I will be doing the same with you.  If I have to chose between you and the rest of my squad, I will leave you to save the many, just as I'd do with anyone else on my squad.  If I have to chose between the success of the operation and you, the operation will come first.  I may not like it, but that's how it has to happen.  Promise me you'll do the same."  It's all a lie.  I know I'd never be able to do the things I am telling him, but I need to say it.

He nods, but his eyes are wide and worried.  He turns back to his breakfast, and the tension seems to start dissipating.  But there is another, unrelated concern on my mind, one that I can't let go despite how hard I try.  Perhaps that's simply because of what day it is.

"Eren, do you know how old I am?" I ask, not looking at him.

"Oh!  That's right.  It's your birthday today.  Happy birthday, Levi," he smirks.

"Shut up and answer the question, brat," I growl.

"There are a lot of things I don't know about you, mostly dealing with your past, but that is one thing I do know.  Petra told me," he says, his voice still cheery.  But then he grows a little more serious.  "It doesn't bother me, Levi.  Age is just a number.  Does _my_ age bother _you_?"

"No," I reply automatically, not even having to think about it.

"Exactly," he smiles.  He leans in to press a kiss to my cheek.  "So don't worry about it."

I nod and sip at the still steaming coffee before standing and crossing over to the little Christmas tree Eren made me buy.  I feel his eyes watching me as I kneel and pull a small box from the lowest branches of the tree.  It was a spur-of-the-moment decision to bring this with me and give it to Eren as a Christmas gift.  It was given to me by Grisha eight years ago to pass on to Carla.  I don't know why he wanted me to give it to her, but I never got the chance.  It was that night that she was killed, and it has been sitting in a drawer in my desk ever since.  It's only right that I pass it on to Eren.  I hid it in the branches because I didn't want Eren to know I had gotten him anything.  I didn't want him to feel like he needed to get me something in return.  I know that he doesn't have any money, and I don't want anything anyway.  Besides, I didn't spend any money on it, and it belongs with him in the first place.

Walking back over to a wide eyed Eren, I hand him the small box.  "Merry Christmas, brat."

"You got me something?"

"It's something I've been holding on to for a long time.  One day, when you're ready, I'll tell you about it.  But for now, stop freaking out and just open it."

He smiles and wiggles the top off the box.  Inside, on a cushion of tissue paper, is a golden key on a long cord.  His eyes light up and he removes the necklace from the box, slipping the long cord over his head before picking up the old fashioned looking key to look at it closer.

"Wow, Levi, this is nice," he says, looking up at me with a dazzling smile.  "I love it, thank you."

"You're welcome," I reply, sipping at my coffee.

"But, I didn't get you anything," he frowns, lowering the key back to his chest.

I shrug, then look at him with a smirk.  "You did give me something very, very early this morning."

"That counts?" he asks, his eyes glowing deviously.  "Well, if that's the case, can I give you your birthday present right now?"

"You most certainly may," I reply.

Before he can move, I slide off my stool and duck down, grabbing his waist and tossing him over my shoulder.  He gasps as he flips upside down, his legs flailing in the air in front of me.  I carry him into my bedroom, laughing as he half-heartedly protests my man-handling him.  And for the first time in my life, I honestly enjoy my birthday present.

...

"Where are we going?" he asks, again, staring out the window of my car as he plays with the key around his neck.

"My answer is the same as it was the last dozen times you asked: you will see," I reply, shifting gears as I accelerate from a stop light.  The engine purrs, rumbling beneath our seats and a huge grin spreads across Eren's face.

"Have I told you how much I love your car?" he says.  "In high school, I had a list of dream cars, cars I'd buy if I ever struck it rich.  This car was fourth on my list, I think.  I wanted a silver one though."

"You have told me once or twice," I say with an amused smile.  That was a little bit of an understatement.  "Before I joined the Marines, cars, and which ones I wanted, were the furthest from my mind.  I couldn't tell you the difference between a truck and a sedan.  But when I moved to the base, when they taught me how to drive the jeeps, I fell in love with driving.  I wanted a car of my own, and I was going to buy a jeep like the ones at the base, but I saw this one on display at the BMW dealership downtown and I knew instantly that I wanted it.  That was about two years ago."

He nods, but there is a thoughtful look on his face.  "I know you lived on the streets, but other than that I really don't know anything about your life before the Marines," he says.  He looks over at me and I can see the questions in his eyes, but I can also see the reservation.  He doesn't want to overstep a line.

"My life before the Marines was not a happy one," I warn him.  It's been a few days since Christmas, and I was beginning to wonder when these questions would come up.  Now that we're intimate, I'm sure he wants to know.  I already know a little about his past.  He knows nothing about mine.

"I'm not unaccustomed to unhappy stories," he replies.  His eyes are wide, like he can't believe that I'm about to open up to him about my life.  It's not surprising.  Nobody knows about that part of my life except for Erwin.  I don't like telling people.  But with Eren, something about him makes me want to open up completely and share everything with him.  I won't, because there are some things that are best left alone and not shared, but regardless, I don't want to hide who I am, who I was, from him.

"I don't remember a life before I lived on the streets," I start.  "For all I know, I was born there.  I never knew my parents.  I was part of a street gang that cared for me and kept me alive, but I left them when I was around seven or eight, I think.  I ran on my own for a long time.  It was hard, but I kept myself fit and I learned very quickly how to fight and kill in order to protect myself, with the help of an old fucker who probably ruined me more than he helped me.  It's his last name that I carry now, only because I needed a last name to apply for the Marines, and his is the only one I've ever known.  I did a lot of... questionable things out of survival.  When I was about twenty-one or so, I found two people that I connected closely with.  Rather, they latched onto me, wanting my skills for protection, but they grew on me and I on them.  I taught them everything I knew, and together the three of us were notorious street thugs.  It was three years later that Erwin hunted us down and recruited us for a special assignment with the Marine Corps.  He needed the skills we possessed, and we agreed, albeit reluctantly, to help him.  The temporary assignment became a permanent squad, and I never left."

He's quiet for a few moments, his body fully turned in his seat to face me.  "Wow... and I thought my life sucked...."

"It's not a contest, brat," I tell him.  "You had a very hard life growing up.  My experiences in no way diminish yours."

He shrugs.  "Your two friends, are they still on the squad?  Who are they?  Eld and-"

"They died," I cut him off.  My grip is tight on the steering wheel and on the stick.  I try to take a couple of deep breaths to calm the sudden influx of negative emotions.  It's been a very long time since they died, but it still feels fresh.  Maybe it's because their deaths were my fault, because I wasn't there to protect them.

"Oh... I'm sorry Levi.  I didn't-"

"Don't apologize.  You didn't know," I say, keeping my eyes on the road ahead of me.

A hand lightly placed over the top of mine draws my thoughts from the negative path they were starting to head down.  I look down at Eren's hand on top of mine on the stick, then up in his eyes.  They're soft, comforting.  I could drown in those green depths.  When I look back at the road, he leans over and presses a kiss to my cheek.

"I'm sorry I brought up a sensitive topic," he apologizes, then straightens out in his seat.  "Are we there yet?"  His tone is still soft.  He's deliberately trying to change the subject.

"Yes," I reply, pulling into a parking lot and finding a spot away from all the other cars.  I don't want some asshole to dent my car with their door.

Eren's eyes widen as he climbs out of the car.  On the other side of the parking lot is a large ice rink, a handful of couples and children skating around on the ice.  Eren takes it all in, and I can't tell if he's excited or nervous.  I walk around the front of the car and he hesitantly falls into step beside me as I make my way to the small building where we can rent skates.  I can see it now: he's nervous.

"I've never been ice skating before.  I've never even roller bladed," he says.

"If you have the balance needed to use 3DMG, ice skating shouldn't be hard.  It's just a different kind of balancing," I reassure him.  "Remember the exercise I had you do where you stood on top of the bar?"

"Yeah...  I fell a lot."

"Well, it's similar to that.  You'll be fine.  You're supposed to fall on your ass the first time you ice skate."

"Did you?" he retorts, a suspicious look in his eyes.

"I've never been ice skating either," I admit.

He snorts as we walk into the small shack.  "You won't fall.  You have the balance and coordination of a god.  I'll just hang onto you for balance."

"I _will_ fall if I have your heavy ass hanging off of me the whole time."

He laughs.  We get our skates from the older man at the front counter and take a seat near the back door that leads into the ice rink.  I pull off my boots, as does Eren, and we pull on the skates, lacing them up tight.  Shoving our boots and blade coverings into an empty locker, I stand and lower a hand to Eren.  He takes it and hesitantly stands.  He wobbles slightly and grabs onto my arms.  A smirk pulls at my lips.

"This is going to be entertaining," I chuckle as we take the few steps across the rubber mat to the ice.

He shoots me a glare.  I laugh again, stepping out onto the ice and pushing off the mat.  Just as I suspected, it's not too difficult.  It feels a little different, but the last ten years of my life have been spent gaining complete control of my balance and coordination.  Balancing on two blades, even on the slippery ice, isn't as hard as keeping myself upright while I fly through the air in my maneuvering gear.  I circle back around towards the door where Eren is still standing unsure in the doorway.  I slide to a stop and hold out my hand.

"I'm calling bullshit," he grumbles.  "You've done this before."

"I have not," I insist.  "You'll be fine, brat."

He exhales sharply, then steps out onto the ice.  He doesn't even get his second skate onto the ice before his first goes out from under him and he lands with a _thud_ on his ass.  He glares up at me when I chuckle, unable to help myself.  I reach down and grab his arm, helping him back to his feet.  He immediately latches onto my arms, holding himself close to me as he tries to find his balance on the ice.

I'm a little uncomfortable at the way he clings to me because it shows an obviously high level of intimacy.  People look our way.  I can feel their judging eyes.  Whether they're judging us because we're two men, or because of the age gap, or both, I can't tell, but it makes me uncomfortable which actually surprises me.  Since when have I cared what others think about me?  My whole life has been full of people who have judged me, positively and negatively.  When I lived on the streets, I was judged negatively and looked down upon.  I was trash, and I was a thug.  After I joined the Marines, I've been judged positively and held in high esteem.  I am respected as a soldier of the United States.  All of these judgments are less superficial than a handful of people judging that I, a thirty-something year old man, am intimately involved with a barely twenty-something year old man.  So why does it bother me?

Frowning in determination, I place my hands on Eren's hips and push off my skates so that we glide slowly, backwards for me and forward for him.  He manages to stay upright for a few feet, but then ends up on his ass again.  I help him up and pull him back against me.

"How can you use your maneuvering gear so easily, and not be able to stay upright on a pair of skates?" I question him.

"Maybe you're forgetting that it took me a week to pass that stupid balance test," he retorts, most of his focus directed on his feet.  "I am obviously balance impaired.  And my ass is going to be one giant bruise by the time we're done here."

I lean in close so that we're not overheard.  "I'll kiss it and make it better when we get home," I murmur into his ear.

When I pull back, he's blushing brightly and staring at his feet.  I chuckle and step back from him, releasing him completely as I skate backwards.  He flails, cursing at me as he tries to follow.

"Watch your mouth, brat.  There are children here," I tease.

"Fine, then _duck_ you, Levi.  Get your _derriere_ back over here before I kick the _poop_ out of you," he retorts.

I laugh, continuing to skate away from him.  He's starting to get the hang of it now, and he's catching up to me.  After a few dozen feet, I let him catch up and latch onto me.  He takes hold of my arm as I spin to face the same direction as him, and I keep a hand on the small of his back.

Eren eventually figures it out, and we spend another couple of hours on the ice.  I slowly start to feel more comfortable touching him, and having him touch me, to the point that I even let him kiss me.  Eren only falls two more times, once trying to avoid a child, and the other because he tried to get me to fall and failed.  We circle the rink, almost always holding onto each other in one way or another.  Mostly, he holds my hand, his fingers intertwined with mine as I tow him around the rink.

We're walking back to my car, Eren's arm draped over my shoulders- damn him for being taller than me- and my arm wrapped around his waist when the I hear the judgment I feared not too long ago voiced out loud.  A group of teenagers, wearing thick hoodies and carrying skateboards, laughs and points as we pass where they are goofing off in the parking lot.  I feel Eren tense, and he starts to draw away from me.  I grab his belt loop though and hold him against my side.

"Ignore them," I murmur to him.  "Don't be ashamed of who you are."

"Guess fags his own age aren't good enough," one of them says loudly, despite that Eren and I are passing right in front of him.  "You like fucking a baby, old man?"

Eren suddenly spins, a fist raised to punch the boy.  I react quickly enough, snagging his raised arm and wrapping the other around his waist, turning him so that he's facing away from the boys.  They laugh, continuing their taunting.  I look back over my shoulder, shooting them the coldest look I can muster.  It obviously does its job, because their laughter instantly dies, and they stare back at me with wide, afraid eyes before they take off.  I focus back on Eren, releasing my controlling grip on his arm and body.  I step in front of him, looking him in the eye.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" I question him.

He shakes his head.  "Sorry," he murmurs as I lead him the rest of the way to the car.

"You have nothing to be sorry for.  If you weren't currently serving a court sentence, I wouldn't have stopped you.  That kid really needs a good punch in the mouth.  They all do," I growl.  "I should've done it myself."

He looks over at me from under the fall of his brown bangs.  A smirk pulls at his sweet lips.  "I'm glad you didn't.  I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself... old man."

Faster than he can blink, I wrap my arm around his neck, pulling him down and against my side in a headlock.  His surprise allows me to do it with absolutely no resistance.  Pathetic.  Has my training taught him nothing?  The key hanging around his neck even smacks him in the face, as if for good measure.  He's laughing as he pushes against my arm and back, trying to get his head free.

"Who's an old man?" I question, holding him down.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" he laughs.

I release him, pulling him down for a kiss once he straightens.  He's still giddy, a giggle escaping his lips as we continue back to my car.  He's already forgetting about those kids, already cheering back up again.  I'm glad.  I'd hate for our wonderful morning to have been completely ruined because of one snarky comment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *on a completely unrelated note* So I've been working on another *much less angsty* ereri fic that I've been really iffy on, which is why I haven't started posting it yet. I started it right before I went into a writing slump, so the whole beginning felt so shot. BUT. Now that I've broken free of that slump, I've fixed it up and I'm actually really excited about it now! So anyway long story short, expect updates on Fridays from me again! Probably starting this Friday, but maybe not until the following Friday.


	11. Return to Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so concludes the Boston trip. Back to work for these two lovebirds. Oh and I will warn that there is a pretty big time jump in the middle of this chapter so that we can get on with the plot. I usually hate doing that, but if I were to fill it in it'd just be boring filler and that's even worse in my opinion...

**Levi**

Eren sighs again, picking at the USMC print on the side of his sweats.  I glance over at him.  We're laying on the carpet in front of the television, a movie blaring through the surround sound.  He's been like this all night.  All day really, now that I think about it.  He's been very twitchy and anxious, tired and irritable, and he's complained of a head ache more than once throughout the day.

"Are you alright?" I ask him.

He looks over at me fleetingly before turning his dull eyes back to the movie.  He keeps picking at his sweats.  I grab his hand, and realize that it's shaking ever so slightly.

"I'm fine," he says, and I know it's a lie.

"No you're not.  Are you feeling ill?" I question, rolling onto my side and propping myself up onto an elbow.

He rubs at his eyes, sighing again.  "It's nothing really.  I just... I ran out of cigarettes three days ago."

Now it all makes sense.  He's going through nicotine withdrawal.  "I can give you money if you need to go get more, Eren."

He shakes his head vigorously before I can even finish the sentence.  He turns his head away from me.  He's ashamed and embarrassed.  I can see it written all over his face.

"No," he says.  "I need to quit.  This is the perfect excuse.  I don't have any fucking money.  I already blew it all on smokes."

"You shouldn't quit cold turkey, Eren.  I can get you those patches, or whatever the hell they are."

He shakes his head.  "I've already been weaning myself off of them.  It won't be that bad.  I promise.  Besides, we still have a week before we have to go back to the base.  I should be back to one hundred percent, addiction free by then.  This won't hinder my training or my work."

"I'm not worried about that, brat," I exhale, laying back down and taking his shaking hand in mine.  "I just don't want you to suffer."

"Well it's my fault for having this habit to begin with.  I need to live with the consequences."

I leave it alone, not questioning him any further.  He's strong.  He can handle it.  I give his hand a squeeze and focus back on the things blowing up on the television screen.

...

Obscene shouts echo through the room, driving me on as I fuck Eren into the mattress.  I'm bowed over his sweaty, lithe body, my hands pinning his wrists to the bed and my teeth biting and nipping at the skin of his neck and collarbones.  His legs are hooked over my arms, bending him near double.  He's surprisingly flexible.  I like it.

Straightening, I release Eren's wrists so that I can grab his hips and flip him over.  He obliges quickly, lifting his ass into the air and burying his face into the pillows.  The key around his neck rests on the pillow below his face, twinkling in the artificial light of the room.

"Fuck me, Levi."

His voice is low and sultry, and it drives me crazy.  I grab his hips roughly, pulling them back into mine.  He gasps as my cock hits is prostate, over and over again.  His back arches and one hand fists in the blankets as the other reaches up underneath him so he can jerk himself off in time to my thrusts.  His gasp quickly turns into a throaty groan and a string of curses as he reaches his peak.

"Fuck, Eren," I moan as he tightens around my cock.  I don't last much longer, my own orgasm exploding from within me.

We collapse into the sticky, sweaty sheets, neither of us able, or wanting, to move.  I bury my face between his shoulder blades, his skin smelling of sweat and sex and a musky scent that is purely Eren.  The dirtiness of it makes something deep in the back of my mind tick, but right now I couldn't care less.  I bite at his shoulder blade and he shudders beneath me.

After a few minutes, when I finally regain control of my limbs, I roll off of Eren.  The sheets are sticky with sweat and other bodily fluids, and it makes me squirm.  I quickly climb off of the bed and head into the bathroom to clean myself up.  Bringing a damp washcloth back into the bedroom with me, I toss it at Eren who is still sprawled across the bed.  I admire the bite marks and hickies adorning his neck and shoulders.

"Oi, get up so I can wash the sheets," I say, poking at his hip.

"Uhnnn," he groans into the pillow.  "Don't wanna move...."

With a smirk, I lightly run my fingers down his side, a spot that I've recently learned is very ticklish for him.  He jolts up off the bed as if I had shocked him, nearly falling flat on his face as his legs tangle in the sheets.

"Jerk," he grumbles, grabbing the washcloth and running it over the lightly defined muscles of his stomach and chest.

He heads into the bathroom as I strip the sheets from the bed and take them down the hall to the washing machine.  Pulling a new set of sheets from the closet, I make my way back to my room to redress the bed.  It's getting late, and Eren and I have an early flight tomorrow, so we should probably get to bed soon.

A pair of strong, tan arms wrap around my chest as I'm straightening out the comforter.  Eren's chin rests on my shoulder and he sighs.

"Was that the last time we'll get to be together until next Christmas?" he asks, his voice quiet and sullen.  He's trying to joke, but he doesn't know if it's a joke or not.

I hesitate, then turn in his arms.  "Like I'll be able to keep my hands off of you until our next break," I retort.  "We can be together, but we'll just have to be careful."

He bites my shoulder lightly.  "Well I've had a lot of practice controlling myself around you, so it shouldn't be too difficult.  But, knowing that you feel the same way I do might make things a little more... challenging."

"Just don't fuck up," I say as he releases me, stepping around me to climb into bed.  "I don't want you to end up in prison.  That cute ass of yours would be very popular, and I've never been good with sharing."

He cringes, burying his face in the pillows.  I switch off the lights and crawl in after him, pulling his warm body against mine.  His hand comes up to run his fingers through my hair as I kiss him deeply.  When I release him, he curls up into my side, draping a leg over the top of mine and resting his head on my shoulder.  I trace circles on his back.

"How are you feeling?" I ask him.  It's been a week since I first noticed his withdrawal symptoms.  He's seemed fine for the last two days or so, but I ask anyway.  I need to know what kind of shape he's in before we get back to the base and I run him through his normal exercises.

"I'm feeling good.  I feel like a new man.  No more cigarettes, in bed with a god of a man, coming down off of a sex high....  I couldn't be better."

I press a kiss to the top of his head.  "Me neither," I breathe into his hair.

Eren falls asleep not too much later, leaving me awake and thinking about tomorrow.  I've been so relaxed and so open around Eren these last two weeks.  It's going to be hard for me to adjust when we get back to the base, but I'm going to have to.  I've had a lot of practice burying feelings and emotions while on duty.  Hopefully I'll be able to do it just as easily now.  But my feelings for Eren transcend anything I've ever had to bury before.  I have a bad feeling about this.  I have this impending sense of dread that one of us is going to slip up, and Eren is going to end up in prison because of it.

Eren nuzzles my shoulder in his sleep.  His lips part and he mumbles something.  "...vi....  Levi...." he breathes into my skin.

I sigh, relaxing back into the pillows and enjoying the feeling of Eren against me.  We'll make it work.  I'll do whatever it takes to keep him from getting discharged and sent to prison.

...

"Levi!  Eren!" Petra's voice calls as we're walking down the concourse.

We stop and look back over our shoulders to see Petra running up to us, Eld and Oluo in tow.  She throws her arms first around me, then moves on to Eren.

"How was your guys' vacation?" she asks.

Eren hesitates, looking over at me.  I didn't tell her Eren would be staying with me because it didn't come up and she didn't ask, not because I wanted to hide it.  I see no reason to hide it now, we just have to hide what happened.

"Eren stayed with me," I tell her, turning to continue back down the concourse.

"Really?  Did you not have a place to go, Eren?" she asks.

"No.  I don't have a family, and the Captain was kind enough to let me crash his vacation," Eren tells her.

"Wow, that is very unexpectedly nice of you, Levi," she jokes.

"Unexpectedly nice?  What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I retort.

"Did he make you do your morning routine every day, Eren?" Eld questions with a laugh, ignoring my own question.  "Did you get to relax at all?"

"Hey, I enjoy taking a vacation as much as all of you shitheads," I retort.  "No way was I going to keep babysitting this brat during my time off.  He did what he wanted."

"You did force me to run with you a couple of mornings, Captain," Eren responds.

"Only because your lazy ass was getting out of shape."

Petra giggles as we make our way to the ground floor.  A TSA officer locates us and leads us out of the building and into a waiting van to transport us to our plane.  I listen to Petra and Oluo catch up, and Eren even joins in on their conversation.  It makes me happy to see him connecting so easily with the rest of my squad.  I keep my attention out the window of the van, trying not to focus too much on Eren's knee occasionally brushing against mine in the cramped space.

"I got word on Gunther over the break," I say, looking at Eld on the other side of Eren, then back at Oluo and Petra in the back seat.  "He is recovering quickly and will be returning to active duty status in two weeks."

"That's wonderful!" Petra smiles, and Eld nods.

When we get onto the plane, I step into the cockpit to give the pilot the flight plans Erwin had emailed me during the break.  He had also requested, now that he's finished closing out the operation on his end, that I begin filling out the performance evaluations on my squad and submit a summary of how the operation went.  So I take up a seat a few spaces down from the rest of my squad and pull my laptop out of my backpack.  I would've done it on the much longer flight from Boston to Denver, but I had enjoyed that last little bit of time with Eren.

I don't miss Eren's slightly disappointed look that I didn't take the empty seat next to him, but I ignore it, focusing on the evaluations on the screen of my laptop.  When the plane reaches the familiar mountain ridge, I only have two of the tedious evaluations done.  Putting away my laptop, I stand and head into the cockpit to check our location and the weather.  The skies are clear.  No rain, no snow, no gloomy winter weather.  Perfect.  I make my way over to the still empty seat between Eren and Oluo as the plane begins its decent.

"I'll give you two hours to get unpacked and cleaned up.  Change into your squad uniforms, get your maneuvering gear, and meet me in the northern woods at..." I pull back the jacket sleeve of my fatigues to check my watch, "at fifteen hundred hours."

"What, we don't get the rest of the day off Captain?" Petra whines.

"You just got an eighteen day vacation.  You don't need any more time off, you need to work," I tell her.

It's so hard for me to not put my arm across Eren's shoulders.  Instead, I rest it across the back of his seat.  When we arrive at the base, there are two jeeps waiting for us at the landing strip.  Eld and Oluo climb into one, and Petra climbs into the other with Eren and I.

"I call shotgun!" Petra says, throwing herself into the seat before Eren can.  "I have superiority over you, cutie, so you get the back."

Tossing Eren the keys- that he almost drops in surprise- I walk over to the passenger's side.  I grab the collar of Petra's jacket and drag her out of the Jeep.  She barely manages to land on her feet with a startled yelp.

"And I have superiority over you, which means _you_ get the back.  Eren is driving," I tell her, sliding into the seat she had just been occupying.

With a huff of defeat, Petra jumps into the back as Eren climbs in behind the wheel.  Eren manages to get us back to the base while only stalling once.  Now that we're back, he can practice driving more.  I had entertained for a second the idea of him practicing in my car, but I didn't want him destroying the transmission.  My car is not a cheap one to have repaired.

Eren seems as eager as a kid on Christmas morning as we carry our maneuvering gear cases out into the trees.  The day is surprisingly warm, so I don't worry too much about Eren losing control and hitting a tree this time.  I still remember the sight of him sitting in the infirmary, his shoulder bruised and bloodied, and I don't wish to have a repeat of that accident.

The five of us stop to strap on our gear, and I have to help Eren who is still learning how to get it on.  Standing up close to him, I see that he's still wearing the key I had given him, tucked down the front of his shirt with only the cord around his neck visible.  I almost tell him to take it off, that it could be dangerous if it gets loose and catches on anything, but I decide not to.  He obviously likes it, and who am I to tell him to take off the Christmas present I gave to him?

The other three get their gear on and take off into the trees to begin their warm ups.  Only when I'm sure they're long out of sight, I lean in and press a quick kiss to Eren's cold cheek.  He blushes slightly, but there is a smile on his lips as I finish tightening a strap and take a step back.  With my own gear already on, we shoot off into the trees.

Eren races out in front of me, looking over his shoulder with a mischievous grin.  It's a challenge, and against my better judgment, I accept.  I want to show him what this gear is capable of.  Or rather, I want to show him what _I_ am capable of.  I want to show off to my younger lover.

Using the quick, delicate touch I've mastered over the ten- near eleven- years I've been on this squad, I take off into the trees.  I change directions on a dime, I spin and flip through the air, using not only the wires but the trunks and branches of trees as well to launch myself or switch directions.  When Eren comes up behind me, I flip and dive down onto a tree branch, taking a few running steps before leaping over the top of him and firing my grappling hooks into the next tree.  I turn, facing Eren as he follows behind me.  My hair flutters in my face, but is just short enough to stay out of my eyes.  Eren looks awed, his eyes wide and his jaw hanging open.

"I'd close your mouth before you swallow a bug," I tell him, and he snaps his jaw closed.

"Finally showing off for the kid, Captain?" Petra laughs, shooting out of the trees to the left of us and falling in beside Eren.

"Just showing him what the gear is capable of," I reply, turning back around and falling back behind Eren and Petra.

Petra just shrugs, then shoots a grin at Eren.  "I'll race you."

Before he can answer, she takes off into the trees.  Eren glances back at me briefly, then takes off after her, weaving between the loosely packed trees.  I hang back, watching him use the gear, still trying to completely figure it out and adjust his touch on the triggers.  He hits one tree a little hard when he tries to land on its branch, and he misses his mark twice when firing his grappling hooks.  Both times he manages to re-fire and catch himself before he hits the ground, but it doesn't stop my heart from leaping into my throat both times.  But I shouldn't worry so much.  He seems to have a natural talent with the maneuvering gear, and although it's not an extraordinary talent, his determination more than makes up for it.  He'll be ready for operations in no time at all.  Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing, I haven't figured that out yet.

...

The next four months go by quickly, bringing us to the halfway point of Eren's sentence.  His training progressed greatly, and by the time March rolled around, I felt confident in deeming him ready for operations.  He's very proficient with the maneuvering gear, with the swords, and with a gun.  He's also making it through all of my stealth exercises almost as well as everyone else on my squad.  Gunther too returned to the base and was approved for duty around the same time Eren was.  Now that my squad is back together, it's merely a waiting game until we get our next mission.  I hope it's an easy one for Eren's first mission, but then again, I though the last operation was an easy one and I almost lost Gunther.

It's hard to sneak around with Eren, but we manage.  He'll come by my quarters late at night when everyone not on night duty is in their quarters, and he'll sneak back  later that same night or early in the morning.  We don't always have sex.  Sometimes we just talk and act with each other in ways we can't when we're around other people.  I find that I really enjoy those nights too.  I feel like I'm growing close with Eren, that we're learning things about each other and are really connecting.

The night of his twenty-second birthday, I had even managed to convince the kitchen staff to make a small cake, which I then fed to him in my quarters between kisses and other delicate touches.  He told me that night that it was the best birthday he could ever remember having, and that made my heart ache.  My last birthday with him at my apartment was the best birthday I had ever had, so I understand that feeling.  It makes me think about Carla though, and how much better and different his life would have been if she hadn't been killed, if I had been able to find those bastards first.

It's nearing the end of April, and the weather has been starting to warm up.  Running exercises outside has become easier for both me and my squad.  It's been four and a half months since our last operation, and I'm finding it difficult to keep my squad ready and in shape.  Training in a lot of these exercises doesn't do much without being able to use the techniques in real world scenarios regularly outside of the base.  But I have faith in my squad and in their skills.

I look up from the operation specs that had been slipped under my door sometime before I woke up at five.  Eren is still asleep, sprawled across my bed on his stomach, his naked body covered only by a sheet that has nearly slipped from his hips.  The key that never leaves his neck peaks out from underneath his shoulder, just barely visible.  Glancing at the clock on my wall, I see that it's almost six.  Lowering the thick packet onto the top of my desk, I stand and cross over to the bed.

"Oi," I murmur, sitting down on the edge of the bed and putting a light hand on Eren's tan shoulder.  "Time to wake up, brat."

He moans, burying his face into the pillow.  "Five more minutes," he mumbles, his voice muffled by the pillow.

I sigh.  I'd love to give him five more minutes.  I'd love to stare at him naked in my bed all day.  But the other privates will be waking up in the next few minutes, and he needs to get back to his own room before then, before people are up and awake to see him sneak out of my quarters.

"Up, brat."

I skim my fingers lightly up his side.  He's wide awake in a heartbeat, vaulting off of the bed with a squeak.  I can't help but laugh.

"I'm up I'm up I'm up..." he murmurs, rubbing at his eye as he fumbles for his clothes.  "What time is it?"

"Almost six.  Hurry up and get back to your room," I tell him, moving back to my desk to grab my half jacket from the back of the chair.

He nods and quickly pulls his clothes back on.  Before he heads for the door, he presses a quick kiss to my lips, then leaves my quarters to go back to his room.  I sit back down at my desk and pick up the mission specs again.  I'm nervous about this one.  I have to bring Eren.  I have no excuse to leave him behind.  This one is long though.  Two weeks.  It's in a swamp in Switzerland only about fifty klicks north of the location of the last assignment.  There must be something serious going on there for Erwin to send us twice.  This one is calling for much more infiltration and data extraction.  We're also to eliminate a target.  The description is minimal of the target though.  It could be tricky.  I just hope Eren can handle it.

At seven, I call my squad together to meet in one of the classrooms.  Eld and Petra rearrange a few of the desks to face in a circle.  Eren is confused, wondering why we're not in the gym doing our morning routine.  So I guess no one has told him what this means yet.

"Would you guys sit the fuck down and shut up so we can get this over with?" I snap at them, sliding myself into one of the uncomfortable metal chairs, dropping the thick file onto my desk.

They take their seats, and I pass some of the papers to Eld so he can look them over.

"We're finally getting deployed," I tell them, flipping the file open on my desk.

Eren's eyes widen and he looks around at the others excitedly.  A smile pulls at his lips.  If he knew what our assignments were like, he wouldn't be so excited.  I sure as hell am not.

"We deploy in four days, for two weeks.  Our location is fifty kliks north of our last location," I say.  "In a fucking swamp."

"Is it related to our last assignment?" Petra asks.

"Like hell if I know.  They don't tell me shit," I retort.  "It could be related, but that doesn't matter.  Our parameters are mostly reconnaissance, but it looks like they want electronic evidence.  Logs, member lists, communication reports, etcetera.  It looks like these are small fry in a larger organization and the Department of Defense wants the location of the main branch.  We've also been given a target to eliminate."

"Do we get photos this time or just descriptions like usual?" Gunther grumbles.

"It's our lucky day," I say, completely sarcastic though as I pull out the one photograph and toss it to him.  "They gave us one satellite photograph."

Gunther looks happy for all of two seconds before he catches the photo and looks it over.  "Are you kidding me?  I've seen clearer picture of the Loc Ness Monster!"

"No, I'm not fucking kidding you," I retort.  "Apparently this guy doesn't go out much.  That's the only picture they've been able to get of him.  We have a somewhat detailed description, however."

"Somewhat?" Oluo questions.

"Yeah," Eld murmurs, looking through his own summarized report.  I'm the only one allowed to see the detailed report.  "Very somewhat.  Five foot eight to six foot two, one hundred and eighty to two hundred and fifty pounds, brown hair, Caucasian."

"So pretty much every white adult male on the planet," Gunther retorts.  He waves the photo in the air.  "And this doesn't add much."

"He's supposedly the 'leader' of this location," I supply.  "We have two weeks to do tight reconnaissance and figure out who's giving the orders."

"What's the timeline?" Oluo asks.

"Day two perimeter set up and long distance observation.  Days three and four also long distance observation.  Days five and six short distance observation.  Days seven through ten ground infiltration and recorded evidence collection.  Day eleven and twelve electronic evidence collection.  Day thirteen the hit," I say, making it up as I go, as I always do.  It's easier to make timelines on the spot than try to plan and scheme and brainstorm over them.  They always turn out better if I don't spend two days trying to find the perfect timeline.

"What about day one?"  It's the first time Eren has spoken since we sat down to start this briefing.  His eyes are wide and he looks a little lost, his hand fidgeting nervously with the key around his neck.  That usually happens with new recruits on their first briefing.  I'll have to go over all of this again with him later.

Petra leans over to murmur the answer in Eren's ears.  "Day one and day fourteen are travel days."

He nods and looks back at me, waiting for me to continue.  I sit back in the uncomfortable chair, draping an arm over the back and crossing my legs.  These briefings are so boring.  Good thing they don't last very long.

"This assignment is going to be very similar to the last, only it'll be longer and we will have to get more hands on," I tell them.

"Have you decided who's going to do the hit?" Eld asks.

This is always a tricky decision.  I usually do it myself because I like to keep my squads' hands as clean as possible.  These hits are the government's dirty work, and if it ever came out we were doing these assassinations, the U.S. government would never take responsibility for ordering them.  All that dirty work will fall on me and my squad, and I want to keep them as far out of it as I can.  But it's not always that easy.

"I'll carry out the hit," I say, "but you know it's not so cut and dry.  We'll work out a detailed plan.  You'll most likely be my back up if I fail, then... Oluo, Petra, Gunther, then Eren.  I'll get a detailed plan together before we deploy.  Any questions?"

Everyone is silent for a long moment, then Eren raises his hand.  I roll my eyes at him.  "This isn't high school, brat.  You don't have to raise your hand.  But hold your questions.  I'm going to go over everything again with you later."

He nods, and with no questions from anyone else, I dismiss them.  We go through our morning routine, then run through exercises using the maneuvering gear.  I'm trying to train Eren to use only one hand grip for short amounts of time.  It's not easy, and it severely limits mobility, but it's necessary if a gun needs to be used.  It's only for a couple of seconds though, depending on how fast he can draw, fire, and holster his gun.

"You're not supposed to be doing fancy shit while you do this, Eren!" I snap at him, following closely behind him with my own gear.  "You're just trying to stay in the air while you eliminate a threat."

"Yes, sir!" he replies, frowning in determination.

He fires both grappling hooks, then quickly throws his right one into its holster.  His right hand hovers by the gun in its holster.  We're not working on firing just yet.  I don't trust him not to shoot himself.  Hopefully he won't need to use his gun during the assignment.  He's incredible with his blades, so hopefully, if he needs to attack a threat, the blades will be enough for him.

He tries to maneuver with a spin around a tree.  He loses control and fumbles for his right handgrip, but he drops it and it dangles by his knee.  He panics.  I dive in and grab the back of his jacket before he gets himself hurt.  He looks up at me, and he's embarrassed.  Good.  It'll force him to try harder.

"I can hold your heavy ass up and maneuver with one hand, so why can't you do it for five seconds?" I snap at him before dropping him.

He fires his hooks and takes off without a word.  When he gets his rhythm back, he immediately tries again.  It takes him a few more attempts, but he finally manages to last about twenty seconds on one hand, which should be more than enough time.  He practices this for another hour until the rest of my squad finishes their exercises.  Then, I have them set up targets to see if he can actually hit one while using his maneuvering gear.  We've already practiced hitting a target while moving, using the jeeps.

By the time the sun starts to set and we need to pack it up, the trees around the three cardboard cutouts are covered in red paintballs, with only one cutout sporting a red mark on its knee.  Eren is upset, but he actually did pretty well considering he just learned this today.  I can't help feeling a little nervous though.  I just don't want him to get hurt.

As I leave the bathroom, still towel drying my hair, I see Eren coming down the hall with his own towel draped over his shoulder.

"Captain," he greets casually enough, but I don't miss his eyes flicking down to my bare chest briefly.

"Come by my quarters after your shower.  I need to brief you again, because god knows everything I said earlier today went right over your fucking head."

He nods and heads into the bathroom.  Back in my quarters, I leave my door open, then pull on a tank top and run a brush quickly through my hair.  Sitting at my desk, I pull out the mission specs and open the file.  It's not too much later that there is a knock on my open door.  Eren stands in the doorway, hair still damp, in his sweats and T-shirt.

"Come in," I tell him, looking back down at the file.

Eren closes the door behind himself, then instead of sitting in the chair on the other side of my desk, he plops down onto my perfectly made bed, leaning back with his hands splayed on the mattress.  He crosses his ankles and watches me, not saying a word.  God why does he have to be so fucking cute?

"What were your questions from earlier?" I ask him, leaning back in my chair and crossing one knee over the other.

"Uhm, on day one... I mean day two, you said we're going to set up a perimeter.  How do we do that?" he asks.

"When we're in one place for longer than a week, we set out small devices surrounding our location, usually with about a fifty yard radius.  They'll send a signal to a receiver if something crosses this perimeter.  Day two will be planting and hiding these perimeter alarms and setting up camp."

He nods.  "Okay, and then what's the difference between long distance and short distance observations?"

I exhale sharply, tilting my head back and pinching the bridge of my nose.  "Did you not pay attention at all during Eld's lessons?"

"I did!  I just meant, for this particular assignment," he says, looking down at his feet.

"It'll be pretty basic.  Long distance observation is monitoring enemy numbers and patrol patterns, shift changes, observing weaker and stronger combatants, weak and strong points in the patrol.  Short distance is observing base procedures, combatant ranks, heavy traffic areas, communication patterns."

"So everything Eld already told me."

I frown.  "Yes, everything Eld already told you."

"Okay," he says with a giggle.  I want to strangle him and kiss him at the same time.

"Did you have any more questions, brat?" I ask, closing the file and tossing on top of my desk.

"Uhm, yeah, I do have one more question," he says, and suddenly his tone is much more serious.  He leans forward towards me, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together.  "With the hit... what did you mean by 'if I fail'?"

"If I get killed or if I simply fail to complete the hit," I answer.  I can't sugarcoat anything with him, as much as I want to.  He needs to be prepared.

He nods, but looks disturbed.

"Don't worry too much about that," I tell him.  "Most likely, you will be left on that day to guard the site and coordinate our pick up.  And just so you know, I've failed to complete a hit only a handful of times, and none were due to my lack of skill or any imminent danger to myself.  I can handle myself.  I want you to worry about yourself.  Don't do anything stupid and get yourself killed."

"I won't.  At least, I'll try not to."

"Anymore questions?"

"I'll probably have more questions later, but for now I think I've got it," he says.

"Good," I reply, standing and crossing the small room.

His eyes widen slightly as I push him back onto the bed and climb on top of him.  We're both tense, both a little nervous for the upcoming assignment.  We could use a little stress relief.  That, and when we deploy, we won't be able to be intimate for two weeks until we get back.  I'm going to take advantage of the time we have together now, and try not to think about the upcoming assignment.  Eren does a very good job of keeping it off my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [titaneren-jaeger](http://titaneren-jaeger.tumblr.com/)


	12. Deployment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Eren's first deployment! It was actually this scene that the whole fic was born from, so yay we've finally reached it!
> 
> *angst warning btw* ._.

**Levi**

Eren's hands are shaking as he straps on his 3DMG.  I'm nervous as well, but I know how to hide it and not let it affect my motor skills much better than he does apparently.  It's understandable though.  Everyone is nervous on their first deployment, and I'm sure it's not just in my squad either.  Deployment is a scary thing, in any squad, and in any branch.

"Oi, don't shit your pants, brat," I call to him.  I need to ease his tension or he's going to get himself hurt.

He snorts in surprise, spinning to face me.  His cheeks are bright red.  "I-I'm not shitting my pants," he retorts defensively.

Petra giggles and helps him finish strapping on his gear.  "Don't worry, sweetie.  Everyone is nervous on their first deployment."

"Just don't piss yourself like Petra and Oluo did on their first missions," Eld says, checking his blades before sliding them into their slots.

"Eh?!  I did not!" Petra exclaims at the same time Oluo splutters, "Don't take away our dignity, Eld!"

Eren actually laughs, clamping a hand over his mouth to try and hide it.  Eld has a smug grin on his face, ignoring Petra and Oluo's embarrassed remarks.  Gunther outright laughs at them.  I ignore the group, checking my handgrips, Beretta, and blades for the fourth time.  Deeming them just as functional as I did the last three times, I find the small case with our earpieces and begin to hand them out.

"Good morning, Squad Levi!" Armin's cheery voice says a handful of minutes after I switch our signal on.

"It's too fucking early for your cheeriness, Arlert," I retort.  His voice laughs in my ear.  "Eren, this is my squad's personal communications specialist, Ar-"

"Armin?!" Eren questions in surprised.

"-min Arlert..." I exhale the rest of my sentence.  "It appears you two know each other?"

"Oh my god, Armin!  I didn't know you were in the Marine Corps!  You just up and left town after high school.  Not even a word to me where you were going..." Eren says, and he sounds genuinely upset.

"I'm sorry, Eren.  It was a last minute decision.  Mikasa was talking to me the day before she left, and I decided I wanted to join her.  I'm sorry, Eren.  But it looks like you found your way into the Marines too!  And onto Levi's squad, no less.  That's impressive!"

I see an embarrassed grimace come across Eren's face.  "Yeah, I guess you could say that."  He doesn't want Armin to know the reason he ended up on my squad.

"If you too are done crying like old ladies over your reunion, we have work to do," I interrupt them.  In any other situation, I'd be encouraging Eren to continue getting back in touch with old friends, considering it could help him straighten out his life, but there's a time and place for all of that, and it certainly isn't on a jump-plane headed for the middle of heavy terrorist activity.  "Scouts Regiment is online."

"Sorry Captain.  Armin Arlert online for the Scouts Regiment: Operation 850," Armin says, getting back to business.  "We are a go here.  ETA looks like... eight minutes."

"Roger, drop in eight," I reply, setting my watch.  "Alright, gather around, squad.  Precursory before-the-drop rundown: head straight for the supply drop, set up camp, and tomorrow we will begin establishing the perimeter alarms."  I run down the timeline I had established at the base, mostly just to remind Eren and for Armin to take note.  "Got that, Armin?"

"Yes, Captain."

"Good.  Now, don't-"

"-get cocky, no hot-dogging, follow my lead, and we'll be home before we know it," the four veterans finish for me.  Eren looks at them in surprise, then back at me.

"Did you get that, brat?"

"Oh, uh, y-yes sir," he stutters, green eyes wide.  If we weren't in the current situation, I'd find it much more adorable.

"Good luck on your first operation, Eren!  And good luck to the rest of you, Squad Levi," Armin says in that constantly cheery voice.

When a loud buzz sounds through the plane, and the heavy sliding door unlocks with a loud click, everyone heads to the opening.  I grab the handhold above my head and peer out into the dark night.  The swamp looms below us, only the occasional glint of moonlight on water visible through the thick tropical trees.  Entry is going to be a bitch.  As is landing.  As is camp.  As is everything.  God I hate swamp locations so much.  They're so disgusting.

I take a step back and draw two blades.  The rest of my squad follows suit, Eren hesitating only a little.  I take a deep breath and tear my eyes from him.  He's strong.  He's received the best training I could give him.  He's ready.  He's ready.  He's ready....

I give up the mantra with a sigh and grab the chest strap of his body harness, pulling him close to me so the others won't overhear.  "Stay close by my side at all times, follow my letters to a T, and please- fucking _please-_ don't do anything stupid."

He nods, swallowing hard as that familiar glint of determination shines in his eyes.  I release his strap and turn back to the door.  "Eld and Oluo jump first, then Petra and Gunther, and I'll follow up the rear with the brat."

"Captain Levi, you are clear for jump.  Repeat: drop zone has been reached, you are clear for jump," Armin says, and at that signal, Eld and Oluo jump.

"W-Wait!  No parachute?!" Eren stutters, taking a step back from the door as Petra and Gunther follow.

"No need for one.  They'll only get the way.  Let's go," I growl, grabbing the back of his collar firmly before jumping from the plane.

Eren screams, but only for a second, cutting himself off before I can shout at him to shut up.  His whole body is tense and I start to get nervous all over again as we plummet through the air towards the swamp below.  He needs to relax or he's going to get himself seriously hurt, possibly even killed.  His eyes are fixated on the other four below us, watching them for signs of what to do.

When Eld and Oluo reach the proper height, followed soon by Petra and Gunther, they fire their grappling hooks into the mass of foliage below.  Eren and I follow suit, and both of Eren's find purchase while both of mine retract.  Eren shoots me a worried look and I just roll my eyes before firing again.

Flying through the thick forests of the swamp, Eren doesn't say a word, which is good.  He's remembering his training and keeping silent.  We are a stealth group after all.  He follows right by my side as I race out in front of my group and lead us towards the supply drop.  Armin leads me to the spot, and thankfully everything is intact.  We land in the ankle deep bog and I grimace, lifting one foot out of the water in disgust.  Eren and Oluo pick up one box while Eld and Gunther pick up another.  I head out in front with Petra, the both of us keeping an eye out for a patch of dry land big enough to set up camp on.

I don't know if it's just the swamp messing with my mind, but I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and my senses are on high alert, more so than they usually are on these operations.  It gets to the point that, when we do finally find a spot to stake our tents up on, I change up the plans.

"Get the perimeter alarms up and activated first.  We'll set up camp after," I command of my group.  "I don't feel right about this place."

They get straight to work without a question, splitting off in their own directions.  Eren stays with me and I show him how to activate the devices.  We set them out and I explain that they won't technically be activated until I switch on the receiver back at the camp.  It takes us about an hour and a half to set up our few.  We're the last ones to arrive back at the site and I pull out the receiver from the box and turn it on.  It slowly begins to pick up the signals of each perimeter alarm until it's connected with all of them.  I set the receiver back in the box of supplies.

Petra, Gunther, and Oluo nearly have the tent set up.  Eren hurries to help them out and I look around the small space.  Trees crowd us, slimy vines hanging from the willowy braches.  Crickets chirp, frogs croak, something keeps splashing in the water, and birds squawk all around us.  It's unnerving.  It's so quiet, yet so noisy at the same time.  A perimeter alarm goes off, most likely caused by a fish or a bird.  Or even one of the nasty swinging vines.  This is going to be a long two weeks.

I switch off the alarm before heading out to check it and find it set just below a tree covered in vines.  A lizard is perched on the tree right above it.  I immediately know it was the reptile that set off the alarm, but I look around anyway, trudging through the water that sits halfway up my calf.  Good thing my boots are so tall.  This is disgusting.

I reposition the device further from the tree to avoid more false alarms, making a mental note to chew out whoever placed the device.  Trudging back to the camp, making my way carefully though the darkness and bog of the swamp, I find Eren a few dozen feet from the camp, standing on a small patch of dry land, staring up through an opening in the canopy at the starry sky.  The full moon bathes him in white light as he stands there, in his full gear, both blades drawn.  He looks so innocent, yet so dangerous at the same time.

I take a few more steps forward, wading through the thick slimy water, before the noise catches his attention.  He whips around, falling into a fighting position, blades raised, with fingers tensing on the triggers.

"Calm down, brat," I grumble, kicking a vine loose from my foot.  "It's just me."

"Sorry," he murmurs, lowering his blades.  "It's really pretty."

He's looking back up at the sky, but I'm staring at him when I answer, "Yeah, it is."

He looks back at me and a small smile graces his lips before it shifts into a frown.  He reaches up to switch off his earpiece.  "Levi, we can't-"

"Captain Levi?" Armin's voice crackles in my ear.  "I've lost signal on Eren's earpiece.  His GPS tracker is reporting that he's with you though.  Can you check his earpiece?"

"Copy that, Arlert," I say, throwing a glare at Eren.

He reaches up to turn it back on, but I pull it out his ear before removing mine as well.  I hold them in my closed fist, then lean in to whisper in Eren's ear.  "I know we can't.  Doesn't mean I'm not thinking it though.  Never turn your earpiece off again.  If we were to be ambushed right now, we'd have absolutely no communication with Armin or the others.  We'd be fucked."

He nods and I press a soft kiss to his lips before stepping back from him.  I turn on Eren's earpiece and hand it back to him.

"His earpiece is fine, Armin.  The brat accidentally turned it off," I say, keeping my eyes on Eren's.

"I'm reading his signal now.  Thank you Captain."

Eren and I walk back to camp, where the others have everything set up, including the sleeping bags.  No one bothered with the space heater, it looks like.  Good.  It's too hot and muggy as it is.  It won't cool down much tonight.  The canopy will trap a lot of the heat from the swamp.  God I really hate swamp locations.

"What are the watch shifts, Captain?" Eld asks.

"Watch shifts?" Eren questions.

"Exactly as it sounds," I tell him.  "Someone will be keeping watch at all times through the night.  With the perimeter alarms set up, it's not as demanding as it would be without them, but someone still needs to be alert to listen for the alarms, and to go check them out.  Nine times out of ten it's just a false alarm, but we still have to go check.  And we need someone awake in case a combatant manages to slip past our alarms."

"Does that happen often?" he questions, looking a little nervous.

"It's happened only once in my many years on this squad," I answer honestly.  I don't add that it resulted in the deaths of my two closest friends.  He doesn't need to know that.  I don't need to worry him more than he's already worried.  And I don't really want to think about their deaths.  Not here, not now.

He nods, but doesn't look any less nervous.

"I'll put you on the first shift," I say.  The first shift is usually the easiest.  "Then Eld, Petra, Oluo, Gunther, and I'll go last.  What time is sunrise, Armin?"

"Six twenty-two," he replies after a moment's hesitation.

I glance at my clock and grimace.  We lost a lot of time setting up the perimeter alarms, but it was something we had to do.  I wouldn't have felt comfortable going to sleep tonight if we hadn't.  "That's six hours from now.  One hour shifts tonight."  A perimeter alarm goes off.

"That's you, kid," Eld says, crawling into the tent.  "Wake me up in an hour."

I crawl into the tent after him, followed closely by the other three, leaving Eren all alone out there.  I try not to worry too much about him.  He can handle himself.  I need to have faith in him and my training.  Despite all the convincing, I can't fall asleep.  I lay there awake in my sleeping bag, listening to Gunther snore lightly next to me.  I'm trying to listen to the sounds of Eren walking around outside the tent, but Gunther's making that difficult.  I send a swift kick into Gunther's shin, a kick that would've hurt him a lot more if not for two layers of sleeping bags between us.  He startles awake, pulling his K-Bar out from under his pillow.  He holds his breath for a long minute, then exhales and rolls back over.  At least he's not snoring anymore.

I hear an alarm sound and... did he just squeak?  What the hell was that?  I hear the soft whisper of his 3DMG gear as he races to go figure out what triggered the alarm.  My heart beats in my throat, trying to listen for the sounds of his return through the beeping of the alarm.  Damn brat... didn't even turn it off before he left.

He does return though after an agonizing few minutes, and I hear him fumble with the receiver before shutting off the alarm.  Even after I remember how to breathe and my heart beat returns to normal, I still can't fall asleep.  Not until I hear Eren shed his mobility gear and step into the tent.  He leans over Eld and gently shakes him awake, then crawls into his own sleeping bag above Petra and Oluo's head.  Only then am I able to close my eyes and actually fall asleep.

...

"Two guards, northeast quadrant, two o'clock from the south, moving north," I whisper, cupping a hand over my mouth to keep the sound from traveling.  I shift ever so slightly on the drooping branch beneath my feet.

"Copy.  Positions noted," Armin says in my ear.

"I have one guard, uh... northwest?  Yeah northwest quadrant-"

"West," I interrupt Eren, my voice a little snappier than I meant it to be.

"Sorry Captain," he murmurs.  "West quadrant.  Eight o'clock moving east."

"Copy," Armin replies.

It's already nearing the end of day four, the last day of long range observations, and we're not even close to where we need to be as far as data gathered.  I still can't pinpoint an actual shift cycle.  It's this fucking swamp.  The vines and willows and slime covered everything is making it too hard to sneak around without detection.  And we can't keep proper distances and still be able to see through the thick foliage and canopy of the swamp.  Using our maneuvering gear is proving very difficult as well for the same reasons.  Just yesterday, on our way towards the installation from the camp, my grappling hooks slipped out of a waterlogged, rotten tree.  I had been too close to the ground due to the ridiculous amount of vines hanging from the trees, and wasn't able to recover before landing in a far from graceful dive roll in foot deep, putrid water.  The memory of that disgusting, slimy water covering my whole body sends a shiver down my spine.  So fucking disgusting.  I want this mission to be over with so I can go home.

As the sun begins to set, I call my squad in, ordering them to head back to the camp.  My position is furthest from the camp, so I arrive last.  The rest of my squad is sitting in the dim light of the setting sun in front of the tent, eating their evening rations as they inspect their gear and exchange canisters.  Eren is laughing with Petra, his key freed from the confines of his shirt and glinting in the fading sunlight.  I sit down between Gunther and Eld after removing my own gear.  I begin the inspection in silence, my eyes continuously flickering to the long, ugly scratch across my left blade holder received in the fall yesterday.  I have nothing to buff it out here, and it's driving me crazy.

"My offer to spit on it to buff it out still stands, Captain," Eren says with a shit-eating grin.

I throw him a disgusted look before focusing back on my equipment.  Eren has grown much more comfortable out here these last few days.  Despite his nervousness when around the base, he's doing very well.  He's much more calm and not so jumpy, which is good.  He's better able to focus on what he's doing when he's not about to jump out of his own skin.

"I'm going to go take a leak," he says, standing.  He straps on his maneuvering gear before he leaves though.  I ripped him apart on day two about never leaving camp without it, even if it's just to take a shit.  It might be hard as hell to take care of business while wearing the gear, but it's not impossible, and it's worth the effort knowing he has a means of escape if it's necessary.

He walks off into the trees.  I've just gotten to the point where my heart doesn't try to punch through my chest every time he leaves my sight.  I care for him greatly, but I trust him.  He won't get himself into trouble.  Turning my gaze from the trees, down to my gear, I work on cleaning the algae and slime from in the blade holders.  I'm going to be cleaning this filth from my equipment for months.  Stupid fucking rotten tree.  Stupid fucking swamp.

"Who has first watch tonight?" Eld asks.

"It's Gunther's turn," I reply from memory.  "Armin?  How did our shift schedule turn out for those fuckers?"

"There is no rhyme or reason that I can detect," he replies.  "Sorry guys, it looks like you're going to have be sneaking around them mostly blind tomorrow."

"Fucking perfect," I grumble.

"They don't appear to be heavily guarded though," Petra chimes in.  "So it shouldn't be-"

Something snaps in the trees behind me.  All five of us are on our feet and reaching for our gear faster than anyone can even register the threat, but it's still not fast enough.  Gunfire echoes through the trees and we all dive for whatever cover we can find.  A hot pain rips through my right shoulder, but I ignore it as I lunge behind a tree, trying desperately to slip into my 3DMG while also pulling out my Beretta to return fire.

My first thought as I pull on my gear one handed, firing blindly around a tree trunk with the other, is how the fuck did they discover us?  It's not usually until after we start doing deeper infiltrations that they pick up on our presence.  We've only been here four days though and haven't gotten even close to their base.  My second thought is where is Eren?  I'm relieved that he wasn't out in the open like the rest of us where when we were ambushed, but what if they found him before they attacked us?  What if he's lying wounded or... or worse somewhere out in this god forsaken swamp?

"We're under fire!" I finally manage to call into Armin as I secure my maneuvering gear.  Holstering my Beretta, I rip my handgrips from their holsters and take off into the trees.  "Position and numbers unknown."

"Copy that."  His voice has only the slightest edge of a panic to it.  He's been with my squad long enough to have dealt with a few of these.  "Tracking GPS signals... coordinating with air support...  There's no chatter in the area.  The must be using scramblers or encoders."

"Just tell me where they are, Arlert!" I shout at him, ducking instinctively as a patch of tree bark explodes near my face as I whip around a tree.

"Locations unknown," he replies, his voice a little more frantic.  "Air support is responding.  They'll pick up five kilks south.  ETA five minutes.  The operation is scrubbed.  I repeat, the operation is scrubbed.  Get out of there, Captain."

"Copy that."  Five voices repeat my copy and I exhale in relief at hearing Eren's voice.  I whip back around a tree, heading back towards camp.  "I'm heading back to camp to grab the weapons crate.  Eld, assist me."

"Eld is out of commission.  I have him and we're retreating to the rendezvous point," Oluo replies.  His tone is flat, methodical.  He's still in a state of shock.

"I'll assist," Gunther says.  His voice is thick with pain.  He's injured as well.

"Status?" I ask of everyone.  My own shoulder is screaming in pain as I race through the trees.  I grit my teeth and bare it.  We'll be retreating shortly and I'll be able to cease using my arm.  But until then, my job hasn't finished.  Despite everything though, I am calm.  I have this ability that others describe as unnerving, where in the heat of things, when my adrenaline gets pumping, I'm able to shut everything down and remain calm and calculated.  I feel the most in control in these deadly situations.

"Eld is unconscious from a blow to the head and has sustained a gunshot wound to the right knee.  I think his left arm is broken from when he fell," Oluo replies first.  "I myself took a gunshot wound to the left side but I'm not compromised."

"I hit a tree too hard and I think I busted my leg," Gunther reports.  "I can still operate my gear."

"Gunshot wounds to my right thigh and right side."  Petra's voice is panicked, bordering on hysterical.

Gunther had reached the camp before me.  He's circling and weaving, not staying in one place to avoid the still rapid gunfire.  His eyes meet mine and I signal for us to dive.  We drop at the same time, flying down towards the crate.  There is no way we can carry the whole crate between us while using our 3DMGs.  That is precisely why there are a couple of backpacks tucked into the bottom of the crates.  Some of these things can't be left behind, especially the things having to do with our specialized gear.

Gunther grabs the backpacks and immediately starts stuffing them only with the things that can't be left behind.  I lay down cover fire, keeping my eyes pinned on the trees.  I see no movement, but that's expected considering how dense the trees are.  A bullet strikes the ground an inch from my left foot, but I don't even flinch, instead returning fire.  After a minute, Gunther calls the completion of our objective and tosses me a backpack with a dozen blades sticking out the top.  I swing it over my shoulders, biting back a hiss at the pain that shoots through my right one, and take off into the trees with Gunther close behind.

It's at that moment that I realize I never heard Eren's status.  "Eren?!  Repeat your status!" I shout.

"No injuries," comes his quick reply.  His tone is quick, but he isn't panicking.  At least, he's not showing it if he is.

"Copy that," I reply in relief.  "Armin, has air support arrived yet?"

"ETA sixty seconds," he replies.

"I see it, Captain, I see it!" Petra cries.

Gunther and I race through the trees towards the rendezvous point, and just as we reach it and the others, the dark green helicopter lowers far enough that we can board it using our gear.  The six of us fire our grappling hooks into the side of the aircraft.  Usually we're prohibited from doing that for obvious reasons, but in some situations everyone looks the other way.  Once we reel ourselves up into the chopper, careful to avoid the thundering blades, I finally take a look at the status of the rest of my squad.

Everyone is alive.  For now, at least.  Petra is collapsed on the floor, writhing in pain as she clutches at her side.  Blood streams between her fingers and down her right leg.  Oluo is hovering over an unconscious Eld, blood pouring from a wound in his side.  Eld is bleeding heavily from his forehead, and his left arm is most definitely broken.  Gunther collapses the second he lands in the craft, clutching at his broken leg.  I am made acutely aware of the fire burning through my right shoulder, and I finally look down to see a dark red stain in my tan jacket, surrounding a perfectly round bullet hole.

"Fuck," I breathe, looking around at the carnage covering the floor of the helicopter.  With growl, kick a supply box sitting haphazardly on the floor.  "Fuck!"

"Captain!" the pilot calls to me over the roar of the wind whipping around us as the chopper cuts through the air.  "We're transporting you to a hospital in Geneva!"

"Captain Levi, I have Commander Erwin online," Armin's voice says in my ear before I can respond to the pilot.

"Levi?  What's your status?" Erwin's voice demands.  His voice is unwavering, diplomatic, and it infuriates me.

"What the fuck do you think?!" I snarl at him, looking down at Gunther laying near my feet.  My frustration grows as I speak to Erwin, until it's the only thing I feel, and it's ripping me apart.  "Everyone is injured except for Eren.  Major injuries.  Gunshot wounds and fractures.  Eld could be dead.  We got _nothing_ Erwin, _nothing_.  It was all for shit!"

"Not true.  The recording devices you planted, even at long range, are effectively transmitting.  We may be able to glean a little information from them before they die or are discovered."  Before I can express my annoyance that my entire team is dying with the only success being something anyone could've dropped from a fucking plane with equal results, Erwin continues.  "I've already contacted a hospital in Geneva and transmitted flight plans to your pilot.  They are expecting you and will accommodate your needs."

"Cover story?" I snap at him out of instinct.  I unhook my gear and let it fall to the ground with a loud clank of metal on metal.

"U.S. Army arriving from an ambush in Iraq."

"Understood," I say as my back hits the wall of the chopper and I slide down onto the floor.  I'm so exhausted.  I want all of this to be done and over with.  I want to wake up in my bed at the base, or in my apartment in Boston, and have this all be a horrible dream.  But when is it ever a dream?  In the many, many times this has happened to my squad, when has it ever been just a dream?

Hands are suddenly pulling at my jacket to get to the wound beneath.  I look up to see Eren standing over me, a scared expression on his face.  I don't fight him as he pulls back the shoulder of my jacket to press a wad of gauze he had found in a first aid kit to my shoulder.  I grit my teeth against the pain, looking away from the bloody mess that is my shoulder.

"When we get to Geneva, I want you to get checked out by the doctors as well," I tell him, looking up in his bright green eyes that are full of worry.  I can't even begin to describe the relief I feel at seeing him seemingly healthy amid all this carnage.

"But, Captain, I'm not-"

"You could be and not even be feeling it right now.  It's not a request, brat, it's an order," I tell him strictly.

"Yes, sir," he says, lifting the gauze from my shoulder to look, then pressing it back down again.  I shove him off me though.

"Go help the others.  Oluo and Petra need that gauze more than I do," I say, getting to my feet to do the same.

I put pressure on Petra's wound, holding her hand tight in my free hand as the chopper races towards Geneva.  She keeps drifting in and out, and I'm afraid that I'll lose her before we make it.  Glancing around at the others, I try to gauge their chances as well.  Gunther seems fine.  He's only suffering from a broken leg.  Oluo is chattering away at Eren as the kid presses gauze to his side.  He's been alert the whole trip, so I'm not too worried about him.  Glancing over at Eld, I watch for any signs of life.  In this bumpy helicopter, I can't tell if his chest is rising and falling or not.

How many of my team is going to make it back stateside alive?  It's been well over a year since anyone has died on my team.  This team I have in front of me has been on my squad the longest of anyone else.  I can't deny that I've grown a little attached to all of them.  But here they are, dying before my very eyes.  I could return stateside with only Eren.  He seems to be the only guaranteed survivor.  And maybe Gunther if his only wound is indeed a broken leg.  I can feel a familiar darkness taking hold of me.  It's the same darkness that engulfed me after Isabel and Farlan died, the same darkness that lived within me until a certain green-eyed boy was thrown into my life.  I know I'm not supposed to get attached to my team members, for this very reason.  This is another reason why pursuing a relationship with Eren is dangerous.  I can't get attached to him, because I could lose him just as quickly as I lost Isabel and Farlan, and as quickly as I could lose Eld, Petra, Oluo, and possibly even Gunther.

I continue to hold Petra's hand, even after she drifts into an unconsciousness that I'm not even sure she will wake from.  She's still alive, but how long will she last?  How long will any of them last?  It's a question I can't answer, so I allow myself to shut down completely, dragging that unemotional mask out of the deepest parts of my being, where I buried it after meeting Eren.  I'm still the captain here.  I have to remain composed and in charge.  I can't break down right now.

"Armin, how long until we reach Geneva?" I ask, my voice sounding dead even to my own ears.

"ETA... about ten minutes," he replies.

Ten minutes....  How many squad members will I still have in ten minutes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I left it off here! Don't hate me :O
> 
> And yes I totally just went through and added chapter titles... Don't ask me why because I don't know tbh...


	13. Out of the Frying Pan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for leaving you hanging at the end of the last chapter! :O But here's the next one so all is well, right? Well, we shall see....
> 
> Out of the frying pan....

**Eren**

When the helicopter lands on the roof of the hospital in Geneva, there are dozens of people waiting for us.  Everything explodes in a flurry of activity as four medics scramble into the chopper.  I'm briefly looked at before I wave the medic away to check on the others who are actually injured.  Levi does the same, on his feet and directing the medics, although I wish he'd let someone look at his shoulder.  It's still bleeding heavily and he's starting to look more pale than normal.

Things are shouted in English and some other language that I can't even begin to understand.  What language do they even speak in Switzerland?  Whatever language it is (French, maybe?) Levi seems to be fluent as he argues with a medic that is insistent on tending to his shoulder.

Eld, Petra, and Oluo are carefully placed on stretchers, and Gunther is lowered into a wheelchair.  They try to get Levi into one as well, but he dismisses every effort, instead walking with me behind the medics hurrying to get the rest of his team into the hospital and treated.

Adrenaline is still coursing through my body, making ever nerve vibrate and every synapse fire.  What the hell happened back there?  I had been on my way back to the camp when I heard gunfire.  I had reacted immediately and as instructed, drawing blades and using my 3DMG to retreat.  But my fear for the rest of my squad had driven me back to the camp.  I had found Petra, and she yelled at me to retreat.  She hadn't seen the man behind her, but I did, and if I hadn't gotten to him and killed him when I did, she would be dead instead of simply wounded.  My hands still tremble with the memory of that man's blood coating my blades, of the scared and shocked look in his eyes as I thrust my blades into his chest.  I killed a man....  But, it was for a good reason, right?  Petra is alive because I killed him.  Well, alive for now....

"Monsieur!"

I snap out of my haze and look up at the nurse standing before me, then around at the quiet, empty room.  When did all the noise stop?  When did I get separated from the rest of my squad?  Where's Levi?

I try to stand from where I'm seated on a hard bed, but the nurse startles and puts a hand on either of my shoulders to keep me seated.

"Non, monsieur!  You must stay seated," she says, her voice heavy with an accent.

"I'm not hurt," I argue, trying to stand again.  "Where is Levi?  Is the rest of my squad going to be okay?"

"I do not know of the rest of your squad, monsieur.  Please, stay seated and let me finish examining you," she begs of me.

I exhale and sit back down.  I'm still on edge, but I suddenly feel so drained, so empty.  I'm crashing from my adrenaline rush, and all I want to do is sleep now.  But I can't.  I can't sleep until I know how Levi and the others are doing.  It's my determination alone that keeps my eyelids from drooping and keeps me fully alert.

The nurse is quick at least as she looks over everything, testing my mobility and pain levels.  I'm not feeling any pain, and everything seems to check out.  She insists on giving me an MRI though to check for any internal injuries, and I reluctantly follow.  Resisting would just delay the inevitable, and I want this over with as soon as possible so I can find out about the others.

Guilt floods me as I lay motionless inside the large, loud machine.  How was I, the one with the least amount of training or experience, the only one that escaped the ambush without a scratch?  How did Levi, so aptly nick-named humanity's strongest soldier, leave the ambush shot in the shoulder while I don't even have a stubbed toe?  And Eld... he's so strong too, and yet the entire way to the hospital I couldn't tell if he was dead or simply unconscious.  How did this happen?  How were we so unprepared?  We were caught with our pants around our ankles, and now the lives of everyone in my squad hangs in the balance.  What happened to the perimeter alarms?  Why didn't they sound?  Levi said that only once in his career has anyone snuck by them, but how did an entire group sneak by them today?  I have too many questions, and absolutely no answers, and it's driving me crazy.

When the doctor finishes my MRI and deems me cleared, the nurse leads me out to a small waiting room, promising me that a doctor will be out soon to fill me in with the rest of my squad.  I sit down slowly in an only moderately comfortable chair as the nurse talks to me.  She hands me a large brown paper bag containing my uniform which I had to remove before the MRI.  I drop it by my feet and fuss with the overly large sweatpants and sweater the hospital gave me.

After the nurse leaves, I remember something, and quickly reach into the bag.  I find it at the bottom, buried beneath my nasty, swamp-smelling uniform and body harness.  Pulling out the earpiece, I see that it's still on, still transmitting.  They haven't shut down our connection yet.  I shove it into my ear.

"Armin?" I murmur, holding the earpiece firmly in my ear.

"Eren?  How are they?  How are you?  No one has talked to me since you landed," his frantic voice replies.

"I'm fine, but I don't know about everyone else," I reply, my voice not as strong as I had hoped it would be.  Everything is catching up to me, the whirlwind of emotions, and my psyche can't handle it.  I feel suddenly angry and depressed and helpless and afraid all at once, and I don't know what to do.  "I don't know what happened, Armin."  Tears are starting to burn behind my eyes.  "What went wrong?  Why did this happen?"

"These things happen, Eren," he says, trying to comfort me, but I know he's getting as emotional as I am.  I wish he were here with me.  I miss him now more than I ever have.  "The Scouts Regiment is a very dangerous squad, and things like this happen more frequently than I'd like to admit.  But don't let it eat you alive.  There was nothing you or anyone could've done to prevent this.  Be strong, Eren, like you always were."

"This happens a lot?" I question in shock.  I guess it makes sense now why Levi goes through squad members so fast.  Even if they don't die, most people would probably quit after living though what we just lived through, or at least request a transfer.  If I weren't so attached to Levi, and if I had a choice, I'd probably quit.

"Well not to the extent that it happened today, but yes," he replies.  "I've been on Levi's squad for almost my entire Marine Corps career, and the things I've heard....  Their last mission ended in a gunfight as well, but they weren't ambushed.  They had infiltrated and were discovered.  Gunther was the only one that got hurt."

"Right..." I say, remembering that day when Levi and his squad returned from that mission.  It was hard to forget how upset he was, both over Gunther's injuries and over my insubordination with Mike.  I reach for the key around my neck, and shock paralyzes me for half a heartbeat when I don't find it, before remembering that I had to take it off for the MRI.  Reaching into the paper bag, I find it and slip it back on over my head.

A doctor appears in the waiting room then, and I know he's here to talk to me because no one else is in the room.  I stand as he approaches.  Hopefully Armin can hear what he's going to say.  Hopefully _I_ will be able to hear what he's going to say over the pounding of my heart.  My breath catches.  What's he going to tell me?  Is it good news?  Is it bad news?  We've been in the hospital for hours and I haven't heard a single word.  How many squad members do I still have on my team?  How many have we lost?

"Mr. Jaeger?" the doctor asks.  My mind numbed by too many emotions finds it amusing how my German name sounds with a French accent.

"That's me," I reply.  I want to ask how everyone else is doing, but I can't force any other words out of my mouth.

"Mr. Shultz's prognosis is good.  He has a double fracture, two clean breaks, in his left Tibia, and a hairline fracture of his left Fibula.  He will make a full recovery.  Mr. Bozado's gunshot wound was through and through, so we've stitched him up and he too will make a full recovery.  Mr. Jinn, Ms. Ral, and Mr. Ackerman are all in surgery, and should-"

"Levi is in surgery?!" I retort in shock.  He seemed the most alert out of any of them.  Did he have a more serious injury than just his shoulder that I didn't even notice?

The doctor consults his clipboard.  "Ah, yes, Mr. Ackerman did not have an exit wound, so surgery is necessary to remove the bullet fragments and to repair internal damage.  His wound does not appear to be life threatening.  Ms. Ral lost a lot of blood and is undergoing a blood transfusion.  Unfortunately it is touch and go with her.  However, Mr. Jinn is a bigger concern for us right now."

My stomach drops.  "What's wrong with him?"

"Aside from his gunshot wound which is superficial, and his fractured arm, Mr. Jinn sustained a major blow to the head which caused internal bleeding and a slight swelling of the brain.  We are working as hard as we can to correct the problem, however I won't be able to give you an accurate prognosis until after the surgery is complete.  Even then, we can't be sure of anything.  Brain injuries are never a certain thing."

I just nod, feeling so... deflated.  "Where are Gunther and Oluo?  Mr. Shultz and Mr. Bozado?"

"I will take you to them."

I follow the doctor down the hall in a near daze, my mind spinning with everything the doctor just told me.  Petra and Eld's survival is unknown right now, and that scares me.  I had almost forgot about Armin until he speaks in my ear.

"I heard everything the doctor said and I've transmitted it to Erwin.  You're the only one who still has their earpiece, so you will have to mediate for the rest of your squad," he tells me.

"Copy," I murmur.

"What was that?" the doctor asks, looking over his shoulder at me.

"Oh, nothing, just talking to... home, I guess," I tell him, pulling my earpiece out of my ear to show him before quickly popping it back in.

"Ah, okay," he says, then stops in front of a door and pushes it open.

The doctor doesn't linger after I step inside, instead closing the door behind me and disappearing.  The room is small, but has two beds fit comfortably inside it.  Gunther and Oluo are laying in each.  Gunther looks perfectly fine except for the bulge of a cast beneath the covers, but Oluo looks very pale and is hooked to an IV and a blood transfusion.  They both seem okay though.  Oluo flips through the channels on the TV and Gunther complains that everything is in German or French or Italian.  He tries to snag the remote from Oluo and a short struggle breaks out for the remote amidst curses and name-calling, before Oluo gives up with a wince, holding his side.  Gunther continues where Oluo left off, searching though the channels for anything in English.

"Hey, brat," Oluo says, and I cringe at what I've come to consider Levi's pet name for me coming from his mouth.  "Good to see you're still in one piece."

"Stop trying to act like the captain," Gunther grumbles, giving up his search and opting instead to throw the remote at Oluo.

Oluo ignores him, his expression growing serious.  "How is everyone else?  Nobody will tell us shit."

"Captain Levi, Petra, and Eld are all in surgery.  The doctor said the captain should make a full recovery, but he can't say for certain whether Petra and Eld are going to make it."  I struggle to get the words out passed the lump in my throat.

"Damn," Oluo breathes, rubbing at his eyes.

"Jaeger?" Erwin's voice suddenly says in my ear, making me jump.

"Yes, Commander?" I question, clearing my throat and pressing the device more firmly into my ear.

"I need you to be my middleman until Levi is conscious again.  Give him your earpiece when he wakes up, but until then, I need continuous reports on the status of the others, is that clear?  Arlert already passed on what he just heard from the doctor, but keep me informed on any developments."

"Yes, Commander," I reply.

There's a short silence, long enough that I think he's left, but then his voice sounds in my ear again, this time without it's normal authoritative edge.  It's softer now, cautious.  "This was one hell of an end to your first operation....  How are you doing?  I don't mean physically."

"I...."  Do I lie to him?  He's my commander, but do I really want to tell him how I'm really feeling right now?  Do I even know how I feel right now?  "I'm numb."  Close enough.  It's not false.

"You're still in shock," he replies.  "Hang in there, Eren."

Then he really is gone.  I exhale sharply and sink down into a chair, covering my face with my hands.  I try very hard not to think about Levi right now, laying in an operating room while doctors fish a bullet out of his shoulder blade.  He hadn't appeared to be in too much pain on the helicopter.  Not once did he drop his commanding attitude, or show any signs at all that he wasn't one hundred percent.  If I hadn't seen the blood soaking into his jacket, a sight that still haunts me, I never would've even known he was hurt.

Oluo and Gunther continue to chat, and over the next few hours, I exchange light, short conversation with them.  At one point, Oluo falls asleep, which is good.  He's so pale.  He needs his rest.  I can see out the large window of the hospital room that it's dark outside, and I wonder what time it is.  There are no clocks on the walls.  How long have we been here?  How long has Levi been under the knife?  And Petra and Eld?  Are they even still alive?  Someone would tell me if they died, right?  Erwin keeps checking in with me, and every time he does, I have nothing new to report.  No news is good news, right?  Then why does it cause such a sinking feeling in my gut?

The door opens and I'm on my feet in a heartbeat.  The doctor peeks his head in and motions with one finger for me to step outside with him.  My heart is trying to punch through my ribcage and my lungs suddenly can't remember how to be lungs.  Good news or bad?

"Mr. Ackerman came out of surgery a little over half an hour ago-" he starts to tell me.

"Half an hour ago?!  Why didn't you tell me?" I yell at him.

"He's been under observation, so there wasn't anything to tell you other than that he was out of surgery.  But now he's stable and awake, and he's asking for you," he says.

My anger dissipates immediately.  "He's awake?  He's... asking for me?"  The doctor nods and starts down the hallway.  I follow after him quickly.  "How is he?" I ask him.

"There's minimal damage to his shoulder blade and the surrounding muscles.  I'm estimating about six weeks until full recovery.  Other than his shoulder, he's in perfect health.  He's fully aware and he's... is he always so... irritated with everything?"

I actually laugh at that, and it distracts me from everything else that has happened today, if only for just a minute.  "Yes, he is," I reply.

"I've never been so intimidated by a man so small," he says.

Again I laugh.  It's not too far from Oluo and Gunther's room that they've placed Levi.  He's a little pale, but other than that he looks fine.  His hospital gown hangs off of only one shoulder, the other bare except for the thick covering of bandages and gauze.  His right arm is strapped to his chest to restrict movement of his shoulder.  A few IV lines and other devices are attached to his skin, and he looks so frustrated with everything.  His eyes are narrowed, his brow creased, and his lips drawn down slightly.  When we enter the room, Levi's expression softens slightly as his eyes fall on me.  The doctor doesn't hover, and I quickly grab a chair and pull it up beside his bed.

"Oi, don't look at me like that.  I'm not dying," he grumbles, shifting in his bed, trying to find a more comfortable position.  "How is everyone else?"

I hesitate before answering, fidgeting with my key while I try to figure out the best way to tell him.  A grave look grows in his eyes though, and I realize he's taking my silence the wrong way.  "They're all still alive," I quickly reassure him.  "At least for now they are.  Gunther and Oluo are fine.  They're in a recovery room just down the hall.  Petra and Eld are still in surgery though.  I haven't heard anything on them recently, but the last information I got from the doctor didn't sound so good.  Petra lost a lot of blood and she's touch and go.  Eld suffered a pretty major head injury and he too is touch and go."

He nods, taking it all in.  He looks a little relieved, like he had been expecting the worst, but he still looks defeated.  This was a big hit on his squad, and as captain I'm sure he feels that all of the responsibility is on him.  He feels guilty.  I can see it in his eyes.

"This wasn't your fault," I tell him.

"I know that," he nearly snaps at me.  I don't let it faze me though.  He's not mad at me, he's mad at the situation.  He takes a deep breath and lets his eyes close for a moment before opening them again and looking over at me.  "How are you?  Did they examine you?"

I nod.  "Everything came back clear.  I'm fine, Levi.  I don't know how though.  You all have so much more training than I do.  You all know what you're doing.  You're all veterans on this squad, and I'm just the clumsy rookie that has no idea what he's doing.  So how was I the only one that escaped without a scratch?"

"In some situations experience makes absolutely no difference.  We were ambushed.  Everyone who was sitting out in that opening got shot.  You weren't there, so you didn't get wounded.  I think the only reason none of us were shot dead where we sat was because of our advanced training.  We reacted quickly enough to escape with non-fatal wounds.  I hate to say it, or even think it, but if you had been sitting there with us when we were ambushed, you probably would've been killed.  You don't have reflexes like ours.  Not only that, but I'm also glad that you didn't have to witness that bloodbath."

The last sentence makes me cringe, remembering the man I killed.  The thought has been nagging in the back of my consciousness ever since I ran my blades through that man.  I can't get the images of him dying, of the blood on my blades and splattered across my hands out of my head.  I killed a man.  I killed him.

"I killed someone," I find myself whispering under my breath, staring down at my hands fisted in my lap.  They're shaking a little bit.  Is it like this for everyone when they kill someone?  It can't be.  How could there be so many mass murders if it was?  How could people in the military continue to fight every single day, knowing that they have and will continue to kill people?  Why is this bothering me so much?  He was a terrorist.  He was about to kill Petra.  If I hadn't killed him, she'd be dead.  Well... she might die anyway.  It all could've been for nothing.

Levi is silent, which doesn't help the turmoil raging though me.  Why doesn't he say anything?  Does he not know what to say?  Is he afraid to say what he has to say?  I can't stand his silence, so I voice my thoughts, hoping maybe he'll respond to at least one of them.

"He was going to kill Petra.  He had a gun, and he was aiming it at her.  I had to do something.  I couldn't just let him shoot her.  I stabbed him, with my blades.  He shot anyway though and hit her in the side.  She could die anyway.  It could've been for nothing.  I-"

Levi presses his hand over my mouth, silencing what was becoming a panicked ramble.  "He was a terrorist, Eren.  You did what you had to do to protect a fellow squad member.  People earn medals for that shit.  Don't let it eat you alive."

"But I _killed_ someone, Levi," I say after he removes his hand from my mouth.

"Your first kill is always hard," he says.  "I can't promise you it will get easier, but just know that your actions could have saved Petra's life.  You gave her a fighting chance."

"I know," I murmur, daring to reach up at take his left hand in mine, careful of the IV's and monitors snaking across his skin.  I try not to dwell further on those thoughts.  He's right, and I need to let myself believe that.  I just want to enjoy this moment together.  He survived, he's here now, and I just want to be with him.  I may not be able to say what I'd like to say for fear of Armin or Erwin hearing, but I can at least hold his hand.  Oh!  That reminds me....  I reach up into my ear and pull out the earpiece, holding it out to him.  "Erwin is online.  He wanted to talk to you once you were out of surgery."

He nods and removes his hand from mine so he can press the small device into his ear.  His hand falls back into mine though and I smile.  I lean down to rest my head on the coarse blankets of his bed, the back of his hand pressed to my cheek.  I'm so tired....

"Erwin?" Levi questions.  There's a long pause.  "Oh, hello Armin.  Yes, I'm fine.  Yes, Eren informed me on the status of the rest of my squad.  Okay, thank you."  There's another short pause.  "Commander.  Yes, just as I told Arlert, I'm fine."

I start to tune him out.  They're talking about military and operation stuff, things I can't even follow along with when I can hear both sides of the conversation.  So I listen simply to the soothing drone of Levi's voice and close my eyes.

"Oi," Levi's voice, accompanied by the nudge of his hand on my shoulder, startles me awake.

I sit up quickly, then wince at the ache in my neck.  I rub at the sore muscles there as I look around for a clock, temporarily forgetting that there are none in these rooms.  How long was I asleep?  I don't even remember falling asleep....

"The doctor came in about an hour ago to inform me that Eld and Petra are out of surgery," he tells me.  My wide eyes find his, hoping for good news.  I don't see anything bad in those grey depths though, so that must mean good things right?  "They both made it, and they're relatively stable at the moment.  Eld even woke up and is only showing slight memory loss around the time of the ambush, and there are no signs of permanent damage.  Erwin says that the reports the doctor faxed to him don't show any reason for anyone to be discharged.  They'll all be allowed to stay on my squad if they so choose."

"That's great," I breathe, rubbing at my eyes.  The relief I feel swelling within me is nearly overwhelming.  Ever since the ambush, I've been so worried about losing any of them.  But now it seems that they'll all be okay.  And they all get to stay on Levi's squad if they want to, although I wouldn't blame any of them if they wanted to leave.  I can't say that I wouldn't want to if I were in their place.

"A helicopter will be landing soon to transport all of us to a plane that will take us stateside," he says.  "Eld and Petra will be admitted to a military hospital for the duration of their recovery.  Gunther and Oluo will receive their necessary care from Hanji at the base."

"And you as well, right?" I question, gesturing with my chin to his bandaged shoulder.

"I'm fine," he replies quickly.

"You were shot in the shoulder, Captain.  It was like... three inches away from your heart.  The doctor said you'd need six weeks to recover.  You can't just brush that off like a paper cut," I argue with him.

He sighs, but doesn't argue.  What I said makes too much sense, despite how much he hates admitting a weakness, that he's less than superhuman.  I take his hand in mine again and offer him a small smile.  We did it.  It wasn't without a few close calls, but we all made it out of this mission alive, and now we're heading stateside again.  We're all going home, and none of us in a pine box.

 

**Levi**

"Fuck, four-eyes," I curse, flinching away from Hanji.  "Do you have to be so rough?"

Hanji looks up from where she's cleaning my gunshot wound with a cotton swab.  "Don't be such a baby," she says, shooting me a stupid grin.  "Besides, I'm having too much fun with this.  I've never had you in here for worse than a sprain before.  I still can't believe that you got yourself shot."

"Yeah, well keep it up and you might end up with a wound to match," I grouse.

Eren giggles from where he's sitting in a chair near the door, playing with the key around his neck.  It's been two weeks since we've arrived back on the base, and everything has been unnervingly quiet for more than one reason.  Both Mike and Dita's squads were deployed within two days of each other right after we got back.  And both of their squads, when they deploy, are usually gone for at least a month, so they will be gone for a while still.  The only people left on base are the few left behind by Mike and Dita for base security, other general staff, and then me, Eren, Oluo, and Gunther.

Another source of unnerving silence is coming from Erwin.  I haven't heard a single word from him since we left the hospital in Geneva.  After every operation, he always has a lot of paperwork to file to close out the operation, but it's never been enough to keep him completely silent.  In fact, it usually makes him pester me more, always reminding me to get my own paperwork in.  I understand that with five wounded-while-deployed statuses, he has a lot more work to do than he normally does, but his continuing silence is bothering me.

I watch Eren as Hanji continues my biweekly torture.  His eyes keep scanning my bare chest before he realizes what he's doing and looks away.  We haven't been intimate at all since we got back.  It's kind of hard when I have one arms strapped to my chest with absolutely no mobility.  It also seems like he's avoiding anything more intimate than a simple kiss.  It's as if he's afraid to hurt me, which is driving me more crazy than being ignored by Erwin.  But as much as I hate that he's avoiding my touch, it's allowing me to fully consider what I had only briefly considered on our way to the hospital in Switzerland.  Our relationship is dangerous.  I'm getting too emotionally attached to the brat, and the fear of losing him the way I almost lost Petra and Eld is tearing me apart.  I have this nagging thought that I should break things off with Eren, end things before they go any further than they already have.  I shouldn't have even allowed it to get this far.  I never should've slept with him during Christmas.  I shouldn't have allowed myself to get so infatuated with him to begin with.  But I did.  And I let this relationship continue.  I don't like the thought of ending things with him, and I'm not even sure if I have the strength to do it, but I feel like I have to.

A sharp pain pulls me from my thoughts and I hiss, recoiling from Hanji.  She's wrapping a new set of bandages tightly around my shoulder, pressing a patch of gauze over the top of the wound.  When she finishes, she straps my arm back to my chest, then pats me on the back and stands.

"All done!  And I'm cutting these appointments back to once a week," she tells me, writing something down on her clipboard.  "You're healing exceptionally well.  The strap should be able to come off in about a week."

"Thank god," I grumble, sliding off of the table.  It was only slightly embarrassing that my feet dangled just shy of the ground.

Eren helps me pull on a dark grey shirt that actually belongs to him.  I've been borrowing some of his shirts since they're loose enough on me to fit over my arm.  Once the shirt is in place and I've pulled on my fatigues jacket over the top, I follow Eren out of the medical bay.

"Go down to the gym and begin your morning routine.  I'll be down in a little while," I tell him.  Just because I'm on restricted activity doesn't mean he is.  If anything, I've been working him even harder now that he's the only one I have to focus on.

"Yes, Captain," he replies, heading to the third floor while I continue down to the fourth.

Back in my quarters, I leave the door open as I boot up my laptop and take a seat at my desk.  I still have a little bit more paperwork to finish and send to Erwin.  And I'm also hoping he'll contact me soon about the status of Eld and Petra, as well as the status of the operation.  Even though I'm on medical restrictions, I'm still technically on this case until Erwin officially shuts it down, which won't be until all of the proper paperwork has been filed, on both his end and mine.

My mind isn't focused though.  I sit at the computer for an hour, Eren's unfinished evaluation sitting on the screen, but my mind keeps shifting between thoughts of what I should do about our relationship and entertaining the idea of just calling Erwin myself.  Would I really be able to break things off with Eren so easily?  Is there a complication with our case that Erwin isn't telling me about?  Even if I did end things with Eren, would I be able to keep my distance from him with him still on my squad?  Did Erwin just forget to call me?

I'm just about to shut down my laptop, after making absolutely no progress, and head down to join Eren in the gym when I hear feet running down the hall.  I look up out of curiosity as they get closer to my room.

"Captain Levi!" a familiar female voice shouts before the private even reaches my door.  It's Mikasa's voice.  Mike left her here to serve on base security.  I don't know why.  She's the best soldier in his squad, and would be much more beneficial out on the field.

The girl slides to a stop in front of my open door, her hand braced against the doorframe to help stop her forward momentum.  I stand, a little confused at the panic on her face and in her voice.  Before I can even open my mouth to question what is wrong, she speaks, her voice frantic.

"You have to do something!  You can't let them take him!" she begs of me, breathing hard.

"I can't let who take whom?" I question her, only a little frustrated with her lack of communication skills at the moment.

"The Military Police!" she cries, stepping into my office.  I'd be more annoyed about the entry into my private quarters without my permission if not for the current situation.  "They just arrested Eren.  They're taking him away."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and into the fire.
> 
> Okay so at times *in this chapter and the last especially* it was really hard to try and capture the emotions that Levi and Eren were feeling. Of course because I've never been in such a terrible and emotional situation. So if parts seem a little dry emotion-wise, I'm sorry! Hopefully I was able to at least somewhat capture the intense emotion my two babies were feeling....


	14. Truths Revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHMYGOSH GUYS. I'm sorry for the cliffhangers! Wow your guys' responses to the last chapter were crazy! But I loved them I promise. You guys made me laugh. I know I've been a turd with the cliffhangers lately, so here! Enjoy a chapter that doesn't leave you hanging! :3

**Levi**

I'm pushing passed Mikasa and sprinting down the hallway before she even finishes speaking.  My hand grabs at my shoulder as I wince at the pain of it being jostled.  But right now I don't give two shits about the pain in my shoulder.  Why the fuck is the Military Police arresting Eren?  He hasn't done anything wrong.  And why the hell are they arresting him without notifying me first?  It completely goes against protocol.  Is it because he's a ward of the state?  Because he's here in lieu of a prison sentence?  That shouldn't matter.  He was signed over to Erwin by the courts, so they at least needed to notify him, and he would've in turn notified me.  Wouldn't he?  Is that why he hasn't called me?  Is it because he knew this was going to happen and he didn't want me to know?  Why the fuck not?  Is he afraid I'll try to stop them?  He better believe I'm going to try and fucking stop them.

I race up the stairs and throw the doors open.  The courtyard is a bustle of activity despite the fact that most of our population is deployed.  There are three Jeeps sitting at odd angles on the other side of the courtyard near the dirt road.  A handful of privates on base patrol are milling around, watching as the six men in dark fatigues drag Eren towards one of the Jeeps.  I can see, plain as day, the green unicorn head emblem of the Military Police emblazoned on their shoulders and back.  Eren is glaring at them, snapping snide and inappropriate remarks, but he doesn't struggle.  Perhaps it's because the bastards have him handcuffed and are dragging him by his arms, held at an awkward angle above his back.

"Oi!" I shout at them, running towards the men dragging Eren away.  "What the fuck is going on here?"

One of the MPs, a man with a sloppy undercut and pathetic scruff on his chin and upper lip, turns to face me as I run up to them.  He looks down his nose at me, eyeing me as if I were some scrappy kid not worth two seconds of his precious time.  Something about this man's face is familiar, but I'm too fucking pissed to concentrate on placing it.

"You are Captain Levi Ackerman."

"Damn right I am, and that's my soldier you're arresting," I snap at him, getting right in his face despite the fact he's half a foot taller than I am.  I'm good at intimidating people despite my stature, and it obviously works on this fuckface too, considering he takes a step back from me.  "Care to explain why I wasn't notified before you showed up here and started dragging my man away?"

"The proper people were notified.  He's a ward of the state, assigned to Commander Erwin Smith.  Smith received his notification shortly before we arrived here," he tells me.

I glare at him.  Unfortunately the asshat is right.  The only person he needed to notify is Erwin, and if he just notified Erwin minutes ago, Erwin wouldn't have had time to call me and warn me.  Damn this asshole.  It comes to me then, this man's name, and with the realization comes a small hint of fear, but mostly white hot anger.

"You're Nile Dok, commander of the MPs," I say, trying to keep the surprise and fury out of my voice.  This man and I have a shaky history.  "What the hell is he charged with that would have you out here personally to arrest him?"

"He is being arrested on charges of treason, conspiring to defraud the United States of America, and insubordination against the United States Marine Corps," he says as if he were reading off his shopping list.

My utter shock breaks my pissed off glare.  He can't be serious.

"What?!" Eren gasps, beginning to pull harder against the men holding him.

"What fucking evidence do you have that lead you to believe Eren is guilty of any of that?" I demand of Nile.  I'm having a hard time reining in my shock and anger.

"I don't need to explain my reasons to you," he snorts.  "I've informed your commander, so if he wishes to fight the charges, he will.  Until then, we're shipping Mr. Jaeger off to Quantico to await trial."

"Quantico?!" Eren shouts, struggling in earnest now.  "You can't send me there!  I didn't do any of that!  I swear!  I'm not a traitor!  Levi, tell them!"

"I will tack on resisting arrest to your charges if you keep that up, Jaeger," Nile snaps at Eren.

"Damn it Eren, don't make this worse on yourself.  Erwin will fight for you.  I'll make fucking sure he does," I promise, turning my glare on Nile.  "I'm coming with you."

"You can't come with-"

"I dare you to stop me," I cut him off, trying to make my tone and my eyes as dangerous as I feel right now.

Nile stares at me for a long moment, then nods, gesturing for his MPs to put Eren in the Jeep.  They toss him roughly into the back.  I fist my hand at my side, fighting the urge to kick all of their asses.  I could do it too, even with my right arm strapped to my chest.  I climb into the back of the Jeep with Eren as he struggles to right himself.  I sit down beside him as the Jeep turns to take off up the dirt road back to the landing strip.

Eren is terrified, but he's trying to hide it beneath an angry, rebellious facade.  His green eyes are wide and he's breathing hard.  His whole body is shaking.  I drape my arm over his shoulders and pull him into my side, not caring what this may or may not look like to the MPs.  He stares down at his lap, not looking up at anyone.

"Eren," I murmur, not wanting to be overheard by the MPs in the front seat.  "It'll be okay.  You did nothing wrong.  Erwin and I will fight for you."

He nods, still not looking up at me.  I press a finger under his chin, lifting his frightened gaze to meet mine.  I don't know what else to say to him.  I've never been one for words, and none come to me now.  I know that there's nothing I can say to change the situation he's in, but it'd be nice if I could at least come up with something to comfort him.  Nothing comes to mind though.  At least, nothing I'm willing to say around all of these people.  I'm not willing to get him in further trouble by revealing the extent of our relationship.

"Trust me," is all I can think to tell him.

Again, he nods, then looks down at the key dangling against his chest.  "Can you hold onto this for me?" he questions, his voice quiet.  "I don't want these dickwads to take it."

I nod, reaching up to slip the cord from around his neck.  I put it around my own neck, tucking it underneath the collar of Eren's shirt that I'm still wearing.  The cold steel chills against my chest.  We ride in silence all the way up to the landing strip.  I'm trying desperately to figure out how to get Eren out of this mess, and also how he ended up in this mess to begin with.  What evidence could the MPs possibly have against Eren?  And for charges of fucking _treason_ no less.  That is no small charge.  It's a capital offense.  I've been worrying these last few months that any slip up will land Eren in a federal prison, but now he's facing lethal injection.  But there is no way Eren will be convicted.  He can't be.  He hasn't committed treason.  I don't know what evidence the MPs think they have, but it's bogus.  He hasn't left my side for more than a few hours since the operation I left him behind for.  And that was nearly five months ago.

Eren looks like he's trying not to think of anything at all.  He stares at his lap and takes deep breathes.  His hands fidget in their handcuffs behind his back.  He looks so fucking miserable.  I want nothing more than to pull him against me, kiss those sweet lips, and promise him that everything will be okay.

We reach the landing strip to see a small white jet waiting.  I climb out of the Jeep when it pulls to a stop and brush off a MP that reaches for Eren's elbow.  I help Eren out of the Jeep and glare daggers at the two MPs that push me aside to take either of Eren's arms.  I follow quickly behind them up the stairs into the small cabin.  The shove Eren down into the first pair of seats and I take the seat next to him.  I dare to reach up and squeeze Eren's shoulder, trying to reassure him that everything will be fine.

"I don't remember you being a sentimental man, Levi," Nile says, taking a seat across the aisle from us.  "Are you this cozy with all your squad members?"

I grit my teeth and try to reign in my reaction to his words.  My heart is pounding in my ears though.  I need to be more careful around Eren.  Fraternization charges may not be as bad as treason charges, but it could still get him discharged and land him in prison, even if none of the other charges stick.

"Only with my men that you try to have wrongly executed," I snap at him.  "It's been a long time since we've last talked, Nile.  A lot has changed since then."

"Yes, it has been a long time.  Eight... almost nine years, right?  We were in a very similar position then, too."

I frown at the memories that come back to me.  The last time I had a run in with this man, he was arresting me for conspiring in the death of Carla Jaeger.  He thought I was a double agent working with the terrorist group that killed her, and that I had done it.  The trial was a joke.  I didn't kill her, and they had absolutely no evidence.  I glance over at Eren.  I have a bad feeling that he's about to find out more than I am ready for him to know.  It has to come out eventually, I'm just afraid that he has enough stress to deal with as it is without learning that his mother was involved with my squad and that's what got her killed, and that I was tried for her murder.

"Yes, we were, and as I recall you were trying to pin a crime on someone innocent then as well," I retort.

"Just because the jury found you innocent does not mean you are innocent," he replies.  He's fucking with me, I can see it, and it's working.  "I still think you killed that woman.  And if it were up to me, you would've at least been stripped of your rank a long time ago."

I slam my fist down into the armrest.  "I didn't kill her," I nearly shout at him.  "And you had absolutely no evidence that I did.  It's why I was acquitted.  And with the courts sincerest apologizes for your utter and complete fuck up."

"What is he talking about?" Eren questions.  For once since the MPs showed up, he doesn't look scared or angry.  He just looks confused, his eyes moving between Nile and I.

"No one told you, kid?" Nile questions.  Shit.  Here it comes.  Eren is about to find out everything.  "Your precious captain conspired with a terrorist group and killed a woman working with his own squad when she got close to discovering his secret."

"Don't listen to that shithead, Eren.  It's all lies."

"Captain Levi would never do that," Eren frowns, looking at Nile as he says it.  His brow is furrowed in confusion, as if he's wondering why Nile would even say something like that in the first place.

"What was her name again?  It was some foreign name..." Nile muses out loud, stroking at that pathetic excuse for a beard.  His eyes fall to Eren and widen slightly, as if he's just now putting the pieces together.  His eyes glow with amusement, like it's the funniest coincidence in the world when he says, "Jaeger.  Her name was Jaeger.  Carla Jaeger."

 

**Eren**

What... what did he just say?  Carla?  Mom?  What is this man trying to say?  He thinks Levi killed my mom?  Why would he think that?  That's impossible.  Mom was mugged coming home from work one day.  There's no way Levi could've killed my mom.  Right?

My horror must be clear on my face because Levi's hard glare falls on me.  "Do you seriously think I killed your mother, Jaeger?" he snaps at me.  "I didn't do it.  You should know firsthand that this fucker loves to accuse people of crimes they didn't commit."

What he's saying makes sense.  I nod, knowing him to be telling the truth.  I don't think I ever doubted it.  It's just hearing them talk about my mother's death is confusing me.  Did they know her?  How did Levi become the prime suspect in her murder?  How were they connected?  I wasn't even aware there had been a trial.  Why did no one ever tell me?  I'm her son.  If they had had a suspect and had gone to court, shouldn't I have been told?  And what about dad?  He ran away after she died.  If he had known there would be a trail, would he have come home?

"Why was I never told that my mom had a trial?" I find myself asking the very questions that are swarming around in my head.  I'm staring at Nile as I ask this.  He seems to be the one that was in charge of investigating her murder, considering he was the one that arrested Levi for it.

"It was need to know information, kid," he replies with a nonchalant shrug, as if I had asked him what the answer was to a math problem.

"Need to know?" I retort, moving to stand, but Levi's hand on my arm keeps me seated.  "She was my mother!  Why wasn't I on that 'need to know' list?"

"Her death is linked to an infamous terrorist group that we have exactly this much information on."  He makes a '0' with his hand.  "We needed to keep the investigation and trial under the radar.  We suspect Levi as being their inside man infiltrating our military.  We had to keep his trial secret or risk him getting word to the group.  Or, risk having someone from his group come execute him before he could spill the beans."

"You talk as if you still think I'm an insurgent," Levi growls.  "Have I not done enough for this country to prove that I'm not a terrorist?"

"How are you connected to my mom's death?" I ask Levi, completely tuning Nile out.  I don't want to talk to him right now.  He's pissing me off.  "Why were you even a suspect to begin with?  The cops told me and my dad that it was a mugging gone bad."

"Do you know what your mom did for a living?" Levi asks me, turning his body so his back is to Nile.  He's tuning him out too, making the conversation seem a little more private.

"Not really.  Neither of my parents talked much about what they did.  I just know my dad was a doctor and my mom... she did something with communications I think?  Like a call center or something?  I don't really know.  I was young when she died."

"Both of your parents were under the employment of the Marine Corps," he tells me.  "You mother was an intelligence analyst and your father was a military doctor.  Both were the best at what they did.  So when Erwin formed my squad, he recruited your father as my squad's permanent doctor, like Hanji is now, and your mother as my intelligence analyst, similar to what Arlert does for us now.  It was actually your mother's idea to form my squad.  My first year I ran solo, so I relied very heavily on your mother and the information she was able to gather.  After the first year is when I got a full squad, and your mother's involvement lessened.  But when my squad was assigned to gather intelligence on a particularly secretive and brutal terrorist group, she volunteered her help, and she got more involved than she should've.  We think she was killed by someone from this terrorist group."

I don't know what to think.  It's all so much to take in, and I feel like I'm going to explode.  I had been devastated when my mom died, and I was so mad when it seemed like the police weren't doing anything to catch her killer.  It's starting to make sense now though.  If these weird unicorn guys had taken over her case and kept it secret, that would explain why it seemed like everything was getting swept up under the rug.  I try not to think too much about it though.  I can't think about it right now.  There is too much happening.

"And this dweeb thought you killed my mom?" I ask.  "Why?"

"That's a good fucking question," he replies, turning a glare on Nile before focusing back on me.  "I was working closely with your mother.  I guess he thought it was someone close to her that killed her."

I nod.  I don't know what else to say.  Today has been one hell of a day.  I'm being arrested for crimes I didn't commit, I'm being shipped off to Quantico, I'm learning all these things about my mom's death when I thought I'd never know anything, and I'm learning that the man I'm in love with was the prime suspect in her murder.

I look down at my lap, trying to get comfortable with my hands handcuffed behind my back.  I want nothing more than to be in Levi's arms right now, but I know that he can't touch me the way I want him to.  Not with the unicorn squad watching.

"What are you guys anyway?  I've never seen your unicorn symbol before," I ask, leaning forward to look around Levi at the scruffy man.  I don't know why I asked.  I really don't care.  But I'm too nervous to sit in silence right now.  I want to think about things other than my mother and the situation I'm in.

"We are the Military Police," he replies, crossing his arms over his chest.  "We investigate crimes within the military."

"You mean you frame people within the military," I retort.

Levi's hand squeezes mine.  "Eren," he warns, his voice low.

I huff and lean back in my seat.  Levi's hand lingers on mine for a moment longer, then slips away.  I feel cold once that hand leaves mine.  I'm craving his touch, his comfort.  I want to kiss him, I want to feel his arms around me, his breath in my ear as he whispers sweet nothings, I want to run my fingers through his silky black hair.  I just want to be with him.

"Commander," someone says, walking up the aisle of the plane.  "We just got a call from headquarters.  We're to take Jaeger straight to D.C.  His court date has been moved up to three days from today, and he's to be held in small, secluded prison near the courthouse.  Zackly wants everything about this case to be kept under the radar."

Nile looks upset.  So I guess this is a good thing for me.  It means I don't have to go to Quantico.

"I already cleared our plans with Zackly before we arrested the kid," Nile argues.  "Who the hell changed his mind?"

"A Commander Erwin Smith, sir."

...

I've never been to Quantico, so I can't know if this dungeon-like prison is any better, but it sure as hell doesn't feel better.  It sucks, actually.  I'm the only prisoner down here, and it's dark and dank and I feel like some monster that they chained underground so I don't wreck havoc on civilization.  They separated me from Levi the second we landed, dragging me down here into this dungeon immediately.  I've been down here for what feels like forever.  All I have is a bed, and I'm sprawled across it now, my face buried in the scratchy pillow.  I'm still trying to figure out how I ended up here.  Just this morning, I was sitting in the medical bay at the base, watching Hanji clean Levi's wound, and now I'm sitting in a cold prison cell somewhere under Washington D.C. awaiting a trial for a capital offense.  I groan loudly into the pillows.

I hear footsteps and quiet voices coming down the hall.  I sit up quickly, watching the hallway on the other side of the metal bars.  The hallway is bathed in a flickering light cast by a torch against the wall.  What the hell is this place anyway?  It's like something out of medieval times.

The quiet voices get closer, muffled by the echoes of their footsteps.  It almost sounds like....

"How are you doing in there, brat?" Levi asks as he and Erwin step into view.  His tone is nonchalant, teasing almost, but I can sense the worry he's trying to hide.

I jump off the bed and hurry to the bars.  "Captain!  Commander....  What are you doing here?"

Levi leans back against the far wall, Erwin taking a seat in the chair a guard usually occupies.  I hadn't even noticed that the guard had left.  Levi pulls his fatigues jacket further over his strapped arm.  It is pretty cold down here.  I wish I could wrap him in my arms and keep him warm.  I wish we weren't separated by these cold metal bars.

I exhale sharply and sit back down on the edge of the bed.

"What's going to happen now?" I ask them.

"Your trial will be held in three days," Erwin tells me.  "I've asked a good friend of mine to represent you.  He's a great lawyer.  He'll be here tomorrow to talk with you.  I'm doing all I can to figure out what evidence they have against you, and my friend will be able to help with that.  That's all I can tell you for now, I'm afraid."

"We'll get you out of here, brat," Levi says.  "There is no way these charges will stick.  You didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why am I here?" I demand.  "I wouldn't be here if they had nothing on me.  They obviously have something or I'd be at home in your-"

I cut myself off in horror.  I did not just say that.  And it was almost a hell of a lot worse.  I scramble to figure out how to cover up my near mistake.

"I mean at the base with my friends... and Captain, training.  It's practically home to me now," I quickly say.

Levi's jaw is clenched, and he glances down at Erwin.  Erwin raises an eyebrow at me, but doesn't comment.  Either he didn't notice my half-assed attempt to cover something up, or he doesn't care.

"Yes, they obviously think they have something against you, and we're going to try our hardest to disprove them," Erwin promises me.

"His friend is the same lawyer that got me acquitted in your mother's murder trial.  He'll be able to help you too," Levi tells me.

"You told him about his mother?" Erwin asks Levi.

"Not by choice.  That asshole Nile brought it up, so I had to explain it to him," Levi explains.

"How long were you going to keep it from me?" I question them in shock.  "It's my _mom_.  She was killed by some radical terrorist group and you guys were hiding it from me!"

It hadn't bothered me at first, on the plane, because I had a lot of other things on my mind.  It's not that I still don't have a lot going on, but now, with them sitting in front of me talking about my mom, it feels like they've been plotting against me.  They both knew about my mom's death, and neither of them told me.  And by the sound of it, they hadn't planned on telling me either.

"Eren, we were going to tell you, but-" Levi starts to explain, but I cut him off.

"Don't give me that bullshit.  You knew from day one who I was.  You had to.  That's why you picked my sorry ass up off the streets, isn't it?"  It's all making sense now, as I take out all of my stress and anger and anxiety out on the two people that are trying to help me.  But right now I don't care about that.  The anger continues to flow out of me.  "My mom was brutally murdered, and you two didn't feel like I should know who killed her?  How she died?  That you two let her die?"

Levi is suddenly right in front of me, his one free hand gripping one of the bars, his knuckles white.  His eyes are furious, his lips pressed into a thin line.  I know that was a low blow, but I can't seem to care right now.  I'm too angry.

"You mother wasn't the only one that was killed while we investigated that group," he snaps at me, his voice hard and cold.  It actually scares me.  I don't like that tone, especially when it's directed at me.  It does a lot to get rid of my anger.  "Do you remember when I told you about my two friends that joined the Marine Corps with me?  They were my only family, and they were murdered right in front of my eyes by the same people that murdered your mother."

That hits me hard and I exhale sharply, dropping my head into my hands.  "I'm sorry, Levi.  I didn't....  I'm just stressed out.  I never knew what happened to my mother.  People tried to make it disappear.  The cops were useless.  To find out that you guys knew what happened to her, and that you were hiding it from me....  I'm just so over everything right now."  I laugh, but it's humorless, stressed.  "I'm sitting in a fucking dungeon, about to go on trial for a capital offense, and I just... I don't need to be dealing with this right now too."

"Oi," Levi calls to me, his voice much softer now.  I look up at him.  "I told you not to worry, brat.  I'm not going to let them execute you."

I stand and walk up to the bars, lifting my hand to cover his on the bar.  I remember that we're not alone though and quickly pull my hand back.  Erwin stands, but Levi doesn't back away from the bars, and neither do I.

"I need a few more minutes," Levi tells Erwin as the commander starts to head back down the hallway.

"I'll be upstairs," Erwin replies.  "Don't worry, Eren.  We'll get you out of this.  My friend will be down tomorrow to talk to you."

"Thank you," I tell him.

"Oh, and Levi?  If it were any other man, I'd separate the two of you, but I know you, and I trust you not to let... whatever this is get in the way of your work," he says, and the color drains from my face.  Damn.  He knows.  "But if I get the slightest suspicion that you are letting this distract you or effect your work, you will be suspended and Eren will be discharged.  Do I make myself clear?"

Levi frowns, his eyes not leaving mine.  "Crystal."

"Very good.  I'll be waiting upstairs for you.  Make it quick."  And with that, he leaves the two of us alone.

Levi reaches through the bars and his hand strokes my cheek.  I lean into the touch, wishing for more but willing to take what I can get.

"I'm so sorry.  I slipped up.  Twice," I apologize, slipping both arms through the bars to loop around his waist.  "I didn't mean for-"

"Would you shut up, brat?" he interrupts me.  "Don't worry about that right now.  He was bound to find out anyway.  He knows me too well, and especially with all of this happening, it's hard for me to hide how I'm really feeling.  Especially seeing you locked up here in this disgusting cell like an animal."

A small smile pulls at my lips and I rest my head against the bars.

"Everything will be okay, Eren.  The trial will start in a few days, and it should go by quickly.  The charges will be dismissed, and we'll be on our way back to the base.  Maybe I'll even try to convince Erwin to give us some time off.  We can go back to Boston, maybe catch a baseball game at Fenway.  I know the season started a month or so ago."

His voice is soft, trying to calm me down, and it does the trick.  A smile pulls at my lips and my hands fist in his fatigues jacket.  That is all I want.  I want all of this to be over with.  I want to go home.  Home to the base, or home to Boston.  Wherever Levi is, that's where I want to be.

"I have to go, brat," he tells me, and I release him as he steps away from the bars.  "I'll try to come back tomorrow morning.  It took a lot of convincing on Erwin's part to let us down here this time, but hopefully they'll let us back down with the lawyer tomorrow."

I nod, and after a moment of hesitation, Levi leaves, heading back down the hallway in the direction he had come from.  Now I'm all alone.  At least, until the guard comes back down the hallway and takes his seat in the chair Erwin had just been occupying.  He eyes me and I eye him back, trying to make him uncomfortable.  It works, and he looks down at his feet.  I stick my tongue out at him, then collapse back onto the uncomfortable bed.

This will all be over soon.  This will all be over soon....

...

"Wake up sleeping beauty!" an unfamiliar voice rings through the cell block, startling me awake.  "Time to work on your defense!"

I rub at my eyes as an old bald guy walks up in front of my stall, peering between the bars at me.  He has wrinkles beneath his eyes and a bushy grey mustache on his upper lip.  He's dressed in a light grey suit with a purple bolo tie.  He pulls a flask out of a pocket inside his jacket and takes a swig.  My groggy mind takes a little too long to figure out who this man is supposed to be.  I didn't exactly sleep very well on this rock of a bed.  But it eventually comes to me as I rub at my eyes.

"You're Commander Erwin's friend, the lawyer," I mumble around a yawn.

"Yes, the lawyer that's going to get you out of this mess and back under Erwin's command," he says, snagging the empty chair with his foot and dragging it closer to the bars.  "I'm Dot Pixis."

"Eren Jaeger," I reply, repositioning myself on the end of the bed, my legs crossed in front of me.

"Yes, I know who you are," he says, holding up a thick folder.  "Let's get down to business, shall we?  Now, they're going to try and use your long rap sheet to prove that you're a dangerous person, but that will be easily refutable.  These are all crimes of attention, none of them violent.  They will also try to discredit you by-"

"Why do they think I'm terrorist?"  I blurt out the question before I can even stop myself.  It's been bothering me ever since the unicorn squad showed up at the base and slapped a pair of handcuffs on me.  Who is it that gave the orders for my arrest?  Why do they think I'm guilty?  What did I do wrong?  I don't know the answers to these questions and it's driving me insane.

Pixis stares at me for a long moment, then sighs and scratches at his head.  He looks down at the report, but I can tell he doesn't need it to answer the question.  "During your most recent operation, your squad was ambushed.  There were many life threatening injuries, and it resulted in a failed operation.  The big dogs in the government want someone to blame for this failure, and so they're turning to you.  They believe the group you were watching was fed information about your presence.  You were not on site at the time of the ambush, and you were the only one left uninjured.  To them, all of that adds up to you being a double agent."

I stare at the man with wide eyes, my jaw hanging open.  He's got to be fucking kidding me....  "Are you serious?" I shout.  He recoils slightly at my anger, but I'm not angry with him.  I'm angry at whoever is calling my service to my country treasonous.  "That's bullshit!  I wasn't there when my squad, my friends, got gunned down because I had to go take a piss.  I didn't get injured only because I got fucking lucky.  I wasn't feeding information to anyone!  And I sure as hell didn't have my squad set up to be killed!"

"Well they have evidence that they think says you did.  Don't worry though, kid.  I've seen the evidence, and it's weak at best.  This is going to be an open and shut case, and you'll be on your merry way," he promises me.  "Trust me.  I saw this same exact thing with your captain.  He was the only one that made it back alive from a deployment around the same time your mother died, and they wanted to sacrifice Levi for it in the name of counter-terrorism."

I don't know what else to say, so I just nod, staring down at my lap and putting my faith in this man to get me out of here.  I'm innocent.  The evidence will prove that.  The court will see that.  They'll know I'm not a terrorist.  I did not commit treason.  I was serving my country.  I did nothing wrong.

"Oi, I told you to stop worrying, brat."

I hadn't noticed how much I had been craving that voice until it spoke from just outside my prison cell.  Looking up to meet his grey eyes, I realize I'm craving more than just his voice.  It had been a long, cold night, and more than once I had wished I was back at the base, in his bed, in his arms, instead of on this cold rock of a bed.  His presence is comforting, and very much needed to calm me down.

"Captain.  I didn't think they'd let you down here," I tell him, not sure what else to say.  It was a legitimate fear, but what I really want to say to him I can't.  Not with Pixis here.

Levi snorts with a roll of his eyes.  "Those shitty MPs couldn't keep me out of they tried."

"Well I'm glad you got passed the unicorn squad.  I'm so lonely down here."

Levi laughs, a short, humor filled sound that does a lot to mask his anger.  It's been a constant emotion in his eyes since the MPs showed up on base, along with the frustration and worry.  He cares about me and how this will all turn out, but he's afraid to show it.  "The unicorn squad....  That's a good one, brat."  He leans back against the far wall.  "Don't let me distract you, Pixis.  Pretend I'm not here."

"Very well," Pixis says.  He looks back down at the file again, flipping through it before he opens his mouth to speak again.  I don't give him the chance though, interrupting him before he even says a word, ignoring his irritated look at my constant interruptions.

"What's going to happen to me after the trial?" I ask.  "I mean, if I'm found not guilty.  We all know what's going to happen to me if they find me guilty."

Levi tenses, his gaze shifting to Pixis, as if he's eager for that answer as well.  He's probably been wondering the same thing I have.

"Are you referring to your deal with the courts?" Pixis asks.

"Yeah," I reply with a small nod.  "Even if I'm found not guilty, are the charges alone enough to have me dishonorably discharged?  I don't want to go to prison.  I didn't do anything wrong."

"That shouldn't happen.  If the court finds you not guilty, then according to the law you can't be punished.  A dishonorable discharge is a punishment.  Why would they dishonorably discharge you for a crime that the court decided you didn't commit?"  Pixis turns to look at Levi before he continues.  "If they do, call me and I'll help you fight it."

Levi nods and Pixis turns back to me.  "Now, let's go over what's going to happen when you step into the courtroom in two days time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sighs deeply* I just love me a protective and caring Levi. He loves his brat X3


	15. Fighting Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the court scene. This will be much more representative of the AoT universe than the real life military courts, just a heads up :)

**Eren**

Apparently the dungeon-like prison is right below the courthouse.  How I missed this when the MPs were dragging me down here, I don't know, but now they're leading me up the staircase and into a large building, obviously a courthouse.  It's small, only one courtroom, but the courtroom itself is huge.  Many rows of benches fill the back half of the courtroom, and run down the sides.  In front of the courtroom sits a lifted judge's bench, standing tall above everything else.  It's intimidating.  More rows of benches sit on balcony's surrounding the courtroom, looking down on the empty space in the middle of the room.  All that sits there is a metal chair that appears to be bolted to the ground.  This is where the two MPs holding either of my arms leads me.

I take the chance to look around as they lead me to the chair.  I quickly catch sight of Levi and Erwin standing in the front row of benches off to the left, both dressed in their military dress uniforms.  Levi is scowling, looking like he wants to kill everyone.  His eyes are on me, but I can't hold his stare.  If I do, I might not survive this.  I'm already shaking with nerves as it is.  So I continue to scan the few other people sitting in the courtroom.  There's not many of them, and that's when I remember Erwin telling me that not very many people know of Levi's squad.

I see Armin and Mikasa standing a few spaces down from Levi and Erwin.  I then notice Hanji standing to Erwin's other side, and for once she's not smiling or laughing or talking, and that unnerves me more than anything else.  Petra, Gunther, Oluo, and even Eld are all on that side of the room as well.  What are they all doing here?  Petra and Eld should still be recovering, and Gunther is still on a pair of crutches.  Mikasa looks just like Levi does, like she's about to rip every single persons' heads off.  Armin just looks worried.  He's fidgeting with the end of his fatigues jacket, looking around at the rest of the courtroom.  I wonder what he's doing here, but I don't really mind, considering this is the first time I've seen him since we left high school.  God, I've missed my best friend.

Petra looks ill, leaning heavily on her crutches, like just the effort of standing there in the galley is completely draining her.  And it probably is.  Eld is in a wheelchair, but looks equally as drained.  I want to hurt whoever dragged them out of their recovery beds and forced them to be here.  Gunther catches my eye and gives me a small nod in reassurance.  Oluo repeats the gesture when he catches me looking.  I offer them a small smile in return.  It's good to know they have my back.  It's good to know that they don't believe this shit about me setting them up to get killed.

On the right side of the courtroom, I notice all the MPs standing and watching.  Their uniforms are all embroidered with that stupid green unicorn.  And in the middle of all of them stands Nile, a frown on his face as he watches his MPs drag me into the courtroom.  A few other men in suits stand interspersed with the MPs, and I half-mindedly wonder who they are.

As the MPs force me down into the chair and handcuff my hands through the bars of the chair behind my back, I hear a voice behind me clear it's throat.  Looking over my shoulder, I see Pixis standing just behind the banister separating me from the rest of the galley.  He takes a swig from his flask, then offers me a quick thumbs up.  I manage a small smile in return before looking back up at the front of the courtroom.  The man sitting at the judge's bench is an older man with a thick grey beard.  Pixis told me about him.  Darius Zackly.  Apparently he's in charge of the Military Police, as well as overseeing Erwin and his section of the Marine Corps.  He also oversees another division of the military called the Garrison Regiment, but Pixis didn't go into that.  It seems like this man is too involved to be acting as judge in my trial, but unfortunately I have no say in the matter.  I just hope that he doesn't play favorites with his little pony squad.

Zackly clears his throat and raises a hand, calling the court to order.  This court is so different than any I've ever been in before.  This must be something special.  Are all military courts like this?  Or just this one?

"Private Eren Jaeger," Zackly says, reading off of a paper in front of him.  "Do you know why you're here?"

I shoot a glance at Levi, then back at Pixis.  He nods and I look back up at Zackly.  "Yes, sir."

"These are some serious charges brought against you.  Do you understand that if you are found guilty, you will be sentenced to death?"

I swallow hard.  This time I can't look at Levi.  "Yes, sir."

"Now, this court will proceed very differently than any other court you've been in, and I can see that's a lot, going off of your rap sheet," Zackly says, and I internally groan.  This isn't going to go well.  "This is a military tribunal, so standard court proceedings do not apply here.  I will hear evidence from the Military Police, and then I will hear counter arguments and arguments from whoever wishes to voice them.  Is that understood?"

I nod.

"And you, Mr. Jaeger, are not permitted to speak unless spoken to."

"Yes, sir."

"Very well.  Let's begin," he says, shifting in his seat to turn and look down at the MPs sitting to my right.  "Commander Nile Dok, you are free to present your evidence."

Nile nods and clears his throat, pulling a thick fold of paper out of the inside pocket of his jacket.  He unfolds the papers and starts to read.  "Private Eren Jaeger was deployed with the rest of his squad, the Scouts Regiment, headed by Captain Levi Ackerman, on the twenty-eighth of April.  The operation was for, and I quote, 'reconnaissance of a suspected terrorist location and the elimination of a suspected lead operative'.  The first four days of scouting turned up far less evidence than normally collected by Captain Ackerman and his team.  We believe someone hindered this intelligence gathering.

"On May first, day four of the operation, Captain Ackerman's group was ambushed by operatives believed to be a part of the terrorist group being monitored.  Captain Ackerman's squad has highly advanced technology to prevent such incidents from happening, including a perimeter alarm system.  Only once in the eleven year history of the Scouts Regiment has this system ever been breached, and it was only one man that entered the perimeter without detection.  This was an estimated five operatives.  Just before the ambush, Private Jaeger left the group.  We believe he left to assist the operatives past the perimeter alarms."

"That's bullshit," Levi suddenly snaps, startling me.  "He was gone for less than a minute, not nearly enough time for-"

"Silence, Captain Ackerman," Zackly demands, interrupting Levi.  "I will take counter arguments after Commander Dok reads his evidence."

Levi's free hand grips the banister hard enough to turn his knuckles white as he grits his teeth, glaring up at Zackly.  He keeps quiet though as Nile continues to read.  My heart is racing in my chest, and I don't tear my eyes away from Levi.

"Further, Private Jaeger was the only member of Captain Ackerman's squad that was not injured in the ambush.  Captain Ackerman also sustained injury, and I can count on one hand how many times he's been injured while deployed.  I have subpoenaed all five members of the Scouts Regiment to stand as evidence against the defense during these proceedings."  Nile gestures to my squad standing across the room from him.  So he was the one that dragged them into this courtroom.  I catch Erwin putting a hand on Levi's shoulder.  The captain is seething.  So he didn't know either.

"Will the five members of the Scouts Regiment please step forward?" Zackly says, and two MPs step up to the banister to open a gate.  The four that can walk, Petra and Gunther with the help of their crutches, reluctantly shuffle down the bench to the opening and step out onto the floor.  An MP assists Eld around to the short ramp on the end that leads down to the floor sunken a few inches below the galley.  A chair is brought forward for Petra who looks like she's going to collapse at any minute, and I am grateful.

"I have also subpoenaed the medical records received by Dr. Hanji Zoe from the hospital in Geneva where all six members of the Scouts Regiment were evaluated and treated, as well as the reports from the military hospitals stateside that continued Private Eld Jinn's and Private Petra Ral's treatment, and Dr. Hanji Zoe's records of her own continued treatment of Captain Levi Ackerman, Private Gunther Shultz, and Private Oluo Bozado.  Dr. Zoe, will you please read the findings in these reports?" Nile asks.

My eyes find Hanji as she hesitantly reaches into her jacket to extract a few loose papers.  She glances at me, before looking down at the reports and reading the findings printed there.  "Captain Levi Ackerman sustained a gunshot wound to the right shoulder, approximately three inches from his aorta.  He underwent surgery to remove the bullet embedded in his shoulder blade.  Estimated recovery time: six weeks.  Private Eld Jinn sustained one gunshot wound to the right knee, a fracture to his left Radius, as well as blunt force trauma to the head which caused internal bleeding and swelling of his brain.  Estimated recovery time: three months.  Private Petra Ral sustained two gunshot wounds, one to the right thigh and one to the right side.  Estimated recovery time: two months due to internal damage.  Private Oluo Bozado sustained a gunshot wound to his left side.  Estimated recovery time: two months due to internal damage.  Private Gunther Shultz sustained a double fracture of his left Tibia and a hairline fracture of his left Fibula.  Estimated recover time: six weeks."

Hanji starts to lower her papers, but Nile clears his throat, drawing everyone's attention back to him.  "And what of Private Eren Jaeger's medical reports?  They did a full check up in Geneva, did they not?  What were their findings?"

Hanji hesitates, glancing at me again before flipping to what must be my report.  I can feel my heart beat in my throat.  I know exactly what she's going to say, but I'm afraid for it to be read out loud to the courtroom.  I wasn't injured, and everyone else was.  How is Zackly going to see that?  As a sign that I was conspiring with terrorists?

"Private Eren Jaeger showed no signs of trauma.  All tests returned negative.  Recovery time unnecessary," Hanji replies.

"The Military Police rests it's case," Nile says with a smug grin.

People murmur all around me, behind me, to either side of me, above me.  The room feels like it's shrinking as the voices grow louder and louder, ringing in my ears.  I'm surprised I can even hear them past the roar of my heart in my ears.  This can't be happening.  I know Levi and Erwin and Pixis all said that the Military Police don't have a case, but after everything Nile just said, how can they not have a case?  What is everyone around me thinking?  What are they saying?  I can feel all of their eyes on me, burning into me.  _Guilty_ , they all scream.  _He's guilty._   But I'm not.  I'm not guilty.  I can feel the anger burning deep inside me, and it grows hotter than the heat of their stares.  It's fueled by those stares.  Damn it!  I'm not guilty!  I didn't do anything wrong!  The only thing I did wrong was not be there for my team as they were ripped apart by gunfire.  I grit my teeth and stare down at my lap.  This is an anger I haven't felt since I left the streets what seems like a lifetime ago, but was really only about six months ago.  I need to fight back.  I need to show them I'm innocent.  But how?

"Mr. Dot Pixis," Zackly says, his voice echoing over the top of the murmured voices, effectively silencing them.  I look up at the man high above me, trying to keep my burning anger from my eyes.  "You may offer a counter argument or present witnesses or experts now."

"Thank you," Pixis says, rounding the banister to step up to my side.  He rests a firm hand on my shoulder.  He looks over my head to the Military Police standing in the galley to my right.  It looks like he's looking pointedly at Nile.  "This isn't the first time that you people have dragged an innocent soldier that fought for his country before this court.  I was here nine years ago when this damned unicorn squad dragged an innocent soldier into this court after he lived through the brutal slaughter of his own team, his best friends.  You should be ashamed of yourselves."  Pixis takes another swig from his flask and I internally cringe.  That can't be helping my case.  "Now, let's get down to business.  I had a very nice counter argument prepared, but first I think I'll ask some questions of Captain Levi Ackerman."

I look over at Levi in time to see him nod.  His face still bears a scowl, his left hand fisted at his side.

"Captain Ackerman.  You started to refute Commander Dok's assumption that Private Jaeger left your group in order to assist the terrorist operatives past the perimeter alarms.  Please tell the court what you had tried to say earlier," Pixis says.

Levi nods again.  "Our proximity alarms are set fifty yards from our camp.  The operatives appeared less than a minute after Eren left our camp.  There is no physical way Eren could reach the perimeter, assist the operatives past it, and lead the operatives back to our camp in that amount of time.  We were in a swamp.  Covering that distance in that filth takes twice as long as it would anywhere else."

"Isn't it true that Mr. Jaeger had his maneuvering gear?  Wouldn't that speed up the process?" Nile questions.

"Sure, that could get him to the perimeter in time, but he can't carry five operatives while maneuvering with his gear," Levi retorts, his voice hard.  He's having a hard time putting up with Nile's shit, and I don't blame him.  I'm just about at that point too.  "Five operatives could not have made it from the perimeter to our camp in the time allotted.  If you'd take your ass out of your ears for five seconds, you'd understand what I'm saying.  The operatives were already inside our perimeter before Eren even left our camp.  I don't know how they did it, but they crossed our perimeter on their own."

"Thank you, Captain Ackerman," Pixis says.  "Commander Dok also stated earlier that the Scouts Regiment was unable to gather as much information as they normally gather in a four day period.  He conjured from this fact that someone within the ranks, presumably Private Jaeger, had been inhibiting the Scouts Regiment.  Commander Erwin Smith, would you care to address this?"

"It would be my honor," Erwin says, folding his hands behind his back.  He stands in a way that commands respect, appropriate of his rank, as he says, "The Scouts Regiment surveys beyond lines that we wouldn't dare deploy our standard military.  Nothing they do, or hope to achieve, is guaranteed.  Captain Levi Ackerman is the most skilled leader, and the strongest soldier, I've ever had the pleasure of working with, but even he can't control what happens on combatant territory.  Yes, on most deployments, his remarkable skill and the skill of his elite team brings back volumes of very valuable information.  But he is not a machine.  Sometimes, the Scouts Regiment is unable return much information, if any at all.  This operation is no different.

"Also, I would like to note that the last operation headed by the Scouts Regiment was of a separate base, but it was believed to be operating under the same terrorist group.  And on this operation, Captain Ackerman was able to retrieve a wealth of information.  This most recent operation was proposed and approved solely on the information gathered by the Scouts Regiment during the previous deployment.  There was obviously no hindrance where that operation was concerned."

"Yes, but Private Jaeger wasn't deployed during that operation.  He remained at the base where he..." Nile hesitates, searching for a specific sheet of paper.  My stomach drops into my toes.  I know exactly what he's about to say.  I know exactly what report he's about to read off.  "Where he was left under the direction of Captain Mike Zacharias.  It was during this time that Captain Zacharias filed an insubordination report on Private Jaeger, a report that Captain Ackerman tried to bury when he returned!"  Nile's voice had been rising as he read the report, and now he's practically shouting, pointing an accusatory finger at Levi.

"How the fuck did you get that report?" Levi snaps, his fist clenched as he makes a move to cross the floor towards Nile.  Erwin reaches over the banister to grab the collar of Levi's jacket, keeping him in place.  "That report was retracted after Mike and I reviewed the situation."

"Retracted, or covered up, Ackerman?" Nile snaps.

"It wasn't insubordination!" Mikasa suddenly shouts.

"I reviewed the report myself and found no evidence of insubordination," Erwin argues as well.

Everyone is speaking over the top of each other.  Levi is glaring daggers at Nile as he argues with Erwin.  I feel that anger bubbling up within me again.  That stupid report is coming back to bite me in the ass, all because I was a stupid piece of shit and couldn't follow orders.  That one act of rebellion that not only distracted my captain from a wounded fellow soldier is now coming back around to haunt me again.  Damn it all.  This isn't going how it should.

"And what about the girl?" a man in a suit standing with the MPs shouts.  I look up at him quickly in confusion.  What girl?  And what about her?  I'm the one on trial here.  "That girl there!  Private Mikasa Ackerman.  And the boy standing with her.  Private Armin Arlert.  They are both childhood friends of Jaeger's.  They could be conspiring with Jaeger."

"They have nothing to do with this!" I shout, ignoring Pixis at my shoulder telling me to be quiet.  No, I will not be quiet.  I need to say this.  "I'm the one on trial, not them!  So leave them out of this!"

"Mr. Jaeger," Pixis quickly says, loud enough for the whole court to hear.  "What is your relationship with Private Mikasa Ackerman?"

"She's my adopted sister," I reply, trying to school my emotions back into order.  "My mother died when I was thirteen and my father abandoned me shortly after.  Mikasa's parents adopted me."

"When was the last time, before you first arrived on base, that you had heard from Private Ackerman?" Pixis continues.

"About four years before.  She left right after we graduated high school," I reply.

"Four years.  You hadn't talked to Private Ackerman in four years.  Did you know she was stationed at the base you were being shipped to?"

I shake my head.  "I had no idea."

"And what is your relationship with Private Armin Arlert?"

"He's my best friend.  Mikasa and I went to school with him.  We've been close since elementary school."  I look over at Armin as I say this, and he offers me a small, nervous smile.  It's been so long since I've seen him.  I really wish I could just pull him into a hug.

"When was the last time, before this trial, that you had seen Private Arlert?"

"The same time I last saw Mikasa.  Four and a half years ago," I reply.

"And did you know, before your first deployment three weeks ago, that Private Arlert was the communications specialist for Captain Ackerman's squad?"

"No.  I didn't know Mikasa was on that base and I didn't know Armin worked with Captain Levi's squad," I emphasize.  I know what Pixis is trying to do and I try my hardest to make it work.  "I didn't even know Armin was in the Marines until I heard his voice over the communication device."

Pixis takes a step away from me with a nod, turning to look at the MPs.  "So there you have it.  How could these three be conspiring with a terrorist organization if they were out of contact with each other for four years?  Eren didn't even know where his two friends went after high school.  So can we drop those pointless accusations are return to the matter at hand?"

Silence falls over the courtroom, and when no one offers a counter argument, I sigh in relief.

"Private Eren Jaeger is on trial now, so let's leave it that way," Zackly agrees.  "Continue, Mr. Pixis."

"I have one more point to make, and then I will conclude my rebuttal," Pixis says.  "Nine years ago, Captain Levi Ackerman was paraded in front of this court, the Military Police accusing him of the same thing they are accusing Private Eren Jaeger of today.  But in a coincidental turn of events, it was Eren Jaeger's mother that was murdered nine years ago.  It was Private Jaeger's mother, Carla Jaeger, that you accused Captain Ackerman of murdering in cold blood while conspiring with a terrorist organization.  Keep that in mind.  Now, Commander Erwin Smith, will you please read the findings of this failed operation?"

"Gladly," Erwin says, pulling out another sheet of paper.  "I compared the findings from these last two operations with the findings from Scouts Regiment Operation 198, the operation in which Captain Ackerman lost Private Isabel Magnolia and Private Farlan Church, the operation in which Captain Ackerman was put on trial for, and I found something startling.  We have evidence to believe that the same terrorist organization we monitored in these last two operations is the same organization that killed Privates Magnolia and Church, and that killed Consultant Carla Jaeger, Private Eren Jaeger's mother.  A short audio clip retrieved from our latest mission has revealed their name.  They go by 'the Titans'."

Loud confused murmurs erupt from within the courtroom, but I can barely hear it through my own shock.  The men who hurt my friends, my captain, are the same ones that killed Levi's friends Isabel and Farlan.  They are the same ones that killed my mother.  These people ruined my life.  If not for them, my mom would still be alive and my dad wouldn't have abandoned me.  I never would've gotten into trouble in school and I never would've shuffled in and out of lockup my whole life.  I never would've gotten involved with street gangs.  I never would've gotten into drugs and alcohol.  I never would've lost my virginity in a dirty alley to a disgusting pimp of a man.  My life would've been so much different.  I wouldn't be sitting in this courtroom right now, facing a possible death sentence.

"I'm going to kill them."

Everyone falls silent.  You could hear a pin drop out in the hallway.  Everyone stares at me, and it's only then that I realize the words had come out of my mouth.  But I meant them, and I don't stop them from continuing to flow.

"I'm going to kill them all.  I'm going to kill all the Titans.  Every last one of them."

Pixis clears his throat to draw the attention away from me and back to him, and steps forward.  "What these findings show is that Private Jaeger can in no way be connected with this terrorist group, 'the Titans'.  He was only thirteen nine years ago when his mother was killed.  A thirteen year old can't conspire with a foreign terrorist group.  And to kill his own mother?  What could Private Jaeger possibly gain from having his own mother killed?  And when he was thirteen years old, no less.  And with that, the defense rests its case."

The silence stretches.  No one says a single word.  Not me, not Pixis, not Levi or Erwin, not Nile, and not Zackly.  The quiet stretches for a long minute.  Everyone is thinking over Erwin's words, over Pixis' words, over Nile's words, probably even over my words as well.  It's a long minute until Zackly finally speaks.

"Before I make my deliberation, does anyone have any last words they'd like to have considered?" Zackly questions, looking around the courtroom.  My pulse is pounding in my ears.  This is it.  My fate is about to be determined.  Will I be found innocent?  Or will I be found guilty and executed?

"I have something I'd like to say," Levi says, and I look up at him in surprise.  He takes a few steps forward, standing nearly right in front of me.  His eyes are glued to the Military Police though, glaring daggers at Nile Dok.  I can practically feel the heat, the anger, rolling off of him.  Even with his right arm strapped to his chest, he still looks absolutely lethal, like he could take out everyone in this room if they dared oppose him.  I feel my chest swell with pride as I watch him defend me.  This man, this beautiful man, is mine.  And I am his.  He's doing everything he can to make sure these people don't take me away from him.  They've messed with what belongs to him, and he's furious.

"You may speak, Captain Ackerman," Zackly says with a nod.

"I'll keep this short and sweet so I don't lose any of you idiots," Levi starts by saying and I fight the urge to roll my eyes.  Insulting them won't help me at all.  "You shitheads have no idea what it's like to be deployed out on the front lines they way we are.  There are six of us, up against hundreds, sometimes even thousands of enemy combatants.  Because of what we do, this wonderful country of ours refuses to acknowledge us as a part of their military.  We are on our own.  We have Private Armin Arlert, and that's it.  We have no other connection to our own country, which we are fighting to protect.  You don't know what it's like to be under fire and not know whether anyone will even come to your rescue or not.  You don't know what it's like to be injured and to wonder of your own country is going to leave you there on foreign soil to die.  Eren, and every one of my team members fought hard to serve this country.  The fact that you would dare to turn Eren's selfless service into an act of terrorism makes me fucking sick.  Eren did nothing wrong.  The fact that you would martyr him to fit your own agenda makes you worse fucking monsters than you think he is."

My eyes are wide and my mouth is hanging open.  I don't even care to look at Nile to see his reaction to Levi's words.  I can't tear my eyes away from Levi.  I have never been more in love with this man than I am now, and I suddenly regret never telling him that.

Zackly opens his mouth to respond, but Petra's voice cuts him off.  It's only her voice that manages to draw my attention from Levi.  She stands slowly from her chair, and Oluo takes hold of her arm to support her as she wobbles on her crutches.

"There is something I want to say," Petra says, her voice soft, weak.  "I don't know if it will make much of a difference, but I just want to say that Eren saved my life.  When the terrorists first ambushed us, I took off into the trees.  I was looking for Eren because I knew he was still out there alone somewhere, and as a rookie I was afraid he wouldn't know how to react and would get killed.  He was on his way back to the camp when I ran into him.  I was trying to tell him to retreat, and I didn't notice that an enemy combatant had come up  behind me.  Eren killed him.  If he hadn't, I wouldn't be here now.  He saved my life, and I just needed the court to know that."

She looks at me then with a soft smile, and I return it.  It makes me feel good, knowing that she's trying to defend me.  She knows I didn't conspire with the terrorists.  She knows I'm not an enemy.  She knows I'd never do anything to hurt her or anyone else on my team.

The noise in the courtroom starts to pick up.  No one else wants to address the court, no one else has anything to say to Zackly.  There will be no more arguments, no more counter arguments, no more questions, no more evidence to be presented.  Zackly is thinking over everything that has been presented, and he will make his deliberation.  Very shortly, he will decide my fate.  I can hardly breathe.  My heart is pounding in my ears.  My hands and legs are shaking.  I don't know where to look.  At Zackly?  At Pixis by my side?  Or at Levi?  At Mikasa or Armin?  I just want Zackly to decide already.  I could have a heart attack before I even hear the verdict.

A hushed murmur continues to rumble through the courtroom as Zackly scratches with a pen on the paper in front of him.  He's reviewing everything everyone said.  He's taking into account Nile's evidence, Erwin and Levi's evidence, Pixis counter arguments.  I chance a look at Levi who is standing back with the rest of his squad.  He has a serious, intense look on his face as he watches Zackly, but I can see the worry there, the worry for me.  Mikasa and Armin are also worried, although Mikasa is much better at hiding it with her anger.  Armin is fidgeting with the hem of his jacket again, biting his lip as he watches Zackly.

After what seems like an eternity, but in reality is only a few minutes, Zackly puts down his pen and interlocks his fingers in front of his mouth.  He stares down at his paper for another long minute, then sighs and lowers his hands.

"I have reached a decision."

The entire room falls silent.  Everyone is eagerly awaiting Zackly's verdict.  I'm on pins and needles.  He better hurry up or else I'm going to have that heart attack.  With his next words, I'll either be sentenced to death, or I'll be let free.  I'll be executed, or I'll be back in Levi's arms again.

"I have decided that..."

I hold my breath.  The whole room holds its breath.

"I am finding Private Eren Jaeger not guilty of all charges held against him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [titaneren-jaeger](http://titaneren-jaeger.tumblr.com/)


	16. In Love

**Eren**

I almost don't believe it.  I sit there in shock, trying to let Zackly's words sink in.  I'm only faintly aware of someone removing the handcuffs from my wrists.  Someone is pulling me to my feet, pulling me into an almost too tight hug.  Or is it two people?  Blonde hair is tickling the right side of my face, black hair the left.  This is really happening.  I'm free.  I get to go home.  My whole body is shaking, but I don't know why.  I can't move.

"Eren!"

Armin's voice pulls me from my shock.  My eyes focus on a pair of large blue eyes in front of me, framed by light blonde hair.  I pull Armin into a tight hug again.

"Armin!  What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Mikasa told me you were arrested and I came right away," he tells me.

A hand grips my shoulder and I pull away from Armin.  It's then that I notice the courtroom has mostly cleared out.  Levi stands next to me, his hand on my shoulder, and it's all I can do not to pull him into my arms and devour his lips with mine.  I almost blurt those three little words that I want to say so badly.  But I keep my tongue in check.

"Let's get out of here, brat," Levi says.

I nod and Armin and Mikasa follow as we leave the courtroom.  It feels so good to be walking out of here of my own free will.  I walk in stride beside Levi, rubbing at my wrists that still ache from the handcuffs.  I see Levi glance over at my raw wrists, but he doesn't say a word.  Erwin is waiting just outside of the courthouse talking with Pixis.  They both halt their conversation when we leave the courthouse doors.

"Congratulations, kiddo," Pixis says to me, patting me hard on the shoulder.

"Thank you," I reply, not sure what else to say to the man that for all intents and purposes saved my life.

"Don't thank me.  All I did was point out the facts.  Thank _you_ for actually being innocent and making my job easy."

"We need to get out of here," Erwin tells us, gesturing towards a black SUV waiting by the curb.  "I have a plane on standby that will take us straight to the base.  You can come with us, Arlert.  Thank you again, Dot."

Pixis nods and waves as he heads down the sidewalk, most likely to his own car.  Erwin climbs behind the wheel of the SUV and Levi into the passenger's seat, leaving Armin, Mikasa, and I to pile into the back.  I think I'm still in shock, shocked that I was found innocent, shocked that I'm leaving this wretched place, shocked that I'm going back to the only place I can call home.

"What happens now?" I find myself asking, leaning forward in my seat towards Levi and Erwin, Mikasa and Armin leaning forward as well on either side of me.

"This is all over, Eren," Erwin assures me, meeting my eyes briefly through the rearview mirror.  "You're going back to the base with Levi.  You will resume your training as usual."

I nod, but don't lean back into my seat.  "Thank you," I say.  "Both of you.  Thank you for fighting for me."

"Of course," Erwin replies.  "It doesn't matter to me who you are, or that you're under my command because of a court sentence.  If you're innocent, I'll fight for you."

"A court sentence?  What is he talking about, Eren?" Armin asks me, shooting me a concerned look.

"I, uh..." I start to say, but don't know how to explain to him that I'm only hear in lieu of a federal prison sentence.  Luckily, I don't have to when Levi comes to my rescue.  Where was he when I had to explain this to Mikasa?

"Eren is a delinquent brat, and the last time he got arrested, the judge gave him a choice between military service or prison time," Levi says, his tone bored.  "Honestly, prison probably would've been easier on you.  I'm surprised you even survived training."

I can hear the joke in his tone, even if no one else can.  I smile, leaning back in my seat.  "I'm surprised too, Captain.  There was a few times I thought you'd kill me for sure."

Armin smiles as well.  He doesn't seem so much amused by the joke, just happy.  Happy that my shock is starting to wear off and that I'm back to my joking self, perhaps.  Mikasa doesn't find mine or Levi's joke amusing though.  She frowns, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring daggers at the back of Levi's headrest in front of her.  But I am happy.  I'm back with my family, I'm going back home with the man I love, putting all of this shit behind me.

...

The second the door to Levi's quarters closes behind us, my back is pinned to the wall.  Levi's lips devour mine, his left hand working its way up my shirt.  It takes me a moment to react, but then I have my hands fisted in his black hair and I'm kissing him back with as much fervor as I can muster.  I laugh when his lips leave mine just long enough for him to awkwardly pull my shirt off over my head.  It gets stuck and I squirm out of it.

"Shut up," he growls, his voice husky.

I pull off his shirt and reach for his belt.  His hand grabs the back of my neck and he pulls me with him towards his bed.  He turns us so that the back of my knees hit the bed and I fall onto my back.  Levi quickly removes his pants, kicking them off as I do the same.

"Miss me?" I purr as he awkwardly climbs on top of me.

"Damn right I did," he replies, his lips fusing back to mine.

He tries to use his knees to push my legs apart, but with his right arm out of commission, he struggles a little.  I laugh into his lips and, taking hold of his waist, I flip us so that I'm straddling him.

"You're going to hurt yourself," I chuckle, leaning in to press my lips to his again.

He hums against my lips and I hear the pop of the lube cap.  Two slicked fingers then circle my entrance and I gasp, then groan as they press into me.  As his two fingers prepare me, I reach up under his pillow for the condoms I know he keeps there.  Quickly ripping one open, I roll it onto his hard length.  His fingers leave me and I quickly align my hips with his cock.  We both moan loudly as I sink down onto it, letting his hard heat fill me completely.

God I missed this.  I missed him.  Sleeping on that hard bed in that dank prison cell, I had felt more lonely then I ever had in all my life, and that's really saying something.  The few times Levi was able to come visit me wasn't enough.  Separated by those cold metal bars, we couldn't do more than simple touches and caresses.  And there was usually always someone down there with us which meant we couldn't even do that.  I had missed him more than I thought it was possible to miss a person.  After the trial, it had been so hard to sit through that long plane flight with Levi sitting right next to me, and being unable to close that small distance between us.  But now we're home.  Now we're back at the base, in the privacy of Levi's quarters, and we're free to be together as I've longed to be.

I ride Levi, trying to hold back the vulgar cries wanting to leave my lips.  Levi's hand trails up my chest to my neck, looping around the back to pull me down into his lips, further muffling my cries.  His hand moves down my back until his arm is wrapped around my waist.  He rolls us back over so that I'm pinned beneath him.  His one free arm and his tight abdominal muscles keep him hovering above me as I wrap my legs around his waist.  His lips find mine again and I moan into them as his cock finds my prostate.  My vision blurs and my back arches up off the bed.  My nails drag down his back and I groan into his lips.

I feel the all too familiar burn in my groin and I reach between us to grab my throbbing cock.  Levi's tongue pushes past my lips and our tongues dance as I jerk myself off in time to his thrusts.  When Levi's lips leave mine to trail down my neck, biting and sucking as they go, a shamelessly crude cry leaves my lips.  God, I'm so close....

"Fuck L-Levi!" I groan as his teeth bite at my shoulder.  "Ngh, a-ahh!  I'm gonna... I'm-"

My back arches off the bed again as my orgasm rips through me.  Every nerve ending in my body is on fire, only stimulated further by Levi still thrusting in and out of my tightening entrance, as a hot wetness coats my stomach and hand.  After a few more thrusts, Levi moans loudly into my neck, his movements slowing as a shudder wracks his whole body.

"I love you."

We both freeze, neither of us even so much as breathing.  It takes me a minute to realize that those three little words came from my mouth.  I was the one who whispered them.  My eyes widen, and I'm glad Levi still has his face buried in my neck so he can't see the burning color spreading across my cheeks.  I hadn't meant to say that, but... I don't regret it.  I've known for a long time that I love Levi.  It's never even been a question.  I've never had the courage to say it though, at least not until the trial when Levi fought so hard to save me, to prove to everyone that I was innocent.  I had wanted to tell him then that I love him, but I couldn't because of the dozens of people filling the courtroom.  I didn't realize that I had been holding onto that all day though.

Levi is silent for a long moment, not moving, seemingly not even breathing, and it starts to scare me.  Was that too soon?  Did that slip of the tongue scare him?  Does he not feel the same way?  I'm no longer embarrassed.  Now I'm just worried.  Did I just ruin everything?

Levi exhales sharply and pulls away from me, sitting back on the rumpled sheets.  I sit up with him, but give him a little bit of space, still worried that I made him too uncomfortable.  I think for a moment about taking those words back, about telling him I didn't mean it, about laughing it off as a joke, but I don't, because that would be a lie.  I really did mean it.  And I guess I really do want him to know, even if I wasn't actually planning on saying it.

"You are my world, brat," he finally says, looking me in the eye.  "And... I think I do too.  I'm not sure I realized it until the trial, when I thought I could lose you, but I do.  It's just... everyone I've ever said that to, which isn't very many people, have all been taken away from me.  I lost all of them.  I'm just....  I guess I'm just afraid to say it."

I sigh in relief, a smile pulling at my lips that seems to confuse him.  Maybe he was expecting disappointment from me, but honestly I'm just happy that I didn't scare him away with my confession, and that he seems to return my feelings.  I grab him and pull him into a tight hug, although still mindful of his healing shoulder.

"I don't want you to say it if you're not ready to," I tell him, my voice soft in his ear.  "I realized how I felt in that courtroom too, and it scared me that they could've executed me before I ever got the chance to tell you.  I love you, Levi.  I just want you to know that."

When I release him, he presses a soft kiss to my lips before standing and cleaning himself up.  I lay back on his bed, snagging a tissue from the night stand so I can clean myself up as well.  What I really need is a shower, but I don't feel like getting up and heading all the way down the hall to the bathroom.

"Oi, don't get too comfortable," Levi tells me and I look over to see him pulling on a pair of black sweatpants.  "We have ten minutes until we need to meet Erwin in the mess hall."

I groan, flopping back into the pillows with an arm draped over my eyes.  "What are we even meeting him for anyway?" I complain.  "I just spent three days in a dungeon.  Can't I just relax in an actual bed with my hot as fuck captain?"

"Flattery will get you nowhere, brat," he retorts, and I move my arm just enough to look up at him.  "Erwin has things he needs to go over with us.  Well, me really, but you should be there in case he wants to talk with you as well.  It shouldn't be that long.  You'll survive, I promise.  Now put your fucking pants on before I make us late."

I shoot him the most suggestive look I can manage, rolling onto my side and propping my head up with my elbow on the pillows.  "I don't mind being late."

He rolls his eyes at me, turning his back on me as he struggles to put his shirt on.  "I do mind, so get dressed, brat."

I roll out of bed and locate my pants and shirt scattered across the floor.  That's probably the real reason he wanted me to get dressed.  My discarded clothing was making his immaculate quarters dirty.  Once we're both dressed, I follow Levi from the room and through the unnervingly quiet hallways up to the mess hall.  Mike and Dita's squads are still deployed, so there aren't many people on the base, and it's so weird.  It's too quiet.  I don't like it.

Erwin is sitting at the end of one of the wooden tables in the mess hall, sipping at a steaming cup and reading over a sheaf of papers in his other hand.  Armin is sitting at the table with him, just to his right.  Armin had come back to the base with us instead of being dropped off wherever it is that he's stationed.  Erwin said that he'd be staying on the base with us for now, and that he'll leave with Erwin whenever it is that Erwin has to leave.  I'm just happy that I'll get to spend some time with Armin.  It's been so long since I've seen him.

I take a seat next to Armin, and Levi sits across from him, to Erwin's left.  Erwin and Levi immediately start talking about something in hushed voices, so I ignore them and turn to Armin.

"Where's Mikasa?" I ask him.

"She said she has guard duty.  She left as soon as we got here," he tells me.  "I thought you said you were going downstairs to change."

"What?" I question in confusion, looking down at my wrinkled shirt.  Oh shit.  "Oh, uh, none of my clothes are clean.  I sent them to the laundry, so hopefully I'll have clean clothes by tomorrow."

The excuse just flows out of me, and I know it's a shitty one.  Armin doesn't look completely convinced, but he doesn't question me.  When I glance up at Levi, he's still talking with Erwin, but his jaw is tense.  I watch it relax when Armin offers no argument.  Why is he so concerned with Armin finding out about our relationship?  Erwin already knows, so what does it matter if Armin does too?  Whatever his reasons, it's obvious Levi doesn't want Armin to know, and I guess it makes sense to have as few people as possible know.  I just wish it didn't have to be secret.

I open my mouth to ask Armin another question, wanting to catch up with my best friend, but something Erwin says catches my attention.  I look up at the commander, straining to hear the rest of what he's murmuring to Levi.

"...on your next deployment.  We need more information on these 'Titans'," he's saying.

"What are we doing on our next deployment?  Are we going to be investigating the Titans further?" I ask.  I don't care if that was meant to be a private conversation.  I want to know more about these assholes that killed my mother.

The two of them look up at me, a slight frown on Erwin's face, but Levi just looks like his usual bored, tired self.  It's him that speaks up to explain.  "Erwin is trying to get our next deployment approved.  It will be a short reconnaissance only operation into what we suspect to be their main base of operations."

My eyes widen.  "We know where that is?"

"Yes."  Erwin is the one to speak up this time.  "Thanks to the audio recording devices you guys dropped at the base in Switzerland.  That operation wasn't a total bust.  We may not have gotten the intended result, but the information gleaned is proving invaluable."

"Well I'm glad our sacrifice wasn't worthless to you," I snap before I can stop myself.

"Eren," Levi growls low, under his breath, a clear warning.

"I understand that you're frustrated, Jaeger.  I understand that you're going through a lot of emotional turmoil right now with the near loss of your team, your imprisonment, and the new information about your mother's death.  But I am still your superior officer, so you'd be wise to remember that and hold your tongue next time," Erwin tells me, his tone hard.

I feel like a child being scolded for stealing a cookie from the cookie jar and it does nothing to calm my anger.  This is the reason I was always getting into trouble in the first place.  But I've been here long enough that I've learned to control my anger.  I take a deep breath through my nose, let it out through my mouth, then take another deep breath before answering.  "Yes, Commander.  I apologize for stepping out of line."

Erwin doesn't acknowledge my apology in any way, instead turning back to Levi.  I glare daggers at him, at his big, stupid eyebrows.

"It's going to take a while for the powers that be to approve this deployment.  That, and your squad is still recovering, so you and Jaeger are going to have a lot of downtime," Erwin tells Levi.

Levi nods, leaning back in his chair and crossing a leg over the top of the opposite knee.  "Can I request our downtime be spent offsite?"

Erwin eyes Levi for a moment, and I can see that there is a question he wants to ask, but I guess he decides against asking.  "Very well.  I'll grant you until the end of your recovery period.  Three weeks.  But make sure Hanji tells you how to care for your wound, or find a doctor that will do it for you.  I'll send Gunther home as well.  There's no point in him staying if you aren't going to be here.  I'm guessing Eren wants time off as well?" he questions, looking over at me.

"He just went through the hell of a military trial to see if he was going to be executed for crimes of which he didn't even fucking commit.  I think he deserves some time off.  And what is he going to do here if I'm gone?  He'll just be sitting around with his thumb up his ass and getting into trouble," Levi points out, ignoring my balk.  I would not!  I'd keep in shape, I'd keep practicing.  But I don't say anything, because I know what Levi's trying to do.  If I'm dismissed as well, I can go home with him.  Three weeks with him in Boston, away from the military, free to be with him and not have to hide it.

"Very well.  I'll grant him three weeks as well.  But you need to keep him in shape, Levi.  He's not injured.  Keep him working."

Levi nods and Erwin waves his hand at Armin and I.  "You two are dismissed.  I need to talk with Levi."

I nod and the two of us stand.  I hesitate before leaving though.  "Can I go shoot things, Captain?  I haven't practiced in a while."

Levi nods.  "As long as you don't shoot your own foot off.  Or Armin's, for that matter."

I roll my eyes and Armin follows me with a giggle as I leave the mess hall.  He walks by my side as we head down to the armory.

"How long have you been working for Captain Levi's squad?" I ask him, wanting to fill the silence stretching between us.  This is the first time we've been able to actually talk to each other since we graduated from high school.  "You said it's been almost your entire Marine Corps career?"

He nods.  "Yeah.  About four years.  Closer to five I guess.  It's crazy, the operations they run.  If I wasn't working with them I wouldn't believe it if someone told me," he says.  "What about you?  How long have you been a part of the Scouts Regiment?  I know this last operation was your first, but were you on the squad long before that?"

"I've been on Levi's squad for about seven months.  But the court only sentenced me to a year, so I don't know what will happen five months from now."

"Would you want to stay if they let you?" he asks me.

That's a hard question, I realize when no immediate answer comes to me.  I would want to stay so that I can be close to Levi.  I don't want to leave him, and he practically lives here.  But at the same time, if I stay on his squad, we'll have to keep tiptoeing around everyone in keeping our relationship secret.  I don't know how much more of that I can take.  As it is I don't know if I'll be able to last the remaining five months.  Maybe Erwin will let me transfer to another squad?  But what would be the point of that?  I'd most likely be transferred to another base, and that would be no different than leaving the Marines all together.

"I definitely want to stay at least long enough to finish out this Titan thing, but after that, I have no idea what I want to do.  It's... complicated," I end up answering.  That's as far into it as I can go with Armin.  I'll have to have a talk about it with Levi later.

"I can understand.  It's not like you wanted to be here in the first place," Armin says, completely missing my true reason, but that's a good thing.  I nod, going along with his explanation.

When we reach the armory, the privates on guard duty make Armin wait outside since he doesn't have the proper ID to get in.  They don't even want to let me in, but they reluctantly let me pass after I tell them how pissed Levi and Erwin would be if I had to interrupt their meeting so one of them could let me in.  I hurry inside and check out two Berettas and a small box of ammunition.

Up at the gun range, I set the three cases down on the shelf in one of the stalls.  "Have you fired a gun before?" I ask Armin, hesitantly holding out one of the gun cases to him.

He rolls his eyes at me and takes the case, moving around the transparent partition into the stall next to mine.  "I went through Marine Corps basic training, Eren," he retorts.  "Yes, I've fired a gun.  Not all of us got to skip the torture like you did."

For some reason, I can't imagine gentile little Armin going through Marine Corps basics, which is probably why I had it in my head that he didn't.  I stare at him a long moment as he quickly loads his weapon and takes aim at a few cardboard cutouts left on the range from whoever used it last.  He fires five shots one after another in quick succession, and I'm shocked to see two in the chest of one cutout, one in the head of another, and two in the head and chest of the third.

"Show off," I grumble, loading my own weapon and taking aim.  "Why did you decide to work in communications?"

"Look at me, Eren.  _Basics_ almost killed me, so there is no way I would've survived as an active soldier in a squad.  I chose instead to put my best feature to the best use," he says, tapping his forehead with a finger.  "I figured I'd be most useful as an analyst.  It didn't take long for my superiors to notice how good I was at it, and that's when Commander Smith swooped in and recruited me for Captain Levi's squad."

"Well I'm glad.  Sorry, Armin, but I just can't see you on the front lines.  The guns those guys use are bigger than you are," I say with a laugh.

He laughs too.  He's not shooting anymore, instead leaning back against the transparent partition and watching me as I shoot.  "Yeah, I couldn't either.  I'm happy with where I ended up.  What I do is important, and it gives me a sense of fulfillment.  I won't lie, it's scary being thousands of miles away when things happen like they did during this last operation, though.  I feel so useless sometimes.  But I know I'm not.  Without me, you guys wouldn't have gotten air support, and you wouldn't have gotten out of that situation alive.  _That's_ what makes me love my job."

I offer him a smile.  "That's what makes _me_ love your job," I chuckle.  "I probably would've shit my pants if I hadn't heard you call in for air support so quickly."

He nods, looking down range as I fire off a short string of rounds.  He nods again, this time in admiration of my tight grouping over the cutout's chest.  "I missed you, Eren," he suddenly says after a long minute of silence.  Well, verbal silence.  These guns are damn loud.  "Mikasa told me the whole story as to why you're here.  I'm sorry I left you behind, Eren.  I didn't stop to think that with both Mikasa and I gone, you'd have no one left.  No one to keep you out of trouble."

"It's okay, Armin.  I don't blame either of you.  You did what most people do, what everybody _should_ do, and got the fuck out of that damned town.  I should've followed you guys, but I was too high to realize that," I tell him.  I can feel the memories starting to creep out of the mental box I had shoved them into.  Memories of drugs, of alcohol, of sex.  Snorting meth and smoking pot, downing entire bottles of hard liquor in one night, bending over in dirty alleys to pay for my addictions....  I shake my head hard to clear those horrid memories.  "But I'm here now.  It took me longer than you guys, four years longer, but here I am, and I'm happy with the way my life is going."

He smiles, a big goofy smile that shows off his pearly whites.  "I'm happy for you Eren.  I'm glad you've finally found your way."

I can't help but return his smile.  I'm happy too.  I'm clean, I'm doing something meaningful with my life by serving my country, I'm reunited with my sister and temporarily with my best friend, and I have an amazing lover that I love more than life itself.  Sure there have been some bumps and snags along the way.  Nearly getting killed on foreign soil and surviving only to nearly get executed by my own country, then finding out that a terrorist group was responsible for killing my mother, are definitely not on my 'good times' list, but overall I'm happy.  I'll kill those bastards with help from Levi and the rest of my squad, then I'll hang up my gun, maybe find a normal civilian job nearby so I can still visit with Levi, and enjoy my new life.  Yeah, I can definitely say I'm happy.

 

**Levi**

Another two days found Erwin on a plane back to D.C., Armin on a plane back to where he lives and works in New York, and Eren and I on a plane to Boston.  I was looking forward to these three weeks downtime more than I think I've ever looked forward to anything before.  Eren and I are free now to be an actual couple.  Hanji removed the strap binding my arm just before we left and gave me clear instructions on how to care for the wound and how to limit my activity.  Well, there's definitely one activity that I have no intention of limiting.

I hope that Eren doesn't want to do much, because I fully intend to do nothing but relax in my apartment with Eren.  I did buy us two tickets to a Red Sox game though, something Eren doesn't know about yet, but other than that I don't want to do anything.  These last few weeks have been too draining, emotionally and physically.  Eren will run his exercise routine that I modified  to fit the equipment available at the gym in my complex, and I will keep my lazy ass on my couch.

I lightly trail the tips of my fingers down Eren's spine, and he sighs in his sleep.  His face is so relaxed, so peaceful.  I'm not even bothered by the spot of drool on my pillowcase.  I'm too enraptured by the sight of this beautiful brat sprawled naked in my bed, fast asleep after being fucked into the mattress by the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet.  Laying on my side, my head propped up with my elbow on the pillows, I skim my fingers back up his spine as I try not to think about the fact that I almost lost him.  That trial took a lot out of me.  I don't know what I would've done if Zackley had found Eren guilty. 

A tingling pain in my shoulder draws my attention from my darkening thoughts, and I welcome the distraction.  Rolling onto my back, I reach for the small bottle of pain pills on my nightstand.  Hanji reduced my dosage just before we left as well, so I just pop one and dry swallow it before turning my attention back to Eren.  I don't need to worry about that trial anymore.  Eren is still here, still alive, and laying naked in my bed.  I drape myself over the top of him, nuzzling into his shoulder blades.  I'm still trying to come to terms with the way this brat makes me feel.  I've never felt so... soft around anyone before.  I feel young, alive, and so in love it's disgusting.  He makes me do things I never thought I'd do, like nuzzle another grown man's fucking shoulder blades.

"Ngh... Levi...?" Eren mumbles, his voice thick with sleep.  He tries to stir beneath me but I thread my fingers through his hair and he lets out a content sigh, relaxing back into the pillows.

"Shut up and go back to sleep," I growl into his shoulder.

"Mm love you, Levi," he murmurs, his voice muffled by sleep and the pillow.

I don't say anything, my heart hammering in my chest.  He's asleep again not a minute later.  I carefully move off of him, settling into the pillows, no more than a couple inches from his sleeping face.  I reach up to brush his bangs from his eyes.  I know I love him.  I think I've known for a while, just as I told Eren a couple of days ago.  I just can't explain how much it scares me.  I'm afraid of being in love, even though I know it's already too late, that I'm head over heels for this brat, because the last and only people I've ever loved were taken from me suddenly and brutally.  The love I felt for Isabel and Farlan was a completely different kind of love than what I feel for Eren, but that doesn't change the fact that I did love them, and that I lost them.  I'm afraid to lose Eren the same way, and that's why those three simple words keep getting stuck in my throat.

"When will I be able to tell you how I feel?" I murmur to the face relaxed in sleep.  "When will I be able to tell you how so fucking in... in...."  God damn it, I can't even say it when he's asleep.  With a heavy sigh, I reach over to the nightstand to turn off the light, plunging the room into darkness.


	17. Recovering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only did an edit passthrough on this chapter once because I was too ridiculously busy this weekend and the start of this week. So sorry if there are any mistakes.

**Levi**

"Wow... there's so many people here!  Are those the players?  Are they warming up?  When is it going to start?  And what's that over there?  Ooh that looks good!  I want one.  No, I want one of those!"

I just sit back and watch with a smile as Eren tries to take in everything at once, like a kid at Christmas, and apparently try to comment on everything at the same time.  His bright green eyes are wide and excited as he spins this way and that in the hard plastic seats.  A blue baseball cap with a big red 'B' sits perched on his pretty head.  I gave it to him this morning, and his confusion was adorable until I told him my reason for buying it for him.  He hasn't stopped his excited ramblings since.

The game starts not much later and Eren cheers excitedly with the rest of the stadium.  I'm not sure he even knows who he's cheering for, or if he even cares who wins, he's just so excited.  I only half pay attention to the game, Eren being much more entertaining to watch.  Eren keeps asking me questions about the sport and the players, but I can only answer about half of them.  I don't follow this sport or this team very closely.  I almost feel sorry for the older man on Eren's other side that answers one of the questions I can't.  Eren begins hounding the poor man, question after question pouring from his mouth.

I lean around Eren to address the man.  "Feel free to ignore the brat.  This is his first baseball game, so he's just a little excited."

Eren blushes and shrinks down into the seat.  "Sorry," Eren mutters, hiding his eyes behind his bangs and the rim of his cap.

"It's quite alright, kid," the man smiles.  "My own son has no interest in baseball, so it's nice to talk to someone who actually cares to listen."  He looks past Eren to me.  "It must be nice having a friend who enjoys going to the games with you."

I almost nod, almost brushing off the mistake.  But I decide that I don't want to.  I don't hesitate in taking Eren's hand in mine.  "He's my boyfriend."

The man smiles.  "I apologize."

"It's alright," Eren smiles, squeezing my hand, and I nod in agreement.

Eren continues to chat away with the man, and as the game continues, Eren's enthusiasm doesn't wane at all.  He even manages to memorize all the Red Sox players' names and numbers by the fifth inning, shouting down to them as if they could actually hear him.  His obnoxious yelling and cheering doesn't even bother me like it normally would.  I'm just glad that Eren's this happy after all the hell our mission and the MPs put him through.

The game is nearing it's close when my phone starts to ring in my pocket.  I pull it out and see Erwin's name on the caller ID.  I stand and start to ease my way out of the aisle.

"I'll be back, I need to take this," I tell Eren.

He just nods, then proceeds to yell at the refs for an apparent bad call.  I answer the phone to keep it from going to voicemail, but the noise as I hurry up the stairs is too loud.  I press the phone to my ear.

"Give me a minute," I tell Erwin, then lower the phone again before finding a bathroom.

God I hate public bathrooms.  They're so disgusting.  But unfortunately it's the only place within the stadium quiet enough for me to hear Erwin.  I shove my free hand deep into my pocket, and stand far away from the walls and counters.

"What is it?" I ask Erwin after lifting the phone back to my ear.

"Where are you?  It sounded loud," he asks, his voice curious.  He knows me well enough to know how much I hate crowds.

"Eren and I are at Fenway," I reply.

"A baseball game?  Wow, Levi, I never in a hundred years would've thought you'd put up with screaming drunk crowds long enough to attend a baseball game."  He's laughing.  Shitty eyebrows.

"I'm managing.  Barely," I retort.  "But you didn't call to discuss my agoraphobia.  What do you want?"

"There's been a development in the Titan case.  But it's not a matter of national security, so it can wait.  For now, at least.  Call me back when you get home," he tells me.

"What was the break?" I press.  Now I'm curious.  I want to know what's going on with these fuckers.  I'm so ready to finally get justice for Isabel and Farlan.  I need some sort of closure.  That operation has hung heavy on my conscious for nine long years.  For too long I've been beating myself up about leaving Isabel and Farlan alone while I went off on my own.  If I had been with them, I might have been able to save them.  But I wasn't.  They're dead, and their murderers escaped justice.  I had started giving up hope that I'd ever find the group that killed them.  But when Erwin told me that he had made the connection between that operation and our most recent operation, I began hoping again.  I'm going to find these fuckers.  I'm going to make them pay.

"First of all we've confirmed the location of their base of operations.  Three of my analysts stumbled across chatter accidentally picked up by one of our satellites when it passed over the location.  We're sending the satellite back that way to hopefully gather further information."

I snort.  "Damn robots are doing my job for me.  Tell me, what do you need my squad for anyway with all of these fucking drones?"

Erwin laughs.  "Chatter picked up by those satellites is coincidental and unreliable.  Nothing like having actual boots on the ground, especially yours."

"You flatter me," I deadpan.  "How's it going with convincing The Man to send us over there to investigate?"

"I'm trying Levi, but they're reluctant, considering how your last deployment ended."

I roll my eyes.  "Of course they are."  I glance up to the television on the wall.  God, these people can't take a break from their baseball for even a minute to take a shit.  I look up just as the pitcher strikes out the batter for the last out of the game.  Red Sox win.  Whoop whoop.  "I have to go.  Game just finished and I have to make sure the brat doesn't get lost in this damn crowd.  I'll call you when I get back home."

I hang up the phone and grab a paper towel to open the door.  The corridors are filled with people filing out of the seats and heading for the exits.  They're loud and drunk and rowdy, celebrating their win.  Great.  I stand up on my tiptoes, trying to look over everyone's heads, looking for a familiar mop of brown hair.  But it's useless.  I'm too goddamn short to see shit.  So I start elbowing my way through the crowds back to our seats.  Hopefully the brat stayed at our seats.

I find him standing at the railing at the bottom of our section.  The stadium is already mostly cleared out.  But some of the Red Sox players are still out on the field, and Eren is watching them.  As I approach, one of the players, a shorter bald kid with the number fifteen on his jersey- Pedroia I think?- jogs up to the railing and reaches out to shake Eren's hand.  He says something to Eren, then hands him a baseball before jogging off to join the rest of his team clearing off the field.  The brat has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face as I step up beside him.  I roll my eyes and put a hand on the small of his back.

"You ready to go?" I ask him.

He nods and weaves his fingers of his free hand through mine, his other hand gripping the baseball.  We walk hand in hand up the stairs to the corridors that lead to an exit.

"What did he say?" I ask as we make our way out onto the street.  I'm glad I live close enough to walk.  Cars pack the streets as far as my eyes can see, all trying to make their way to the highway.

"He thanked me for my service," he says, gesturing at his fatigues jacket.  "And he gave me this!"  He's so excited by the simple baseball that it brings a smile to my lips.  "Who called you?"

"Erwin.  There's been a development in the Titan situation," I tell him.

His goofy expression suddenly turns serious, and I feel his hand tighten around mine.  "What happened?"

"Don't sound so worried, brat," I retort.  "The location of their main base of operations has been confirmed.  That's all I know right now.  I'll call him back when we get to the apartment."

He nods, but that pensive look stays on his face.  Although I'm glad Erwin is keeping us up to date on how the operation against the Titans is going, I'm a little upset that it had to interrupt our vacation time.  We've only been in Boston for a week.  We still have two more to go.  I don't want Eren worrying about this operation when we're supposed to be enjoying this time alone together.  We don't get hardly any time to be a couple.  I want to take advantage of it when we do.

Back in the apartment, Eren plops down on the couch, watching me expectantly.  I roll my eyes but don't comment on his eagerness as I pull out my phone and speed dial Erwin.  I sit on the couch beside Eren and he lays down, his head resting in my lap and tossing his baseball into the air and catching it.  That goofy smile crosses his lips again.  My hand automatically falls to his hair, running my fingers through the thick locks.

"So how was the game?" Erwin says when he answers his phone.

"One of the players gave him a ball.  I think he has a crush," I deadpan, glancing down at Eren when he huffs and sticks his tongue out at me.

"Is he no longer interested in your old ass?"

My whole body tenses, nearly startling Eren who almost drops the ball on his face.  For some reason I hate that Erwin knows.  Well, he doesn't _know_ anything.  He just assumes.  I really should do something to dispute his assumptions.  It only takes me a moment to recover, but Eren continues to look at me in confusion.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about," I reply, trying to force my tone to be as nonchalant and uninterested as possible.  "There was never any interest.  And I'm not old.  Can we just get this over with so I can get back to my vacation?"

I hear him laugh, but he lets the topic drop.  "I've presented the confirmation of the location to my superiors.  Hopefully they'll allow this operation.  I've gotten word from Petra and Eld's doctors, and they're both officially outpatients.  They'll be fully recovered sooner than expected.  It looks like your whole squad should be on active duty again in about four weeks.  I'll push for a deployment date another two weeks after that to give you time to get your squad back into their routine.  It'll be a simple reconnaissance operation only.  We're looking for one man in particular.  We have absolutely no information on him as of yet other than a few short encryptions that mention 'the doctor', and seem to put him in very high esteem.  We think this is the leader of the Titans.  He will be the core of your next mission."

"Send those encryptions to me when I get back.  I want to look them over myself," I tell him, my eyes on Eren as I continue to run my fingers through his hair, although I'm not really seeing him.  My mind has switched into military mode, which unfortunately doesn't take much.  Before Eren came into my life I practically lived in permanent military mode.  "And that's all you've been able to get on this guy so far?"

"Unfortunately yes.  We're compiling a file, but don't expect much before it makes its way to you.  This man, this whole organization, has eluded us for nine years.  It's a miracle that we have even this much on him."

"Understood," I sigh, knowing that he's right.  Eren yawns and stretches, one eye squeezing shut and his shirt riding up a little.  The sight does weird things to me and suddenly I have no interest in what Erwin is saying.  The last thing I want to be doing right now is talk on the phone with shitty eyebrows.  "Now, I'm going to hang up and I don't want to hear another word from you until I'm back on base."

I don't even give him the chance to reply.  I drop the call and toss my phone onto the couch.  Eren starts to say something, most likely wanting to know what Erwin told me, but I silence him with a deep, tongue delving kiss.  He moans into the kiss and that only serves to heighten my arousal.  Our clothes disappear, and Eren's mouth finds my throbbing cock.  I moan as his talented tongue slicks up my shaft.  I leave Eren laying on the couch for only a handful of seconds to get the lube from my bedroom.  I slick two of my fingers, then flip Eren onto his stomach, pulling his hips up into the air.  I prep him quickly, but thoroughly, then push into his tight heat.

Eren moans beneath me and I lean over his back, my cock fully sheathed inside him.  I trail my lips and tongue across the smooth skin of his shoulder blades and burry my nose in the hair on the nape of his neck as I slowly work myself in and out of him.  But his shameless moans, the way he cries my name, it makes it impossible for me to keep up the slow pace.  I growl into his back, between his shoulder blades, hammering into him.  The only sounds in the room are the sounds of our loud moans and grunts, the slap of skin on skin, and the jangle of the key around Eren's neck.

I can tell Eren is getting close when his arms start to shake, his cries get louder, and his eyes squeeze shut.  I reach under him with one hand to take hold of his throbbing erection.  My other hand trails up his back to his hair.  I grab a fistful of those chocolate brown locks and pull his head back.  He groans loudly, a shiver running through his whole body.

"Oh god... Levi... ungh, I'm gonna... gonna cum!" he moans.

I lower my other hand from his hair to cover the head of his cock, catching his release as he screams my name.  His tight heat grows even tighter, the ring of muscles constricting with his orgasm.  I toss my head back with a few more thrusts before my own orgasm wracks me.  I come deep inside Eren, waves of pleasure washing over me.  My heart is hammering in my chest, and a warm, heavy feeling fills every fiber of my being.  I know what it is, this overwhelming feeling.  Staring at Eren, sweaty and sated beneath me, I know that it is love I feel towards this boy.  I want so badly to say it, to tell him exactly what it is I'm feeling, but the words won't leave my lips.  So instead I press a soft kiss to the sweaty skin between his shoulder blades before climbing off him, off the couch, to clean myself up.

Sitting back out on the carpet in the living room, my back resting against the couch and Eren sitting between my legs, Eren draws my thoughts away from my inability to express my feelings and back to my conversation with Erwin.

"So are you going to tell me what Erwin told you?" he asks me, tilting his head back to look up at me.

I tighten my arms around his waist and bury my nose in his neck.  "Do we have to talk about work?"

He giggles and I feel his long fingers thread through my hair.  "Are you still on?  I don't know if I can go again yet.  You have to give me time to recover," he teases.

"Brat," I growl into his neck, then sigh and lean back into the couch.  "Erwin is having a hard time compiling evidence, but he's managed to find a few things on who he suspects is their leader.  Gathering information on this man will be the primary objective of our next operation."

"Why don't we just kill him?" Eren murmurs, his body tense against mine.  "Why bother risking our lives to sneak around gathering information when we could just kill him and end all of this?"

I exhale.  "You know nothing, brat," I retort, a littler harsher than I meant.  "We know nothing about this man.  We don't know if he'll even be there.  We need to know when and where he sleeps, when and where he eats, when and where he shits.  We need to know if he's guarded.  We need to know when or if he ever leaves the base.  We can't just waltz in there and put a fucking bullet between his eyes.  We need more information, or else we'll all end up dead."

We're silent for a long moment, but then Eren sighs and turns in my grasp, straddling my lap.  "I guess that's why you're the captain and I'm just a private," he says, wrapping his arms around my neck.

"Damn right it is.  And you best remember that," I retort, pulling him against my chest.

He smiles, but then grows serious and my hold on him loosens, just slightly.  I don't want to let him go completely.  "I just....  I'm so mad.  I want to kill them, to avenge my mother.  I hate them.  I want them to pay."

I reach up to place my hands on either side of his face.  He relaxes into my touch.  "I know exactly how you feel.  Remember that these are the people that killed my best friends as well.  I want my revenge just as badly as you do."

"That's right..." he murmurs.  We're silent for a long moment, and I just stare into those deep green eyes of his that remind me shockingly of Isabel's.  I never thought I'd see those eyes again....  Eren speaks up again, ending the deafening silence.  "How did they die?  I mean, I know they were killed during an operation, but what happened?  I understand if you don't want to answer, I'm just curious."

I'm about to shoot down the question, not wanting to talk about one of the most painful times of my life, but then I decide that he should know.  Their deaths are part of our active case now.  He'll probably find out eventually, so it might as well come from me.  "As I told you before when I was talking about how your mother died, this terrorist group is not one to take lightly.  They're brutal, ruthless, and will do whatever it takes to achieve their goals.  The further and further we got into this investigation, the more they were starting to unnerve me.  By the time we were deployed, I was very concerned with what this organization could, and would, do.  I was afraid for Isabel and Farlan's safety, so I went off on my own one morning to try and eliminate the target solo.  I knew something wasn't right when I reached the base and it was too quiet and still.  No one was on guard patrol, the vents were sealed, and not a single vehicle was left on the compound.  They had bugged out sometime during the previous night.  I was on my way back to the camp when Farlan came over the radio, for just a brief second, calling for help.  Carla, your mother, was what Armin is for us today.  She called in air support and I tried to get there in time to help them, but I was too late.  They were waiting for me, and they slit both Isabel's and Farlan's throats in front of my eyes."

I pause to take a deep breath.  I haven't told this story since I left that courtroom nine years ago.  I didn't think after all this time that it'd still be hard to talk about, but it is.  I feel the lump growing in my throat and a faint burning in my eyes.  God damn it.  Eren's hand rubbing soothing circles on the small of my back calms me.  Taking another deep breath, I push the emotions down and continue.

"I wanted to kill all of them, right then and there.  Fuck, I wanted to kill them so bad.  But it was just me, and there were dozens of them, waiting to ambush me.  I barely managed to get out of there with my life.  I couldn't even grab their bodies to bring home.  All I managed to get were their....  I left them there, on that fucking mountain."  I look up, into those bright, beautiful green eyes burning with sympathy and love.

"What were they like?" he breathes.  He pulls me against his chest, and for once, I actually enjoy the feeling of being held.  "Who were they, before that day?  They seem to have been a big part of your life, but I don't know much about them at all.  You never talk about them."

I relax against Eren, my head resting on his shoulder and his arms tightening around my waist.  "They were my family.  Isabel always called me big brother.  Farlan and I took care of her.  Your eyes remind me of hers.  She was so sweet, yet she was spunky as fuck, and if anyone ever messed with any of us, they had her to answer to," I chuckle, remembering the many times she ended up digging us into a bigger hole by trying to stand up for Farlan and I.  "Farlan was... he was kind of the voice of reason in our little group.  He was very smart, very calm and collected.  He always knew what he was doing, and always tried to do what was best for all of us.  He really should've been the designated leader of our group, but for some reason they both looked up to me.  I guess they saw me as their protector.  I was the fighter in the group, after all.  I taught them everything I knew though.  I taught them how to defend themselves.  I won't go too much into what we did in that hellhole of a city.  A lot of bad things.  We were soon an infamous group of thugs.  But what we did was all out of necessity.  We did it to survive.  And those two made my shitty life a little less shitty.  When Erwin found us- hunted us down, more accurately- and recruited me into the Marines for a special mission, Isabel and Farlan begged me to take them with me.  I wanted to, I wanted to get them off of those streets, but Erwin refused.  It wasn't until he told me he was thinking of making my position permanent, and when Carla suggested that I have a squad, that he finally agreed to recruit Isabel and Farlan."

Eren stays silent through my long, emotionally disturbing story.  He listens, his hand never ceasing to rub soft circles into my back.  I enjoy that touch, the amount of care and compassion in that simple gesture.  What did I ever do to deserve someone like Eren?  I never would've suspected, when I first met him, that he had a soft side.  At the base, while we're working, he's so strong and determined.  He's a little spitfire.  But whenever we're alone, just the two of us, sharing intimate moments, he's so gentle and soft.  He really is an intriguing young man, and I'm lucky to have found him.  And I am even luckier that he, for some unfathomable reason, is attracted to me in return.

"That's enough of my sob story," I quickly dismiss, leaning back into the couch.  "Go put on a movie."

He nods, letting me drop the subject, then leans in to press his lips to mine.  We fall into a comfortable silence, Eren turning on a movie, and eventually falling asleep against my chest, his head resting against my arm.  I let him sleep, not bothering to wake him.  I don't really pay attention to the movie either, and I don't even realize that it ended until the DVD player automatically shuts itself off and the room goes dark.  I carefully lay Eren down on the plush carpet, and for a moment I consider getting up to go to my room, but I end up laying down beside Eren instead, trying to find a comfortable position that doesn't cause too much pain to my shoulder.  I drag the afghan off the couch and pull it over us, putting a throw pillow under our heads before pulling Eren close and letting myself fall asleep.

...

All too soon, Eren and I are on a plane, descending towards the short runway on that familiar mountain top.  As much as I wanted to stay in Boston with Eren forever and never return to this grueling, life-threatening job, I'm really anxious to get back to fighting the Titans.  Justice for Isabel and Farlan is long overdue.  I'm ready to bring these fuckers to justice.

Sitting in the airport waiting for our plane, I had called Erwin to let him know Eren and I were heading back to the base, and to ask if he's found any more information.  He didn't tell me anything, saying simply that the file was on its way to me and would be there in a day or two.  He did tell me however that Eld and Petra were back at the base and will be finishing their recovery there.  Hanji has already examined them and has been placed in charge of their little bit of physical therapy.  They have about two weeks left in their recovery, and then we have another two weeks after that before we'll hopefully be deployed.  Gunther and Oluo have already been placed on active duty, so I'll be able to work with them immediately, especially since my own recovery period is over.

When we land, Gunther is the one waiting to drive us back to base.  I shove Gunther over so I can drive, and Eren hops into the back.

"How are Eld and Petra?" I ask Gunther.

"They're doing surprisingly well," Gunther answers.  "Eld is itching to get out into the field again.  I think the both of them are going crazy being on restricted duty.  Petra is with Hanji right now."

"Good," I reply.  I had been worried about their mental states.  Usually with injuries as severe as the ones they received, it makes soldiers nervous about deploying again.  I usually lose people after such injuries because they chose to leave my squad.  But the team I have now has been here longer than anyone else I've ever had on my team, and they're the most dedicated privates I've ever worked with.  I should've have expected anything less from them.  But I glance over at Gunther and ask the question anyway.  "You and Oluo feel the same way?  Because if you have any reservations now, speak before it's too late."

"I can't speak for Oluo, but I'm ready, Captain.  I want to get out there and take these guys out just as badly as Eld and Petra do, just as badly as you and Eren probably want to."

"Good."  I glance into the rearview mirror to look at the back of Eren's head, although I already have an idea about what his answer will be.  "And you, Eren?"

"I would never voluntarily leave your squad, Captain."

His voice is so firm, so full of that same determination that made me fall for him what feels like so long ago, back when he was struggling to pass the test for the maneuvering gear.  His words settle deep in my heart and I feel that overwhelming swell of warmth, that emotion I can't express verbally to Eren.

"Good," is all I say, focusing back on the winding road.

Back at the base, I find Oluo in the gym, running though some simple exercises, and send him out to join Gunther and Eren in 3DMG exercises.  Before grabbing my own gear to join the majority of my squad, I head to the infirmary to check on Petra.  I already ran into Eld in the mess hall chatting with Mike and checked in with him.  Just as Gunther said, he's antsy and restless, itching to be back on active duty.  I'll have to ask Hanji what her thoughts are on both his and Petra's recovery.

I wave my pass card in front of the reader and push the door to the infirmary open.  Petra is sitting on the edge of the bed, her shirt bunched up on the bed beside her.  She's wearing only her sports bra above her waist, but it doesn't faze either of us as I enter the room.  She's been on my squad long enough and has been deployed with me and the other men on my squad enough times to not be modest.

Hanji looks up from examining the wound on Petra's side and grins at me.  "Levi!  How was your vacation?"

"Much needed," is all the answer I give her.  "How is she?"

"I'm fine, sir.  I feel great.  I'm ready to go back to work," Petra tells me, straightening herself up slightly.

Hanji just chuckles, cupping Petra's cheek after giving it a few soft pats.  "You're cute, sweetie.  You still have another two weeks until I feel safe enough putting you on active duty, which is a little early as it is," Hanji tells her, before looking back at me.  "I am putting her on minimal duty though, so she'll be able to run light exercises.  Nothing too straining on her core though.  Her internal scar tissue is still forming.  It's too weak right now, and if it tears, she'll be out for another four weeks."

I nod, turning my attention to Petra.  "Do you understand that, Ral?" I say, my tone stern.  She has the tendency to push herself past her limits with no regard to possible outcomes.  I know she means well by it, wanting to be as good as she possibly can, wanting to be the best, but I don't want to lose her over it.  She's a valuable part of my team.  "We're hopefully being deployed in four weeks.  I need you running exercises again as soon as possible.  If your active duty reinstatement gets pushed back even a day, you won't be joining us."

She nods, looking slightly deflated.

"What's your prognosis on Eld?" I ask Hanji.

"Well the cast on his arm came off a few days ago, and he's regained full mobility in his leg.  The trauma to his head is what was worrying me the most, but all of his tests are coming back completely clear.  I'm giving him another two weeks until full recovery only because head injuries are very finicky, and I don't want to cause any further damage by reinstating him before he's ready," Hanji tells me.  "As with Petra though, I will allow him limited duty."

I nod, then look at Petra.  "When Hanji finishes with you, go find Eld.  I'll give him some simple exercises for the two of you to work on."

"Yes, Captain."

Heading back up to the mess hall, I catch Eld as he's getting ready to leave.  I give him a brief rundown of what Hanji said, and a short list of exercises that he and Petra need to work on.

"Don't push yourself too hard though," I tell him.  "If at any point it starts to feel like it's too much, stop.  I need you two to be ready to deploy when Erwin gives us the orders.  I can't complete this operation with a third of my quad out of action."

He nods and leaves the room to go collect Petra from the medical bay.  I grab my gear from the infirmary and head out into the yard to join the rest of my squad.  Mike's group is back from deployment, and small groups are scattered across the yard working on hand to hand combat drills.  I avoid the groups, weaving my way through until I get deep into the trees and find the empty cases piled near a tree.  I don't see any sign of my squad, but I put on my gear and take off into the trees anyway.  They have to be around here somewhere.  It's not too long before Eren sees me and races up behind me, nearly startling me.  We rejoin Gunther and Oluo running through a simple exercise.  I mostly sit back and observe, instructing and criticizing my squad.  They're all slow, and a little off beat.  Gunther is obviously favoring his left leg.  We'll have to work on getting everyone back on par.

My eyes follow Eren as he whips through the trees, his blades out and held at the ready.  His movements are so quick, precise.  He's really come so far from where he was when he first got here.  He's not a shitty little brat anymore.  Well, he's still a brat, but he's grown.  That same determination burns in his eyes though.  That at least hasn't changed.  He's ready for this next operation.  He's eager.  I can't help but worry though.  Every time I've faced up against this group, the consequences have been devastating.  I lost my family the first time, and the second time I nearly lost my whole squad.  Will they succeed in taking them from me this time?  Who will it be that I lose?  Will it be Eren that I lose?  The possibility is very real, and that terrifies me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the Boston trip wasn't very long this time. I just really wanted them to go back and be all lovey dovey :3 And I've had people comment on basic regulations on soldiers wearing their uniforms, or parts of uniforms, out in public. I was going to remove the part where Eren meets a player because of that, but decided that I wanted to keep it. The Boston Red Sox are known for their support of the military, so I wanted to bring that into the fic. And it's fiction right? So I'm claiming creative liberty :)
> 
> Just an FYI, it's been nine months since Eren was sentenced. You know what that means? Eren's sentence is nearing its end, and so is this fic D: Only a few more chapters to go. I'm on Tumblr [titaneren-jaeger](http://titaneren-jaeger.tumblr.com/)


	18. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't really like this chapter. It has nothing to do with the content, but with the writing. I don't know why, but I just hate how my writing turned out this chapter. I rewrote it twice guys. And I did four edit passthroughs of the 'final draft' of the chapter. But I still hate it. So I'm sorry :/ Oh, and I'll also apologize for the content, because that shit isn't very good either ._.

**Eren**

Time sure drags when you're preparing for an operation you're longing to be deployed on.  And when you're lover almost completely ignores you.  Levi seems unusually detached, more unapproachable than usual.  I tried to ask him about it, but he just brushed me off.  I chalk it up to the stress of the upcoming deployment and leave him alone, as much as it bothers me.  I focus instead on training my ass off.  I know how much my training lags behind the rest of my squads' training.  They are so much more advanced than I am, and I need to catch up.  But they're not at one hundred percent, considering they're all coming off recent injuries.  That means that I need to make up for their weaknesses.  They need to be able to rely on me instead of having to babysit me.

Levi doesn't seem happy with the state of his squad by the time the deployment date approaches.  He presses Erwin to push the date back, which apparently pisses Erwin off because he had to fight so hard to get Levi this deployment.  But somehow he manages, and our deployment date gets pushed back by two weeks.  Great.  I internally rage about that during those two extra weeks because I want to get the hell over there and kick some Titan ass, but at the same time I guess I'm relieved.  In the ten and a half months since I've arrived on this base, I've become so close with everyone in Levi's squad.  They're practically my family now, and I'd hate for anything to happen to them because we deployed when they weren't ready.

Wait a second....  Ten and a half months?  That means I have about six weeks left until the end of my sentence.  In six weeks, I'll be a free man, and I'll get to decide what to do with my life.  I still have no idea what that may be though.  The same dilemmas are still in play.  If I stay, I have to keep hiding my relationship with Levi.  If I leave, we can finally stop sneaking around.  If I stay, I'll be able to see Levi every day.  If I leave, it could be months between times I get to see Levi.

I shake my head, forcing myself to concentrate on the matter at hand.  I'll have time when we get back from this operation to think about what I'm going to do.  We're only getting deployed for ten days.  That leaves plenty of time afterword.

I climb onto the plane, following behind Gunther and Oluo, my 3DMG case handle gripped tightly in my hand.  It's still really early, only the wee hours of the morning, and it's still dark.  I'm not even tired.  I'm too amped up.  It's finally here.  We're finally deploying to face the Titans.

After what feels like forever, the pilot finally calls over the speakers that we're nearing the drop zone.  Everyone stands, and Levi passes out the earpieces.  I quickly shove it in my ear before pulling on my maneuvering gear.  I feel eyes on me, and I look up to see Levi staring at me.  His eyes are dark, a frown marring his face.  I exhale as I finish strapping on my gear, then grab his arm and pull him into the back of the plane to give us some privacy.

"You've been pissy ever since we got back from Boston.  What's got your panties in a twist?" I demand.

He grimaces at the word, but the frown returns quickly enough.  "Promise me you'll be careful?" he asks of me.  "Don't get cocky, and don't fuck this up.  Follow my orders."

I nod.  "I'll be fine, Captain.  I've been working my ass off these last six weeks, preparing for this operation.  I won't jump the gun, I promise."  He's still frowning.  "Levi... what's really bothering you?"

He exhales sharply, looking away from me as he crosses his arms over his chest.  "I just have a bad feeling is all," he admits.  "Every time I've gone up against this group something bad has happened.  The first time I lost Isabel and Farlan.  The last time I nearly lost my entire squad.  I'm just worried is all."

I want so badly to pull him into a hug, to try and comfort him, but I can't.  Instead I offer him a smile and walk around him back to the rest of the squad.

"We'll be fine," I tell him.  "We're not going to let the Titans get the best of us a second time," I say with a grin.

"Damn right we aren't," Gunther replies as he finishes strapping his gear on.

"We got this, Captain," Petra agrees.  "Don't worry about us.  Just worry about leading us through this operation."

Levi nods, rejoining the rest of his squad as well.  "Alright, but you guys better watch your asses, and if any of you fuck this up, I'll skin you alive."

Nervous laughs fill the plane, but I don't think anyone can tell if Levi is serious or not.  He's too uptight to accurately tell if his remark was sarcastic.  After a few moments, Armin comes online and informs us that we're just a few minutes from our drop.  Everyone finishes preparing, Levi starts his speech which we all finish for him, then the doors open and we're jumping.

Adrenaline courses through me.  Even if this is only my second drop, I feel like it's my hundredth.  I've prepared myself both mentally and physically for this operation so much, and I've longed for it since my trial, that I'm no longer nervous about it.  I'm ready.  Fuck, I'm so ready.  I want to find these bastards responsible for killing my mom.  I want to make them pay, _finally_ , after these nine long years.  They've escaped justice long enough.  Their day of reckoning is here, and it's coming in the form of the Scouts Regiment.

Flying through the trees, the cold air whips around us, making my cloak flutter and snap behind me.  Despite the fact that it's late June, it's still cold as fuck here in this goddamned German mountain range.  Why is it all the way up here in the mountains?  Why couldn't their main base of operations be in the Bahamas?  At least it's not in a swamp this time.  God that last location sucked so much.

We set up our camp with snow falling all around us.  I shake it out of my hair more than once, but it doesn't make much of a difference.  When the tent is set up, Levi quickly assigns the watch order, but this time he assigns two people to each watch shift.  Gunther and Petra take the first shift, and I crawl into the tent with Levi, Eld, and Oluo.  This time, I take the sleeping bag next to Levi's, and after everyone is settled in for the night, I reach across the small space and take Levi's hand resting on his pillow.  His blue-grey eyes open and I smile at him.  He's still so uptight.  He needs to relax a little bit.  This stress can't be good for him, or for the success of this mission.

Levi sighs softly, pulling my hand to his lips for a quick kiss before releasing it and rolling over.  I pull my hand back inside my sleeping back and huddle into the warm fabric.  My nerves and anxiety keep me up for a little while longer.  My mind keeps going back to that day, the day the police showed up at my house to tell me that my mother was dead, the day that ruined my life.  I remember my thirteen year old self screaming at the cops, calling them liars, begging them to stop lying to me.  I remember the way my father lost it and left the house, for what I would later realize was the last time.  I remember how lost and alone I felt, even after Mikasa's parents took me in.

I pinch my eyes closed and take a deep breath, trying to force those memories away.  I need to be in the here and now, focused, on my game.  I can wallow in depressing memories another time.  Right now I need to get my sleep.  I'll be getting up with Levi in a few hours to go on watch.

...

A hand on my shoulder shakes me awake.  I open my eyes to see Oluo kneeling next to me.  I yawn widely and sit up.

"Jesus fuc-" I start to curse as the freezing air envelops me, sending a shiver racking up my spine through my whole body.  I think my balls just retreated up into my body.

Levi's hand slapped over my mouth and his hard glare silence me.  Oluo and Eld crawl into their sleeping bags as Levi and I leave the tent.  Strapping on our mobility gear, we take off in separate directions to run the perimeter.

My heart is beating quickly in my chest, and my senses are on high alert.  The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, and it's not from the cold.  The mountain is so quiet, it's eerie.  I make my way around the perimeter, keeping my eyes open for anything suspicious, anything out of the ordinary.  Nothing catches my eye, and when Levi and I meet up again, we silently head back to the camp.

Sitting on a ridge a dozen or so feet from the camp, I hug my arms around myself, my teeth chattering.  Levi sits next to me, seemingly unfazed by the cold, but he's hunched in on himself and leaning into me.  I look over at my captain, then lean in and steal a kiss.  His lips are freezing.  He breaks off the kiss quickly, looking back out into the quiet, dark forest around us.

"We're going to get these guys," I tell him, not sure what else to say, but wanting to break the tense silence.  My voice is just barely above a whisper, yet it sounds so loud on this empty mountain top.  "You're the best captain anyone could ever hope to have leading them, and the others have so much skill and courage."

"You're not lacking in skill or courage either, brat," he replies, crossing his arms over his chest.  "And you have more determination than all five of us combined."

I look down at my legs with a shrug.  A gust of wind whips our cloaks out around us, blowing my hair into my eyes.  I brush it away and look back at him.

"I know you're worried, but you need to have faith in your squad.  I have faith in you.  Have faith in us in return," I smile.

"I have faith in you, and in the others.  That's not the problem," he says.  "It's just that... I have a bad feeling about this.  I could make the choice to continue with the operation and carry it out to the best of my abilities.  Or I could make the choice to pull out now and try again at another time.  I have to make the choice I will regret the least.  "

Something jumps into my mind, and I can't help but voice it.  "You've never been one to pull out before," I say, and I can't keep the suggestive tone from my voice.

He turns a glare on me, hearing the innuendo.  "Tch.  Such a little shit.  Keep your mind out of my pants."

"Sorry," I giggle, covering my mouth with a hand.

"Uhm... Eren?" Armin's voice says over our earpieces and we both tense.  Shit, I totally forgot about the fact that Armin was listening in on us.  Levi's half-hearted glare is no longer half-hearted.  "Captain?  Are you two-"

"No," Levi snaps, cutting him off.  "Jaeger is just being a perverted little shit."

The three of us go silent, Levi and I waiting to see if Armin will drop it or not.  Honestly I want Armin to know.  He's my best friend and all I want to do is go on and on like a schoolgirl with a crush about the man that's making me happier than I've ever been in my life.  But I know that I can't.  There will be too many consequences if people find out that a captain and his subordinate are in an intimate relationship.  Levi's explained this to me on more than one occasion.

"I guess I can believe that," Armin finally says.  "He hasn't changed much since high school."

"Hey!" I retort, but Armin just laughs.

"Keep it down, brat," Levi hisses.

"Sorry," I whisper.

"Keep your guards up," Armin tells us, growing serious again.  "Sunrise is in about an hour and a half."

"Copy that," Levi replies.

Silence grows between us again, the only sounds that of the chilling wind in the trees.  The silence is tense again, and I decide to break it.

"So what's your choice, Captain?" I ask.  "Are we going to continue the operation, or are we going to pull out?"  I don't want to pull out of this operation.  I've worked so hard and I've waited so long for justice.  I'm more ready than I'll ever be, and I don't want it to get pushed back.  But I respect Levi, and I'll respect whatever decision he makes.  I trust him to make the best decision.

He thinks for a long minute, then looks over at me.  "We're staying.  I don't know if that's the right choice, and I won't until this is all finished, but I just have to hope I'll regret it the least."

I nod and reach over to take his hand.  "I trust you.  I respect your decision, and I'll follow you into any situation."  I give his hand a squeeze, then stand.  "I'm going to check the perimeter."

He nods and I take off into the trees using my gear.  We just got here and I already want this operation to be over.  I don't like how stressed out it's making Levi.  I want to apprehend these assholes and head home.  I want to put all of this behind me.  I want my justice so I can move on with my life.

...

"Movement in the east," Levi's voice whispers in my ear through the earpiece.  "Hold positions."

Four 'copies' echo over the line and I put in mine as well.  Perched up in the tall trees, overlooking the installment, we all wait for Levi's order to enter.  We've been here for about two weeks, a few days longer than we were supposed to be here, and Levi feels we've finally gathered enough information on the base of operations to be able to infiltrate.  I'm nervous, and my heart is beating in my ears.  I've never infiltrated before.  Our last mission ended before I got the chance.  I just hope I don't screw this one up.

"Equipment check, Arlert," Levi says.

"All clear.  Enter when ready," Armin replies over the earpieces.

"In four... three... two... go."

I drop from my tree, shooting my grappling hooks into the side of the building in front of me.  I whip through a narrow space between concrete buildings until I get to the entrance I am assigned to.  I quickly disengage and land almost silently on my feet.  The second my feet make contact in the thick snow, my blades are back in the holders, the handgrips still attached, and my Beretta is drawn and nosing for a target.

Levi and Eld made a comment while we were still doing our long distance observations that the security shifts are really tight here, tighter than either of them have seen in a while.  But with the heavy tree coverage that allows us to sneak very close without detection, and the great speeds achieved by our gear, everyone slips through the openings without a cinch.

As I enter through my assigned entrance, I see Petra enter across the large hanger from me.  We had assumed this one housed larger weaponry and vehicles and it appears now that we were right.  Three rather large helicopters, armed with frightening weapons, sit in one end, and the other is packed with jeeps and humvees.  It almost looks like the garage at the base at home.  I wasn't expecting such modern, advanced technology from this group.

I duck behind a jeep, losing sight of Petra.  I listen for the footsteps of the few operatives inside the building, and when they fade away, I stand and make my way down the long building.  We're all to rendezvous at the communications room, which we think is on the other side of the base.  Levi should get there first due to his start location.  And, if the room we suspect is indeed the right room.  Right now we can't be one hundred percent sure of anything.  All we have to rely on is the little bit of information we've been able to gather from our long and short range observations.

I feel Petra following closely behind me as we sneak through the room to the far doorway.  We both duck behind one of the humvees, waiting for an operative to leave this side of the room so we can open the door and head into the hallway without detection.

Petra's shoulder is pressed up against mine.  Our guns are aimed at the floor in front of us.  Both of us have our lips pinched closed to try and hide the sounds of our breathing.  But holy hell how do they not hear my heart?  It's thudding as fast and as loud as the blades of a helicopter.  At this rate, it may just fly out of my chest like one.

Finally, _finally_ , the operative leaves, and Petra is the first to make a move for the door.  She slowly, silently, pushes it open and I nose in first, gun raised and at the ready.  The hallway is empty.  Perfect.  We hurry down the hallway, our footsteps light but fast.  Not only is the hallway empty, but I don't see a single door.  A few other corridors branch off, but we're able to easily sneak past those.  It's doors that are harder, because they could open at any moment and we'd be fucked.  But there aren't any here, not a single one, and Petra and I easily make our way to the end where the hallway splits, turning left and right.  I immediately take the left hallway.  We've gone through the assumed layout of the base enough times back at camp.  I've never stepped foot in this building before but I know exactly where I need to be going, as if I had a map on the back of my hand.

This hallway has doors though, and Petra and I are forced to slow our progress.  When Gunther, Eld, and Oluo appear out of an adjacent hallway a half dozen feet in front of us, I almost put a bullet in Gunther's head before my brain makes the connection that they're on my side.  I lower my gun and fall into step behind Eld.  He knows where he's going too, and I'm more than happy to hand the reins over to him.

When we reach our destination, I know Levi has beaten us there because two guards lay dead in front of the door, and the door itself is ajar.  I enter after Eld, Gunther, and Oluo, trying not to see the pools of deep red beneath each body.  I'm still not used to this whole killing thing.  I thought that seeing dead homeless people on the street had desensitized me to death, but I was wrong.  Those poor people had died from hypothermia, or dehydration, or starvation.  They didn't have their brains splattered on the walls and their blood pooling beneath their bodies.

The room is small, but computer monitors and television screens cover nearly every inch of the walls.  Tables line the walls, covered in fancy, expensive looking equipment.  I'm afraid to touch anything for fear of breaking it.  Looking up at the television screens, I see that a majority of them hold security footage, and it appears to be a live feed.  I wonder how we got here without anyone seeing....

"I'm guessing today's our last day before we bug out," Eld grumbles, kicking at the boot of another dead operative inside the room.

"I didn't have any other choice," Levi replies from where he sits bowed over a keyboard, his fingers moving rapidly over the keys and his eyes glued to the monitor.

"Gunther, Oluo, keep watch," Eld instructs before moving beside Levi.

I glance at the computer screen Levi is in front of, but I can't make heads or tails of what's flashing across it, so I look back at the door.  I'm nervous, my finger twitching against the side of my gun.  My left knee is shaking.  A shiver runs down my spine.  I don't like this.  Something doesn't feel right.  It was too easy getting here, into this room.

"How much longer?" I ask Levi, moving towards the door, my gun aimed at the ground.

"A few more minutes..." Levi mutters.

I keep my eyes trained on the slightly ajar door, listening to the frantic clicks of the keyboard.  Armin is giving Levi instructions over the earpiece, but I tune them out, having no idea what he or Levi are saying.  I glance over and at some point Eld had joined Levi on the computers.  Good.  The sooner we can get out of here the better.

"We've got company!" Gunther shouts at the same time he throws the door open.

"Done," Levi replies, ripping a small device from the computer and shoving it into the pocket of his coat.

"Did you get everything we need?" Armin asks.

"Yes.  Call in air support.  We need to bug out," Levi instructs.

"Copy that.  Air support will be at the pickup location in fifteen."

I hear gunshots in the hallway and all four of us left in the room race out through the door.  Gunther and Oluo are ducked behind a corner of the wall, guns drawn and ready.  Bullets ping off the concrete and metal walls.  When the rest of us join Gunther and Oluo, we take off down an adjacent hallway.  Levi takes the lead, sprinting through the twist and turn of the hallways.  Hopefully he knows where we're going, because with pursuers on our tails, we can't afford to hit a dead end.

But thankfully, Levi pushes through a heavy metal door at the end of a hallway and it opens up into the bright white of the outside.  I breathe a sigh of relief.  We'll be able to escape using our 3DMGs now.  We're no longer trapped in a concrete bunker.  We all race out of the door.

And straight into an ambush.

Bullets whiz by us, and I feel one graze the skin of my cheek.  My heart feels like it's about to explode against my ribcage as I duck and run, firing my grappling hooks to get away from the firefight.  I almost just died....  Fuck.  My brain is in overdrive and adrenaline courses through my veins.  Everything feels like it's moving in slow motion.  Gunther is right in front of me, and I follow him through the buildings using our 3DMG.  I catch glimpses of the others trying to make their escape as well.  Suddenly, Gunther is gone.  My breath catches as I watch him drop.  Why did he drop?  What happened?  Where is he going?  But then lands on his back with a sickening thud, and the white fluff of the snow is instantly died red.  What?

"Gunther!" I shout, diving towards him.  No, this cannot be happening.  Is he hit?  Did he get shot?  Is he... dead?  This can't be happening....

I land ungracefully in the snow, stumbling as I make my way to Gunther.  I freeze when I reach his side.  A bullet had ripped through his throat, and blood pools in the snow beneath him.  His eyes are open, unblinking... lifeless.  I don't know what to do.  My body feels numb, my eyes wide, and my hands shaking.  I can't breathe.  I refuse to believe that Gunther is....  No, this wasn't supposed to happen.  Damn it!

"Eren!" Petra's voice shouts as she lands behind me.  Her eyes are wide in shock, but she doesn't hesitate to grab me and take off.  "We need to get out of here.  There's nothing you can do for him."

"No!" I say, starting to struggle against her.  "Let me-"

Then she does let me go, her arm going lax around me.  She's falling then too, and I with her.  I land with a clumsy roll in the snow, but Petra crumples to the ground, and that same red pool begins to form beneath her head.

"No!"

I scramble over to her, but just as with Gunther, there is nothing I can do.  A clean, round wound sits on the left side of her forehead, and the entire back of her head has been blown away.  Her beautiful red hair is matted in blood and... other things, and my stomach heaves.  Frantic voices are shouting all at the same time through my earpiece, but I can't make out a single word of what they are saying.  I sit in the snow, unable to move, unable to think, unable to breathe.  Petra can't be gone too.  She can't, just like Gunther can't.  A bullet blows a chunk out of the concrete wall in front of me, but I don't even flinch.

Why is this happening?  Why are these bastards taking more people from me?  It's just as Levi feared.  He had a feeling something bad would happen, and now it is.  But why?  And how?  We've trained so hard.  Gunther, Petra... they've been on this squad for a long time, they've run countless missions with Levi.  Why now?  Why this group?  Why was there nothing I could do to stop it?  I should've done something.  I should've had their back.  But what could I have done?  There must've been something.  Why them, and not me?

It's Levi's voice, loud and sharp, shouted from right behind me instead of through my earpiece, that draws me from my trance.

"Jaeger!  Get your ass off the ground!"

I turn to see him racing towards me on his 3DMG.  He lands with a shower of snow, his hand immediately falling to the collar of my jacket and hauling me to my feet.

"Move, brat!" he shouts, shoving me forward.  His voice is hard, but flat.  His eyes flicker to Petra and quickly kneels beside her.

"She's dead," I tell him, my voice cracking.  I still have a hard time believing it, but it's true.

"I know," he says, standing from by her side.  He draws his gun and fires a few shots into her mobility gear, effectively destroying it.  "Let's go."

I nod and my mind focuses back on the situation, on surviving.  I lift my handgrips, but just as I'm squeezing the triggers for my grappling hooks, metal explodes against my back as a bullet rips through my gear.  Already mid leap, I go sprawling to the ground, snow flurrying all around me.  Fear grips me, keeping me frozen on the ground.  What am I going to do now?  I can't escape this firefight without my gear.

Levi kneels beside me to drag me to my feet again, but I shove him off.  Pain surges through my lower back, and I can feel the shrapnel of my gear embedded in my skin.  I grit my teeth and look up into Levi's worried eyes.

"Get out of here," I tell him.  "My gear is busted, and you can't escape while carrying me."

"Eren-" he starts to argue.

"No!  You need to leave, before they get you too.  Get Oluo and Eld and get out of here," I interrupt him.  My heart is racing.  I don't want him to leave, but I know his best chance of surviving this is if he leaves me behind.  He can't carry me and effectively use his gear at the same time.

"Oluo and Eld are dead.  It's just us."  His tone is flat, empty.  When I look up at him in shock, I see that his eyes are just as empty and dead as his voice.  He's hiding his own pain, his own shock, behind an emotional mask.  He's trying to ignore it, but I can tell it's destroying him.

"W-What?" I stutter.  I can't believe it....  How can they all be dead?  They were all so strong, so much stronger than I am.  Why them and not me?  It's just like last time.  How am I being spared when they weren't?  Well, I haven't escaped yet.  I could end up just as they have.

"Hurry up, or we'll be dead along with them," Levi snaps, reaching over to detach my busted gear from my harness.

This time when he grabs my collar and drags me to my feet, I don't stop him, don't try to fight him.  I'm in shock.  I can hear Levi talking with Armin, but none of it actually makes sense to me.  I can't process any of it.  I don't know what to do anymore.  What's the point?  At this rate, the two of us will end up just as dead as Petra, Gunther, Eld, and Oluo.  There are two of us and only one functioning set of mobility gear.  And what use am I anyway even if my gear wasn't broken?  Everyone else was all so much stronger than me, and yet they all got killed just the same.  The Titans killed them anyway.  The Titans have taken away more people that I care about.

"Fuck!" I shout, a sudden fury rolling over me.  Levi is gripping my wrist, and we're running between two buildings.  He pulls me into him and lifts me into his arms, but I struggle against him.  "I'm going to kill them!  I'm going to kill all of the Titans!  Let me go!"

"You're going to kill them with what, Eren?" Levi retorts, firing his grappling hooks and preparing to take off with me in his arms.  "You don't have mobility gear.  You're useless right now.  So stop fucking struggling and-"

Something grabs my leg and I am ripped out of Levi's arms, landing hard on the ground.  A man is suddenly above me, his first connecting with my jaw.  It takes me a minute to remember what to do, but then my soldier instincts kick in, the ones Levi has practically beaten into me these last nearly eleven months.  I kick up one leg, twisting my legs so that I throw the man to the ground and land on my feet at the same time.  I reach for my gun, but Levi's sword nearly takes his head off before I can draw my weapon.  I breathe a sigh of relief before looking around for any more adversaries.  When I see none, I look for Levi.  He's reaching for me again, but the second he takes a step in my direction, a bullet rips through his ankle.

"Levi!" I shout as he collapses to one knee, the pain clear on his face.

I look around for the shooter, but I don't see one.  It must've been a stray bullet.  I hurry towards him as he struggles to get to his feet.  Despite my protests, he grabs me and fires his grappling hooks.  This time, no one grabs me, and we make it into the trees.  Levi is in obvious pain.  I don't know what to do, so I just stay as still as possible in his arms.  He struggles to use the gear while also holding me, and with a gunshot wound to his ankle as well.  But he's very skilled, and he manages.

I let my head fall back and I grit my teeth, trying to suppress the storm of emotions raging within me.  Anger, pain, frustration, agony, devastation, shock....  Everyone is gone.  All of them.  Those fuckers took them from us.  They were my family.  They were my friends.  And now they're gone.  I bring a hand to my mouth and bite down, trying to muffle a sob as tears stream down my cheeks.

Levi's arms are tight around me, his body tense.  He's in so much pain, both physical and emotional, but he hides all of it.  His lips are pulled down in a frown and his brow is creased, but his eyes hold absolutely no emotion.  They're deep, empty grey pools.  I want to comfort him, but I don't know how.  So I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in his shoulder.

We reach the camp and Levi drops me in the snow and nearly collapses himself.  I quickly tear a strip off of the end of my green cloak and pull off his boot.  He hisses in pain, but I ignore it as I try to clean off as much blood as possible before wrapping the strip around his ankle as tightly as possible.  I then rip off another strip and tie a makeshift tourniquet around his leg.  I tell him to put his boot back on.  The added pressure might keep it from swelling too much.

"Arlert," Levi says through teeth gritted in pain.  "How long for air support?"

"Ten minutes," Armin replies quickly, his voice panicked.

I freeze.  "Ten minutes?!  It's only been five minutes since we left that communications room?" I question in disbelief.

"Less than that," Armin replies.  "Air support wasn't as far away as I thought."

"Shit..." I curse, plopping down onto the snow.  In a span of less than five minutes, I've lost four of my closest friends.  I've lost part of my family.  And now I have to sit in this snow for ten more minutes while the Titans hunt for us, waiting for someone to come pick us up.  Hopefully the chopper finds us first.

"Uh, C-Captain?  We have a problem," Armin stutters and I instantly tense.  Does he mean a bigger problem than the one we're already in?

"What?" Levi snaps.

"Your GPS trackers... they're not transmitting," Armin says.  "I mean, they are.  So they're not broken, but... something is scrambling the signals.  Eren is showing up somewhere in southern Chile, and your signal is coming from... Singapore.  Oh, now London...."

"Fuck," Levi curses, then looks up at me.  "Keep your eyes and ears out for the chopper.  Looks like we'll need to find it ourselves."

I nod, but I can't hide my fear.  I know my eyes are wide and my whole body is shaking.  We could die here.  We might never make it back stateside.

Suddenly Levi is in my face, his lips fusing to mine.  I lose my balance and fall back into the snow, but that doesn't stop him.  He follows me into the snow, hovering above me.  His lips are frantic against mine, his hands gripping at me and pulling me into him.  I don't know how to respond, so I simply kiss him back, my hands fisting in the thick fabric of his green cloak.  When he pulls back from me, I see so much emotion in his blue-grey eyes that it shocks me.  It's like flipping a switch from only a few minutes ago.  Night and day.  What I see in those eyes scares me though.  There is fear, worry, desperation, pain, loss, and lastly... defeat.  He's giving up.

"Eren," he says, his voice thick with more emotion than I've ever heard from him.  "I haven't been able to say it because I felt like I'd lose you if I did.  But I'm not going to die, or let you die, without telling you first.  I don't care who's listening, they can go fuck themselves.  Eren, I lo-"

I go into full blown panic mode and quickly silence him with a deep, tongue delving kiss.  When I break the kiss and pull back to look him in the eyes, he's confused.  "Don't say it.  Tell me when we're back at home, warm in your bed.  Tell me when you're ready to tell me, and not because you feel like you're out of time.  Don't give up," I beg of him, my eyes watering.  "Please, don't give up.  We'll make it out of here.  The chopper is on its way, so tell me when we get home."

His eyes hold so much pain, and before I can stop him, he says, "I love you, Eren Jaeger.  I always have and I always will, for the rest of my long life."

"Levi-"

A movement catches our attention and Levi straightens quickly and reaches for his gun, but not quickly enough.  Something slams into the side of his head and he collapses into the snow, unconscious.  I scramble to my feet, torn between checking on Levi and looking for the attacker, but I barely have enough time to get to my feet before something slams into the side of my head as well and blackness engulfs me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me *hides under covers*


	19. Interrogated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffy last chapter guys! Here's the next one, complete with all sorts of angst. Oh, and the translations for the few German lines are at the end of the chapter.

**Levi**

My head is killing me.  So is my right ankle.  Something cold and hard is pressed up against my side and left arm.  I groan and try to roll over with no success.  My limbs feel heavy, and it's taking forever for me to fully wake up.  What the fuck happened?  I can't remember anything.

I'm laying on my side, and when I can finally open my eyes, I see that I'm in a dark, concrete room.  What the hell is this?  The only light is a torch on the wall next to a metal door.  I'm laying on the hard concrete.  It's cold and rough and horrifyingly uncomfortable.  And fucking dirty.  Why didn't it wake me up sooner?  Why am I here?  Who put me in this filth?  When I finally manage to gain control of my limbs again enough to sit up, I realize my hands are handcuffed behind my back.  I pull on the handcuffs and hear the rattle of chains against the concrete floor.  I must be chained up as well.  Fuck.  I blink a couple more times, trying to clear up my still hazy vision.  God damn it my head feels like it's about to explode.

A moan to my immediate left catches my attention and I look over to see Eren laying on the floor before the adjacent wall.  He too is on his side, his hands handcuffed behind his back and the handcuffs chained to a wall behind him.  My heart seizes.  What is Eren doing here?  Why are we here?  And where _is_ here?  I try to move closer to him but the chains stop me, jerking against my cuffed wrists, and my ankle explodes in pain.  _Fuck._   I grit my teeth and look down my leg to see blood soaking into my boot.

Eren moans again and he starts to move.  He pulls on his handcuffs and quickly sits up, as if suddenly jolted by electricity, looking behind him in confusion.  His green eyes are wide as he fights against the cuffs.  I see a big black, bloody bruise on the left side of his head, and anger floods me.  What happened to him?  Did someone hurt him?  I'm going to kill the fucker that did.  But who would've-

It comes back to me then.  Everything, in a flood of painful, graphic memories.  The intensity of the emotions that accompany those memories has me doubling over, a silent gasp ripping through my throat and lungs.  My entire team is dead.  I watched Eld and Oluo die before my very eyes, as if reliving Isabel and Farlan's deaths.  But Eren and I made it back to the camp.  I remember... Armin said our GPS signals were scrambled.  I also remember feeling afraid the Titans would find us before air support reached us.  I confessed to Eren that I love him.  And then... I don't remember anything after that.  Did my fears come true?  Did the Titans find us first?

Eren's struggling intensifies, the clanking of his chains pulling me from my despairing thoughts.  "Eren, calm down," I tell him, trying to keep my voice soft and soothing to help him calm down.

Eren hesitates in his struggling, his head whipping around to look at me.  "Levi!"  He tries to move closer to me, but the chains stop him, leaving us a few feet apart.  "Are you okay?  What happened?  I saw something hit you, but then I must've got hit too, because... I don't remember anything else."

"I'm fine.  Don't worry about me.  We have other things we need to worry about right now," I exhale, looking around again.  There is literally nothing in the room.  Just me, Eren, a torch, and the chains binding us to the walls.  We're still in our uniforms, still wearing our body harnesses, but my maneuvering gear is gone.  And so are our earpieces.  Fuck.  I have no idea what to do.  Is air support still looking for us?  Did they give up?  Have we been abandoned here on this godforsaken mountain top, left to the Titans to do as they please with us?

"Where are we?  Are we still on the mountain?" he asks.

"Where else would we be?" I snap, much more harshly than I meant.  I take a deep breath to try and regain control.  I need to be in control now more than ever.

He exhales sharply, falling back against the concrete wall in defeat.  "So what happens now?" he asks me.

"I don't know," is my answer, as much as I hate it.  "We'll probably be tortured, and then killed."

He looks afraid, turning his gaze down at his feet.  I wish I could hold him, touch him, try to comfort him.  But these damn chains and my throbbing ankle keep me from his side.  I take another look around the room, mostly out of desperation, then back at where my chains are attached to the wall.  I see absolutely no way out of this.

At that moment, the door opens and Eren and I straighten.  I tense, not knowing what to expect, but knowing that I'm absolutely defenseless against anything that could come through that door.  I can't protect myself or Eren, and that pisses me off.  Two men step inside the room.  They're both big men, one very built and the other very tall.  They head over to me and I try to back away from them, but the built Titan grabs a fistful of my hair and shoves my face down into the concrete.  Eren shouts at them, but I don't say a word, and I don't struggle.  I just grit my teeth and shoot them the darkest, coldest glare I can muster.  I'm in no position to fight, so I might as well not make it worse for myself.  My glare makes them hesitate for a second though.  Good.  They should be afraid of me.  Because the second I have the opportunity, they'll both be dead.

The taller Titan says something to the one holding my face against the ground, sounding unsure and nervous, but I don't understand it.  It sounds like German.  I can speak a couple of languages, but German isn't one of them.  Damn.  The black haired Titan steps forward and produces a key.  He disconnects the chains from my handcuffs, leaving the handcuffs attached to both of my wrists, and the blond Titan hauls me to my feet.  I hiss at the blinding pain that lances up my leg from my ankle.

"Where are you taking him?!" Eren shouts, and I can hear him pulling at his chains behind us.

Neither Titan answers him.  Perhaps they don't speak English.  Eren speaks up again, but this time the words that come out of his mouth surprise me, and I turn back to look at him.

"Wo bringt ihr ihn hin?!"

The two Titans stop walking and look back over their shoulders at Eren.  I had no idea that he spoke another language.  But now that I think about it, his last name is German.  Maybe his father knew German and taught it to him.  Neither Titan answers him though, instead continuing towards the door, dragging me along between them.  I test their holds, pulling against them slightly.  It doesn't falter.  I can't get out of it, especially not handcuffed and with an injury to my ankle.

"Ich hab dich was gefragt, Arschgesicht," Eren growls.

Whatever he said really pisses them off.  The blond Titan releases my arm and strides over to Eren.  He kicks him, hard, right in the gut, and Eren doubles over.  The Titan kicks him again, and now I'm really struggling against the nervous Titan still holding my arm.

"Stop!" I shout at him.  "Touch him again and I'll kill you!"

The blond Titan doesn't stop, and the taller Titan has no problem holding me back.  I grit my teeth in anger.  How dare he hurt Eren, _my_ Eren.  The Titan keeps kicking, making contact with Eren's stomach, arms, legs, and even his head.  With his hands cuffed behind his back, he has no way to protect or defend himself.  Damn it, I'll kill them.  These two shitheads are now on the top of my list.  I just wish I wasn't a fucking invalid right now.  But I can only stand there, pitifully struggling, and watch as the piece of shit Titan kicks the shit out of my brat.

He finally stops, then kneels beside Eren.  He grabs a fistful of his beautiful chestnut hair and rips Eren's head up to look at him.  The kid still has a defiant look gleaming in his eyes as he meets the eyes of the Titan.  Dammit that kid is going to get us killed, but I commend his bravery and his spirit, unbreakable no matter what shit situation he's in.

"Wir nehmen ihn mit, um seinen Knöchel zu verarzten. Nenn mich noch einmal so und ich schlitz dir die Kehle auf," the Titan tells him, his voice a low growl but loud enough for me to hear, even though I don't understand a word he says.

Eren frowns, then looks up at me.  His left eye is already starting to swell shut and blood is trickling from his nose.  I grind my teeth again, fighting to keep myself from doing something stupid.  "They're taking you to get your ankle fixed," he tells me, but he sounds reserved, and I don't blame him.  I wouldn't trust a word out of these oafs' mouths.  Well, I wouldn't trust a word from anyone on this damned mountain, actually.

The Titan releases Eren's hair and stands ,walking back over to me.  He grabs my arm again, then the lanky Titan is slipping a black sack over my head before dragging me out of the room.  I keep calm, counting the steps of the Titan to my left, considering I'm not really taking any steps of my own.  I know they're not leading me to an exit, or anything else important that I should keep track of, but I count them anyway.  A left turn.  More steps down a seemingly endless hallway.  The clank of a door opening to my right.  Turning into that door.  A few more steps, then one of them removes my handcuffs.  Before I can even think of fighting back, someone lifts me, dropping me onto something cold and hard.  Fuck, I hate being manhandled.  Hands immediately start grabbing at my wrists, strapping them down onto the table.  I instinctively try to fight, but someone growls something in German at me and clamps down on my ankle.  I gasp at the sudden explosion of pain that shoots up my entire leg and immediately cease my struggling.  The next strap goes over my upper legs, then another over my chest.  The bag is removed from my head and I'm blinded for a moment while my eyes adjust to a bright white light hanging from the ceiling just above my head.

I look around to see carts and trays with small instruments covering their surfaces.  Along one wall is a metal counter with a large sink.  The floors are white tile.  It almost looks like Hanji's medical wing back at the base, only a little more... unnerving.  The two Titans are gone, but another man is standing by the end of the flat metal table I'm laying on.  He's short and round, his eyes beady behind his round glasses.  His hands pull my boot off, then prod at my swollen ankle.  I hiss and fight against the restraints, but it doesn't do me any good.

"This isn't actually as bad as it looks," the man says.  His voice has a heavy German accent.

So the 'doctor' speaks English, huh?  At least I can finally understand someone here.  I don't respond though, just watching him with a clenched jaw as he continues to clean away the blood from my ankle.

"Don't worry, I'll get this fixed up quickly for you," he tells me.

Again, I don't respond.  He glances up at me.

"Do you speak English?" he asks.

I frown.  Maybe I shouldn't speak English.  I've never been captured by the enemy before.  But I do know that me and my squad aren't supposed to be from the United States.  They won't take responsibility for me.  I should speak another language.  Eren and I said a few things in English in front of the gorillas, but what the hell would those brainless idiots know?  They obviously didn't understand us.

"No English," I reply, forcing a French accent.  Hopefully I can get back to Eren before someone starts interrogating him.  I need to tell him to only speak German in front of others.  With the two of us speaking different, non-English languages, it'll at least confuse them and prevent them from pinpointing where we're from.

"Oh?  Very curious," he says, and his tone is condescending.  Fuck.  What does he know?  "Very curious, because I was informed by a few of our guards that they heard you speaking English with your little group while you were trying to escape."

Fuck.  I just frown and look away from him.

"Don't worry," he says.  "It's not me you have to worry about.  All I'm going to do to you is fix your ankle.  I won't be the one interrogating you."

"Why fix me up if your comrades are just going to torture me?" I ask, my tone hard.  I turn my glare on the doctor, watching as he prepares his tools.  I don't like this, but what can I possibly do about it?

"It's not my job to inflict injuries, just heal them.  You'll be in here a lot during your stay.  They won't want you dying before they're finished with you."

I continue to glare at him, trying not to get too worried about this situation I'm in.  I'm not really worried about myself.  I have a very high pain tolerance, and I've been through some bad shit when I was on the street.  I'm worried about Eren.  I don't want anyone to lay a hand on him, but I know there is nothing I can do about it.  That's what infuriates me the most, that I'm so helpless.  So instead, I just glare daggers at the doctor, but it doesn't seem to faze him.  He picks up a syringe and walks over to my side.

"This will put you to sleep.  When you wake up, your ankle will be taken care of, and you'll probably be back in your cell," he tells me as he stab the needle into the crease of my elbow, finding the vein.

"If I wake up at all," I grumble, still not trusting this doctor and his drugs.  I close my eyes.  I honestly have no idea if I'll be waking up.  I don't know why they'd kill me without trying to get information out of me first, but I don't know their motives.  Instead of dwelling on those negative thoughts, I let Eren take over my mind.  I picture his beautiful green eyes, the way his lips feel against mine, the heat of his bare skin, and the way his voice sounds when he tells me he loves me.  If I'm about to die, I'd rather go out with that brat on my mind.

 

**Eren**

What are they doing to him?  He's been gone for so long.  I'm going crazy in here.  I've tried to get out of these damned handcuffs a few times now, but it's no use.  And there's absolutely nothing in this room that I can use to help me escape.  So I'm left all alone, sitting against the cold concrete wall, with my thumb up my ass waiting for those assholes to bring Levi back.

My whole body hurts.  In hindsight I probably shouldn't have insulted that Titan, but the shitface deserves much worse than a spoken insult.  Judging by the look on Levi's face though while I was getting the shit kicked out of me, that man has much worse coming for him.  He practically signed his own death warrant, and I'll gladly assist the executioner.  That glare Levi was boring into his back was absolutely lethal, and just remembering it brings a smirk to my face.  God I love that man.

It seems like it's literally been forever.  I'm laying on my stomach now, my face pressed into the cold concrete floor.  It actually feels really good against my swelling eye.  Uuugh I'm so bored!  Jeez, they're going to kill me out of sheer boredom before they even get around to interrogating me.  I get that I'm sort of being held prisoner right now, but they couldn't leave a magazine, or a book, or anything?  I can't read German very well, I just know how to speak it, but it'd be better than _nothing_.  It's better than leaving my mind free to wander, to think about the pools of crimson blood that grew beneath Petra and Gunther's bodies.  It's better than remembering the look of total loss on Levi's face.  It's better than dwelling on the fact that these god damned terrorists killed even more of my family.

I take a deep breath and roll over onto my side, trying to get comfortable.  I'm really getting worried now.  How long has it been?  A couple of hours?  What are they doing to him?  How much longer until they'll be done 'fixing his ankle'?  What are they really doing to him?  Did they kill him?  Will I never see him again?  Are they going to kill me next?

I hear footsteps on the other side of the door and I quickly sit up, ignoring the pain that shoots throughout my whole body.  Then, the door opens and those same two shitheads drag Levi back into the room.  He's unconscious, hanging limp between them.  They drag him over to the wall adjacent to mine and dump him unceremoniously onto the ground.  They chain him back up to the wall, then leave without another word.  I move as close to him as I can.  I wish I could reach out and touch him, but my hands cuffed behind my back make that impossible.

I sit and watch Levi for, again, what seems like forever.  It's so hard to tell time down here in this windowless room.  It feels like hours, but who knows how long it really is before Levi begins to stir.  He groans, mumbling "Fuck," before struggling to sit up.  I smile.

"Levi," I murmur.

He looks over at me.  His blue-grey eyes are dark, tired.  He still looks groggy, as if he were drugged.  But the way his eyebrows are drawn down and his lips are pulled into a frown, the dark circles around his eyes make him look even more dangerous.

"How long was I gone?" he asks me, then looks me over.  "Did anyone come in to talk to you?"

"No, and I have no idea how long you were gone.  It's impossible to tell time here.  It seemed like forever but was probably only a few hours," I tell him.

He nods, looking down at his ankle.  His boot is on, so I can't see what they did to it, if they did anything at all.  He sits back against the wall with a deep sigh.  When he looks at me again, there is worry in his eyes.  He hesitates, like there is something he wants to say, but is afraid to say it.

"Eren..." he finally murmurs, hesitating again before continuing.  "Eren, I'm not going to sugar coat this.  While I was with the doctor, or whatever the hell he is, he told me that we will be seeing a lot of him while we're here, because these people don't want us to die while they're torturing us.  At least, not until they get everything they need from us.  I don't know what they're going to do to us, but no matter what it is, you can't tell them where we're from, who we are, or what we do."

I nod, letting him know that I understand.  I'm scared.  I won't try to deny that.  My hands are shaking and my heart is beating more quickly than normal.  But this is my duty.  No, I didn't sign up for this squad, for this job, but it is my job, and I will do what it takes to fulfill my duties, even if it kills me.  Despite my fear, I can't say that I regret anything.  This squad will most likely be the death of me, but if not for this squad, I never would've met Levi.  And as corny as it sounds, there's nothing that would make being with Levi not worth it.

"I'm sorry, Eren," Levi says, his voice soft.  "You didn't ask for any of this.  I should've left you at the base.  There is nothing that says I had to take you on missions.  I should've just trained you and left it at that."

"Don't give me that bullshit, Levi," I exhale.  "This isn't your fault.  You don't need to apologize to me.  Erwin gave me a choice in the very beginning to be transferred to another squad, and I told him I didn't want to be.  It was my choice.  And what would be the point of all the hard work you put into my training if you just left me at the base for every mission?"

He doesn't reply, so I continue.

"I don't regret anything, Levi.  Even now, sitting in this cell, knowing that I am probably going to die, I don't regret anything.  I'm glad I broke into that damned building.  I'm glad I got caught by the police.  I'm glad Erwin was in that courtroom to offer me the choice of military service, and I'm glad I chose that option.  I'm glad he assigned me to your squad.  I don't regret any of it.  If I had the choice to go back and change anything, I wouldn't.  Because you know what?  I met you because of it, and I fell in love with you, and now there is nothing that would ever make me want to go back and change anything.  I know that sounds so cliché and stupid, but it's true."

His eyes are wide as I finish my tirade.  He doesn't say anything, instead looking back down at his legs.  His eyes are thinking, the gears in his head turning, as he goes over my words.  I let him think, not knowing what else to say to him.

"I'm glad too," he finally says.  "I'm glad you ended up on my team, even though your path there wasn't favorable, and despite where we've ended up.  But I am glad I got to meet you.  I'm grateful for the time we had together."

"We'll have more time together," I promise him.  "Have faith in Er... in our friends.  They'll find us.  The chopper was only a few minutes out when these assholes took us.  They must be looking for us, right?  They'll find us, and they'll get us out of here."

He offers me a small smile that doesn't reach his eyes.  "I really hope you're right, Jaeger."

...

If I thought waiting for Levi took forever, then I was wrong.  So dead wrong.  _This_ has taken forever.  I think it's been a few weeks since they captured us, but Levi is insisting it's only been barely a week.  I think they're only feeding us stale bread and water once every couple of days, but Levi insists it's twice a day.  I don't know how he knows, but he's pretty sure, so I take his word for it.

We haven't heard a single peep from these people.  I thought Levi said they were going to torture and interrogate us.  So where are they?  It's been days (I still think it's been weeks) and no one's even once entered our cell.  Well, someone came in not long after they returned Levi to bring us food.  He repositioned our handcuffs so our hands were in front of our bodies instead of behind our backs.  I guess that's so we can eat.  Every time after that, they just slid the tray through a slot in the door.  With the force they use, it usually makes it close enough that I can reach it by stretching out my foot, but sometimes it doesn't, and we go hungry, staring at the stale bread just out of reach.

Levi's ankle seems to be improving.  At least, that's what he tells me.  He tells me it's not hurting him, but I can tell he's lying.  But it hasn't bled at all and it's not swollen anymore, so it seems to be healing well enough.  That doesn't mean it's not hurting him though.

Laying on my back, with my hands resting on my stomach, I count the cracks in the ceiling.  There's only eight, so I count them again.  And again.  Then I trace them with my eyes.  Levi is asleep, so I can't even talk to him.  I'm so bored.  Jail isn't even this boring.  At least you aren't handcuffed twenty-four seven in jail.  And there are hundreds of other people in jail that I can talk to.  Here it's just me and Levi.  My libido reminds me that there's lots of things I could do with Levi to ease the boredom if we weren't handcuffed to the wall.

Levi starts awake, bolting upright.  He startles me and I too sit up quickly.  He's breathing hard, his hands instinctively reaching for a gun.  He looks around, and when his eyes fall on me, he relaxes.  His shackled hands come up to run through his hair and dry wash his face.

"Fuckers!" he shouts at nothing.

I stifle a laugh, but then a sound outside the door causes both of us to look up.  There are muffled voices outside the cell door, but I can't understand what they're saying.  They're too quiet and muffled.  But then the door starts to unlock, and it pushes open.  Those voices suddenly become clear, and my blood turns to ice.

"Eren?" Levi murmurs, but I barely hear him.

The door hovers, only open a crack while the two people on the other side finish their conversation.  I know one of those voices.  I thought I'd never hear it again.  The last time I heard it was nine years ago, when those policemen came to the front door to tell me that my mom was dead.  What is he doing here?  Why is he here?  He's talking to a guard, and they seem to know each other, or at least be on comfortable terms.  Why?

The door opens the rest of the way and I slowly get to my feet, the chains almost too short to allow it.  He looks almost exactly the same as I remember him.  His hair is only a little longer, but he has that same little bit of scruff on his upper lip and chin, and he's wearing the same pair of round, wire rimmed glasses.  He smiles at me, as if these last ten years had never happened.  He smiles at me as if I were thirteen years old again, and my mom was still alive, and he hadn't completely abandoned me.

"It's been a long time, Eren.  I never thought we'd be reunited again like this."

I grit my teeth, anger threatening to overwhelm me.  "Me neither, Dad."

**Levi**

I recognize the man that walks through the door immediately.  Grisha Jaeger.  I had always assumed that he was dead, yet here he stands in the flesh, working with our enemy.  Eren's eyes are wide in shock as he stands.  I wish there was something I could say, something I could do.  But how do you comfort someone who's being held captive, and is now facing their own father as their captor.

"Grisha," I grit out, drawing his attention from his son.

"Well if it isn't Captain Ackerman," he sneers.

"I didn't realize you were working for the Titans this whole time," I observe.

He barks out a laugh.  "Work for?  Don't make me laugh.  _They_ work for _me_.  I _am_ the Titans."  He looks between me and Eren.  "So how did my son end up with the likes of you?"

"I'm not your son!" Eren snaps.  "You are not my father.  A father doesn't abandon his son right after his mother dies.  A father doesn't leave their son to fend for themselves.  A father doesn't kidnap his son and hold him to be tortured and killed."

"You blame all of that on me as if it were my fault," Grisha says.  "But in all honesty, none of that would've happened if your mother hadn't insisted in sticking her nose where it doesn't belong."

"W-What?" Eren stutters, sinking back to the ground.  "You... you didn't...."

"I had to.  She got herself in too deep," Grisha tells Eren, as if they are talking about the weather.  "I made sure my organization was under the radar enough to keep her and Captain Ackerman's team running in circles.  But I never imagined she'd get as deep as she did.  When Ackerman's team came snooping, I tried to have them all killed, but that didn't go quite as planned.  Somehow those goons I hired missed Ackerman.  I hoped your mother would back off at least a little following the hit, but she didn't.  She only dove in deeper.  I didn't want to, but I knew something had to be done.  I originally planned to have Ackerman killed, whether on the base or in a mission, it didn't matter.  I'd arrange an accident.  But I knew that wouldn't stop Carla.  So I killed her instead."

Eren is in shock.  I can't say I'm faring any better.  I trusted Grisha, and he's the one that had Isabel and Farlan killed?  He tried to kill me?  He killed Carla, his own wife?

"She trusted you!" Eren suddenly shouts, lunging forward, only to be stopped by the chains.  "She _loved_ you, and you killed her!  How could you betray her like that?  Your own _wife_!"

"It had to be done, Eren.  You wouldn't understand," he says, dismissing Eren as if he were just a pouting child.

"No," Eren retorts, refusing to be dismissed.  "I wouldn't understand killing the person who trusts you, and loves you, for... for what?  For _this_?  Are you about to kill the only other person left in your family?  The only other person that loved and trusted you?  Are you about to kill your own flesh and blood?"

Grisha doesn't seem fazed at all.  "Eventually, yes.  Well, I'll have someone kill you for me.  Once I get all the information I can out of you."

"No, that's not good enough.  If you're going to have your own son killed, you better fucking do it yourself."

Grisha laughs.  He dares to _laugh_ , and I want to rip his throat out.  "We'll see, son.  And I just want you to know that it's not my fault I need to kill you.  You weren't supposed to join the Marines, especially not Ackerman's squad."

"Don't you dare brush the blame off on me!  You keep brushing all the blame off on other people!  Me, Mom....  Enough.  It's not Mom's fault you're part of a terrorist organization, and it's not my fault either."

"Sorry, son.  But it is how it is."

"You were expecting us, weren't you," I cut in, deciding to end Eren's tirade before he says something that will get us killed.  Well, killed sooner than expected.  I'm still trying to work out how to get us out of here.  "That's why this operation was so difficult.  You knew we'd be here, and you were prepared for us."

Grisha pulls something out of his pocket, something eerily familiar, and holds it up for us to see.  The key glistens in the light of the single torch.  "I gave this to you just before I killed Carla.  I knew that after Carla's death, I would have to flee before suspicions were raised.  I wouldn't have time to go back to the base and eliminate you.  So I gave you this, hoping you would at least keep it on yourself so I could track your movements.  But you didn't.  It sat in the drawer of your desk for eight long years.  But then suddenly, it started moving.  So I kept an eye on its movement.  When you attacked my base in Switzerland, I followed your every move, and I planned a counterattack accordingly.  I had worked with your squad long enough in the past that I knew how your perimeter alarm system worked, and I told my men how to disarm it.  But they failed me.  They couldn't even kill a single one of you.  I knew it would be only a matter of time before you returned, so I bided my time.  Sure enough, here you are.  I was ready for you from the moment you stepped foot on this mountain, Ackerman.  You were never going to leave this mountain alive.  I just never imagined that my own son would be the one to show up here with you."

Eren is still in shock.  I don't know how to respond to that either.  I'm such an idiot.  I should've suspected Grisha from the very beginning.  His disappearance immediately following Carla's death should've been suspicious.  But I had chalked it all up to the actions of a man driven mad by the murder of his wife.

He says nothing else, simply tucking the key back into his pocket and leaving the room.  Eren is breathing hard, and he screams at the walls, his fists clenched and his face full of pain.  I want nothing more than to hold him, to try and comfort him, but the chains stop me.

Before I can say anything, the door opens and Grisha enters again with those same two Titans on his heels.  Eren glares at the man, pulling at his chains.  Without a word, Grisha gestures towards me with his chin, and the two Titans approach me.  I give them my best glare, but it only makes them falter for a moment before one grabs me and the other drives a fist into my stomach, forcing the air from my lungs.  Another fist connects with my side, and the Titan holding me shoves me onto the ground.

"Stop!  What are you doing?" I hear Eren shout.

"Are there others on this mountain?" Grisha asks, diving straight into the questioning.  The two halt in hitting me.

"What?  What are you talking about?" Eren asks, looking between me and Grisha.

"Hit him again."

A fists slam into the side of my face.  Blood fills my mouth and I spit at their feet.

"Please stop!  There's no one else.  It was just the six of us," Eren says quickly.

"Shut it, brat," I growl.  "Don't say anything.  It doesn't matter what they do to me, don't-"

A heavy boot shoves my face into the concrete floor and another boot presses down on my still healing ankle.  I grit my teeth in pain, trying so hard to keep from crying out.  Pain lances up my leg as the Titan grinds his foot into my ankle.  It feels like it's on fire.  I can hear Eren pleading with Grisha, and Grisha continuing his questioning, but I can't make out the words through the ringing in my ears.

Suddenly the pain stops and the two men release me, backing away towards the door followed by Grisha.

"Don't relax, boys.  We'll be back," Grisha says before closing the door behind him.

"Are you alright?" Eren asks the second the door closes.

"I'm fine.  What did you tell him?" I demand, rolling onto my back and trying to get comfortable.  My ankle still burns.

"Only that we are the only ones left.  I mean, it's probably true, right?" he says, sounding defeated.  "It's been a week since they captured us.  I know the support ship was out there looking for us a week ago, but are they still there?  I highly doubt it.  I think we're all alone out here."

I hate to admit it, but I think he's right.  If someone was going to extract us, it would've happened by now.  I understand that, if Erwin is in charge of our extraction, he could be planning and coming up with the right strategy, but if he doesn't hurry up, it could be too late.  I still have faith that Erwin will get us out of here, but it's starting to run thin.

"Don't tell him anything else.  I don't care what they do to me, or threaten to do to me.  This is part of being in my squad."

"I get that," Eren huffs, sitting back against the wall.  "It's just... it's hard to just sit there and watch them beat the shit out of you."

"I know.  But we can't say anything.  Neither of us can.  No matter what happens to me, to you....  They're going to kill us anyway.  I'd rather die knowing that I managed not to give them anything they wanted."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Eren: "Where are you taking him?!"  
> Eren: "I asked you a question, assface."  
> Blond Titan (aka Reiner): "We are taking him to fix his ankle. Call me that again and I'll cut your throat."
> 
> If any of you speak German please correct me if my translations or sentences are wrong! I don't speak German (I really wish I did though) so like a loser I used Google translate XP   
> EDIT: I have corrected the German phrases, thanks to [Yamea](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Yamea/pseuds/Yamea/) :)


	20. Freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided not to go into detail with the torturing and interrogation. It is mentioned some of the things they do to Eren and Levi though, so consider this a trigger warning.
> 
> Also, as with the last chapter, please correct me if the translations are off. My French is extremely rusty (and not that good tbh). I corrected one or two things that I think google translate messed up, but I could've just made it worse ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ and there are probably still mistakes.

**Levi**

The pattern continues for over two weeks.  Grisha enters our cell with one or two other Titans, and they torture one of us in front of the other trying to get information.  Sometimes they just use their feet and fists, but usually they bring some sort of tool.  Pliers, whips, lighters, car batteries with jumper cables, knives, and a number of other torture devices and techniques.  I have to say though, it's so much easier to endure everything they throw at me than it is to watch them inflict that pain onto Eren.  It rips out my heart every time I see pain on his face, or hear him cry out in agony.  But thankfully, Grisha seems to think that the easiest way to get information is out Eren, and not by torturing him, but by torturing me.  So for the most part, Eren is left alone.

Neither of us break though.  I have to hand it to Eren, he does a very good job of keeping his mouth shut.  If he cares for me half as much as I care about him, I know that it can't be easy for him to watch me get tortured, knowing simple answers will end the torture.  But he doesn't give them anything, not while watching me get tortured or while getting tortured himself.

Every time Grisha conducts one of these interrogation sessions, I listen to his questions and try to figure out what his goal is.  But I can't.  His questions are all over the place.  Sometimes they are about my squad, which surprises me because he should know enough about my squad from working with us, but either he's forgotten or he thinks it's changed.  His other questions are random, ranging from questions about the United States military in general, to Commander Smith, to inside secrets of the United States government, to our base in the mountain ranges of Colorado.  I don't know why he needs all this information, and I'm starting to believe that the rumors about him are half true after all.  He really has gone mad.  Maybe not because of the death of his wife, but he's definitely gone mad.

One questions directed at me completely throws me off guard one day.  It is not even close to being relevant, but nevertheless, it leaves Grisha's mouth with a sneer: "How long have you been fucking my son?"  Eren and I exchanged confused looks, but the only answer to that question Grisha got was from Eren: "I'm not your son, so that really doesn't concern you."

After every session, someone will return to our cell to drag us away, one at a time, to the medical room, where that plump man fixes us back up.  But all of the bandages and stitches can't take away the pain, and it lingers from day to day, only to get worse after each session.

After what has to be the longest two weeks of my life, I feel like I'm about to break.  I don't know how much more my bruised and battered body can take.  I'm just happy that Eren is still okay for the most part.  He hasn't been touched too much.  He says his back still hurts from the whipping he received, and his shirt keeps spotting with blood every once and a while from the cuts over his chest.  It was hard watching that bastard hold a lighter to the fresh wounds on his chest, listening to him scream and smelling the scent of burnt flesh.  It hurt worse to watch that be inflicted on Eren than it did when I received wounds to match.

The door creaks open and I exhale.  Shit, here we go again.  But this time, only one Titan enters, and it's not Grisha.  When he kicks the door closed behind him, it doesn't even shut all the way.  My mind immediately jumps into overdrive.  I don't hear any sounds coming from the hallway, so he really is alone.  My eyes scan his person and I see the handgun at his hip and key ring hanging from his belt.  I may not be at one hundred percent- far from it actually- but this could be the only chance we get.  And I sure as hell won't be getting better any time soon, so I need to take this opportunity now.

The Titan walks straight over to me, and kneels down to... well, I don't know what he was planning on doing.  I don't give him the chance to do it.  I quickly swing my legs up, wrapping them around his neck and dragging him to the ground.  His head slams into the concrete, but it doesn't knock him out.  My legs squeeze tighter around his neck, cutting off his oxygen.  Lucky for me, the oaf is too worried about trying to shove my legs off his neck to remember that he has a gun on his hip.

My entire body screams in pain, and my legs shake with the effort I'm exerting.  But I don't let up.  I can't.  The Titan grabs at my legs, at my ankle, trying to pry them off, but I'm stronger than he is, even in my weakened state.  Thank god for over a decade of 3MDG usage.

After what feels like forever, the man falls still.  But I don't let up.  I don't want this one waking up.  I've watched this Titan do horrendous things to Eren.  I'm not letting him live.  I don't even care about the things he did to me, about the whip he cracked across my back, about the heel he ground into my ankle, about the massive amounts of electricity he's sent through my body, about the cuts and bruises he's left all over me.

I wait as long as I think I have to, then release the Titan.  I reach for his key ring and rip it off his belt before kicking his body away from me.  I test key after key in my handcuffs, then finally find the right one.  My heart is racing as the cuffs fall away.  I grab the gun from the man's holster, then hurry to Eren where he's sitting staring wide eyed at me.

"Focus, Jaeger.  We need to get out of here," I snap at him.

The second his cuffs unlock, he's launching himself into my arms, his lips fusing with mine.  Before I can even decide to kiss him back or push him away, he breaks off the kiss and jumps to his feet.  I stand as well, but my ankle screams in pain and my body is much weaker than I thought it was.  Eren wraps an arm around my waist and we hurry from the room.  I aim the gun down the halls, and instruct Eren on which direction to go.  We hurry down the halls, weaving and winding our way through.  When we hear someone coming, we duck behind corners and into empty rooms.  But we keep moving forward, and I struggle to remember the layout of the building.

When we hear approaching footsteps, Eren pushes us back into a dark room.  My hand brushes against a strip of something that feels like leather, and I look back.  My eyes widen.

"Well I'll be damned...."

Hanging on the wall behind us in this small, dark storage closet are Eren and my body harnesses, uniforms, and my three-dimensional maneuvering gear.  In a box on the floor are our guns and spare ammunition clips, as well as our K-Bars.  I can't believe our luck.  Well, I suppose we're due for some good luck.  Eren helps me kneel to look at the things in the box.  Our ear pieces aren't there.  Neither are our GPS trackers or transmitters.  I guess we could've been luckier, but I'll take what we can get.

"Put on your harness and my gear.  You're the most capable of using the gear right now," I tell him.

He nods and hurriedly pulls on the equipment.  I pull on my own body harness as well, just in case we need to switch.  The leather straps rub at the wounds littering my body, but I do my best to hide the pain.  I need to focus on getting us out of here.  Pulling on our thick green hooded cloaks, we leave the small closet and continue down the hall.  The gear clanks slightly on Eren's thighs as we search for the exit, and I hope that it doesn't draw too much attention.

We round another corner and come face to face with the two Titans that have done the majority of our torturing, the two men that seem to be our caretakers.  The blond one seems startled, then he leaps into action, tackling Eren to the ground and trying to restrain him.  I don't even have time to lift my gun before the tall one is wrestling me to the ground, which in my weakened state isn't much of a feat.  The lanky Titan struggles to keep me pinned down though, because hell if I'm going to make this easy on him.  Eren and I are so close to escaping.  I'm not going to let these two goons keep us from our freedom.

I manage to get an upper hand on the black haired kid, flipping him off me and slamming him into the ground.  I grab my gun off the floor and hesitate only for a split second before putting a bullet through the Titan's eyes.  I almost feel sorry for him.  He looked absolutely terrified, and so young.  It makes me wonder how he ended up working for a terrorist organization to begin with.  But none of that matters now.  I need to get Eren freed and get the both of us out of here.

A shot rings out as I'm getting to my feet, and my breath catches for a minute before the blond Titan slumps to the side and Eren squirms out from under him.  Neither of us look back at the two bodies on the floor as we take off down the hall, looking for the ext.

"There," I say, pointing to a door that I think leads out of the building.  That's all we need.  We just need to get outside, and then we'll be able to use the gear to escape.

A gunshot ricochets off of the wall right by my head and we instinctively duck, whipping around to face our attacker.  Eren has his gun lifted, but he hesitates.  Grisha stands at the end of the hall, his face a mask of anger.

"Where the fuck are you going?!" he shouts at us, storming down the hall.

"Shoot him," I murmur to Eren.  His hand is lifted, aiming the gun at Grisha, but it's shaking.

Grisha laughs.  "Do it!  I dare you to shoot me!  You can't, can you?  Because you're weak!  You are _weak,_ Eren.  You can't-"

A bullet rips through his chest, and he looks down in shock before falling to his knees, the gun slipping from his hand.

"No, but I can," I retort, then fire another round that punches through his forehead and sends him crumpling to the ground.

Eren doesn't move, shock clear in his eyes.  I shake his shoulder, snapping him from his shock and he quickly turns us back around and runs towards the door.  He pushes the door open and we're blinded momentarily by the bright sunlight reflecting off of the snow.  Memories flash through my mind, memories of gunfire and bloodshed following the last time we tried to escape from this building.  Eren tosses me over one shoulder like a ragdoll, firing his grappling hooks and racing off towards the trees.  I hear shouting from the guards, followed by gunfire, but we're already too far away.

I relax as soon as the sound of gunfire starts to fade.  I finally let my battered body rest.  Slumping against Eren's back, I bury my nose in his cloak and just... breathe.  We're finally out of that hell.  We're finally free.

After a few minutes, Eren starts to slow, lowering us towards the ground.

"Keep going," I tell him.  "Keep going until you run out of gas or until we find civilization."

"Yes, Captain," he replies, but his voice is detached and quiet, which is very unlike him.

"Are you alright?" I ask him, even though I know it's a stupid question.  He's been tortured, held captive for three weeks, found out his own father is the head of a terrorist organization, and just watched his lover shoot his father.  Of course he's not okay.

"It's all a lot to take in," he admits.  "And... it was very... anticlimactic."

"What do you mean?" I ask in confusion.

"Well... it just seems that it was too simple.  Grisha tried to stop us, you killed him, then we escaped.  There was no struggle, no problems.  After all we went through, escaping just seemed too easy."

I snort.  "Easy for you, maybe.  Do you know how hard it is to strangle a man with your legs while in the condition I'm in?  And when you shot that blond oaf, I was afraid for a moment that he had shot you.  And we just so happened to luck across my gear.  And we're also lucky Grisha was alone, and that he decided that he wanted to taunt you instead of kill us, because he very well could've."

"Yeah, I guess..." he murmurs.

We fall silent after that.  I worry about him, but I don't say anything as he continues to race through the trees.  I understand that he has a lot on his mind right now, so I let him think about it without interrupting.

After a long while, what feels like an hour, Eren starts to slow.  I try to look around him, and catch a glimpse of a large town nestled at the base of the mountain.

"Take us down there.  We need to find a phone," I tell him.

He nods and when we reach the town, he lands in the deep snow and sets me on my feet.  He looks around, noting the number of people bustling around the town.  He looks nervous, fussing with the straps of his body harness.

"Should I try to hide the gear?" he asks me.

"No, don't worry about it," I tell him.  "Oh, and don't speak English here.  Let me do all the talking."

He nods as we start to trudge through the snow towards the city.  "I remember you were speaking another language when we were at the hospital in Switzerland.  French?  Are you French?"

"No," I reply.  "I have no idea who my parents are, so I have no idea what my ethnic origins are.  I taught myself a handful of languages once I joined the Marine Corps.  I'm the best with French, but I can somewhat converse in a few others.  I thought it would come in handy, and it has."

He nods, tightening his grip around my waist as we reach the town.  He keeps silent, and the two of us try to ignore the people looking at us with curious eyes.  We're both bruised and bloody, covered in dirt and grime, and Eren has weird contraptions on his thighs and around his waist.  Of course we're going to get weird looks.

I see a woman talking on a cell phone and I gesture for Eren to take us over there and intercept her.

"Parlez-vous français?" I ask her.

She looks over us in surprise, pulling the phone away from her face and covering the mouth piece.  She nods.  "Un peu," she says.  _A little._   Well, a little should be good enough.

"Puis-je se il vous plaît emprunter votre téléphone? C'est un cas d'urgence."  _Can I please borrow your phone? It's an emergency._

She nods, lifting the phone back to her ear to say a few words before hanging up and handing it to me.  I quickly dial Erwin's number, but then hesitate.  He doesn't speak French.  Eren watches me in confusion, but then seems to understand my dilemma.  The woman is still there, obviously, and is watching us.  He takes the phone from me and dials a ten digit number.

"Armin," is all he says, handing the phone back to me.  I guess Arlert speaks French?

I hit call and press the phone to my ear.  The international call takes a few long moments to go through, but when it does, a sleepy voice answers.  It must be the middle of the night over there.

"Hello?"

"Armin, ce est Levi," I say.

"Levi?!  Oh my god where are you are you okay what happened?" he spews in one breath.  I can hear him rustling around on the other end of the line.  I hear a faint beep.  "I just connected us through to Erwin, hopefully he picks up.  Where are you guys?"

I turn to the woman.  "Quelle ville est-ce?" I ask, asking her what city we're in.

"Zermatt," she answers.

"Zermatt, Suisse," I tell Armin.

"Levi, it's Erwin.  I have you patched through to an Air Force chopper in the area.  They're about half an hour east of your location, and they're in route to pick you up.  Is Eren with you?"

"Oui," I reply.

"Good.  We'll talk more when you arrive stateside and can speak English," Erwin says.  I almost hang up, but then he speaks again.  "Levi?  I'm glad you're alive."

I don't respond.  He won't be able to understand me anyway.  "Armin, nous allons attendre l'hélicoptère trois miles au sud de la ville."

"Copy," he says.  "He said they'll be three miles south of the city.  Tell the Air Force chopper."

I hear Erwin confirm, then I hang up and erase the call from the woman's logs.  Handing her the cell phone back, I motion for Eren to lead us out of the city.  We hike back towards the mountains, and once the town disappears from sight and I deem us about three miles away, Eren and I take a seat in the snow and I collapse back with a deep breath.  God I'm exhausted.  I don't let my guard drop though.  The Titans could be out there looking for us.

"Are you okay, Captain?" he asks me.

I turn to look at him where he's sitting by my shoulder.

"We've just been through hell," I tell him.  "But it's all almost over."

He nods, seemingly accepting my answer.  But he's still thinking, I can see it on his face.  He's always been easy to read.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask him.

"A lot of things.  I'm thinking about my dad, and trying to figure out how everything turned out the way it did," he says.

"Don't think too much about that, Eren.  It'll just drive you crazy.  He did a lot of atrocious things, to you, to your mother, to my squad then and my squad now, and to the United States as a whole.  I'm sorry you can't get answers as to why he did what he did, or what he was trying to accomplish, but driving yourself crazy over it won't help."

"I know," he exhales, running his hands through his hair.  He's not himself right now, and he hasn't been all day.  Well, he hasn't been since we were captured three weeks ago.  I know he's going through a lot right now, as am I, but I hope that he'll come back to himself soon.  It's scaring me.  I don't like seeing the normally cheerful and extravagant young man upset and quiet like this.

"I'm also thinking about what I want to do when we get home," he replies, not looking at me.  His fingers play in the slow, lifting it into his hand and watching it melt against his palm.

I sit up.  "What do you mean?"

"Well, it's been twelve months.  By the time we get back, I'll be a free man again.  I've been trying to decide what I want to do.  Do I want to remain in your squad?  Or do I want to move on with my life?  I just wanted to stay as close to you as possible, whether I stay in the military or not.  But now, after....  I don't know if I want to stay on your squad."

I didn't realize he had been thinking so hard about this.  I never even considered what he'd do when his sentence ended.  Of course I want to stay with him, and if he left the military, we wouldn't have to sneak around, but we wouldn't really be together.  I'd have to stay on the base, and he'd go back to civilization.  But after this mission....

"Once we finish with this mission, and make a grease spot out of that base, I'm leaving the Marine Corps," I tell him, laying back down in the snow.  I hadn't thought about it until right now, but I feel like it's the right decision.  I'm done with this squad, with all of this death and despair.  I'm done losing my friends.  I've had a long enough run.  Eleven years is a long time, and it's an eternity for my squad.  It's about time I retire before I get killed.  Because now I have someone to live for.

Eren looks at me in shock.  "Are you serious?  But, the Scouts Regiment is your life.  What will you do if you leave the Marines?"

I shrug.  "I don't know.  But time is up for me and this squad.  Before, it didn't really matter if I came home from missions or not, but now, I think I'm done tempting fate.  I've been on this squad too long, and it almost killed me this time.  I have someone to come home to now, someone to live for.  I'm leaving for you, Eren, so that we can have a normal life together.  Well, if that's something you even want."

Eren smiles at me- the first smile he's had in weeks- and moves so that he's laying half on top of me.  It's uncomfortable for me due to my wounds, and I doubt it feels any better for him, but neither of us move.  We both desperately need the contact.  My arms automatically wrap around his waist, holding him close as his lips find mine.  It's a soft kiss, slow and passionate, relaying all of the emotion that we can't put into words.  We just survived a situation we had both deemed not survivable.  We're here, we're alive, and I am so in love with this man in my arms.

...

The chopper ride to some obscure middle of nowhere runway in the French countryside is quiet, and god it takes forever.  Helicopters don't move very fast, not like planes do.  Eren and I sit side by side, and the poor kid almost falls asleep a number of times.  He's exhausted.  I am too, but I can never easily fall asleep while in mission mode, which unfortunately I can't shake until I'm back stateside.  The Air Force guys try to talk to us at first, curious as to our ragged state and the fact that it's just the two of us.  But we don't tell them anything, and they eventually leave us alone.

After a number of long hours, Eren has finally fallen asleep against my shoulder, and the pilot informs us we're about an hour out from France, another two hours from the landing strip.  I lean my head back, and somehow I must've fallen asleep as well, because I wake to an airman shaking my shoulder.  I react violently, ripping my K-Bar from my belt.  I have it pressed to the airman's throat, and three service weapons pressed to my head before I finally realize that I'm not still in that damned concrete cell.

I mumble an apology, sheathing my K-Bar and turning to Eren, who was woken up when I started awake.  He rubs at his eyes and looks around, noticing that we're on the ground.  I help him gather the maneuvering gear and we climb out of the chopper.  With a thank you and a salute to the airmen on board, Eren and I head to the cargo plane parked on the runway, Eren supporting most of my weight.  The ramp lowers and Armin is the first to come sprinting out of the plane.

Eren drops the maneuvering gear and releases me to catch Armin as the boy leaps into Eren's arms.  Armin is crying, the poor boy, and Eren murmurs reassurances to him, stroking his hair.

"I'm sorry Eren!  I'm sorry Levi!  I tried so hard to find you guys!  I really did!" he bawls into Eren's shirt.

"He pulled three all nighters in a row before I forced him to step down," Erwin suddenly says, and I turn to see him striding towards us from the plane.  "I'm sorry Levi, but there was nothing we could do for you.  I was working on an extraction plan, but we didn't have enough information to guarantee that we'd be able to get in there, get you, and get out.  We were sure that if we started an attack, they'd kill you before we could reach you."

"I figured as much," I reply.  Eren wraps his arm back around my waist to help me hobble towards the plane, following the other two closely.

"However, I will tell you this," Erwin says as we all take our seats and the plane starts to roll down the runway.  "Before the mission even went to shit, I had a meeting with the Department of Defense and the Commander in Chief.  They cleared it with the Swiss officials, and then gave me the okay for an air raid on the base.  I held off after you and Eren were captured, but the second Armin got that call and I knew you weren't at that base anymore, I called in the bombers and we turned it into a grease spot."

"Really?" I ask in surprise.  "Switzerland has always declared neutrality, and has never cared for any of our matters.  Why would they okay an air raid by us in their country?"

"Apparently they've been having more trouble with the Titans than we have.  When it was presented that the Titans' base was our target, they agreed to look the other way."

"So... what does that mean for this mission?" I ask.

"It's done.  Officially.  That was the main headquarters for the Titans.  With it gone and their leaders dead, we suspect it will fall apart.  We'll monitor the situation very closely, but we're not expecting much of a comeback from them."

"Good," I exhale, leaning my head back against the wall of the plane.  "And what's going to happen with Eren?  His sentence is up, isn't it?"

"Well, he technically has one week left, but I've already worked it with the court to release him.  After all he's been through, they weren't too concerned about that one week."

I nod, then steel my reserve.  "I'm not coming back either, Erwin," I tell him.

Armin looks more surprised than Erwin does.  Erwin actually doesn't look surprised at all, as if he had been expecting this.  He stares at me for a long moment, then nods.

"I had a feeling you'd leave.  I actually thought it'd happen a lot earlier than now," he says.  "You have sacrificed more for this country than most others in the military.  You've earned your leave, so I will grant it.  Effective immediately, you are hereby honorably discharged from the Marine Corps."

"Good," I say, turning to Eren and pulling him into a deep kiss.  Eren is surprised for a moment, but then relaxes into my kiss.  I hear Erwin laugh and Armin is making some sort of excited squeal, clapping his hands together.  When I break off the kiss, Eren's cheeks are flushed and he sinks lower in his chair.

"I knew it!" Armin giggles, throwing his arms around Eren in a tight hug that makes the poor brat wince.

"What will you do now, Levi?" Erwin asks me, ignoring Armin and Eren.

I shrug.  "I'll figure that out as I go.  I'm just done with the bloodshed and violence, done with not knowing if I'm going to live through the day."

"Well don't be a stranger.  I know you don't want to hear it, but I'm worried about you.  The only things you've ever known in life were the streets and the military.  If you ever need anything, just let me know."

"I'm not the same man you pulled out of that underground shithole over a decade ago.  I've changed a lot.  Especially in this last year," I tell him, glancing over at Eren where he's still trying to fend off an excited Armin.  "I'll be fine.  I'll figure it out.  But I do appreciate the offer.  And I have to admit, I'll miss working under your command."

He smiles, but doesn't reply to that.  Eren manages to finally fend off Armin and leans into my side.  I wrap an arm over his shoulder, holding him close.  I don't know what I'll do now, where my life will take me, but I know I won't regret my decision to leave.  And if Eren stays by my side, I know that everything will work out.

...

When we land on the mountain top in Colorado, for probably Eren and my last time, Erwin drives all of us down to the base.  There is a large group of people gathered in the courtyard when we arrive, and Erwin parks the jeep there, letting us pile out of the car.  Eren's sister, Mikasa, throws herself into Eren's arms the second he steps out of the jeep.  She's crying and Eren is stroking her hair, trying to calm her down.  The boy is instantly surrounded by a small group of privates, and I'm glad to see how many people he's befriended since arriving.  Hanji is the first one to greet me, pulling me into a bone-crunching hug.  I try not to wince as old and new wounds are aggravated.

"I was so worried about you, short stack!" she cries, petting at my hair.  "I'm so glad you're alive!  I would've died of boredom if you never came back!"

I roll my eyes, deciding not to tell her that I'm _not_ coming back, that I'm only here to fill out paperwork, grab my shit, then leave.  When I finally manage to pry her off of me, Mike steps in to shake my hand.

"I knew they didn't kill you," he tells me.  "You're too much of a tough shit to let them kill you."

"Thanks," I grumble, not sure whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.

As people keep approaching me, congratulating me on getting out of there alive, as if I had just won an award and not escaped death, I'm reminded that most of my squad _didn't_ make it out of there alive.  It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and a lump in my throat remembering that Oluo, Eld, Petra, and Gunther are gone.  I led them to their deaths.

But as the crowd starts to dissipate and I make my way to the medical bay with Eren and Erwin, I realize that I'm wearing my uniform, the uniform they had taken from me, but that Eren and I had found in our escape.  I reach into the pocket of my half jacket and when my fingers brush across the strips of fabric, I breathe a sigh of relief.  Pulling the four patches out of my pocket, I look them over, fighting back the sting of tears in my eyes.

Eren and Erwin don't say a word.  Erwin knows exactly what the patches mean, and I'm sure that Eren has figured it out.  I tuck them back away in my pocket as we reach the medical bay.  Hanji's assistant, Moblit, looks over Eren while Hanji tends to me.  We both receive a few neat rows of stitches, and I get a nice black boot and a set of crutches, before we're sent on our way.

When I reach my quarters, I hobble to my desk and open the bottom drawer.  Pulling out a small box, I set it on my desk and slowly open it.  A number of other patches sit in the small box, but I riffle through until I find the oldest two.  Pulling them out, I flip them over to look at the words written on the back.  _Farlan Church_ and _Isabel Magnolia._   The date they died is written under their names.  It's hard to believe it was so long ago.  I still remember the pain as if it happened yesterday.  I pull a black felt tip marker from my desk and carefully write the names and dates on the back of the four new patches.  As I do, my vision starts to blur slightly, then something wet drips onto the back of my hand.  The pen stills, and I stare at that innocent little droplet.

"Fuck," I breathe, dropping the pen to wipe away the wetness in my eyes.

A hand gently rests on my shoulder, and I look up to see Eren standing next to me.  His eyes are also wet, and he kneels down to pull me into a tight hug.  He doesn't say a word, and neither do I as I wrap my arms around his waist.  We don't have to, finding comfort in each other's presence.  Erwin is standing in the doorway, but he's turned out towards the hallway, giving us a little bit of privacy.

When we finally pull away, I press a soft kiss to his lips.  There is so much I want to say to him, from 'thank you' to 'I love you', but I can't find my voice right now.  Eren seems to understand and offers me a small smile.

"I will never leave you," he whispers to me.  And fuck if that isn't exactly what I needed to hear from him.  Is the brat trying to make me cry even more?  Because I swear to whatever powers that be, I won't.

He doesn't wait for an answer, probably not expecting one, which is good.  I don't think I can give him an answer right now.  He stands and walks past Erwin on his way to his own quarters to pack his things.  Erwin enters the room and slides a single paper in front of me.

"Are you sure this is what you want to do?" he asks.

I nod, picking up a pen to fill out the form, then sign across the bottom.  I stand, handing him the sheet of paper.  He takes it, reading it over, then looks back up at me with a small smile.

"You are officially dismissed, Captain Ackerman.  I thank you for your service," he says with a salute.  The salute isn't the standard military salute.  It's a salute that Erwin and I jokingly used to give each other when I was a rookie and he was training me.  It's a fist over our hearts, signifying that we will give our hearts, our everything, for the good of humanity.

I salute him back, my fist clenched tightly over my chest.  Then, the man grabs me and pulls me into a tight hug.  "Keep in touch, Levi.  You've always been more than just my subordinate, or my captain.  I've always considered you a friend."

I exhale sharply against his chest.  Fuck, is everyone trying to make me cry today?  "I owe you my life, Erwin.  Who knows where I'd be right now if you hadn't pulled me out of that hell.  Six feet under, that's where.  You're a good man, and a great friend.  This isn't the last you'll see of me."

He pulls away from me and rests a hand on my shoulder.  "Good.  Take care of yourself, Levi.  And take care of that kid.  Carla would be proud.  Of him, and of what you two have together."

"I will.  And hopefully I'll keep him out of prison," I joke.

"He's a new man too.  He's definitely not the kid I pulled out of that courtroom.  I'm not too worried about him."

"Me neither.  I think we've done a pretty good job of steering him straight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh this is the unofficial last chapter guys! *cries* There will be one more short epilogue type chapter after this one, but then it's over D:
> 
> [titaneren-jaeger](http://titaneren-jaeger.tumblr.com/)


	21. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys ready for the last chapter? Because I'm sure as fuck not. Don't start crying on me, or I'm going to end up crying too D: Now go read the fluffy ending!

**Eren**

"Eren, everyone is going to be here any minute and your shit is still all over the family room," Levi chastises me as I enter the apartment, having just returned from classes.

I exhale sharply and kick off my shoes, dropping my backpack with them.  Blankets and pillows and textbooks and notes are still all over the floor from my late night cram session last night.  Levi is cleaning the floor to ceiling glass, a white bandana covering his nose and mouth, and a second one covering his hair.  I'm used to seeing him like this.  It happens quite often, considering he seems to always be cleaning.

It's been just over three years since Levi and I left the Marine Corps.  The Scouts Regiment was disbanded when Levi left.  After the devastating losses of that last mission against the Titans, the government wanted to call a meeting to stop funding the squad.  Erwin told them not to bother, deciding not to fight them.  He knew he'd never be able to find a captain to replace Levi, and he'd never be able to find privates to join the squad.  That last operation caused the Scouts Regiment's already shaky reputation to plummet.

After we left the Marines, I moved in with Levi in Boston and started attending college full time while working part time at a restaurant down the street.  Levi technically only left the Marines for a few months before Erwin found out that the Marine Corps office in Boston was looking for a Drill Instructor.  I knew he wasn't happy being away from that life, the only life he had known for over a decade, but I didn't realize how unhappy he was until he jumped all over Erwin's offer.  His titles were all reinstated and he started a new job doing what he loves: whipping shitty brats into shape.  Now he's happy with his career, and with his home life, which makes me happy.

Mikasa left the Marines only about a year after I did.  Once she felt like she had served her purpose, she left the Corps and found her own place in Cape Cod (she says she's always wanted to live there, but I know that she really only moved there because it is close to Boston), started attending school, and got a part time job.  Armin still works as a communications officer with the Marines in New York City.  Every once in a while, he'll make a weekend trip up to Boston to visit, or Levi and I will grab Mikasa and head down there.  I've kept in touch with the other privates I befriended on that base- Jean, Marco, Connie, Sasha, Krista, and Ymir- but I haven't seen any of them since I left.  Some are still serving, others have left and have spread out all over the country.

Levi still keeps in touch with his friends too, Hanji, Mike, and Erwin.  Hanji and Mike are still on the base, and Erwin still holds his position as commander over a large number of Marine Corps units.  But his job takes him all over the country, and often enough he manages to sneak in a visit with us when he's in the area.

A few days ago, Levi informed me that Erwin would be visiting this weekend, and was bringing Hanji and Mike with him.  He said that he also invited Mikasa and Armin to come visit as well.  I don't know why, but I didn't argue.  I like having big get-togethers, and it's not very often that I get the chance.  Almost never, actually.  So these last few days, I've helped him clean the entire apartment top to bottom, despite the fact that it was already spotless.  Levi even got a dining room table to put in that empty space to the left of the kitchen, on the other side of the front door.  He's been acting a little weird ever since he talked to Erwin though.  I wonder if it's because so many people are going to be here.  I know he doesn't like big gatherings, which is why I'm confused as to why he invited so many people to come over.  Well, that man never does anything without a plan, so there must be a reason.

After picking up all my things and putting them away, I walk up behind Levi where he's still scrubbing at non-existent spots on the floor-to-ceiling window and wrap my arms around his waist.  I nuzzle into his undercut, the short hairs tickling my nose.

"It's already clean, Levi.  I can think of a better way to spend the time before they get here," I purr suggestively, grinding my hips against his ass.

"Tch, I am not going to have my dick in you when they start knocking on the door," he snorts.  "Go wipe down the table."

I exhale in defeat, pressing a kiss to his neck before snatching a cloth away from him to go clean the table.  I don't even reach it before there is a knock on the door.  I change course for the front door and pull it open to see Mikasa and Armin standing there.  Mikasa pulls me into a hug, followed by Armin.

"Come in," I say, ushering them into the apartment.  "Make yourselves comfortable.  Can I get you anything to-  God damn it Levi, it's clean!  Put that shit away and come entertain our guests."

"Shut the fuck up," Levi retorts, but pulls the bandanas from his face anyway.

"Ah, love," Armin teases with an overly dramatic sigh.

Levi does as told though and sits down with Armin, Mikasa, and I.  We talk and catch up, and when Erwin arrives with Hanji and Mike in tow, Levi heads into the kitchen to start making dinner.  I stand to go help him, but Hanji jumps to her feet, pushing me back into my seat.

"You stay and visit with your guests, I'll help short stuff make dinner," she says, then skips towards the kitchen.

I stare after her, still a little surprised, but then sit back on the couch with a shrug.  Erwin has a knowing smile on his face and I raise an eyebrow at him in question.  He doesn't say anything though, just as I expected.

"So how is school going, Eren?" he asks.

"Great!" I say with a smile.  "I've finished all my general education classes, so this semester I'm taking only criminal justice classes for my major, and I love it.  No more stupid math or science classes."

"Have you decided what you're going to do when you graduate?" Armin asks.

I shrug.  "Not really.  I think I want to do something federal, but it'll be hard to find something that won't require me to move.  I've been thinking a lot about just applying to Boston Police Department's police academy, but Levi doesn't want me to become a cop."

"Why not?" Mikasa frowns, looking past me towards the kitchen where Levi and Hanji are preparing dinner.

"Because he's going to annoy the shit out of his suspects and he's going to get himself shot," Levi retorts from the kitchen.  Hanji giggles, but it comes out as more of a snort before Levi elbows her in the ribs and she starts laughing harder.

I roll my eyes.  We've had this argument a dozen times already, and we have guests over, so I'm not about to get into it with him again.  But when Erwin laughs, both Levi and I look at him in surprise.

"Did you forget that Eren served a year with you in one of the deadliest units in the entire military and survived?  And you're worried about him working as a beat officer?" Erwin questions Levi.

"Serving in the Scouts Regiment, I was always there to watch his back and to get him out of trouble when his big mouth was about to get him _into_ trouble," Levi explains.  "I don't trust anyone else to protect what's mine."

"I'm not a kid anymore, Levi.  I'm not that same snot-nosed brat that you met four years ago.  The Marines, and especially you, have really turned me around and straightened me out.  You have to trust me."

I can see Levi's shoulders tense slightly from where he stands over the stove.  He knows I'm right, but that doesn't stop him from worrying.  He doesn't say anything, and I know it's because to this day he still has trouble expressing his feelings in front of other people.  He's gotten better about it when it's just the two of us, but now that our apartment is full of other people, he can't bring himself to say what he wants to say.  But I know exactly what it is he wants to say.  He's said it before.  He's still worried about losing me like he lost Isabel and Farlan, like he lost Petra, Oluo, Gunther, and Eld, and like he lost countless others in between.  He can't say that with everyone here though, but Hanji comes to the rescue for him.

"Aw, honey, he's just worried about you because he loves you.  I would be worried too if my significant other wanted to become a police officer.  It's a dangerous job," she says, draping an arm over Levi's shoulders.

"I know," I murmur.  I don't really want to talk about this in front of everyone else.  This is a conversation Levi and I need to have in private.  So I quickly try to change the subject.  "So how are your classes going, Mikasa?"

The conversation grows light and cheery again as Mikasa talks about her classes this semester.  Armin talks about how his job is going and the new units he's working for.  Erwin and Mike also talk about how they've been doing- and I get the feeling the two of them have been doing _very_ well, if I'm reading the subtle hints right- and Hanji loudly shares her stories from the kitchen.  Everyone relaxes and we laugh and talk and it's wonderful.  I wish they'd never have to leave.

When Levi and Hanji finish cooking, they recruit Armin to help them take it to the table.  I try to help as well, but Erwin and Mike stop me, taking me over to the table where we take our seats.  I sit on one side, and Erwin across from me with Mike next to him, leaving the head of the table open for Levi.  Mikasa takes the seat next to me.

Levi sets a plate in front of me and my eyes widen.  It's a German stew that my mother taught me how to make when I was little.  I've made it a few times for Levi, and I remember telling him that it's my favorite, but I don't remember ever teaching him how to make it.  He must've been paying closer attention than I thought the last time I made it.

"Wow, thank you, Levi," I smile as he takes his seat.  "Why didn't you tell me this is what you were making?  I could've helped you."

He shrugs.  "I wanted it to be a surprise."

God I love this man.  What did I ever do to deserve someone like him?  I let the thought slide as everyone digs in.  I take a taste of the stew and I almost moan out loud.  It's exactly like I make it, like how my mom used to make it.

"It's perfect," I smile.

"Good," he replies with a small smile of his own.

Conversation continues as we eat, mostly led by Hanji who talks loudly and animatedly all throughout the meal.  Armin, Erwin, and I laugh and talk with her, while Mike, Mikasa, and Levi remain quiet listeners.  But even Mike and Mikasa offer a few conversational inputs every once in a while.  Levi remains silent throughout the whole dinner, and I can tell that something isn't quite right with him.  He eats his dinner, all of it, but he seems very tense, and I can't tell why.  Everyone has finished eating and we're all still sitting around the table chatting, and I'm about to ask him if he's okay, but he clears his throat and speaks up for the first time since we started eating.

"Okay, there's something I need to say and if I hold it in any longer, I'm going to go fucking crazy," he says, looking down at his empty bowl.

I tense a little.  What could he possibly need to say?  Is he still upset about what we were talking about earlier?  About me going into the police academy?  This isn't really the time or the place to have this argument, but with how tense and obviously anxious he is, I decide not to stop him.  He's going to say what he has to say and I need to just listen.

"Eren..." he starts, but then hesitates before trying again.  "Eren, we've been together for, well officially three years, but unofficially a bit longer than that."  He glances nervously over at Erwin as he says that and Erwin just rolls his eyes with a sigh.  He knew we were together while on the same squad for a while.

This isn't what I was expecting from him.  What does how long we've been together have to do with him being angry that I want to join the police academy?  It has nothing to do with it, which means this must be about something else.  Is he about to break up with me?  In front of everyone?  I realize that I'm holding my breath, but realizing that doesn't mean much because I suddenly can't breathe.

"I should've known from the moment I first met you that this is where we'd end up."  Now he's looking at me, and I'm so nervous about where this is going that I want to break eye contact, but I can't.  My eyes are glued to his blue-grey ones, and I can't look away.  "I tried to deny how I felt for a long time, but it wasn't long before that became impossible.  You are everything I could've ever hoped for in a partner.  You're smart, you're funny, you're beautiful, and you're so full of spirit.  I am so ridiculously in love with you, and for some reason I can't figure out, you love me in return.  But the reason why doesn't matter to me.  All I know is that I can't go back to living a life without you."

He suddenly stands and moves so he's standing right by my chair.  He pulls something out of his pocket and slowly, he lowers to one knee.  He opens the box and a simple silver band sits nestled in the black felt.  I can hear my heart pounding in my ears and I still can't breathe and oh fuck I was so wrong about where this was going.  I think I'm about to pass out.

"Eren Jaeger," he says, and I can tell he's just as nervous as I am.  "Will you marry me?"

I don't know how I got there, but I'm on my knees in front of him, my arms around his neck.  There are tears streaming down my cheeks, but I can't stop them.  I can hear Hanji squealing somewhere behind me, along with Armin.  God I'm so happy I think I'm going to explode.  I pull back from Levi just enough to look him in the eye.

"Yes."

He breathes out a huge sigh of relief and a smile starts to pull at his lips.  I take his face in my hands and crush my lips to his.  He chuckles into my lips, but his arms wrap around my waist as he leans into the kiss.  I can feel his tongue trace my lower lip, begging entry into my mouth, and I almost allow it until someone clears their throat.  We pull apart in surprise.  It seems I'm not the only one that forgot we weren't alone.

Levi takes the ring from the box and slips it onto my finger before helping me to my feet.  Suddenly, my arms are full of a squealing blonde and a crying sister.  Erwin and Mike step up to Levi to congratulate him with firm handshakes because they're such tough shits that they can't just give each other a damn hug.  But then a bawling Hanji is there, her impossibly long arms managing to wrap around everyone and pull us into one big hug.  Somehow I end up in Levi's arms and I laugh, pressing a kiss to his lips.

I see so much love in Levi's eyes, love I know is reflected in my own, and I don't think I have ever been happier in my life.  Surrounded by my closest friends, engaged to the love of my life....  The road here may have been shitty at the start, but I wouldn't have gotten through it without Levi.  I owe everything to this captain that steered me straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I basically repeated the last line of the last chapter at the end of this one, but the last chapter was going to be the real end until I decided to do an epilogue, but I really liked that last line, ending it with the story title, you know? So I just repeated it again at the end of this chapter ._.
> 
> Guys, it's officially over T^T Thank you everyone that read this little ficcy of mine! And extra thank you for everyone who left comments and kudos! I love all of you! And I hope you'll continue to enjoy some of the other works I throw out there. Until next time!
> 
> Go check me out on [tumblr](http://titaneren-jaeger.tumblr.com/) if you want!


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